I’m tired of being single

I’m tired of waking up by myself. I roll over and there’s plenty of room in my bed; there’s no one waiting for me in the kitchen.

I’m tired of eating breakfast alone. I turn on the TV so there’s some noise while I make my food. It’s not conversation, but it’s better than silence.

I’m tired of having things happen during the day and having no one to tell when I get home. The baby at work who randomly started screaming. The way my co-workers started a volleyball game across cube walls. All stories that could be told. If only there were someone to tell them to.

I’m tired of being a third wheel. Or a fifth wheel. Or a seventh wheel. I act like it doesn’t bother me when we’re all hanging out, but really, it becomes just another reminder that I’m alone.

I’m tired of people telling me that they don’t understand why I’m single. Other people, they say, it’s easy to figure out why they’re alone. They’re mean or angry or have no drive. I’m smart, I’m attractive, I’m successful…I should have girls lining up to date. Or so they say. They can’t pick anything out that’s wrong with me so I shouldn’t really be single.

I’m tired of people saying that they’re sure I’ll meet someone who’s wonderful and smart and more beautiful than all of the girls I’ve dated before. And then, they promise, I’ll be so happy that nothing else will matter.

I’m tired of going to weddings alone and having the bride or groom ask why I didn’t bring a date. And then remarking that there won’t be many single girls there. And then seating me at the rejects table because I don’t “belong” with anyone else.

I’m tired of seeing a musical, a play, or some other event that would be a lot of fun to take a date on. And then just not going.

I’m tired of my friends telling me that the last girl I asked out…the one who turned me down…isn’t good enough for me and she’ll regret it someday.

I’m tired of hearing that another one of my ex’s is getting married. Or engaged. Or is in a serious long-term relationship that seems to be “heading somewhere.”

I’m tired of my parents remarking that by my age they already had two kids. And then remarking that they’d like to have grandchildren before they turn 70.

I’m tired of coming home after work to an empty apartment. I don’t get to discuss the day or ask anyone how their day was.

I’m tired of eating dinner alone, on the floor, in front of the TV. My kitchen table gets no use. There’s no need for setting it when it’s just me eating there.

I’m tired of cooking for one. Which usually means I make too much and either throw the rest out or try to freeze it. But then I have no one to remind me that I have leftovers, so it just goes bad anyways.

I’m tired of unwinding by myself. My couch isn’t nearly as comfortable without someone to cuddle with.

I’m tired of going to bed alone. The bed is always exactly as I left it. My side untucked, the other side tucked. It’s clear that only one person has slept there. And only one person will sleep there again tonight.

I’m tired of being single.

2,216 thoughts on “I’m tired of being single”

  1. Oh yeah, did I mention that it’s a thirty mile drive to the
    reception. That leaves drinking my sorrows away out of the
    equation. What’s that you say?…….get a room? No thanks!
    What’s the point in waking up alone in a strange room with
    a hangover and still having to drive home……alone?

  2. Be ready for anything, be down for whatever, Hank.

    Of course, you said the number one thing: it’s about your cousin. Make him your focus, take it off of yourself. Should ease you up a bit.

    What I told you before stands. Look your best. Get a good haircut. Have a few good lines or topics you could use to start a conversation, improvise the rest. Stay loose.

    BTW, get the address of where the wedding is then go on Yelp or Citysearch and see what nightlife, restaurants, and bars are in the area. Stay as long as you need to at the wedding, then go case these places out. If it’s at a nice
    hotel, excuse yourself at times to go to the bar.

    Read the Stylelife Challenge for some tips at http://www.youblisher.com/p/114660-Neil-Strauss-Rules-Of-The-Game-pdf/.

    Buy Livid a plane ticket. Couldn’t hurt. Right, Livid? This is not me trying to get into the matchmaking business but as long as you aren’t an axe murderer and she a bunny boiler, it might be fun. If this sounds outlandish, this is how I met Dee (though she lived close to my hometown and I was already there).

    Guys, I know this ain’t in line with the other posts but we already know the dating scene is shit. What are we doing about it? I know we are trying and are hitting walls but the alternative to me giving you ideas is us moping and lamenting. Or me feeding you cliches like everyone else.

  3. @Aiden

    “what are we doing about it”

    Your missing my point, my friend. There is NOTHING you can do about it. It’s pure luck. The only way to increase your odds is simple mathematics, and that is increased exposure (as I stated in my previous post). Besides that, it’s just like gambling, but with a higher loss ratio. I mean, you can blow on the dice all you want, but in the end, it either comes up 7 or it doesn’t. All the preparation in the world won’t change that fact.

    Now, if you’re like me, I’m done with the bar scene. That’s been over for me for years. I derive no pleasure from it, and I don’t drink. For me, that leaves joining a social club of some sort. Doing that will increase my odds greatly, but it has to be something I like, or it’s just a waste of time. My sister used to go line dancing. I could try that, but what happens when I meet someone, and then tell her I only went line dancing to meet people. Suddenly, I’m with someone that I don’t have the one thing that brought us together in common.

