Comments on: When the one you want doesn’t want you

By: Richard

Richard — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 03:43:44 +0000

Thanks for this post. I’ve been burned twice in the last year-and-a-half. One was a co-worker whom I thought was into me because she always looked happy whenever she saw me; she’d always question me about my personal life, etc. She was single. So I finally asked her out for coffee and she said yes. But we didn’t actually go for a month because she got sick or busy. When we finally got together, she’s no longer single; she had hooked up with another male friend during that month.

By: Great wingmanship | Love Online

Great wingmanship | Love Online — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:34:47 +0000

[...] the room. Of course, I always notice her when she’s around. Ever since our somewhat dramatic relationship that never was, I’m somehow always able to find her in a room even without trying. Of course, she looked [...]

By: Great wingmanship | Dating advice, tips and experiences | Dating blogs & forums

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:14:00 +0000

By: What should I do? | Dating advice, tips and experiences | Dating blogs & forums

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:14:38 +0000

[...] to turn things around and ask you, dear readers, for advice. You may recall my mentioning of a certain someone who occupies my thoughts way more than I would like. The short story is that I finally got the guts [...]

By: Zack Taylor

Zack Taylor — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 20:03:55 +0000

@Katie – I’m sure many men would love to meet a girl like you. The fact is, there’s not a lot of women out there who want to be the pursuer and there are far too many men who also don’t want to do it. Society still nearly demands that the man do it, so we as a gender need to either accept that or wait until we’re lucky enough to come across a woman who’ll come after us. I know I don’t feel like waiting.

And you’re right, I may have made some missteps in my pursuit. Denying feelings is never a good idea, but I make mistakes just as often as the next guy. As some additional information, we had hung out in group activities outside of work and even had a couple of pretty deep conversations about life one-on-one. This is why I felt it was the right time to ask her out. Perhaps I was impatient, but I also knew that I would have a hard time hiding my affection if we continued to hang out in groups. I had to make a call and go for it.

And I think Aphrodite is looking for your response, not mine.

By: Aphrodite

Aphrodite — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 17:03:58 +0000

Ahhh men are so complicated.
How can you tell if he likes you? How often were you two communicating before you started dating? He calls me a couple of times (during work and after)… should it be my turn to be the pursuer?

By: Katie

Katie — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:24:58 +0000

This is an old post, but I wanted to comment since you seem to write a lot about relationships, dating and give advice, especially from a male POV.

I am a female who actually enjoys doing more of the pursuing. Yeah…I know that kind of breaks the rules, but I really hate being pursued by a man. I just find it very boring. I enjoy the challenge of pursuing and it also allows me to choose whom I find interesting and attractive as opposed to always being chosen…which is traditionally the female role.

Since I’ve really embraced this natural choice for me, it’s been great. I’ve been very happy, successful and starting to have a great dating life and interesting relationships with some cool guys. I also am starting to see the male POV, which makes me understand guys better and therefore…apparently…makes me more attractive.

I’m sorry this didn’t work out and you were disappointed. I really feel for you….although I know it was a few months ago. I’ve been there too. But what I will say is that the first “mistake” if you will is that you denied your interest and desire for her to yourself and…well it came back to bite you.

Love takes nerve and when you deny your feelings to yourself, it shows that you are less than courageous. While you may not have shared these thoughts with her, the energy carries. Asking her out was not the courageous part, but all along, transfering that positive energy would have made an impression on her. Instead, you probably transfered an energy that was withholding rather than giving and by the time you wanted something from her…there was nothing for her to feed on except the cold air of your purposeful withholding so that your feelings would not be revealed.

Also, you focused on her answer and not your invitation. Very important. You also made that one invitation the be all and end all of whether anything could happen. I feel you would have possibly had more luck in establishing something if you had invited her to something more casual. Perhaps a group outing with friends, where there was not the pressure of a one-on-one date, just to feel things out. To let her see you outside of work and also to see her outside of work.

There has been a man that I have had my eye on for more than 3 years. We had been friendly but he wasn’t asking me out, but I felt some vibes from him. So I decided to just start inviting him to events and gatherings I was going to anyway, with or without him. The first couple, he had some excuse saying he was unavailable. But the third, he said, “He’d love to go, but had to be out of town.” The fourth, he said yes. Long story story, now we are dating.:)