I’m tired of being single

I’m tired of waking up by myself. I roll over and there’s plenty of room in my bed; there’s no one waiting for me in the kitchen.

I’m tired of eating breakfast alone. I turn on the TV so there’s some noise while I make my food. It’s not conversation, but it’s better than silence.

I’m tired of having things happen during the day and having no one to tell when I get home. The baby at work who randomly started screaming. The way my co-workers started a volleyball game across cube walls. All stories that could be told. If only there were someone to tell them to.

I’m tired of being a third wheel. Or a fifth wheel. Or a seventh wheel. I act like it doesn’t bother me when we’re all hanging out, but really, it becomes just another reminder that I’m alone.

I’m tired of people telling me that they don’t understand why I’m single. Other people, they say, it’s easy to figure out why they’re alone. They’re mean or angry or have no drive. I’m smart, I’m attractive, I’m successful…I should have girls lining up to date. Or so they say. They can’t pick anything out that’s wrong with me so I shouldn’t really be single.

I’m tired of people saying that they’re sure I’ll meet someone who’s wonderful and smart and more beautiful than all of the girls I’ve dated before. And then, they promise, I’ll be so happy that nothing else will matter.

I’m tired of going to weddings alone and having the bride or groom ask why I didn’t bring a date. And then remarking that there won’t be many single girls there. And then seating me at the rejects table because I don’t “belong” with anyone else.

I’m tired of seeing a musical, a play, or some other event that would be a lot of fun to take a date on. And then just not going.

I’m tired of my friends telling me that the last girl I asked out…the one who turned me down…isn’t good enough for me and she’ll regret it someday.

I’m tired of hearing that another one of my ex’s is getting married. Or engaged. Or is in a serious long-term relationship that seems to be “heading somewhere.”

I’m tired of my parents remarking that by my age they already had two kids. And then remarking that they’d like to have grandchildren before they turn 70.

I’m tired of coming home after work to an empty apartment. I don’t get to discuss the day or ask anyone how their day was.

I’m tired of eating dinner alone, on the floor, in front of the TV. My kitchen table gets no use. There’s no need for setting it when it’s just me eating there.

I’m tired of cooking for one. Which usually means I make too much and either throw the rest out or try to freeze it. But then I have no one to remind me that I have leftovers, so it just goes bad anyways.

I’m tired of unwinding by myself. My couch isn’t nearly as comfortable without someone to cuddle with.

I’m tired of going to bed alone. The bed is always exactly as I left it. My side untucked, the other side tucked. It’s clear that only one person has slept there. And only one person will sleep there again tonight.

I’m tired of being single.


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Comments

I am sitting in my “one side untucked bed” reading your post with tears flowing down my face….I’m not even putting energy into crying anymore..I’m crying for you…because you feel exactly the way I do and I know how lonely that is.

Please don’t cry for me, I share my stories and feelings to help others relate to theirs. If someone, like you, can read what I wrote and find that it expresses what’s going on in your heart, I’m happy.

We all know that being single has its great moments (like when you’re dating three people at once and loving it) and crappy moments (missing someone in particular).

Hang in there, Hilary. It’ll get better.

Everything you’re saying is so true. People always think something’s wrong with you that you’re single and perhaps yes, it’s because we’re all human and need love and interaction. You know even aliens have us humans to reach out to, but human to human relations can be so weird sometimes. People are so funny and being alone allows you to see that…but you still miss that sharing of intellect. At least there’s the internet and blogs like urs. Thanks. My saturday feels better.

Damn!!! It is about time I met someone I can relate too. Jesus. I’m tired too brother. Shit I’m tired of going to the movies by myself with a big ass popcorn and no one to share it with. Let you in on a little something else… I avoid with the most possible caution- the marenity ward when I’m going to visit a sick friend at the hospital. IT TAKES STRENGTH! I’m damn near broke down in tears. I’m tired of anticipating and day dreaming about that “one” and how he will look, what I want him to treat me like, Blah-blah, & ect. Mostly I’m tired of playing up to my friends like, single life is the thing but, deep down inside I just want to ball up like a pieace paper and cry. Most of all I’m tired of fronting with a look or image of this “strong ass person that endures a lot” and My heart aches for someone to love. I would like to know someone wants me for a companion. I can’t think of shit else for right now- It’s Memorials Day and I have been drinking. I’ve fired up the grill. Guess What? Alone. Cheers Dude. You are not alone.

Another thing… Some one comes up to me and is like you got any kids? I say no. They say, you had better count your blessings or you’re lucky or you still got your whole life ahead of you. SHUT UP! QUIT TELLING ME THAT SHIT! I WANT CHILDREN YOU DUMB ASS! AS A MATTER OF FACT I WOULDN’T MIND HAVING ONE NOWISH!! When I go to church, I’m christian but I don’t think the other church members seem to think it, as safe with their husbands and my one single self. I know females… I know they trip about shit like that. As a Matter of fucking fact! I’m the only single person in my church!

I’m tired of waiting, tired of my Ex’s throwing it up in my face with their new women and their brand new fucking babies. Tired having to change a flat, get the oil changed in the car, get new tires, detail my car, taking out my own fucking trash by myself. Traveling by myself. Left out of conversations. Sitting and playing with the kids at any event because I got “mysteriously muzzled” out of a conversation that involved marriage &/or relationships. Cooking for myself. Washing my work clothes instead of washing men’s underwear, bed sheets, and my lingerier. I’m tired too!!

You said it Zack. PERFECTLY. I feel every word and I’m tired of it.

reading what you wrote made me realize that I am not the only one finding it hard meeting “the one”
I too go to bed alone, wake up alone, i see happy couples all over the place and i ask myself “what is wrong with me?” I am independent, smart, attractive, many things going for me yet here i am all alone, reading on line posts about being single… its frustrating, i have tried dating sites but i have not met anyone who doesn’t want something superficial, i want whats in the movies – yea i know its a dream but i know it can happen, sometimes when i watch a movie and i see the passion I wonder will i ever be able to kiss a man again? have that passion again? or will i be alone forever? i am not sure what the secret of meeting someone is, damn i haven’t even dated in years…. so maybe the world is right, maybe something is wrong with me….

@Anita – You’re definitely not alone. There’s a lot of really great people who are single at this very moment. It’s absolutely not a reflection on you. Sometimes we need to be alone just so we’ll appreciate the companionship when we find it. And trust me, you won’t be alone forever. Granted I don’t know you, but you’re incredibly articulate, which means you’re also very smart. I’m sure you have a lot of other things going for you as well. Just wait through the frustration, it’ll pass.

I know your right, and thank you
your comment actually made me smile.

i know eventually i will meet someone
i heard something a while ago not even sure where it came from …

but maybe i am the one sabatoging or at fault for being single…. if i really truly went out and stepped out of my safe zone maybe i would meet him… maybe the problem is i shouldn’t be so scared of failure, or hurt, or heartache
after all its all part of life…

they say there’s someone out there for everyone…
maybe my soulmate is not on this planet… hahaha

holidays are coming and the fact that your single always hits harder… i would love to spend the holidays with someone i love and who loves me ….

well anyway … don’t want to be sad about it

your right it will happen one day

i love that you have such a positive outlook its refreshing

Zack –
another thought

i guess what it comes down to is i’m tired of being on my own and would love just to have a partner in crime – lol

someone to laugh with, cry with, talk to, bounce ideas off of, have fun experiancing new things with and just grow old together

anyway lol i talk too much

have a great night

Thank you Zack and to everyone that has commented on this I’ve been having a rough day.
I am tired of being the wing man and I am tired of not having anyone to call, I realized I am so longing to say “I love you” to somebody that I want to lower my standards just to be with somebody. But knowing that there are people that want the same exact thing, makes me feel a little better. I hear what your saying about not knowing why your single, I have been told I am good looking but that just doesn’t fill the void, I guess that proves that I am human and not superficial. Well thank you again for writing, commenting and listening to me rant.

I so know how everyone feels that has posted a comment. I felt so sad that I googled “I’m tired of being alone”. That I even had to do that makes me sad. Everything I read in all the posts I felt like I could personally be writing all that myself. I stood outside tonight on my deck and just cried. Once again I made dinner for myself, ate by myself, watched TV by myself, got ready for bed by myself, and went to bed by myself only to have to face the same thing all over again tomorrow. The worst part is always coming home to no one. Sometimes when I get home I will say just for fun “Honey I’m home!!” Of course there is no reply. I’m successful, attractive, a great cook, I want a baby, (of course they are everywhere I look-and I turn 39 in a month–I’m running out of time). I’ve had a couple of long term relationships but they of course weren’t the right ones for me. They are now happily married with kids. I am trying the online dating scene but to no avail so far. Some great dates but the connection just isn’t there or they aren’t at the same place I am in wanting a long-term committed relationship. I am soooo tired. I too go places by myself. I’m confident enough to dine alone, go to movies etc but it gets so lonely. I desire to have the witty banter with someone. I feel like it’s getting so hopeless. I take vacations by myself as well. They are fun but guess what? Not as fun as they could be if I could spend the time with someone. Here’s something super pathetic and depressing. I’ve had the last 4 days off from work and no one to do anything with. All of my friends are in relationships so they have kind of fallen to the wayside. I’m so lonely today!! What is everyone else doing to combat the loneliness. I live in Las Vegas and it’s really hard to meet people here. Zack, thank you for starting this feed. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Why can’t all of us lonely people get together. Then we wouldn’t be lonely anymore!!! Thanks everyone!!!!

Hey Chris and Carla – I’ve been there, which is why I wrote this post. The important thing is to have faith that it will happen for you and that it’s just a matter of time. I’m not going to throw in any other cliches, but all of us single people need to keep our heads right and realize that everyone else in the world is missing out on the best thing ever: us! One day, they’ll wake up!

Hello everyone,

Thanks for all of the comments…I am too very lonely and sad to be 36 years old and single. Most of my friends are married with children or divorce and dating. It’s pathetic and I don’t know what to think anymore. I find myself crying over this more often. I have been told I am very cute, funny and intelligent. I have a great career and a good body shape. I am tired of feeling like I am fighting against the clock and having to probably settled for less so that I don’t miss my fertility window. And no….I don’t go on 1st dates and tell guys I want a baby and a life partner by the time the check arrives…but sometimes I think they can see that in me and I am very afraid I am staring to wear my desperation…

wow…I can totally relate, especially lately…i think my feelings have intestified in the last few weeks…i don’t think i know a worse feeling than this. I’m really glad i read your post, (although i’m sorry you’re going through this)…but i’m sure you’re tired of hearing that too, as am I. Anyway, thanks for posting this, and reminding tons of people out there that’s they’re not alone. Best of luck to you and to all of the people out there who are going through this same thing.

wow..I too am crying reading these posts..that sense of isolation seems so unbearable and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in this struggle..I’ve been single for seven years, and feel I’ve sabotaged my happiness as I wasn’t ready or didn’t know what a good guy was..having had terrible male role models and as a result afraid of the ones who treated me well..I relate so well to the ache you feel in your hearts and wish we could all meet up to support one another on our journey…the struggle will end someday for all of us as we all have open hearts……ready for love

This has been the saddest time of my life, my eyes are watery but I couldn’t even cry. I always have my music playing, my chats on, my torrent going, and some drinks on the side.

Am I alone? I’ve lived my life with passion in art. I felt so free and happy. I meet people with the same interests. I always feel I’ll be left out but I end up with nice people. Sadly, they all just come and go. I kept that in mind… So I never had a close friend. Never had a boyfriend. No one really knows me. But still, It was all fine, I didn’t mind about anything else in life. I love what I am now.

While I was busy dreaming and playing… People around me are crying, I hear them, I know their stories and almost felt like I’m a part of it. It’s all the same. I observe them. I don’t want to go through that pain, It’s a waste of time, I thought. I don’t need it.

Now I’m 20+ and I think I can marry a pencil, a book, or a computer.

I even had some online game going on and got pretty good with it, I earned a ticket to visit another country. That’s because lonely girls play goddamn online games.

Dreamers are busy people who can’t stop being busy. You think you’re safe in there and you look at the world like it’s some aquarium, visible and colorful. Happy just sitting there. One day you’ll just wake up and realize you’re not part of that world. So, where have you been all this time?

You stop and think. I stop and think. And then you google some words like, porn, alone, tired. And then you feel sorry about the porn part because it’s disgusting. And then you feel sorry about the alone and tired part because it’s full of sad people.

Me? I just feel sooo tired… This is reality. I’m tired of chasing my dreams, It wasn’t so easy as I thought it was. I’m tired of looking for a new job all the time, ’cause nothing can make me stay. I’m tired of waiting for someone who I can chat to at night. Friends, Strangers, Whatever, Whoever. It will help pass time. I’m tired of arguing with myself whether to stop smoking and drinking and all that bad habits. I’m tired of feeling pretty in the evening and ugly when I wake up. I’m tired of waiting for that next event that will give highlight to my boring days. I’m tired of playing online games but not really. I’m tired of getting excited over some handsome guys or pathetic loser who’s trying to get to know me and waste my time. I’m tired of explaining myself to some people who didn’t really care but asks anyways. I’m tired of seeing people getting bf and gf for so many times when I couldn’t even get one, just one. I’m tired of trying to look for a new music or movie that will entertain me. I’m tired of wondering why my friends seems to dissapear one by one as time passes by. I’m tired of looking at the starless sky and thinking if the few people who loved me knows my sorrow now. I’m tired of going out alone, eating alone, sleeping alone. I’m tired of going to parties and then go home drunk and alone. I’m tired of seeing tired people and poor kids who can’t even buy a slipper. I think I am tired of life and tired of many other reasons.

Funny. I don’t know how to kiss a guy. I don’t date but maybe I should but it’s just so ridiculous. I feel I’m running out of good music to hear. I’m running out of time. And I feel in any minute now, I’ll get back to my old happy self and will wake up one day… old and alone.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want. Maybe I am scared? All I know is I’m just me. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Because I don’t know what love is… I don’t know how to love… And since I’ve been living like this all my life… I think I can survive. Just playing along with life, not searching for him because I know one day, he will come to me.

@Julie – we all feel this way from time to time. The important thing to remember is that it’s just that, a moment in time. In another moment, you’ll look back and laugh at how you used to think things wouldn’t get better. Things are constantly moving towards better every day, and your day will come just like the rest of us.

@Someone – Being in your 20s, you have plenty of time! Clearly you’re a very intelligent, expressive, insightful, and caring person (not to mention a helluva writer), and there will absolutely be someone, probably many someones, in your future that will appreciate all of that. The important thing, as for everyone who commented here, is to never give up hope because that’s when we really lose.

[...] tears at you, day and night. You hate being single. It’s that horrible feeling in your gut. It just won’t go away. You sometimes touch [...]