    Not only that, but just because I’ve increased my chances of meeting someone does not guarantee I will. Look at it this way. If you buy one lottery ticket. You have a one in 7.5 million chance of winning. If you buy 10 lottery tickets, you’ve increase your chances tenfold. Does that mean you are going to win the lottery? Nope, not even close.

    I don’t see this as a site to brainstorm for ideas on how to meet your mate. I use this site as an outlet to vent. No one else cares…

    Matt

  4. Aiden, I understand what you’re saying.I plan to do my best
    not to focus on my own problems this Sat. One can only block out those thoughts for so long though, unfortunately.
    I’d say my chances are much better at the wedding reception
    than any other bar or club. You can get introduced to a
    person much easier than trying to HIT on a total stranger
    at a bar.Can’t really blame a woman for being cautious with
    someone she doesn’t know! BTW, I’m getting a haircut today!
    HA!

    Matt, you’re right in saying that doing something for the
    sake of just meeting someone and not because you like that
    particular activity doesn’t cut it.I admit I did line dancing years ago when it was popular and I did meet some
    women, even dated one.She was really into it and a cold
    fish on top of it.Even doing the things you love to do is
    no guarantee of potential dates.I like to golf,go kayaking
    and hiking,camping,and all sorts of things but I have yet
    to meet any single available women.You hear of people saying
    how they met doing these very activities but LUCK like that
    doesn’t follow me.I just get to watch everyone else having
    the fun.Jeez, it’s so frustrating! Not long ago I read a
    statistic that said for every 100 women there are 130 men.
    I think that estimate is very conservative! Probably more
    like 230-100.Least that’s how it seems sometimes.Ever notice that the people who say things like “Just quit looking and she’ll come to you”, or the classic ” It happens
    when you least expect it” are already with somebody? Who
    started that nonsense anyway? Far as the bar scene it’s ok
    but you’re gonna meet mostly barflys. Need I say more?

  5. Good on you, Hank. Now make sure your suit is well fitted and you have a nice watch and a good pair of shoes. My dad once told me those three things were what every man should own.

    I generally just do the things I enjoy or always wanted to try on a personal level, too. You’re right, it’s no guarantee that you’ll meet anyone, that’s why I say do it for personal enrichment, maybe even to get you out of your comfort zone. Women should like you for you but at the same time women like a person of interests simply because they want to be introduced to new things, to get immersed in a world different from their own. And I can’t blame them, I do it, too. Passion ain’t an infinite well, and sex and love alone won’t fill it.

    BTW, if you ever take dancing lessons take Salsa, Merengue, or Samba lessons. They are passionate dances, you are closer to your partner, and you get to learn how to lead the woman.

  6. Its so true that people who tell you the catch phrases of youll find it when u least expect it, are in relationships, these are people who dont get it…and dont care to be honest.

    When ur in our situations, others in the same shoes are the only ones you can relate to , and get comfort from.

    Most people dont understand the feelings we all have and on top of that have no interest in listening to the laments.

    So by saying the obligatory placations they feel they are doing what is necessary to get you off the track.

    Guess what it dosent work, what works is meeting someone who ends up meaning something to you and getting on with your life.

  7. @livid

    You and I are on the same page, my friend. Being single at this age is like having leprosy. Why else would you be single? Everyone thinks there is something wrong with you, and you are excluded from a lot of activities that are couples only.

  8. Livid, if you call out most couples how they actually met but also ask what they were doing before they met, maybe they’ll realize that they were working on finding someone the whole time. Always preening, always reading self help books and magazine articles, always asking their friends for advice or leads, always doing social things, always trying new things, always at the gym, always dating, always doing something to improve their chances. Either they are playing up the romantic parts of the meeting story or are just plain blind to that fact. Nothing happens entirely by chance, and luck favors the prepared. If it were easy as doing nothing and waiting, we wouldn’t have to expend any effort AT ALL!!!

  9. Aiden:

    You have been on this site for quite some time. You always seem to have some good advice for people. With that said, why are you still “single”? This is not meant as an insult or a poke at you, but just out of curiousity.

    If you have these really good strategies, etc., why haven’t you hooked up yet? It seems like that if these are the things you should be doing (and they seem logical), the result would be a girlfriend.

    I guess the point I’m getting at is: are these strategies working for you? If not, do they really make any difference at all? Most of the couples that I know met without effort. A friend of a friend, MySpace, quirky situation, etc. It just seems like luck to me. I think your advice is level headed, but if your fishin’ in a pond with no fish, it doesn’t matter what tackle, technique, or bait you use; you aint’ gonna catch any fish…

  10. @Hank

    I don’t know (or remember) where you are from, but in this area, the ratio is about 2 to 3 women for every man.

