I always loved the title of the book, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? Though I admit that I have never actually read the book, I think its title asks a question that every single person asks of his/herself at some point. Well, I will attempt to save you the $14.95 purchase price of the book by sharing my three reasons why you are still single. Yep, just one or more of these three reasons will explain it all…
Reason #1: Your standards are too high.
You think you deserve a certain type or standard of girl/guy, but that ‘type’ (at least in large numbers) is just not interested in you. You have met plenty of people who are very interested in you, but you are just notinterested in them back. There is a misalignment in expectations; hence you are a resident of single-ville.
What to do?
Realistically evaluate your standards. If you have trouble doing this, ask a trusted friend for help. Ask yourself if lowering your standards in a few less critical areas would help you find more people who are interested in you. Looks are not everything… and does the girl really need to be shorter than the guy?
Reason #2: You are not putting in enough effort.
Your standards are fine. However, you are just sitting around waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to come knocking on your door. You put more effort into finding the right job, the right clothes, or even the right restaurant for tonight’s dinner. When it comes to dating, you are just too passive.
What to do?
Increase your chances of meeting that someone special by making an extra effort. Go to that dinner party where you won’t know anyone. Say yes to any blind date that your friends want to set you up on. Volunteer. And if you are having trouble finding time getting out and meeting new people, then there is no excuse for not trying online dating!
Reason #3: You are wasting time dating the wrong people.
See if you fall into one of these two categories:
1) You were in a so-so long term relationship throughout you late twenties. When you finally had the strength, smarts or whatever to get out of that relationship, you found yourself thirty and single; or
2) You date off and on the same type of girl/guy for 3 month stints. Each time you determine that that person is not the one and you find yourself frustrated and single again and again…
What to do?
Invest more time into thinking about what types of people will make you happy! Physically write down the characteristics that you are looking for (and avoiding). If a relationship looks like it is going nowhere after five dates, end it! You can afford to make tons of mistakes in your early twenties, but as you get older, there is a real cost to staying in low potential relationships or not knowing what you are looking for. Lastly, I can recommend the book, Date…or Soul Mate? How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less.