I READ ALL OF YOU COMMENTS AND SOMETHING INSIDE ME SAYS COME ON EVERYONE GET A HOLD OF YOURSELVES BUT I DEF KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR ALL TALKING ABOUT AND FEELING. THE LOW DOWN, 24 YEAR OLD MALE, STOCKBROKER, WELL SITUATED, GOOD LOOKING, PASSIONATE ABOUT EVERYTHING LIFE HAS TO OFFER AND I DO EVERYTHING I CAN LIVING LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW AND YOU KNOW WHATS FUNNY? WOMAN IN NEW YORK, AROUND HERE AND MOST OF ANYWHERE I HAVE NOTICED DONT CARE…THEY WANT TO WAKE UP AT 50 WITH NOONE, I DONT UNDERSTAND IT!!??I GO OUT WITH DIFFERENT GIRLS AND ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS PARTY, GET DRUNK, AND SLEEP WITH SOMEONE WHO ISNT ME LOL..TELL YOU THE TRUTH MAYBE BECAUSE I COME FROM OLD WORLD VALUES I JUST WANT ONE PERSON WHO MAKES ME HAPPY AND IS THERE FOR EVERYTHING, A MAN IS ONLY AS GOOD AS THE WOMAN WHO STANDS NEXT TO HIM…

I read the whole story and all the comments and damn it, I feel completley the same – I feel extremely lonely sometimes, even though I have some really good and faithful friends whom I can trust. However, there is always a need to have someone special – a person who you can trust uncondinionally, a person who is always waiting for you, who cares of you, whom you could say – ‘I love you’. We all need a special person with whom we’d like to share our lives…
I’m trying to believe I’ll find somoene one fine day. However, there are some examples of unseccessful people who never find their love… And this is frightening me.
I’m single for many years and still waiting for a Mr. Right. What if he never comes?.. Actually, I’m tired of all questions about my solitude. People usually don’t understand why I’m still single. Sometimes they even think I’m not normal. But I am. I’m just a lonely person who would like to find someone but is still out of luck…
P.S. Sorry for my English, it’s not my mother tongue.

I know this in an old post, but sitting here at work on a Friday night after my plans for tonight to go on a hayride with a friend and her family got cancelled, I just typed ‘I’m tired of being single.’ I came across the original post and thought – that’s it. I’m 34 and have been in 11 weddings – people still use the ‘always a bridesmaid’ phrase on me.

I guess I should feel better now, but it gets frustrating!

…And yet another who shares identical pains.

I was once told that when you begin the journey with another, you immediately set yourself up for failure. Is this true? I have met many wonderful women of whom they allowed me the privilege to be the partner of. Every time, it seemed as if this person was the one person in life I wished to die with one day. With this in mind, you have to admit that the idea of love could, in fact, be superficial in and of itself when equality and other considerations become mainstream.

Because of this idea, it has led me to believe that Christianity and all the other flavors of God are superficial lies. I do believe in God, however, it reflects no assertions made by humans in that the super being I worship is something I have already learned that I will no nothing about. It’s impossible to understand “God”.

To me, I always use to believe that love never changes and that once you feel that burn in your heart, it is there like a brand on a horses rear. The problem with that theory, though, is that you get caught with your pants down when that target of emotions finally abandons you or rejects you.

So having come back around to the main point here, to me, love is beginning to lose the silver lining it once had. While I have only lived 24 years of age, I know there will be others to take the place left by my last love, but still, how long will it be before that love dies, too? How long will it be before that new lover gets tired of me and decides to look for greener pastures elsewhere?

My last S.O. left me supposedly because of:
A.) religious differences
B.) my inability to overcome depression
C.) differences in sexual expectations (waiting for marriage)

It’s been almost 2 years now since her departure and I’m still not over it. Everyday I think about how easily it seemed to be for her to move on within the first 3 months of being away from me and how she decided to post images of her new lover on things like MySpace, Facebook and all those websites people use now. This is about the second time I have endured such pain, and to be honest, part of me hopes I never find anyone again because of this sort of hassle.

In the end, I think the true problem that persists in society is the law of chaos–how every mirror has a different reflection at different times. People who date and then marry have their own power to control their own success, however, what evades our understanding at most times is how we over-analyze and dissect everything to death to the point to where what we once had turns into something completely different in the end. This is manifested in ways like paranoia, misunderstanding, lies and deceit, greed, loathing and anti-socialism, etc. It’s the human flaw.

I found this blog a few days ago while on another site (mikelee?) that talked about how to get a passive guy to ask you out (my current situation apparently). I’ve been scanning posts, you have a refreshing perspective. It’s good for me (a woman in her 30′s) to hear a single guy’s voice in all this dating madness and singledom. This particular post spoke to my heart. Dating when you are over 30 is hard. So many times I hear my friends say, “Oh – he’s 38 and SINGLE! Wonder what’s wrong with him” to which I immediately feel like then there has to be something wrong with me! (being single and over 30) What a way to get a complex and dating-phobia!

Anyway – thanks not only for your public voice, but the gaggle of you who run this blog, helping to keep us all sane and get the reality check that we are not alone in this situation.

@Casey – You’re far too young to give up just yet! It can sometimes take a while to get over someone. It took me just about two years to get over one of my exes as well. The thing I’ve learned in my 30 years on this planet is that no one just “gets over” anyone else. Some people act like they have to make themselves feel better. Quickly posting photos of a new significant other is just her way of trying to prove she’s not thinking of you. But she is, trust me, she’s just handling it differently. In the meantime, stop torturing yourself by checking up on her to see what she’s doing. You’ll never get over her that way.

@Adrienne – I’m glad you enjoy the posts, that’s why we write them!

I identify with everyone here. I’m 37 years old, told by all my friends that I don’t look even 30. My chiropractor calls me “Goddess”. Why am I still alone? I’m not picky. I go on dates. They are few and far between, but they are dates. I’ve not been in a steady relationship in 8 years. I’ve not been in a romantic relationship (read: sex) in almost 3 years. I just can’t seem to get it together.

About 3 years ago I decided to take matters into my own hands and had a child on my own, realizing that Mr. Wonderful wasn’t around the corner. I’m so glad I did. I still am devestated that I don’t have anyone special to complete my family, and I thought the “desperation of my bio-clock would no longer show”. I’m sure it doesn’t, but the desperation to have a “nuclear family” shows, I am sure.

Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed I am so depressed. The only thing that forces me out of bed is my beautiful toddler. She’s the reason I can move on. Unhappily and definitely VERY VERY LONELY, but never alone.

Anonymously_yours

Thank you so much for your post… I actually posted something about not wanting to miss my fertility window and how scared I was of showing the world my desperation. I am 36 years old and I have been seriously thinking about (having a baby on my own…) I am however so very scared…on one hand I think I have to do this asap and not regret it later…at the same time I keep on hoping my life partner is just around the corner and we could have a family together. I was greatful to hear you say that “the desperation to have a “nuclear family” shows”, because I never thought about it that way. I always figured my life would be complete after having a baby, but the truth is that we would love to have the complete package. Good luck everyone in their journey…
p.s. BTW, I recently joined Match and I am actually enjoying meeting new people..let’s see what happens…

Hello all bloggers! Reading this was SO refreshing. Refreshing to know there are people out there (at least on the internet) who can empathize with each others singledom! Zack, you couldn’t have written your opening comment any better!

I love my friends and their children, but I am tired of hearing about everything THEY are doing, and never ask what I am doing. I truly feel they just assume because one is single, one has no life. I even addressed this with a friend, saying how even the “girls dinner” is annoying for me because everyone talks about what they did or went recently with their family. Her response was that she interprets “girls dinner” as not married women coming together, but as individuals coming together. Nice in theory, but then all they talk about is their family. Do any married women have anything they do on an individual basis??

Anyway, yes I am lonely. All the men I have dated lately don’t know what they want, have no drive, or no goals. Or, nothing for nothing, have NO respect for others. If I go out with one more guy who says my hobbies are “stupid”, who knows what I’ll do:) Didn’t think liking to read or bake on occasion, was “stupid”.

I’m tired of not going to the movies because I’m tired of going to them alone, I’m tired of not having a nice meal in a nice restaurant with great company. I’m tired of eating frozen dinners, tired of being tired of this, and tired of realizing my dreams have not come true. This was NOT where I pictured my life to be at 38 years old. But plug on we must.

Jane: While I realize that saying this probably lacks any impact on your morale regarding relationships, just keep in mind that any guy who dubs your hobbies as “stupid” are stupid themselves.

Everyone: I find it very interesting that so many people share this same single element of loneliness. What does this mean about us; about society and how we have evolved? So many of my sad and depressing days can be traced back to this little emotional splinter that if I could find a cure for it, I would honestly know the feeling of true happiness because it is the single thing that prevents me from seeing the beauty in the world more than half of the time.

Going through this same issue of loneliness you all seem to experience, I have found that my faith in God has dissolved into hatred for religion and whatever is responsible for the creation of everything we call “existence”. I often watch people who get prepared for church on Sundays and think to myself that it must be Halloween again as these people are amongst the majority who have never truly searched their souls for answers, but instead, keep repeating the same mistakes only to believe that the mistakes they made throughout the prior week can simply be erased with one little 10-second whisper to the air with their eyes closed underneath the roof of a building that has stained glass on every “Sabbath”. These same people almost always lack critical social skills necessary to live 45 minutes away from their family or friends, have never lived on their own and know little about how to tackle problems in their lives without the help of someone else beside them. Oops, maybe my bitterness for these people just broke the lip padlock, but am I alone in thinking this way? It’s not that I hate these people, but often times, I instead feel sorry for them and detest them at the same time because while they have something I do not (harmony, friends and family that are worth being with on a day-to-day basis), they also lack something that I have which is the realization that their beliefs are simply based on lies.

@Casey: While I can hear the pain in your words, I don’t think it’s appropriate to criticize people over their choice of religion. Let’s keep the focus on ourselves and our feelings rather than insulting others, okay? I know that loneliness can lead to bitterness but it’s really important to keep some perspective on our own problems and not blame others for what they do, or don’t, have.

I had a little time to consider what you said in your response after drinking my coffee this morning, and Zach, I have to admit that I lack any remorse over my statement regarding people and religion, even if it has little association with this “blog”. So your hand-slap did little to professionalize things around here…

In spite of this, I truly never meant any harm or malicious wordage to be conveyed to anyone, but the thing is that love and religion remain two aspects of humans which are not mutually exclusive, so to act as if my post was directly meant to focus on a separate topic (religion and those who follow a certain type) is silly, but, expected, as this is the smoke-screen of the majority who choose to circumvent the topic based on the simple fact that ignorance is bliss and beliefs are untouchable. Maybe this is why the world is so screwed up?

Regardless, I sincerely apologize if my comments were construed as offensive and I wish to make sure you understand that I mean no passive-aggressive nature in this response, too. They (my comment / words) were merely meant to enlighten and help the innocent foresee a future struggle with someone whom they consider dating that is deemed “religious” in their eyes as my experience with this type of person, on average, never winds up with anything one might consider worth remembering.

[...] you’re tired of being single and feel like loneliness is crushing you, it may very well be depression speaking. Please, seek [...]

I’m with you on this one my friend, you are echoing my life for the last 3 years. I’m tired of giving myself pep talks, so I can feel like my life has worth, I wish i could offer some words of wisdom to everyone but i was on the net hoping to find someone with a few words for me. well at least i’m not alone in this state., I’m a 32yr old guy , and everyone woman I have dated in the last 3years has beaten my optimism on relationships as awhole,

Its to the point like its a dull ache in my guts all the time , that never goes away, and that i frankly avoid seeing ppl as much so i’m not reminded of how much of a outcast i feel like. Now that the holidays are coming up , It gets even worse, I just wish it could be january 2nd already, and not deal with these feelings of emptiness. screw it. its damn shame when you just got to sleep causing being awake just seems to hurt more. later.

Casey,

Just to share my personal opinion, I believe our family, friends and the other many good things in life do reflect that there is indeed a God and that He cares for us very much. I get tired of being single, but God has in no way left me alone, and He’s one of the things that gets me through my ‘bad single days.’

On another note, do any of you seem to often get the ‘I don’t know why you’re single’ phrase directed your way from your male friends and/or the male signigicant others of your female friends? Is that just something they say to make you feel better?

Either way, hope you all have a blessed Christmas.

Holly

Amazing this thread is still going strong. I’m kind of like a lot of you guys. Googled “tired of being single.” I just lost my job too, so I spend a shit ton of time at home, alone. The thing is, forget it. I’m fine with this. I started out being depressed but reading about how everyone is kind of in the same boat is kind of comforting. You know, there’s an old song that talks about a guy getting old, going his whole life single, and talks about how as an old man he sits down at the breakfast table and has an orange juice just for himself. There’s strength in that. Yeah, it’s lonely, and yeah, it sucks but screw it. If you’re not strong and you’re not stable on your own, why bring that into a relationship? Odds are that that “perfect someone” out there isn’t going to fill that void entirely. Work on yourself first, be happy. It’s amazing how that attracts people. Maybe lose a few pounds too, I know I could use it. You do that, and you’ll be fine. Admittedly, I need to listen to my own advice.

Hey,

i have read most of the posts on this as feeling sorry for myself on a sunday afternoon, alone when is an ideal day to be with a loved one lazing around. I am also sick of being single, mainly sick of pretending i love the single life…

I have been conversing with a guy the other side of the world online for 3 months now and is completly pointless, as is keeping me from going out and meeting someone here.

I think we could all break the barriers of being single, if we got out there and tried to date and took more chances on people, and maybe stopped shutting ourselves away so much.

I have been single for almost 2 years bow, and have travelled a lot during this time, and did things i would never have done had i been with someone, but now its time i want to settle in a LTR for a while…..when u want it it never seems to come…people also tell me i am a beautiful smart, fun girl to be around….but if so then why are men not coming forward to me…i dont get it…….

do u men out there actually aproach women anymore…or what does a woman have to do to be noticed enough for u guys to speak to us women….help,pleeease..

I read your reply, Zoe, and I have to add something to it… Call it “insight”, if you will.

Why is the bulk of the responsibility on the man’s shoulders to initiate the relationship? In a world of increasing equality and feminism, you would think that something would give in this department anymore…

Regardless, and while I’m more than confident that I subscribe to a very alternative way-of-thinking about women, I must admit that I rarely approach women due to many reasons. First off, I never approach a women who is with her pack. Secondly, I only even consider doing this is I notice her checking me out. Third, if she dresses scandalously or flaunts herself, I will never approach a women like this due to the obvious. Fourth, I have to be in a right frame-of-mind in order to approach a women; my job, school, finances and general stress level have to be at the right levels, otherwise, my mood will be sour and things will just not feel right. Fifth, most women anymore–at least from what I have experienced–all retain the personality of a spoiled brat. Forgive me if you are not like this as I completely understand that I am more so generalizing women than I am specifying cases, but the majority of women I deal with and even those older or more mature all seem to be about as deep as the depth of a nickel or dime. Hardly ever do you find a woman anymore who has a hobby or two, who can be okay by themselves in a room alone without a cell phone or who has a life outside of their relationship. They all have a MySpace or Facebook with about a thousand friends of which, 50% or more are all guys.

Pardon me for not running after that…

Give me a girl who is unique, who is attractive and weighs less than 200 lbs. Give me a women who is okay with being conventional or pragmatic in our world full of hypocritical zealots and sexually-explicit vixens.

I don’t want to cross any lines with my response here… It’s just that all the girls that exist today are all the same, boring, naive, and shallow gals you see on the one million and up MySpace profiles. It’s like they all crave attention and after they’ve exclusively had it, they wind up getting bored with it and fabricate some erroneous reason to get out of it.

Maybe that’s why a lot of us guys neglect to start dropping everything we do to chase women around whom we know will be leaving us within either a month, a year, or 2 years, when things get a little rough or when things begin to get boring.

…But like I said, this may not be you or any of the other ladies on here who visit this website. It’s just been my experience and I apologize if I have offended anyone, but am I alone on this? Maybe, maybe not…

Casey,

I appreciate that you are on a struggle like myself and many others here, trying to find ways of coping with single life when we’d prefer to be in an intimate relationship. I understand your response was to Zoe but I had to respond too. I really enjoy this site as a scource of comfort, there are others out there going through a similar experience and I’m not alone. This site is not an appropriate place for you to insult and criticise women, maybe a therapy space is more appropriate. You may have been hurt, and have every good reason to feel angry at women in your life who did this. You preface with your insults with phrases such as “maybe that’s not you” or “don’t mean to generalise”.This is not the place for you to then transfer this hatred, or deep fear of women here by insulting us with misogynistic comments. Please think about the impact on others, before you lash out again in such an offensive way on this site.