    How depressing….where in the hell are all these women?

  11. Sick in bed today, so my mind is racing. Not even sure what’s wrong with me. Went to the doc with dizzy spells and can’t stand up and walk without falling over. He did an EKG and took some blood, but has no idea what’s wrong with me. I hope it goes away. If it gets worse, I have to go to the ER….nice.

    Laying here thinking how unfair the world is (yes, self-pity in full swing), and realizing how true it is.

    I used to think I was being punished for something. Now, that’s not making any sense. I haven’t really done anything. There are plenty of people in this world that have done terrible things, yet have happy lives. Why is that? There are plenty of people who have done questionable things, and they are rewarded for it.

    For instance, what is Kim Kardashian famous for? Does anyone know? I do, public fornication. How proud her parents must be. Now she is more famous than ever. Same with Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen, and a whole host of Hollywood “bad boy/girl” stars. It’s sickening. They are actually rewarded for their bad behavior. All the while, the true heros of this world live in practical anonymity. Our underpaid, overworked soldiers, policeman, and fireman. All working so that people like Kim Kardashian can be a whore. Sorry, I despise both her and Paris Hilton. They make me sick. Yeah, I’m on a rant…

  12. I agree Matt! What have any of these people really done that
    is positive? They are built up by the media and force fed
    to the public like it or not.All these no talent jerk-offs
    that pass for entertainers. They either have to sing or
    say something more outrageous than the last one to get
    noticed. Take the Black eyed Peas. That Super Bowl halftime
    show was horrendous. Shit,I can sing like that! No help
    from computer generated electronics when you’re doin’ it
    live baby! Gimme the Stones anytime! Don’t get me started
    on commedians. Is anybody really funny anymore? Or is it
    just me? Maybe at 55 I just don’t get it! Matt, I hope you
    are soon feeling better buddy!

  13. Matt, that’s actually a good question with an equally good answer. The first one, if you remember, is that I am still married. I doesn’t matter whether we have made our peace and have moved on or whatever. Until spring of next year when the divorce is official, we are still hitched. And after that, I’m not jumping into another relationship for a while. I still wear a ring on my left hand and I am very forthright about this, so within the first few minutes of any conversation any woman I talk to knows this. Honestly, though, I have to flash the ring early on to a lot of them because they don’t ask or seem oblivious to the fact.

    Most of these “strategies” can be found in any good pickup book. I didn’t invent anything and most of the good ones (Mystery, Juggler, DeAngelo, Style, Jeffries, etc) will admit that they didn’t, either. I have always had a gift of gab, I’ve been through a lot, and can weave a good tale. When I was first single, luck and me being a sailor went a long way. Now, I try to reduce the luck and sailor novelty, and use what I’ve learned. Until you read this for yourself, you won’t get this: it has little to do with canned lines and smoke and mirrors. And it’s not like I have a Spanish accent (I have to tell people I’m Hispanic), am “Hot” (I’m decent looking, well kept, muscular but not too much so, a bit of a belly to lose), or have bling. I’m generally positive.

    As for successes, I haven’t tried to go that extra mile for a relationship. I’ll either get dances, phone numbers, or hookups/makeouts but nothing permanent. Remember, I’m not trying to, and a good amount of women will talk and have fun with a married person but won’t pull the trigger. A lot of times it doesn’t go anywhere, and a lot of times it’s fun for that night only. Sometimes, I feel the urge for something more, like you guys, and sometimes I have my moments when it’s a bummer not to have someone. But I acccept it, and move on. About 1/3 of the time, women reciprocate, so that’s not a great batting average. I always try to improve that and maybe when I’m single that will change. But the game is played in the field so lousy or not, I show up ready to play.

    I always remember when talking to you, Matt, that my situation is a than yours. I also remind myself that I operate with a bit of an advantage: I have a ring, most women know when a guy is married, and I admit it so “pre-selection” is a factor for me. And this may not meet your criteria of success enough to warrant ever listening to me. And that’s fine: you said it yourself, this is more of a place to vent and commisserate than ask for tips. But that’s what I do, no excuses. And thanks to this site, I will never be the bonehead who says the cliches and doesn’t sympathize with the struggle.

  14. If it wasn’t for a famous lawyer dad and an ex-olympian husband for the mom, no one would have noticed. But these show exist for a reason, because of a demographic that demands it. Like Leslie Nielsen said in the Naked Gun, it’s like drinking Draino: sure it’ll quench your thirst, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

    Feel better, Matt.

  15. Sorry, Folks, but we’re closing down this thread of comments.
    Thank you all for your input and for sharing.

    If you’re interested in writing an article, by all means send us a message here: http://www.datingthoughts.com/contact-us/

    You can also consider joining & communicating with each other at: http://datingthoughts.socialgo.com/ (thanks matt & nancy for your encouragement that we keep some form of communication up for everyone.)

    Best wishes,
    wgk

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