I’m sorry if you found my opinions “misogynistic” and whatnot, but if you have a problem with my opinions, that is your problem because this in fact, is a website to express ones own perspective on their experiences with love and relationships and how to cope with being single.

It’s one thing to express concern about something I have posted on here, but if you have a problem with my objective opinion, then you can simply ignore my responses because I stated more than once that it was my opinion and that I meant no bad intentions with my opinion. Instead of quelling over my semantics, why not try to provide examples as to things that may fix issues or that might help pave a way to relationship enlightenment.

…It’s one thing to acquire sanctity in groups who experience similar ordeals, but it’s another to revolutionize perpetual issues by side-stepping problems that nobody makes unified attempts to solve. Instead of slapping my hand simply because you took my response too seriously, why not be constructive and stop crying over it?

I have a problem with your subjective opinion when you attack women,I will always challenge that.You contradict yourself.How can you justify yourself,stating your intentions aren’t bad yet viciously attack women with those ignorant generalisations. You suggest fixing issues that might encourage relationship enlightenment?! You clearly have a deep rooted hatred of women, probably based in fear.Slapping your hand?! Is that you were pathethic attempt to gain power over others?!Is this how you react when someone disagrees with Get some therapy, punch some cushions. This is a place for support.Don’t dump your toxic anger on the women in this site…

I’m not dumping anything on anyone (especially you, because it’s obvious you wouldn’t be able to handle it).

To me, you’re the only one here that appears to be getting toxic by blatantly accusing me of things you have obviously misunderstood. I lack hatred for any and all women, but right now, I’ll make an exception for you so that you can be virtuous in your assumptions and stop annoying everyone, walking away from the smoky scene as a victor of another internet battle waving the banner of relationship crusader counseling advocate–because after all, you do know best.

If you want, I can attack you by letting you know that you have made many grammatical errors in your last response, but bigger fish need to be fried, right? …Don’t make me pull this car over.

:.)

In response to your my ability to handle your “dumping”..noone should ever have to tolerate being dumped on by someone else, ever. As I said, find somewhere else to dump your poison against women (reread what you’ve written in case you are confused by your contradictions again)..I’m sure many other women and men on this site would agree.This is the second time you have had you “hand slapped”?!It may be time to respond to others wishes.You offer nothing constructive,supportive or of comfort to others here…take a poll

“Tough titty says the kitty.”

:.)

Casey, you are exquisitely rude for using the word “titty” in this forum. You need to be off this blog, so do the rest of us a favor and sign off.

Nice use of that word Jane… Ha! :.P

OMG if you guys could stop that would be great!! Annoying much????? You’re both just as bad and immature as each other! THERE! now stop!

You’re right Diane-Lee.
I’m done.

Even though I hope this thread is done now, I want to remind everyone that this is a place where you are free to express yourself, your thoughts and feelings about dating and where you are right now. That doesn’t mean that this is an open forum where you can say whatever you want. When comments are openly disrespectful of others, we will consider banning the commenter. I don’t like or want to do that, but this is supposed to be a friendly place for people to share their feelings and no one should be afraid of, or victim of, personal attacks. So please keep that in mind and enjoy the site.

This site is great. I have literally been walking around wondering if I’m completely losing my mind. Almost everyone I know is in a relationship and I can’t even seem to catch a woman’s attention. Its really crushing my self esteem. After reading what others have written I feel a little better. It really starts to bother me when I’m always the third wheel. I just stay home instead of getting caught up in a night out with a bunch of couples.

I think you hit a nerve with this one.

I can relate to every one of those. I am tired of being told “you’re not my type” from a girl I like a lot. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that one, got it again on Friday. I’m also genuinely tired of complaining to friends about it. I’m ready to give up

Guys, you should just go out. If you are the third wheel, but you go out, you may meet the one. But, if you stay home feeling bad for yourself, you will still be alone without the chance to meet anyone. I remember, when I was single for around three months, it was tough. But, just stay active, go to different places, get into different activities and enjoy your own company.

I can relate. I’ve been turned down nine times this year and I wonder if women know just how tough it is to put yourself out there. I can tell you this I’m done being the hunter and doing the asking if a girl sees me she better get her nerve up and ask me out. I’m not trying to be rude but this is really getting in my head. I really can’t take anymore no’s or I’m already seeing someone. I’m not going to let myself become depressed over this. As a matter of fact I’m working out, I’m back in school, and I’m completely focused on making myself the best I can be. So if a woman sees me and thinks shes interested she had better get ready to put herself out there because I’m done being the fool. I also wanted to say whats up with every woman wanting a nice guy. I know a lot of single guys who are super nice and very respectful but women always go for the guy who treats them like crap. Well I’m sorry but thats because they choose that and thats their problem. I’m done feeling sorry for them. If I hear any more about it I’m gonna flip out!!!!!

I’ll have to agree with everyone else here. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only person in the universe abhorring being single!

I, too, am usually alone most of the time. I absolutely hate it! I so desperately wish I had someone to share my life with! It would be so great to have someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, someone to be silly and dumb with, someone to fight with and then kiss and make up with and someone to just call MINE. It’d also be great to have someone to wake up next to every day who actually wants to be there with me, someone who doesn’t think the stuff I like is dumb and will gladly give me a shoulder to cry on when I get stressed out, regardless of how irrational the stuff I’m stressed out over is. I wish I had someone just like that, someone who will respect me and my wants and needs and emotionally wants the same things I do. He doesn’t have to be perfect; I don’t care if he forgets stuff like anniversary dates and stuff like that, and he doesn’t have to be rich; dirt poor will do, just as long as he has a job and can save a little bit of money! I just want someone I can share my life with who’ll be my best friend!

So far I’ve been pretty unlucky in finding that, though, and I’m seriously starting to doubt that I ever will.

I’ve never been really lucky in the relationships department. I’m 26 years old, and I’ve only really had two boyfriends. The first one was when I was in high school, and we dated for about three months. I felt that he wanted things to move more faster than I did, and we broke up because of it. The next guy was a guy I very briefly dated in college, who also wanted to move a little too fast for me. When I asked him to slow down he didn’t, so that was the end of that. That was just a little over five years ago, and he was the last one.

It’s not that I haven’t tried finding someone or that nobody’s caught my interest. There’s been plenty of guys that I’ve been interested in, it’s just that every single one of them has been gay, taken, or single but just plain uninterested. (Mostly they’re taken or single but uninterested.) In a couple of cases when I’ve finally gotten up enough nerve to just go for the gold and ask him out, I’ve actually met his girlfriend (Or in one case, his WIFE!) before I even got the chance to say anything.

It also doesn’t help me much that I’m kinda shy and awkward around people I don’t really know or when I’m in situations where I’m not totally comfortable with my surroundings. (I’m completely different when I get to know people and feel comfortable with my surroundings. When I’m uncomfortable, I don’t like to talk much. When I get comfortable I’m usually pretty talkative.) I am horrified of the prospect of having to go up to any random guy I might be interested in and trying to start a conversation with him, yet I at least try because I know if I don’t I’ll always wonder what the outcome would’ve been. The whole conversation usually ends up with me staring at my feet, the wall, something else usually going on in the background, etc. I’m terrible at making eye contact, even though I’ve been working on that, too.

I also hate when people offer me dating advice that is completely irrelevant to me. I’m always being told to just go out to a bar or a party with a friend and when I find someone there that catches my interest to just go up to him and start talking. Yeah, that’d probably be a great thing to do, except I don’t go to bars because I don’t drink due to personal reasons, and I’m not really a “party” girl! I don’t care too much for large groups of people because I never know how to act around them. Besides, the kind of guy I’m looking for isn’t really into that kind of stuff, either, so why would I go anywhere like that to find him when he wouldn’t be there, anyway?

I’m sick and tired of constantly being told that I’m really sweet and nice and that I’ll be an excellent girlfriend and wife for someone one day. It’s so cliched! I’ve heard that line over and over and over again from friends (All of whom have someone else and have had for years!) and guys that I’ve been interested in who only see me as a “friend”. It also really bugs me when I have to listen to other women tell me that I’m living in fairy tale if I think I’m going to find a nice guy who’ll just want to be with me and no one else and who’ll really love me. That makes me so angry to hear that! I know there are lots of nice guys out there like that! My friends have married nice guys who would do anything in the world for them, and I have guy friends who have girlfriends that are like that. So don’t tell me they don’t exist!

I would just really love to know what is so wrong with me, because I’m convinced that something must be wrong with me. I don’t think I’m ugly (My body’s not perfect, but it’s not bad!). I don’t stink and I have good personal hygiene. I’m really nice and I really love doing things for others. I care very deeply for my friends and family and everyone else that I love and would do anything in the world for them. I have a job and am independent. I think I’m funny and smart and have a great personality. (I just sometimes get a little depressed at the prospect that I get so lonely, like I am now!)

What’s really killing me right now is seeing all of my friends either getting married or already being married to someone that really loves and appreciates them, and, in the case of my best friend, already having two great kids. I want that so bad right now I can taste it! What’s really bad is I’m already at the point in my life where I’m really wanting a baby of my own. It’s getting to the point where if I see a new born baby or if I hear a baby crying I start to cry, too! My best friend just had a baby over the summer and the other day she brought him in to the place where we work and he started crying when we were talking about something and she had to leave with him. Shortly after they left, I started to tear up, too, and when one of my coworkers asked me what was wrong I had to explain the whole thing to her. I’m so sick of being told that my time will come soon, that one day I’ll meet someone great and

I agree that this time of the year is the absolute worst time of the year for being single. The holidays are very taxing for us single folks who no longer wish to be single. I just came back from having a “family” Christmas (Merry Christmas to all who are reading this! =-) ), and I was the only person there over the age of 13 that wasn’t celebrating Christmas with a significant other! My married parents were there, as were three older sisters and their husbands, my 18 year old niece and her boyfriend, my 15 year old niece and her boyfriend, my 18 year old nephew and his girlfriend, and my 16 year old niece and her boyfriend. The only other singles were my two year old nephew, my 11 year old niece and my 13 year old niece. I felt so “singled out” it wasn’t even funny!

So, once again this has been another lonely Christmas (At least romantically!). Each year I keep hoping that I will find the ultimate Christmas present for myself and finally find who I’m looking for so I won’t have to be so alone all the time, and each year I never find him. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope I have for what lies ahead. So, once again, maybe next Christmas I’ll have him!

ALRIGHT IVE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF EVERYONE MOPING AROUND ON THIS SITE. I JOINED THIS FORUM A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO AND IM STILL SINGLE…YOU KNOW WHY? CUZ I CHOOSE TO BE NOW. WHEN I FIRST JOINED I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME. I JUST GOT DUMPED OF A 5 YAR RELATIONSHIP THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR WEDDING BANDS AND SHE WAS LOOKING TO GET RID OF ME. THAT HURT LEMME TELL YOU I STILL FEEL IT TILLL THIS DAY, THE POINT IM TRYING TO GET TO NOW IS I AM SURROUNDED BY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN EVERYWHERE I GO. I NEVER HAD ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE AND NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL OF THE WOMEN CALLING ME. MY FRIEND LOU AND I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND HE STARTED CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLUB BECUASE HE SAW ALL OF THESE WOMEN FLOCKING AND DANCING WITH ME AS HE STOOD BACK AND WATCHED. HE HAD BEEN REJECTED 5 TIMES LAST NIGHT. HORRIBLE REJECTIONS TOO. “YOUR DISGUSTING, F OFF” THE WORKS!! NOW LOU IS A GREAT LOOKING GUY DRIVES A BRAND NEW E350 MERCEDES, HAS AN AMAZING JOB, AND IS A KILLER MAGICIAN TOO LOL. BUT LOU CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHY HE CANT PICK UP WOMEN. WELL I HELPED HIM OUT LAST NIGHT BUT I CANT DO IT FOREVER FOR HIM. WHAT YOU SHOULD ALL DO IS GO TO YOUR LOCAL BARNES AND NOBLES OR BORDERS AND PICK UP A PICK UP ARTIST BOOK OR GET ONE FROM ONLINE. WHEN YOU WANT TO LEARN A NEW TRADE YOU GO TO SCHOOL RIGHT? WELL IF YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN THAT IS A SKILL ALSO. IT TAKES A WHILE BELIEVE ME I HAVE HAD MANY REJECTIONS BUT DONT WORRY THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT. IM NOT THE TYPE OF GUY TO SLEEP WITH ALL THE WOMEN I HANG OUT WITH I WOULD RATHER JUST BEFRIEND THEM AND CHILL THAN SCREW THEM LIKE ALL MY BUDDIES TELL ME TO DO. IM LOOKING FOR A NICE GIRL AND IM STILL LOOKING 6 MONTHS INTO MY JOURNEY. SO DONT GET DISCOURAGED. IF YOU ALL WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING HELPFUL THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO HEAR….WHEN YOU WERE LEARNING TO RIDE A BIKE AND YOU FELL OFF DIDNT YOU GET RIGHT BACK ON AND TRY AGAIN? THEN WHATS THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU GET REJECTED? YOU JUST NEED TO TRY AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL YOU HAVE IT DOWN PACKED. BELIEVE ME AFTER MANY TRIES YOU WONT EVEN REALIZE YOUR DOING IT ANYMORE AND YOULL NATURALLY BE A FLIRTY GUY THAT ALL THE GIRLS WANT TO BE AROUND.. IF YOU GUYS NEED ANY HELP I CAN BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE BUT I CANT EMAIL ALL OF YOU ALL THE TIME. DONT HESITATE TO EMAIL IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION..IF I CAN ANSWER IT ILL GET BACK TO YOU IF I CANT..WELL GOOD LUCK ANYWYAY!!

@Vinny – I don’t think anyone here is really moping, we’re all just sharing our experiences with frustration and sadness related to being single. I’m glad that people are doing this in a way that’s productive and possibly helpful for others. That’s what this site is all about – sharing experiences and hopefully gaining insights. There’s hundreds of posts on this site with help on how to stop missing someone, why you should try to make your life special to meet someone, and how to start a conversation. I hope that everyone continues to read other posts after visiting this one!

well im only 22, and i know thats still young but i have never had any luck with guys. people say that im beautiful, intelligent and fun to be around. i think the problem is is that i have the morals of a 70yr old woman. i think society today is awful and people are only out to get what they want, ie money or sex. no one wants to be faithful anymore or look after anyone else but themselves. maybe this is what puts guys off me. guys my age cant handle it. so i go for an older guy, but they dont look twice at me coz i only look 16. so its like a vicious circle.
im sick of hearing all the cliches from family and friends. i just hate waking up every single morning and being alone. i havent ‘been’ with anyone for way over a year now, and he was only using me. at my age i should be out ‘playing the field’ but because of my stupid morals i cant do that, so basically the single life sucks for me!
ive read a few of these posts and its literally like reading from my own mind, i know exactly how you all feel.

Wow Rach, your morals ARE NOT stupid. They are great. What is stupid are the users and pleasure seekers who have relationship ADD. I hope you find someone who has a brain in their head and treats you with respect.

Just a quick update to everyone from my last post:

I actually managed to get a date for one night next week! Eek! =-D I’m so excited, and he seems like a really nice guy, too!

I really hope things work out for the best, because I really like him! He’s not perfect (He had a really messy breakup with his ex awhile back, and it didn’t really help matters that they had a kid together who is just a little over a year old now. (They were together for about three years.) ), but that’s OK with me!

Anyway, I’m really nervous because it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date!

thats great chasity
don’t be too nervous just open up and let this guy see what a wonderful lady you are. Don’t forget to let us know how it goes! I hope you have a wonderful time!

My situation is a little different. I’ve been seeing this guy for 4 months and we live together. It just kinda happened that way. Anyway, the problem is that I still feel single. Sure we go out and do things together once in a while, but no one knows about me. I’ve met his closest friends only once and his own kid, who’s 12, has no one idea that we are more than friends. I have to hide my feelings for him when people are around. I don’t think that’s fair to me. Everyone tells me to hang in there, that things will get better. But here’s the thing, I’m 25 and ready to settle down. I want to get married and have children. I’m so ready for it. Don’t get me wrong, this guy is a good guy, but i just don’t think he takes me serious. Anyone have some advice?

J that’s tough. Maybe you should consider having your own apartment until the relationship is on more solid ground. Even though you are ready to start a family, you certainly don’t want to do it with someone who isn’t a forever kind of love. Best wishes.

J
Thats a tough situation. I think you need to be open with your guy and let him know how you feel. You are obviously a good catch and you can’t wait until the timing is rite for him. I think one of the biggest problems with all of us is that we are looking for someone to complete us and maybe we need to look within ourselves and see if we have some work to do on being happy just by being an individual and knowing that we are worth a lot just by being individuals. I am not saying this to point fingures because lately I’ve realized that I need to be happier with myself before I start trying to find true love. The comments I have read have lead me to realize the people on this site are actually really good hearted people who have a lot to offer anyone but I wonder if you see that in yourself. There is so much honesty here and I wonder if you are all opening up and letting people see how good you really are. I’m sure I am guilty of hiding myself and maybe its time for me to change.

Chad,

Thanks for the advice. I’ve had so many problems with always trying to make others happy, often forgetting that my happiness is the most important. I have had a talk with my guy and things seem like they may actually work out. The main issue with us is that he wants to take things as slow as a turtle and I feel that if we’re both adults and feel that this is right then why not go for it. Maybe my way of thinking is wrong but who knows.

Well J
That is were you are wrong. Everyone is different and just because your guy wants to move slow does’nt mene that he is correct. Maybe you are just at two different places in your lives. That certainly does’nt mean that you are wrong or crazy for wanting more. It just meanss that your ready for more and that your at that point in your life. I think that you have taken the biggest step by talking about this. Opening up and communicating is the healthiest thing you can do. I really hope everything works out for you.

Chad,

Once again you have given me some inspiring words. I have actually brought it to his attention that I do feel like we are on 2 different pages. I really do feel like he is worth fighting for, and I feel that he feels the same way. After several conversations, many things have come to surface. I think that he and I are going to try to come to some sort of a compromise where neither one of us feels cheated. Hopefully it goes well. We just got a pet together so I guess we’re making progress. lol

Hi everyone,
I stumbled upon this post this morning and it actually describes my feelings perfectly. The tears are actually streaming down as I read these comments. I’m 24 years old and have not had a boyfriend or a date in 3 years. People give me the usual comments..such as “you’re a beautiful and sweet young lady, why are you still single?”…well I don’t have the answer! I care deeply for others, have a great career, and have many hobbies….but the emptiness is still there. God is number one in my life….but I still cry at night.

I’m so incredibly lonely, and this holiday season was especially difficult considering the fact that my two best friends just got into relationships right before Christmas. That left me being the odd one out as usual. I’m so sad about this because I long to feel what its like to be everything to someone else, and have someone else be my everything. When is my time going to come?

If men only gave me a chance I would show them so much love. I believe in showing respect to others. I have quite a few male friends, and they always tell me how lucky any guy would be to have me, yet I’m never taken into consideration whenever they are looking for dates! Are they saying these things to me just to be nice?

One of my best friends is male and I started falling for him. However, I couldn’t find it in myself to tell him my feelings because I didn’t want to destroy our friendship. Well, now he has a girlfriend, they moved in together, and I kick myself everyday for this. Either way things have changed between us and he’s noticed. Out of respect for his girlfriend, I don’t call him anymore and if he wants to hang out he calls me. But its few and far between. I’m heartbroken over this situation and its been a year since he got with his girlfriend. I just can’t catch a break!

My last boyfriend was emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive. That relationship only lasted 3 months but it was the most turbulent 3 months of my life…I lost myself when I was with him. It took me a long time to pick myself back up, and when I finally felt ready to be with someone again…well…sonething always got in the way to prevent a relationship from materializing.

Because of my beliefs I don’t sleep around and I don’t party too much, but it seems like these are the type of women that men are attracted to. That’s all well and good…but that’s just not me.
I’m just sick of being lonely…everyone deserves to be in love…everyone.
Is it me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

@Rach – I’d agree, your morals are not stupid. I have had the same issue in the past, and really, it’s just that you’ve not found someone compatible enough to appreciate you for who you are. Don’t ever change or think there’s something wrong with the person that you are. There will be someone (or multiple someones) that will understand and appreciate you for who you are.

@Chastity – Congratulations! That’s great news and we all wish you continued happiness on your journey.

As a reminder to everyone, if you’re looking for advice, please check out our forums (http://www.datingthoughts.com/dating-forums/). It gets much more traffic than this post and you’ll get responses from a wider variety of people. Plus, you can offer your advice to others .

So far everything seems to be going well, and I really hope everything works out this time because I think I’m really in love!

We had a great time the other night! It was a little awkward at times, but it was really fun! We found out that we have lots of things in common. We share the same interests in movies, TV and music. He was sooo sweet! I completely forgot what that felt like to be with someone that actually likes the same things I do!

We have date # 2 set up for Sunday night, and I can’t wait for it! =-D

Have fun Chastity, remember to take things slow…it can be hard to do sometimes.

im the oppesed of all u peoplez cause im tried of being single and not having a boyfriend to talk to all night over the phone or make out with im tired of being single i really am. being in my teens is hard

I, like most of you found this site by googling, “I’m tired of being single”, and tired is a MAJOR understatement for me. I haven’t had a relationship for the past 6 years. When I was younger, I had a great confidence about myself and my future and really was never without a girlfriend for any more than a week. At the age of 16, I met a girl that I liked, and she really liked me. She got pregnant, and we lived together, and all though we didn’t have much money, we were seemingly happy. Seven years and 2 kids later, she decides that I’m not what she wants anymore. She leaves with my children and some other guy to another state. At the age of 23, I experienced the greatest lost imaginable. Having someone to come home to, cook for you, clean for you, to feel like you’re wanted and needed, not just by my woman, but my beautiful children, to have it all taken away. I never realized at the time how much it all really meant to me, guess I never really stopped to reflect about everything due to working constantly. I guess I took it all for granted. I will be 30 this year, I feel like a total failure. Never went to college because I was too busy providing for my family with menial jobs that were constantly 60+ hours a week. Some other guy is now the father figure in what was once “my” family. I always feel like shit, ALWAYS. Like I said, I’m getting older now and am still, for the most part, handsome. But honestly, that’s really all that I have going for me. Crappy jobs, limited education, and an inability to put myself back out there to possibly find someone to love again. I see beautiful women all the time, but I never have been the guy to initiate anything, every girl i’ve ever been involved with pursued me. Even the ones who smile, talk to, and show interest in me, I kind of just politely dissmiss. I don’t know if it is age, (most of the girls that show interest in me are late teens, early twenties), if it’s knowing that I really don’t have much to offer financially, or if it’s just my inability to want to put my heart on the line again. I really wish I could revert my brain back to before I had kids, when I really didn’t care about love and long term relationships. I had an abundance of females back then. Now my life just sucks, my only companion is the TV. I have friends, but they all have wives. Like some of you guys said, I’m not into being the third wheel. Emotionally, I am doing a little better than I was. There are still times like holidays, (especially Christmas) and seeing happy couples with their children in public, when I get a bit sad. I really just don’t know where to go from here. My life used to have purpose and meaning. Now I’m just existing, and frankly, I’m losing my will to keep fighting. Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed. It’s actually kinda funny though, I have always been a very strong guy, physically and mentally. Never, ever would’ve imagined that I would be this fucked up about ANYTHING. Nobody loves me or needs me anymore. In my mind, I know that I’m acting like a bitch, but I can’t do anything about it. I guess I found my kryptonite…

Hey KJ, that’s some story. Definitely alot to go through at such a young age. Whatever our past mistakes there is always the ability to move forward for a better life. Your first step is doing something your doing right now, talking it out. But even better is talking to a good therapist. It did wonders for me when I was totally down and couldn’t even verbalize why, no health insurance and temporarily unemployed I sought out a free/low cost clinic recommended by a friend. They referred me to a free therapist who helped me really see what was affecting me and how to handle my own opinions of mistakes I’ve made.

I hope you’re able to find an objective listener. You have alot of life to live and I think once you get right inside yourself you can be there for your children who still need and want their Daddy.

Aw, Rach and crushed’s posts were really touching. It’s really invigorating to know that substantial women are still out there….

don’t give up on yourself or your future. there ARE good decent guys that WANT that fairy tale romance too… but when you’re talking about two people who probably aren’t into the loud and wild party/hedonism scheme, it’s not always set up easy for them to meet

this thread reminds me of my favorite quote, from this blind lawyer that finished the iron man marathon… it seems to apply so very well to the people i’m seeing here:

“Once I appreciated why I was created and the way that I was created, it really just gave my life a true sense of meaning and that meaning really drove my energy and passion.”

hang in there. you’ll find that other substantial person who’ll appreciate you for you and your depth. you guys deserve it =)

I cry everyday, Most nights i cry to sleep. I hate this, i feel sooo lonely and unlovable and left forgotten.
Why? Why is everyone aroung me falling in love and being happy making plans….
Why cant i get love,why cant i find a man who loves me, why I am so angry, so pissed of, just hate everyone… Why cant i have love?! What did i do wrong, this is like a torture. dI cant function anymore, cant stand seing lovely couples everywhere, and thers me always alone, going to my tiny studio on my own, nothing o do on sundays, no holidays, no good friends…
I feel i cant take it anymore.
Im 33, been single for the last 6 years, and im so angry and disapointed at this point that i know i wont meet anyone

Ah, damn it!

You guys really tick me off.

I got to the 10th post and I can pretty much say that I’ve read the whole blog.
“I’m tired of this, I’m tired of that”. Come on now. Yeah, we all have moments of self-pity and that’s only normal, but falling in those for a long period of time tends to actually damage your perception of the world. And here’s what happens:

You think that you can hide the fact that you’re single and desperate, but you couldn’t be more wrong.
As you get use to being single it starts to show on your face and whenever and opportunity strikes, you come up with 1001 excuses to pass it by. “She’s too pretty, she’s too superficial, too boring, too smart, too successful…” Although probably the most common one would be “She’ll never like me for who I am”. And you’d be right. Know why? Cause “you” is lost somewhere in between the woods of “feeling-sorry-for-myself” and “dragtown”.

Now don’t get me wrong. I accuse no one, because I also know all too well how being single feels. I am single, but at least I know why and I’ve come to terms with it. Whereas you guys (I’m willing to bet my good eye) avoid contact, because you’ve forgotten how to relate to people and now you blame the world. I feel your pain, but I insist on reminding you (and myself) that this is not the way out. At least not the good way.

And let me tell you a bit about myself.
I’m 23 year old guy (soon to be 24) and I haven’t had a relationship in 4 years now. For a while I was sore and I completely rejected the idea of dating. And then 2 years ago I sort of opened my eyes and realized that being single is not what it’s cracked up to be. Sure, you’ve got all the time in the world and you can spend it on whatever you want, but at some point you loose the thrill of this so called “freedom” and you start craving having someone to argue and fight with. And let’s face it – arguing with someone you care about is the seconds greatest thing this world has to offer.

So I concentrated on college and drawing classes and ignored everything and everybody else ’till I met couple of girls. At first it was sort of a tingle that I felt, but then it grew into a full scale crush which did indeed crushed me in the end. One of them was probably much too young to understand my needs and the other went to college in a different country. Damn, I still have such nice memories from her.

Took me quite a while to get back on my feet. For a few months I was a wreck and hated life. Called it “unfair” and “mean”, but deep down I knew that I was to blame. Maybe I wasn’t assertive or insistent enough or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, but either way it’s over now and I am back on track.

Does being single suck? Of course it does, because we’re constantly reminded that you just HAVE to share this life with someone. And make no mistake about it – people DO think that there is something wrong with you, but you shouldn’t care. It’s your damn life after all.
I love not having to worry about somebody else’s feelings (and my own) , but it’s a constant struggle. I’d say that the worst time of the day is at night when all is said and done, but you lie in your bed and you are all alone with your thoughts.

I got a friend which I’ve known for over ten years now and he’s probably the only guy I’d jump in the fire for, but some time ago he looked at me in a very strange way and told me “I don’t know how you do it. I’d go crazy.”
Now, I’m sure he meant that in a condescending way, but it was a really low blow to me. It was like a kick in my teeth, because in my eyes he has it all and having someone to feel sorry for me is disgusting to say the least.
So, yes, I do hate that look that makes you feel out of the ordinary, but I guess I it’s only normal. Normal – get it?

And, people, don’t say that you’re not suppose to search for love, it finds you. It makes no sense, because if you don’t look and the other person doesn’t look… well how are you going to find anything at all?

Cheers,
Marty

I just wanted to drop by and say hi and give everyone an update. =-)

We’ve successfully made it one month! =-) This past month has truly been one of the best ever for me and I owe it all to him. It’s so great to finally have someone to talk to and do stuff with, someone who actually likes the same things I do and who I can relate to on just about everything. I love spending time with him and I absolutely adore his son. I want to be with him forever and he feels the same way about me. I just hope that it all works out to be that way because right now I can not imagine life without him.

Anyway, I know it’s cliched, but it will come for the rest of you. =-) I was single for five years before this, and if you’d asked me at this time last year if I was ever going to be in a relationship with someone great I would’ve told you no way cuz I didn’t think it would ever happen. I know how lonely it gets being single. Trust me, I’ve cried myself to sleep over it many times! Just hang in there and remember that everything happens for a reason and that when the time is right it’ll happen. I used to hate it when everyone would tell me that, but now I’m seeing the truth to it.

Good luck!

Hi Chastity,

Glad to hear it’s going well for you, it’s comforting to hear “success stories” too, not to imply being single means being “unsuccessful”. I do think love can happen at any age, it is important to stay open to it…thanks for the reminder

Hey

Yep, it’s great to see some of that positivity every now and then. Happy to read that things are working out for you two.
Best of luck.

/sigh… wow i feel like throwing up… i dont understand it… i tried to be confident, not come on too strong, be really sweet… and still got shot down by girl i wanted to ask out for valentines day…

all i want is a fairy tale romance, but i feel like i’m just gana get stuck being that peice of shit guy the girl ends up w/ at age 30 with two kids and a divorce…. with that being my first long term relationship.

i feel worthless as hell

Who’s the piece of shit that you’re refering to???

me- that stupid shit that wants nothing more than a meaningful relationship, and has since being little, but who’s probably so inadequate that all i can hope to be is the guy at the end of the long line of other guys…..

Sorry… I thought that comment was some how directed towards me, seeing as how i’m also almost 30, with 2 kids, and been through what I guess you could call a divorce. I know how you feel. I haven’t had a real girlfriend in 6 years, and it’s tough. It’s like I said in my earlier post, it seems as if girls like the guys who don’t give a shit about them, which is how I used to be. Then after meeting my ex and having kids, I developed a real soft spot for women. Since that relationship didn’t work out and I’m left still feeling like I need to nice and want to find “love”, I can’t seem to find anyone to share my life with. If I could find a woman like Rach or Crushed above, then I would feel like I was complete. I know you should’nt look for someone else for your own happiness, but it makes everything else in life so much easier. Been there, done that. The whole morals thing is a wonderful quality to find in anyone nowadays, and is the primary trait that my future wife would have to have. I don’t go to bars and things like that to find women either, so where does one find a woman like this??? Then there is the what after, when you do find a person of seemingly such high quality. My ex was like that too, in the beginning. Then after a few years and 2 kids, she changed on me… How do you trust anyone anymore??? Is there a such thing as “LOVE” in this world anymore??? All I ever hear and see anymore is divorce, step families, baby daddies, etc. Does anyone REALLY ever commit anymore??? There are billions of people on the Earth, and I guess the hope that my true queen is out there waiting for me somewhere, that keeps me going… I don’t think you are stupid, you are just going through a rough time right now, like most of us on this blog are. You sound like a decent guy, just hang in there. Hopefully someday it gets better for you, I and everyone else on here looking for that special someone.

I don’t know KJ. Hate to burst your bubble, but maybe you had something to do with the separation? Women go nuts when a guy starts treating them good and eventually they just get bored and leave. I’m just random shooting here. Either way – yeah, I believe there are plenty of women out there that will stand by you ’till death do you part. But I guess they are not that easy to find and recognize. You know how they say that things rarely are what they seem? I think there is some truth to that.

Being a a single parent must be frustrating, but then again you have kids. That must be wonderful and I think you should hold on to that thought. Just think of all the single and bitter people who don’t have offspring of their own. And as for women – maybe we don’t spend enough time and effort in finding our significant other. Have you tried dating sites? Although I’m personally against those, it seems like many people have committed over the internet. It’s worth a shot.

That’s really the point I was trying to make. Why is it when a guy treats a woman like crap, then they love him to death, but when they guy actually falls in love and does right by the woman, then they leave for another “bad boy”??? All women say they want a nice guy to love them, but in reality, that’s not what they want at all… What do you want??? I’m really getting to the point where I don’t care anymore. And as far as my kids go, she took them to another state with her new guy and she doesn’t let me see them at all. And I don’t have the money to fight for even joint custody, so it really doesn’t matter that I have kids when I cannot be apart of their lives, now does it. Bitches rule the world, unless of course you are a rich asshole, then you’d be ok…

I posted here last year!

It’s gonna be my birthday soon and somehow I feel like this year I will actually grab me some dates and will welcome the guys that will come in my life. Not that I’m desperate but I’ve been alone all my life focusing on my passion and still I feel it’s not enough. I want an inspiration, someone beside me, someone to share my dreams, my goals… even if it’s just for a moment of time.

Besides, there are many more fish in the sea if they feel like leaving, duh. I think, I just feel I will never meet the guy I like or want to end up with if I won’t try. Right?

Plus I don’t want to be a 30-something that will say that I am single and know nothing about relationships.

Not that I’m looking for a stable one, I think I just wanna have fun and meet people! Hopefully I will get good friends from this as well!

Yeah, dating life, here I come!

Oh, my bad. I thought the kids were with you, K.

Yeah. I saw the comment that Casey left about women being women and then he got immediate reaction. The thing is I wouldn’t be as nearly as kind with words as he was, but life has taught me as a virtual certainty that trying to change people leads to a dead end street.

What do women want? Many people would say that no one can answer that question, but that’s far from the truth.

From where I stand, women pretty much fall into two categories:

Burnt and Girls.

Here’s how it goes:
Pretty girls know they are pretty so they can be picky. Now, a pretty girl won’t go for just about anyone. He needs to be a pure alpha male. And the alpha male doesn’t have to be a mountain of muscle or rich and famous, no. He just has to have a psychological problem all the way back from his childhood that prevents him from being close with his parents and as a result becomes socially inadequate. He’s bold and doesn’t give a damn about what others think. He plays by his own rules and he’s a hunter.
So to the girl this guy is a G O D. She likes him, because she thinks she is being ignored although in reality she’s being played. The girl wants to get down with this alpha, because she figures “If I’m with him then I am special and I’ve made it where everyone else has failed”. But little does she know that the guy just wants to get in her knickers. So it’s sort of a symbiosis.
Fast forward ten years. The bad guy… well, we don’t really care about him. The girl has just started realizing that alpha males = sex, sex, break up in a lot of tears. And at this point the girl begins her transformation as a “Burnt”. Now she knows that bad guys are actually bad.
I’m willing to bet that there isn’t a single pretty girl walking this earth that has not fallen (willingly) a victim to those alpha dudes.

Now the burnt is pushing 40, she wants to have kids, but she’s sort of old and not so popular with the guys she use to hang out with. She knows that bad guys are irresponsible and unreliable so she has her eyes opened now – I want a guy that is confident, smart, kind and caring.
Only, those guys have already settled with the “not-so-attractive” girls and they live their happily ever after.

To be honest, I care little about girls now, because I’ve had plenty of brush-offs and I sure as hell am not going to change just so I can get laid by one of those shallow excuses for women. That being said, I don’t loose hope, because I know that there is a girl I could fall for.

Hey everyone,

I’ve said this before, but if you’re completely miserable it’s not because you’re single. Being single isn’t a disease that you catch, it’s just something that happens in between dates. Being single doesn’t make you any less worthwhile than anyone else.

What I’m reading a lot of here is that people are unhappy in their lives and you’re focusing on just one aspect: being single. Hey, I know that there are times when you really wish that someone was there, that’s why I wrote this post. Personally, I’m going on almost two years without a single date. This is probably for the best because I’ve had some things I’ve needed to work out in my life that probably wouldn’t have been possible if I was trying to sustain a healthy relationship as well. It wasn’t always easy, but my life is much better now than it was the last time I had a steady girlfriend.

There’s a lot of great advice on this site for dealing with all the range of emotions associated with being single. I’d encourage everyone to take a look at these, in particular:

Make your life special

It’s the self esteem, stupid

Loneliness or depression?

Why do girls go for assholes?

Don’t let this one aspect of your life rule everything else. Try to be thankful for what it is that you do have instead of focusing on what you don’t. People won’t be attracted to you if you’re lost in self-pity and depression. Think about it, the people you probably wish were yours are likely healthy, strong, energetic, and upbeat. If you can figure out what in life can make you like that, then you’ll be fulfilled regardless of your relationship status.

Here! Here! Zack there is always something new we can learn and love about ourselves. Maybe we’re sick of being alone but is there something else that could use your attention. For instance my focus is: Trying to be neater (actually seeing my floor w/out clothes on it), connecting with all my elderly relatives (before I can’t anymore)and becoming a fine physical specimen so my nephew doesn’t outrun me this year!

Cheers,
Lala

Hey All,

I like your poem (or whatever it is you wrote) and can identify completely with it, especially the part about sleeping and waking up alone and going to plays alone.

I’m also very very tired of being single. I’m only 22 years old, BUT I’ve been single for a VERY long time. Infact I’ve only had one real girlfriend in my life. I always try to get a girls phone number if I know I probably won’t see her again, but she never wants to go out. Everyone I know has a gf/bf, but not me. What I really need is a dating coach. Someone who can follow me around secretly on dates and give me feedback and advice on what to do. Does anyone know someone like that?

Lonely guy,
Peter

Hey Peter,
I am going to give you all the advice you need. Its actually so simple that we tend to overlook it. Be yourself in a confident way. Be proud of the person you are. Don’t think that you will never see this girl again and you must get her number. If a woman is interested she will let you know. Simply be confident with the fact that you are a good guy and a good catch for any lady. Walk around with a smile on your face knowing there are a lot of women who are also lonely. Be nice and flirt and listen but most of all be the best person you can be for yourself. Women notice a smile its our way of saying hello in a nice way without ever saying a word. Be fulfilled with who you are and don’t be afraid to show your true self.

I am finally starting to understand this. I guess.

A good friend. I actually asked myself If I am ready and clearly I am not because I don’t feel happy with my life right now so I won’t be able to keep him happy too. Period.

Why was I even thinking about meeting people who doesn’t mean anything in my life when this guy right here is the one I want but it’s all wrong timing.

Mirnsight,

Thanks for the warm advice. Are you a guy or a girl? Whichever, if you live in a big place it is important to get a girl’s phone number, because you may never see her again. If the interaction goes well, and you don’t ask for her number, you may never see her again and then kick yourself for not having siezed the opportunity. Aside from that I believe you’re correct about the confidence part, but you still have to take action or nothing will happen. Trust me on this.

Im only 19 years old. I am female. I have been screwed over by men many times. I am a very nice person and many men say that I am the most beautiful person they have ever seen. But it is so hard for me to find people. I am smart, I will be graduating this year with my bachelors degree (i started college when I was 15). I know that I am not that old and people have told me all the time that I am not old enough to be concerned about these things. But Im tired of being by myself. Im tired of seeing happy couple together and going to events by myself.

It is hard to be confident about the situation. The only person I ever really loved is a junkie and doesnt are about me or himself.

I just need advice on how to find somebody that wont sit and lie to me and just accept me for who I am.

Asia I am certainly not trying to affend you but are you looking to hard for the guy of your dreams. It sounds like you are an awesome young lady maybe you should try and enjoy yourself and you’ll happen to run into Mr. tite when you least expect it. I’m not sure this is what you want to hear but I hope it helps you. I know being single is tough but I think your being hard on yourself just in the little bit you wrote I see you have a lot to offer a man. I think other men notice this as well so I really hope you don’t beat yourself up over this!

“I just need advice on how to find somebody that wont sit and lie to me and just accept me for who I am.”

i think thats what we’re all gunning for, isnt it?

Hi …,

Please don’t waste your time on guys who won’t accept you for who you are. You are unique, and have your wonderful qualities to offer someone. I’ve learnt that if a guy doesn’t accept you for who you are, there are plenty out there who will! All I can comment on is my own subjective experience which I don’t want to project onto to you.I know that I’ve attracted the innappropriate guy unconsciously because I wasn’t ready for the “right” guy. The uncomfortable guy felt comfortable as it was familiar. It may have been my way of keeping a wall up as I wasn’t ready for various reasons..The point I want to make is though, that we all have a gut instinct which guides us, and we can ignore and sometimes we choose to ignore it..

Julesxx

Dear….

I just read over my comment,and in summary what I was trying to state ineloquently was that you should listen to your gut! Sometimes we choose not to for various reasons. I don’t know this guy and it’s not helpful anyway to wonder about his motives when all we can truly change is our own behaviour and our reactions to other’s actions. Don’t be too hard on yourself…it takes time, I’m a work in progress!

xx

for some time i was regretting my actions for putting up a wall on this guy cuz of his unknown motives. all i know is things are really fun as friends until he started flirting which felt uncomfortable and i start to get confused cuz i know he is dating other girls.

most of the time i think i say and do the wrong things when he is trying to tell me something cuz of course i don’t know how to react but he continued to be annoying and then he changed and we got bored.

in the end i figured he is not satisfied. does he not want to just be friends? i don’t see him anymore and we lost contact. he just disappeared all of a sudden which is funny cuz this is not the first time. some months or weeks will pass and he’ll try to ‘update’ and renew our friendship.

well, he did say he likes me and i know he’s a busy guy but still spends time with me. he gives me gifts, he’s into my hobbies. omg as i am typing this i just realized he’s such a great guy. i am an idiot. it’s kinda all new to me since no one has given me that kind of attention that long and somehow i’ve taken it for granted? i couldn’t believe why would this guy like me when i can’t even stand myself some time and i actually see myself being alone forever.

now i feel like i just pushed away the guy who accepted me for what i am cuz i was afraid to accept him in my life and i also think he can get someone better than me.

but as i look at it, there is nothing to hate here. i don’t hate him and i know he will come back when things get fine. we had the best time of our lives when we are together and it was pure fun. i really wished him happiness and that i did not cause him any suffering or most of all, wasted his time.

as for me, my task is done and in my life i have this rule to never leave anyone behind and accept those i see as empty as i am to just have fun and learn from each other.

but along the road, i think it’s really interesting that people see you lonely, they wonder why you are, be really into it without knowing it, and they would want your heart without a clear reason.

i have been single for so long i’m so used to it. just busy doing the things i love and get confuse when some guys try to be a part of my life and whenever they try to, my world shatters cuz it reminds me of the real world i should participate on.

i really enjoy meeting people and the phase of knowing each other but i could not offer more than that. well there are some guys i do like but for some reason i just can’t continue and it hurts. whenever i think i lost ‘the one’ cuz i am being stupid, i have this thought in mind and advice to others:

one day, somewhere, you will meet someone who will stay. he will not be someone better or greater but someone special, he will understand and he will have this characteristics you will love and when things happen, you will know what to do since the heart have thought you that, you will be ready and it will be the right time. it will be perfect. be sad if you must but don’t grieve so long my friend. forgive them, wish them happiness. you will never find the one if you won’t help yourself to move on. be the best that you can be. don’t wait for life. cherish everyday and be happy.

well what can i say? i am romantic. sorry for the long post. i don’t have a blog!

To Xxx
This is actually my first time on this site.And I wasn’t ready to read what everyone else wrote, so i picked to read yours =p.In my personal opinion i think you over think the situation your in.You over think it so much that you let your mind decide what you love and don’t love instead of your heart.From what i read, your love for this person is nothing more then respect.Respect is not love, and don’t let that fool you.You respect him because he was there for you when no one else was.But thats what friends are for, and if you do cross that line you’ll end up getting hurt.I was in the same position as you, not to long ago.You will know when you found that right guy.It will hit you so hard that you will be shocked to reread the blog that you posted.I know you didn’t ask for advice from a stranger.But in all honestly no matter how pretty or smart you are a word of advice is always needed =).Better yet don’t take it as advice heh, take it as me simply agreeing to you ^-^.

In life you will face alot of hardships.But take those hardships as a blessing. Since without them you would not appreciate the morning sunrise.

Hah not to bad huh.To you it may come naturally, but to me it was like trying to learn french all over again(failed it twice in highschool and once in college ;_;).

I’ve only read a few comments on here, but I read the full post. And the only thing I can offer to say is, I found love when I stopped looking for it and just concentrated on other things in my life. Yes, it hurts. But it gets easier. And then one day something happens, and you meet someone and you just know it’s there. You don’t fear rejection, you just get on with getting to know each other and it happens naturally. And it feels so good! So hang in there guys. There is someone out there that will love you for you and you’ll have fun while you do it. Why does it have to be so pressurised? Love should be fun. So go have fun!

I can so relate to everything you are saying. Pretty, young, talented successful. No reason whatsoever to be single but always single.. always been dumped… eveyone around meets someone.. getting engaged etc etc…

I have been running from city to city.. country to country… but really all I have been running away is from lonliness.. I dont know if things are going to change but hope is the only thing that keeps me going…

i’m back to the busy life but why the hell am i back here? just loling on my old post. ah not really. daniel, i appreaciate it, thanks.

I’m tired of being single too. Actually really tired. Like, I give up, fine I’ll settle tired.

Really, really tired. And not just because I want companionship, I want sex. Yeah, I said it.

Mostly though, I want connection, and I want to be connected to someone other than family and friends.

wow. just when i think i can’t take another emotional beating, it happens. after being out of a relationship for over 4 years I finally met someone on Christmas Day while flying overseas. I always leave the country because I get so depressed even thinking about going to other married friends homes with all their wonderful immediate/extended family members. Oh, that to me is the worst. So, hope finally came into my life! We travelled around for a while until he flew back to the states. He loves me so much, he wants to marry me, he can’t wait to have kids with me, just look at all the homes that we can move “I just love you so much, I can’t wait to see you” turned into “I don’t really want to settle down, I don’t want to move, I’m not really into having a relationship right now.”

What? What just happened. So I was dumped. I’m 38 years old going to be 39 in a month. I work out of my home so I feel like the world is just spinning around me while I’m unbearably lonely.

Apparently, from what I hear, I’m really attractive, well-educated, extremely well-travelled, funny, compassionate, open…

I pulled myself up from being in bed all day and decided to just go out. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS IS MARRIED. So, I’m the only loser (who apparently has so much going for her) that she has to go out by herself, alone, again… I sucked it up last night and decided to go on a date. I was so nervous that it took me 3 hours to get ready! I must have changed outfits 10 times. I was feeling great. While I’m in the cab on the way to the restaurant to meet a man I talked to briefly on Yahoo! Personals, I get a call saying his ‘buddies’ called and he’s going out with them instead. Raincheck for tomorrow? 5 minute cancellation notice.

I had the cab driver turn the car around and drop me off on a pretty bustling street, literally crashed a wedding party then went home.

Today, I’m still looking over at the side of my bed that is never used. Why do I have a California King. It’s like sticking a fork in my heart night after night after night.

I’m so lonely and feel so isolated that if I died, I’m pretty sure it would take over a week before anyone noticed. Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill myself…

I’m just saying that even though I have 8 very close girlfriends, they are so busy with their husbands, their children, their families, that I barely see them anymore. And as sure as I’m breathing I’m tired of the advice I do get from them “you’ll find him”, “you just haven’t met the right one yet”, ect… My God. Make it stop!

This once extremely active, incredibly social, funny, happy woman is now the weird old cat lady whose future includes handing out hard candy to little children on Halloween.

I know I’m depressed. I still keep putting myself out their with a big smile on my face. A complete waste of time. I’d rather stay home and get bedsores from atrophy.

I’m name my eggs. Literally. And turning 39, well… let’s just say I have to go bury my head in a pillow and cry now.

Thanks for letting me spill my guts.

Life’s a female dog, darling.

And, yeah, being told that you’ll “find” that special someone is practically and abuse from where I stand.
I admire your courage and I applaud you for keep trying to fir it in, but I honestly feel as if some of us are simply cursed to walk the path alone.
I’ve came SO CLOSE to being with girls I really wanted to be with and share my life with, but then it always goes wrong. And it’s not like I’m not a friggin catch too. Geez, what do people want?
So I am officially done, babe. That is it!
I’m not going to put my heart on the line again just so one of those fake-ass wannabees can have her time of the day and then decide I’m not good enough or just too easy.
I’m surrendering to drawing and my job and hope that one day I’ll wake up and I’ll be 75 with just a month left to live. Maybe then I’ll feel sorry for myself. Until that time, I refuse to admit and believe that I need another human being in order to be happy, complete or whatever.
Hope that you can find your little piece of happiness out there.
Best of luck to ya.

i really miss my friend. and i think for a moment i loved someone. although i’m not sure what love really is. i wonder if we’ll be able to talk again someday. it’s just really stupid, i dunno. i’ve never thought of anyone like this again and i’m not even sure if he cares. i need time off. life goes on and since i’m ok being alone it’s cool and i just really hope that his nights are not as lonely as mine cuz he’s a nice guy and i want him to be happy or at least if he’s the nice guy as he appears to be oh well, at least i get to focus on the more important things. i am spamming huh?

Just thought I’d check back in.

Unfortunately things didn’t work out with us. The break up was really recent, too. He broke up with me this past weekend.

He says the reason he wanted to end it is because he can’t give me the attention I want and need, and that wasn’t fair to me. He said he didn’t want to hurt me, but guess what? He hurt me really bad. This was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the guy I wanted to start a family with. I truly believed he was my soulmate.

What brought this all on is he took a second job for this summer and he said he’ll be working seven days a week. I told him very early on that I was OK with him working another job and I didn’t want all of his time, just a little bit of it and I wanted to know that I was loved and one of the most important people in his life. He said he was going to make sure he made time for me. Obviously he wasn’t going to try too hard or he would’ve figured out a way to juggle it all. If nothing else he could’ve sat down and talked to me about it and we could’ve figured it out together.

The other thing that pissed me off is he was making all these decisions and plans for his life without asking me what I thought or how I felt. When I told him that made me mad he said that those decisions weren’t mine to make and they weren’t any of my business. I didn’t want to make those decisions for him, but I wanted him to know what I thought and felt and I wanted to know that was extremely important to him. I told him that I wanted to support him 100% in everything he did, but I can’t do that if he doesn’t care about my thoughts and feelings and if he doesn’t tell me what’s going on.

So as of right now, we’re done. I haven’t heard from him since yesterday, and I really don’t care if I do or not at this point in time. I wanted this to work out so bad and, as usual, it failed. I really am beginning to think that it’s me and I’m doing something horribly wrong, because before I got with him I hadn’t been in a relationship for over five years. Every time I tried something got screwed up.

So now I’m just gonna lay low for awhile and see what happens.

I agree wholeheartedly. I’m so tired of thinking that a nice girl is interested in me, only to ask her out and be flatly rejected. I’m so tired of people saying “There’s someone out there for everyone” and that “You’ll meet her one day and appreciate her more because of all the girls you had to go through to get there”. It’s such a miserable, debilitating, lonely, frustrating load of crap. These cliches are spouted simply to keep people like me from throwing themselves from a tall building!

Sorry to hear that Chasity. But from what I gather I think you’re better off on your own than with that guy. Creep…
*Hugs*

James:

Don’t make ‘em smile by jumping from a building, man. The world can’t bear another girl with her head in the clouds whilst guys are jumping off buildings, ’cause of her. Just find something productive and wrap your head around it. Who knows… maybe you’ll get lucky one day, but until that time just be yourself. At least that’s what I intend to do.

Yep Zack, tired arent we all. i dont know how alone feels anymore. I’m so numb i couldnt feel it anymore, i tried to laugh but nothing came out, i tried to cry but the tears just wouldnt drop.Not tht i’m bitchin or braggin at life, I’m in my mid 20s prime age, promising career, handsome young chap, i’ve got hit by gals, but i just ignored, i’ve hit at gals, but got brushed away, after a few rounds of that and i gave up, thinking that i could live by it.

The problem is i’ve not been in a single relationship. Its not that i’m gay or a loser, its just that i felt bored with the ladies around my social circle, i’m just not compelled to initiate any attempt to start something. I dont know whether have i over romantasize love, i just kept fantasizing and waiting and hoping that there’s got to be somebody out there.

Finally i met this beautiful gal, sweetest smile, the one that i have been hunting for all this while. she hit each and every soft spot of mine ,i would term it as its a very rare and unique specimen, i felt that she seems to be the only person that could only understand and connect with me, hell even the closest buddies doesnt understands me. we met at work, we worked on a same project, now that the project is about to end, she is leaving, going back to her home country.

she was seeing this guy and insisted they were close friends, so did the guy, unfortunately and regretfully i didnt buy that and i kept asking and pressured her and i guess i just turned her off. and now shes giving me the the cold shoulder and insisted we should stay some distance back since she will be going back. Now that my gut tells me that i will definetly and absolutelt regret big time if i walked away frm this . knowing that i had to walk out on the deal, my hope for finding that somebody out there just vanished, diminished poooofffff psssssttttt… all gone. Please advise

Hey reaching earth,

Sorry to hear you are going through what seems like a hard time over this..I’ve had those connections and it’s so much more painful as it is seems so rare to find that deep connection..I don’t believe in soulmates, I think if you have an open heart there will be many women to connect with as trite as that sounds..it sounds like you tried and maybe your gut instinct was right? or maybe you felt insecure as this had happened before.. try not to beat yourself up too much. I think love and a compatible fit if it’s right shouldn’t be that hard? take care of yourself..

I’m going through this now. I’m 30 yrs old, single, and I want to get married soon. My parents REALLY wanna see me married but I want to find the RIGHT person ya know? I’m not picky….I just need to marry someone who I can tolerate yet also enjoy their company. I’m tired of being alone too. People think there is something wrong with me for being single…I’m tired of feeling like a reject because I’m single. It just hasnt happened yet to me.

I’m sitting here along, as always, on the eve of my 40th birthday feeling more sad and alone than I ever have in my entire life. It’s been 13 years since the divorce, and I STILL don’t have anyone! Is God punishing me? I HATE the quietness of this house – and like many of you, the TV has become a comfortable friend in the absence of conversation with another human. I’m so glad I found you guys – it’s nice to know other people feel the same way. Makes me wish we could all get together and have one big kick-ass party! Wouldn’t that be great. Glad I’ve found you.

Hi everyone,

This is a great post because it shows our true feelings of being single, yes it is very hard to be single but yet it is better than being in a yo yo relationship where you do not know where you going or where you are starting from. I can say that most of my life I been single, and the only relationship I had was very hurtful but I blame myself of being naive. My ex never liked me because I am overweight, and he thought that was unacceptable. I was pushed so hard that I lost 80lbs just because he said so, but after we broke up i gained back what i lost. And I remained 3 years after keeping touch with him but it was not worse it. However, I never had with him sex or any one else and that was a gain for me. But what I am doing now, it is far greater than I thought. I am 24 yrs old,a New Yorker, who works full time, doing her Master, and who is a member of a fitness boot camp and this time I am losing weight for myself not for someone, and about self esteem sometimes it was up and others was down but now it is always up. I am proud of who I am and I think I may find someone who can be part of my life and If I never did that will be fine. Everything happens for a reason.

Dawn:

Maybe if we had a party like that most of us (Hopefully all of us, though!) would find members of the opposite sex that we have other things in common with other than loathing being single, and then maybe we wouldn’t be single anymore. =-)

Anyway, things are going a little better for me. I still really hurt from time to time, but I get a little better every day. It’s a one-day-at-a-time process. What’s the most difficult is seeing him at work. What’s even more difficult is the fact that he won’t talk to me, so I feel like I’m being punished for something I didn’t do. I still really miss him.

But I can’t change his mind on his decision to end it. I left him a message on MySpace and told him that when he’s ready to talk to me I’ll be here and he knows how to get a hold of me. Until then I’m leaving him alone.

I’ve decided that I want to go back to church. I haven’t gone for a couple of years because of my work schedule, but I found a church that I think I’m really going to like. I think I just need to focus on other things right now and meet new people and develop a stronger relationship with God, and then if it’s in His will for me He’ll lead me to the person he wants me to be with. Maybe I just need to let Him take over for me.

Hey Everyone,

I was searching for this old Al Green’s song “tired of being alone” and found myself reading this very human Post.

I’m 26, Single and living in France – Lyon exactly -.To be honest, the first thought that comes to me when reading this is that’s all True but the reactions are “for me” too negative. Most of people say that they have friends who are in couple and everything’s Ok for them. I’m sorry to say that but you can’t know if a couple is happy. They’ll always show you the best parts of their relationships even your true and close friends.

I live my life like Rebecca wells once said: “To wake up every day and play the hand I’ve been dealt as best I can…” and what i mean by this post is : People, Do your best! Smile to people you don’t know wherever you are (Highway-Mall-Library …), don’t be cold to your neighbour when you’re taking a plane, Bus or Metro, don’t stay at home in front of your PC when it’s sunny outside, Get out and meet people!!there’s no perfect person , but there are perfect moments you can live!

PS : I was once walking alone on a wonderful beach in Morocco and felt like, God I wanna share this with someone but nobody was beside me…I was really Sad and Suddenly, from nowhere came to me a child (3 or 4 Yrs old maybe) He had escaped his playful parents and ran towards me with arms wide open. I carried him, he made me a kiss on the cheek and by a sign of his cute face, he made me put him down ! I smiled to his parents who smiled back and it was a magnificent moment engraved in my memory forever

great post! thanks for sharing

i agree with you Zach. :However, sometimes when you need someone to smile at your face you do not find him/her easily.

Me personally I am a fun person to be around with. My smile never left my face. But sometimes when I am feeling down I have to fake my smile because all the people around consider me as a joyful person who never complain and that is hard. So now I am trying to be a normal person and complain when I need to.

About the beach. I have a similar example as well. The differences that I was talking to my friend while we were sitting their and asking her ” why I am still single in this wonderful day at the beach” 5 min later I found a baby maybe 26 months who left his parents and his sibling to set next to me and that was hilarious because he probably stayed with me for two hours and each time his parents want to take him he always refused. And that seriously made my day.

Well it this post just doesn’t hit home!?!

It made my heart ache for not just myself but all of you struggling with being a one in a world geared for twos.

I think what hurts me most and I’m sure you’ve all heard this too, is when your friends and family tell you, “You’ve got it so easy… you don’t have to answer to anyone. You can do whatever you want.” Blah, blah, blah, whatever. Yup that’s easy alright!

So to all of you beautiful, handsome, smart, sexy, successful, amazing beings out there I say chin up, if we stay open and relax into our single lives what wish for will eventually happen. It’s kinda like being a kid at Christmas. We waited and waited and waited and it seemed like forever before Christmas would come, but it did. Or like when we obsess about lost keys… the harder we look the less likely we are to find them but when we take pause and breathe easy, it is then that we remember we left those keys or that our vision becomes clear enough to see what is before our eyes.

Life as is love is all about acceptance and letting go. Embrace where you are at at this very moment for resistance is giving permission to opposition. Being where you are allows to see all of your options.

All best wishes from a fellow struggling 36 year old single girl who wants nothing more than to be someone’s everything.

Hey Zack
you are not alone in this being alone situation. I am very lonely smart have a good career and is hoping to meet Mr right someday.
.

perfect….im tired too!

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been reading these posts now…and I’m surprised myself that they are still going! Anyway..here goes. I’m 25 going on 26 here in ..well actually a month exactly. I’ve been in 2 serious relationships and one half-assed one. The first last almost 3 years..the second 9 months..and the most recent lasted almost 3 years. It’s been so tumultuous. I know I should be living it up, blah blah, but it’s so hard sometimes to do exactly that. Especially when the few friends I do have end up letting me down. So then I think, “well if I don’t let people too close, I can’t be let down.” I know it’s unhealthy, and I know I still try to let them close, but anyways. The most recent relationship..I thought he was the one. Ha! To my surpise (I know..I’ve heard..”how could that be a surprise to you..hello!) he was using pain killers and moved on to injecting drugs. Oddly enough, I’m going for my PhD to be a therapist..and this was going on all under my nose. Even though I feel so betrayed and alone, I still hang out with him even though I know it’s not healthy for me because I just don’t move on. I’ve tried to date, and actually did for a month with this one guy. However, that turned out to be a total flop. He was the one breaking the “dating rules,” yet when I tell him that I have had some issues in the past (with trust)..he freaked and ran the other way. I try to be up front and honest because I know my other traits and the things going for me should outweigh other things..they definitely didn’t. Yeah, I have heard the “you are so beautiful, petite, independent, have everything going for you, strong, smart” and ..well to be honest..I get that for the hundredth time. So what drives guys away..or just repels them? I like to party, but I know when enough is enough. I know that my career aspirations are pretty high considering others I know. I live alone…and I have since last July. It REALLY is sad…I’ve had maybe 4 visitors total since then. I wake up alone-silence. I don’t mind having the bed to myself. The messes I make are mine. I have to turn the tv on, like most of you, just so it’s not so quiet. It’s hard to focus on school knowing I have all of these life issues going on. I tend to put others first (family, especially, because they mean the world), but then my school work lacks. I don’t really want to meet guys at school because they are either not attractive, not my type (jerks, I guess), don’t seem to “get” me, or are already taken. I just want someone to travel with…to see a movie with..to go to dinner with..to chat with..to go fishing with…and I can’t find one single person who wants to because they are either working, have someone to go home to, aren’t interested in movies, aren’t interested in fishing, or have a significant other that they travel with. So what about me?! I really don’t even grocery shop anymore because I end up throwing everything out bc it gets old. I want a puppy, because I think it would keep me grounded and busy, but my landlord is not loving the idea. I’ve considered taking a trip by myself, but I know my parents will be nervous about it (as will I) because I am a small woman. Not an idiot, but you get the picture. here it is..2:39 est…and instead of studying, I lay here awake, online, and lonely. I have a problem with living in the present…..I know I should do that more. Anyways, a lot of these posts really hit the spot…and despite the postiive messages, I find it hard to believe I will ever find that “one” person who will just “get” me. I always said I’d be old, alone, rich, with a lot of animals. When I was 12 and said it, I thought I was joking…I know some of you will read this and think “she’s young–she has plenty of time” but what about now? I’m not asking for a life committment, just someone to travel with and spend time with. I guess I’m asking too much?

Maybe you’re being a bit too judgmental about this? I was thinking you could give some guys a chance.
I’m just saying, but you seem quick to dismiss people (not pretty enough, not interested enough) and so on. Perhaps there are some shy guys you’ve overlooked? I don’t know.
But, yeah, being single just sux, because you get to receive sympathy and whatnot from people who are in relationships. Ah, you’re happy with someone – we get it!

I’m sure there are some that I’ve overlooked…And it’s not sympathy I want from people who are in relationships. Who is the ‘someone’ I am happy with? Myself? They heroin user that is going to prison soon? Umm not quite the “prince” I imagined. And not something I am willing to settle for either. I’m not the one who doesn’t try to give some guys a chance…it seems that if I don’t want to jump into a dating relationship of some sort..then they don’t want to be my friend. So, I chalk that one up, too. Perhaps that being judgmental is human…I can’t throw all bias out the window.

guys are direct. if he likes you, he’s going to want to “jump into a dating relationship” chrissy, even if its on an unofficial and very casual level. they’re not going to pussy foot around on a just friends level…….

Yeah, pretty much so.

And when I said “give some guys a chance” I never meant people you wouldn’t date out of obvious reasons. Addictions etc. Anyway, you got the point.

Well, the only way is to keep trying I guess. Eventually it SHOULD work in your favor. I mean… what are the odds, right?

be grateful you’ve at least had solid and long lasting relationships in the past. only relationship I’ve ever had lasted a little less than a month, and its been 2 years since that……..

talk about feeling inadequate and lonely….

5 years here. And I’m in my prime for crying out loud. I should be beating girls off with a stick.
One has to come to terms with one’s life I suppose. Being alone is not all that bad, right?

I guess you guys are right. I’m just always used to jumping in..and it ends disastrous. Every time. The solid and long lasting relationships were based on lies..really. The one that really counted anyway, was a mere lie. I would rather have relationships that didn’t last long that were at least honest. A companion wouldn’t be all that bad..someone to count on..someone I could call a best friend.. Being alone is one of the existential searches for meaning..accepting that you came into the world alone and will leave that way..so it’s supposed to be natural with accepting yourself and being alone. I’d love to come to terms with that…but we are social beings. Listen to this..I went to this little gathering and the women there were like showing me off on display like I was at a dog show…”look how pretty…spin around and show everyone the whole package” I was like..are you serious? This is what it’s come to? Trying to hook me up with some strange boy …am I that desperate? What the hell..that’s what was going through my mind. In front of like 15 people, at least. Ugh. Perhaps I’d rather be alone than be shown off like …”and the grand prize is a date with Chrissy.” Whooopee! And where the hell is my grand prize? How ridiculous. I guess I’m either a.) not looking at all lol…or b.) looking wayyyy to hard. I just need to say screw it and do whatever I feel like. That’s usually when someone comes along..but I’m tired of the someones..I want the one. Hahahaha what a joke

I agree.

I’m sick of hearing about everyone else and their love life, sick of seeing all the couples out there.

and very sick of sitting alone night after night without anyone to share my time with.

It makes me feel hugely insignificant.

Everyday gets a little harder for me. Waking up from the only sanctuary I have in life. Knowing that you’re not wanted and basically not someone’s “type.” Then out of the blue, a beautiful girl asks if I want to go out with her only to realize that I was duped and used just for a date. We had a great time, but I was told after the date that she “does not date.” I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of the game. I figure that I need to accept my fate as a single male.

It’s so sad to read all these comments. Now I realise how many single people are there. And that’s pathetic.
Looks like we share the same feeling but neither of us has an answer how to deal with loneliness if not how to find our soul mate… The only thing we can do is to share our feelings, confort each other and BELIEVE that some day the situation will change and we all will have loving people next to us.
Don’t give up, guys. Life is full of unexpected things.

I feel so bad every time someone post something. I know it feels bad to be single even if you are nice, cute, handsome, educated and so on. Well I am single for the last 3 years, and trust me the years are moving fast. I am growing old but wise. Everyday in our lives we grow and become much better.

I have a suggestion, it may sound weird well since we are a group of single males and females who really hate the fact of being singles. How about if we start to know each other and we may like each other or at least from all of us at least 2 people can find a common interest. We may find two people live in the same city . Even if we become friends that will be a gain as well.

I will start with myself general intro.

My name is Dee or to be more honest it is what some people call me.
I am almost 25 yrs next month.
A New Yorker.
An Employee
A Full Time Master Student.
I am doing now a fitness boot camp and trying to go the gym regularly to lose some weight.

If you need to know more just ask. I am a good friend too.

See you later, Happier

This seems to be a very common problem that crossess age, race, gender and socioeconomics.

It is frustrating and exhausting to constantly feel that you have to get out there.

The energy required, the expense required and the emotional fallout is major.

We are all in the same boat, but we have to hang in.

It’s a numbers game, and a timing thing, pure and simple.

Be the best you can be, physically and mentally.

The rest will come

My story is almost the same as yours, and my heart bleeds deeply for you.

May we find someone one day.

I just want a pretty girl who smells nice, and enjoys my company.

I can do without sex, but I want to love, and be loved in return.

I am the good, loyal friend, the honorable, honest man.
The shoulder, and the ear to the tormented, and yet when I am alone, no one is there for me, no one to lean on, so I must stand on my own.

It has made me very bitter, and I cry out for my lost innocence, and wonder if I can ever really love again.

I too am tired of searching for the right person. Most of my efforts resulting in dead ends and disappointment. On the other hand I know some guys that would give anything to
be in my shoes due to miserable relationships. That said,
it still isn’t any easier spending the majority of my time alone. Seems like it’s harder than ever to meet anyone that
I really hit it off with. When I do, inevitably, they are
ALWAYS married or in a relationship. Believe me, there’s
nothing worse than thinking you may have finally met the
person you’ve been hoping to meet only to have your hopes
dashed once again. It’s been a few years since my last
relationship and I don’t necessarily miss her but I miss the
companionship. I’m too embarrased to state my age so I’ll
only say it doesn’t get any easier the older you get. I am
self employed and work, you guessed it, alone. Maybe it’s
my imagination but I think sometimes my relatives and friends think either I’m gay or there is SOMETHING WRONG
with me. The conclusion that I’ve come to is that “MOST”
women are either gold diggers or just plain idiots who
don’t deserve to be treated with respect. Seems they like to be shit on by some jerk-off. Are there guys out there that act the same way? ……Absolutely! What it comes down to is I’m just tired of it all and thinking my destiny is to be alone. Being the odd man out at parties and other
events leaves me feeling like crawling in a hole or
wishing I had stayed home. Sometimes I can handle it pretty good but other times it reminds me of the terrible ache of
lonliness. Then there are those times I’m glad to be single
and free. Talk about rollercoaster emotions. Anyway, if there is a lesson in all of this I think it’s that maybe
we’re looking for someone like our mother or father and
deep down we all know it probably isn’t going to happen but
we still hold out hope, and remember friends, hope is a good thing! I’m gonna end this rant now! Good luck to all.

THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH KEEPING HOPE UP, IS THE LACK OF EVIDENCE OUT THERE.

I HAVE BEEN ON APPROX 150 DATES OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS, ONLY A HANDFUL WERE WORTHWHILE AND THOSE DID’NT FEEL THE SAME OR TURNED OUT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF SOME SORT BEHIND MY BACK.

IT’S VERY FRUSTRATING AND CAN LEAD TO FEELINGS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM, BLAMING ONE;SELF AND HOPLESNESS.

KEEP THE FAITH AND BEING POSITIVE DESPITE THE RECORD IS THE HARDEST THING!

Hey livid, I agree with you. There isn’t much evidence out there. As far as someone having a relationship behind your back,been there,been thru that. I have very little hope of
finding someone. Don’t blame yourself though, it’s just the
times we live in. I’ve taken the attitude that I’m just
going to do the things that I like and stop searching for
someone that may not even exist. Yes, remaining positive is
the hardest thing and I must admit I’m not very good at it. Sometimes I don’t know what keeps me going other than the fact that there are others in the same boat and I have a few friends who are basically in the same situation. Most of my time is spent alone though, and I wish my cat could talk.

Ya Hank, the times we live in are a major factor.

I got married years ago when people actually thought that committed , monogamous relationships were desirable.

Women especially have ruined things. Freedom is wonderful, but now things have gone too far.

Jumping from person to person, the internet and all the social pressure to be independant has screwed with the natural need for women to be nurturers.

We are now out there in the world competing with men.

It’s great to be self sufficient but what is so wrong with needing a man. It has become a dirty word.

From what I hear, from the guys I have talked to they would welcome that,
anyway, there are those out there like us, just very few and far between

Good for you Livid. It’s not know that at least some of us have found happiness.

Today is one of those days I just feel like putting a gun to my head. It really seems pointless to drive on when life has taught me with virtual certainty that being butt ugly gets you nowhere with women.

Ah, screw it.

Oops, meant to say “nice to know”

I agree completely.

Hey Crafty,

There is always a way to improve on ourselves, mentally and physically.

Especially for you guys out there. Women are generally not so concerned with just “looks”

However having said that, you still have to keep up appearances. Just look at all the gay men out there, we women admire their grooming habits and style.

You can look at a issue of GQ and get some inspiration from that.

Take a female friend shopping with you, get a stylish haircut and if need be go to the gym.

Sad but true, the first thing we spot in people is thier appearance, so it helps get your foot in the door, just like a job interview.

Then the real fun starts, you can always work on yourself inside and out.

That actually feels like you are doing something proactive and positive, with some control of your future.

Take a look inside and out of yourself and really be objective.

You may not be happy with what you see right this moment, but you have the power to be the best you can be

I’m well groomed and I dress alright (was that too uppity?), but that can’t change the fact that I look like a mule.

And as for the gym part. Yeah, I need to do it, but I give up officially. I use to go there quite regularly, but my body hates me. I’m 6ft and only 135-140 pounds. No matter what I do, it never changes.

So I’d rather just say “enough” than keep on trying when it’s OBVIOUS it’s not gonna work.

Look at this place. People from all around the world in their 20′s, 30′s, 40′s and whatnots. If you’re single now, you’ll be single forever. Evidently something is wrong with us.

Hey, i may only be 21 but i know exactly how you feel, i think about how single i am everyday and everynight before i go to sleep, i mean i may not be as successful as most people but ive been told by many people that i look good and im fun to be around, im even the host at a restaurant. All of that being said i’ve still only ever been in 1 relationship thats lasted longer then a month, i was raised by my mom, didnt really have a father so im extremely romantic, but the only thing romance has got me is a broken relationship because apperantly a dozen roses and her favorite dinner was too “clingy” for our 1 year anniversary.

Sorry i know that was different from your story and i kinda strayed off, i was venting a little i guess :/

Hey guys,

Let’s get more positive on ourselves. You can always improve on what we don’t like.

There is an expression I have ” pounding the pavement” this applies to all walks of life.

Venting is healthy, keeps frustration levels down.

But venting is not the same as being defeatist.

That’s what these forums are for. To let out the negative and encourage the positive.

Keep your chin up.

You never know, no one does, whatever is around the corner good or bad, no one is as arrogant as to claim they KNOW that it is impossible.

So keep going out there, and put your best foot forward.

By all means, be as completely realized and confident as you can be. There will always be someone that likes you for you, as you are. And yes, still present a well put together package. But if that fish ain’t biting close to the shore, it may not be the bait: you may have to cast your net out wider and deeper. That could mean dating online away from your locale, road trips, international travel, a network of friends, etc. Yes, it’s risky and more costly, especially in these times. But it may be just different enough to work, you can always reinvent yourself away from what you know best, and being different from someone else’s norm may be just what you need. Get to it;)

I think that anything is possible. It’s certainly more of a long shot to cast your net out there, but nevertheless, keep trying.

It’s basically the luck of the draw.

P>S> As of this last weekend I got stood up by a guy that for the first time in a long time I actually had some interest in.

Over the past few weeks he has called, texted, we have been out twice, everything is great and than, you guessed it, no phone call no message….. NOTHING

For the guys out there I have one question WTF????

He called me, he asked me to get together and then, presto he disappears.

Someone tell me what is this all about before I lose my freakin mind!!!

Livid, you know what the answer for this is, you just may be trying to psychologize it. There really is no reason why for this behavior. He shouldn’t have made an effort without any real interest, and he should have been straight up honest with you if he wasn’t interested in the end. Honesty doesn’t require much beyond courage, so this speaks volumes. Unless he apologizes and fesses up and properly makes up for it, time to move on. Most women would have by now. We’re all adults, and the whole dating thing should be a no-brainer, especially because everyone’s time is so precious.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not wise to get too
close to someone.For one reason or another it always ends
up in disappointment or worse. This past weekend I was
asked the dreaded question once again,(How come you’ve never married? You’re a great outgoing guy and decent looking. How is it that you don’t meet great women?) Well,
the answer is still the same. There aren’t many to choose from! I’ve been in relationships and have treated women with nothing but respect and have nothing to show for my
efforts except heartaches and being used. I’m tired of the
lies and the games. I certainly don’t go out of my way to
meet women anymore. The lesson here is nice guys usually lose.

Honestly? Hank makes an really valid point. This summer, I decided I’d just be a dick and wouldn’t care.

I’ve been with two women now in the span of a month after going out twice with friends, and the second one turned into a relationship. Kind of. At first I acted like a cocky jerk, and she was completely hooked. And then I kind of opened up. It just didn’t work out because I’m going back to college… and neither one of us wanted to get too attached.

I don’t know.. I’d like to just be decent with a girl and have it take off, but it doesn’t seem to work that way. Still kind of confused but at least happy I’m catching onto the way this game is played.

I think in the end, you need to go out there and learn the “be a dick, get a girl” game… once you learn it, you exude a certain confidence that’ll let you get the right girl. Just my 2 cents.

Hank,

Be true to yourself and if you are a nice guy then be one.

How can you be anything other than that? There are a lot of idiots out there, I am a woman and I have very few friends because of just that.

There are just as many loser women out there as there are men. Men use women for sex and women use men for money. It’s not about you it’s about them. I know this sounds cliche but it’s true.

It is very hard to find the 2% of people who are really decent, that’s the real problem here, but changing who you are to be a “dick” to get someone is misguided, you will end up with the same type of chick that you were always finding.

So keep your integrity and you will meet someone who respects and admires you for your unique attitude.

Yeah Livid, I’ve been true to myself. That’s the reason I’m still unattached. I know what you’re saying and I’d have a very hard time being a “Dick”. God knows that I know plenty of them. Somehow people think they can take advantage of you
if you’re a nice person. It almost seems like a sign of weakness to some people. Truth is I’m neither weak or a dick. As far as my integrity, well it’s still intact. Just
dating for the sake of dating…….Waste of time!

Hank, Im glad to hear that your still the same guy. Just remember what you are looking for is approx 2% of the population.

Hang in there.

And meeting women for the freindship aspect is not the worst either.

It beats going out alone or with the guys all the time.

Just keep your eyes open and keep your mind open.

I know far too well the frustration level, I am finding the exact same thing.

But it’s people who try and take advantage of kindness that are the losers.

To the writer of this, you have expressed everything that is truly what those who are single and looking all feel. You know I’ve got family around and a handful of friends, and they always say the funniest things, “you’re not alone, you’ve got us.”

I wish to reply to them, so what you’re saying is I can forget the world and use you as someone to cuddle with and be strong for or be strong for me. It never seems to occur to them that it has nothing to do with the fact that just because you’re a person there, doesn’t mean that the connection of love affection and communion is there at the one male one female level.

It is like oh ok there’s other people around WOOO HOOO! It utterly means nothing, when you wake up and find no one is around, to make your heart flutter and make you smile without having to say a word, you sit alone in an empty apartment and find yourself jumping for joy anytime you get a little text message. It’s almost like not having a mate leaves you out of some big party that you never got invited to, which is the best party ever and everyone tells you how great it is, while alas you sit outside by the curb because the doorman decided one day that you’re off the list.

All of my friends, even those who we would never had guess would find a companion has a girlfriend or boyfriend. Now I’m the spare flat tire that gets dragged along when ever anything happens. When we hang out it’s like I’m the odd ball out, everyone kind of sticks to their mate and it makes me feel like I’m annoying them or something. The night gets latter into the evening and they keep giving me little glances as if to say “man just go home” and that really hurts. I don’t blame them for anything, they’ve done nothing wrong. It just really sucks, to be the man that seems to have pissed in everyone’s’ cornflakes simply because you showed up and what a surprise you haven’t got a girlfriend.

Well man hang tough, if ya let the frustration and depression level get to you (it sure has for me) you find yourself turning into a person you really never knew or wanted to become. Cold and spoiled to the world. As if everything is uneventful and not worth doing. Trust me you don’t want to let that happen.

Dear Depressed,

You are so articulate in your thoughts.

You have summed up the feelings and emotions that I feel all the time.

Do you know how many times people have told me the same damn thing over and over, ” How come you are single” You should have them lined up around the sidewalk, You could have any man you want.

If that were true I wouldn’t be writing this.

People say the same things to me, “Well at least you have lots of good friends”

Ya with their own lives and spouses

They don’t think about me on holidays or before the go to sleep, that’s what partners are for.

It’s just plain stupid to say things like that to single people, it’s patronizing to say the least.

I don’t have a solution.

I look after myself and take care of my appearance.

I am educated and keep learning on a daily basis, seminars ,cooking classes,
lectures,and so on

I socialize as much as possible, get out to different events and places.

But still a big zero on the relationship front.

I have met some interesting guys, a few I would be open to seeing, but as usual they don’t feel the same way.

I have at least 3 guys that call me non stop and are totally into me, and of course I have no interest in them.

Figures.

It just seems I can’t win from losing.

There is a tiny bit of comfort in knowing that I am not a crackpot and that there are others out there in the same deilema.

So I guess we cant only rant and rave here and then get back in the saddle for another ride.

Gook luck!

Believe me ,I know the feeling of being the odd man out. I
would probably get invited to events and parties much more
if I’d have a companion or spouse. One thing that is overlooked though is that a lot of relationships are not
what they seem from the outside looking in. Yes, they look happy and put on a good show but in reality their lives are
a living hell. Some would would probably love to be in the
situation we’re in here. That is not much consolation but
something to think about when we get too down on ourselves.
That said, there are still those times such as holidays,
Saturday nights,concerts, etc. where it would be nice to have someone to go out with and enjoy some sushi or to just
chat over a cup of coffee. This seems to be asking too much and maybe a little old-fashioned in a materialistic world.
I’m so tired of doing things and going places myself but the alternative, staying home,is usually more horrible in
comparison. As time goes by I ask myself if there really is such a person as the one i’m seeking or are most of the
relationships based on how much bullshit you’re willing
to put up with? Personally my hopoes are fading very fast
that someone I really hit it off with will come along. Let’s face it, most people either meet at school, college,
the workplace, or through mutual friends. Unfortunately
I’ve never met anyone worth while this way. I don’t need to tell you the odds of finding someone through a chance meeting. But as they say, longshots come in sometimes!
GOOD LUCK and GOOD HUNTING!

Yeah, it’s tough business it is.

But part of feels inclined to blame some of it on women.

The other day I went early to work and it was just my colleague and me. She’s good looking, but far from 10. Still, I thought she was cute. So I’m still new at this job and I guess she was interested. You know how women like to “inspect” men even if they are partly interesting.

She came to me and we had a very short conversation and I felt it! For less than a minute I could tell that she already finds me boring. All of the attraction that she had for me (and she did, I can tell) was just gone in an instant. She measured me from head to toes in less than thirty seconds and that’s it. Now she wouldn’t even say anything to me when we’re in a company of few people. She is just no longer interested. And it’s not like I’ve said anything to offend her. I just wasn’t “cool” and fun.

Now, that doesn’t mean that every woman has to like every man and vice versa, but to judge someone from a single conversation is plain dumb and shallow. To think of all the chances that have been blown, because we’re quick to judge… It’s ridiculous.

Whereas both sexes tend to do it, I think women are much more prone to it. Especially women with choice (those who are pretty enough to have multiple choices at any one time). Not pointing fingers here. I’m just making an observation.

Not long ago I got stood up by a great girl. Well, I thought she was great anyway. And that’s just it. Appearance can be deceiving. She seemed nice and sort of nuts (in the good way), but I asked her out on a date and she never came. I’ve got her on my skype contacts and ever since, she hasn’t said a word. Duh.

Anyways. Yeah, being in a relationship is probably not all that great. It’s kinda like buying a car.

First you want it real bad and it seems like everything you’ll ever need, but as time goes by you figure out that’s just what it is – a car. Nothing more, nothing less. It drives you to work, it can move stuff around and it will keep you warm during the winter, but sometimes it also breaks down and pisses you off. It requires maintenance and care and attention.
And now that you’ve driven it for a while you understand that it’s not what you thought it would be. I’m not saying “bad”. It’s just… ordinary thing to have.

But still, it’s hypocritical when people say “Oh, you don’t need that kind of headache, man”. Or my personal favorite: “I really envy you. Being single’s the best!”.

Well, it’s not. Sure, it’s not all that bad, but all in all it’s far worse than being in a relationship.

I think, however, we should be true to ourselves. Raise your hand all of you who’ve been too shy at one time or another to meet someone. Yeah, that’s right. It’s mostly (if not entirely) our fault.
Sometimes we’re too picky and sometimes we’re too selfish although it may not seem that way. And I know I have.

Even now there is this girl that I’m interested in, but I’m probably never going to muster up the courage to meet her, because she seems so much better than I am. Bah.

Today was a good day and I felt great. Not a moment of loneliness or self pity, but the wheel is turning. At one point I’ll feel like crap again and I think that’s how it works for everyone here. You get use to it, but I’m afraid that a person can be so use to it that he’ll feel comfortable in his little shell and one day he/she will wake up a grown man/woman and will realizes he/she has missed out on life.

Yes, the variables are huge when it comes to meeting someone.

First you both have to be in the same place at the same time

Then you each have to be attracted to each other.

You each have to be available, the right age and want to have a relationship with some one.

You r personalities and goals have to mesh.

When you see the things that have to line up in order for things to work, it is truly daunting.

I met some one the other day , who is nice looking and kind, ok first impressions were good. But then I find out he is 16 years my jr. unemployed and basically homeless.

This guy calls me non stop and can’t beleive why I don’t want to date him.

Yes he is nice, but the age difference is too great and I don’t want to be with a guy who is not motivated to work.

Then I met another guy who is my age, good looking, hard working, he wants to see me, but there is one catch, he has a live in girlfriend.

O ya he is “unhappy with her” but I don’t see any moving trucks in front of his house.

So there you go, some things line up but not enough to give any hope of going forward.

The odds of finding, just even enough variables to make a relationship even sensible, is so unlikely that hope seems dismal and it seems more likely to find a needle in a very large haystack.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

“Sometimes God gives you what you want, just not the way you wanted it.”

I met my wife in 1997, but I almost didn’t. If I hadn’t run into my friend at the gate to a parking garage (he was going out with her sister, needed a “guest”), I would have gone to see The Full Monty instead and we would have never met. Even then, the sparks didn’t immediately fly: I was nothing like what she expected (Latino, without the look or the accent or the ‘tude). I impressed her just enough to get a phone number but someone else had gotten it, too. But I called. And I pursued. And she made me wait 2+ weeks for a kiss despite trying just about everything (Weeks later, I found a copy of The Rules in her underwear drawer). I eventually won her over, but that was just a step. Between then and 2002 when we were married, the relationship nearly ended 3 times: I was nearly killed in a rollover; we used to fight like hell (two Virgos, both stubborn and headstrong), and I had to learn how to be a father to her son at the same time in a different style than her. And after one big blowout, we hit that moment where we decided that, despite the love, it couldn’t go on like this. And that’s when we both grew up. We changed, were married a year later. And for the most part it was good. But after a few bad financial decisions and some missteps, we began to let the things that matter the least compromise the things that matter most. Our divorce will be final in a year (It’s more complicated than that, and that’s where I leave it). I will still have a best friend in my ex-wife, and a son who will never have to choose between parents, or lose me. I married at 31, will be divorced at 40. Funny, I had never wanted to be married to begin with. Ever. And I could have all the fears one has about re-entering the dating game. Sounds scary, especially reading this thread.

Everyone thinks about relationships with the mindset of wanting to know the ending before anything happens, to control as many variables as possible, to wait until the planets or whatever else lines up. And while I would not endorse being indiscriminate with choosing a mate or lover (ie, don’t just date anyone!!!), at some point you will have to shoot from the hip and make something happen, give it a little push. You will have to work, no matter what the level of compatibility or the depth of the relationship, and sometimes with but a few things. At some point, you will have to take a risk, sometimes a big one. There will be joy and pain, not always in equal measure, sometimes monumental,or at times you could have predicted. And sadly, sometimes, it still fails or people will just grow in different directions. With so many known knowns and known unknowns and unknown unknowns (sorry, Rummy!), it’s easy to believe that all is dismal and hopeless. It’s scary, but hasn’t it always been?

And if I believed any of it, I would have never met my wife and son. I would have “dated” people over the comfort of the virtual world or in my mind and had nothing to show for it. I would be so afraid of what would be that I could never enjoy what is, however brief (I would like to think that even my flings helped define who I am). I could have regret, and negate everything good that came before and rewrite what was. Instead, I would do it all over again. Why not? Not the same way as before I got married, mind you: marriage and fatherhood have changed me and I don’t want to re-live my single days in the exact same way – - – I want to do it better). And like before, no rush. It’s OK to be alone, better than being in bad company. And if world travel has taught me anything as long as you have experiences, the gift of gab, and the right attitude, no one’s ever alone for very long.

Just get out there, and be brave. There’s a moment waiting to be MADE to happen. And endings could always end like so much crumpled paper or film on the editing room floor.

This last comment is not quite what we are talking about.

It is not the point that we are making about meeting people and working on a relationship.

We are all here trying to FIND a relationship to work on.

Once we meet someone who is even a bit right for us we KNOW how to get to the next phase, it is not the point.

The point is to even FIND that person we connect with a tiny little bit.

That is the frustration of the people in this group.

And of course we are all not willing to settle , but that is why we are all frustrated because we are endlesly waiting for that person to make an appearance.

The only thing we all so is get out there and wait.

I think Hank has it right for the most part in saying that it is just a tedious and long suffering job waiting and waiting for that opportunity to show itself.

Hank, I get the feeling that you know yourself and you know what you want, you sound realistic about yourself, and your expectations.

I just want someone who brings to the the table the same things that I bring to the table, no more no less.

I don’t appreciate people saying I am too picky.

That is a cop out.

Everyone has a level they will compromise to, and I think if you are an intelligent human being then you can figure out your appropriate match.

This is a place for us to vent our feelings and frustrations, that’s it.

To share a common place where we can take some respite in knowing that we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings.

Well said livid! I can tell by some of the responses here
that I’m older than they are. It’s just as hard for me as
anyone. In fact it’s probably harder because the field has narrowed down considerably. No, I don’t just want to settle
for anyone. I’ve never been big on compromising. You’d
think with all the divorces and broken relationships that
the field would be wide open. Well folks, that’s not the case. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I’m not willing to
take on someone elses baggage. I’ve also seen first hand
what a mess some people have made of their lives through
bad relationships. Holding out for the right one is no
picnic in the park either as I can attest to that. The needle is small and the haystack is large!

So the question is now Hank, what do we do in the meantime.

How to go on every day with the question “what now”?

The boredom, the frustration and the hopeless negative thoughts?

How to temper those with a more optimistic positive outlook despite the lack of evidence out there.

PS ….. Q. What do you call a pessimist?

A. An optimist with experience!

I don’t know about you livid, but I’m going to continue doing the things I love to do. Yeah, I know all about the
feeling of hopelessness and the negative thoughts. When they come they hit hard. On the other hand we can’t portray
a negative attitude all the time as people can pick up on that right of way. I believe I would have done much better
in a different time and place where rampant materialism
didn’t exist and things were much more simple.

Well, Hank

I certainly do not portray a bad attitude out there in public. In private tho I do express myself, as I do here.

I go out with a smile on my face and try, try, try.

For example I met a guy yesterday, we were having lunch at the same counter and he started chatting, nice guy, good conversation, he really likes me, but I am just not attracted to him.

It is always the same thing.

I met another guy later in the evening who I was really attracted to but had NO personality.

So it seems like back in the saddle again.

Livid, unlike me you seem to be getting plenty of opportunities. Nice guy,good conversation, he likes you,
what’s the problem? Actually I can understand your point
but maybe you shouldn’t blow someone off so quickly. I try
to chat with women I find attractive but usually find out
they are attached or just plain morons and don’t get it.
Maybe I used up all my chances, I don’t know. The word
frustrating doesn’t cover it.

Hank, I did give the guy a chance we went out for dinner and there was just no sparkle for me.

I tried, beleive me, just no spark.

So now I am on to the next one, and I am just so pessimistic though, because of all the past no goes.

It’s like before I even pursue this next one, I’m already over it.

The only reason I get opportunities is because I force myself “out there” and look around.

Trust me there is generally not much available.

So keep putting that gun to your head and get out the door and keep pounding the pavement, sooner or later you have to come across something, whether it is permanent, or just a diversion, it’s what we have to do.

Livid, It shouldn’t be this hard, should it? Personally
I prefer quality over quantity. Like so many products these
days quality is lacking. No there isn’t much available. I’ve
had a belly full of diversions and people who are very
uninteresting and shallow. So in the meantime I’ll keep an
eye out and remain cautiously optomistic. By the way I’m not some snobby intellect yuppy who thinks he’s above the crowd. Far from it.Just someone that’s tired of trying to find something that may not exist. I know many a guy that
has just SETTLED for someone simply because he felt he
probably wasn’t going to do any better. I say what’s the point? Anyway, I wish you luck in the future!

livid, you’ve completely highjacked this post. sorry if you’re not meeting someone who’s sweeping you off your feet, but alot of people here are actually looking for someone substantial and have substantial expectations.

please don’t sit there and pour out b/c prince charming isn’t coming out of the crowd of men you’re dating to give you a fairy tale. that’s not life. be happy that you’re meeting decent people and try -maybe just maybe- going with that.

NO it shouldn’t be this hard but most people just don’t get it.

They miss the point completely.

They DO settle for less, but less for who, not for them, but for you the observer.

Someone who is intelligent and aware would get it.

Others, the vast majority, don’t go that deep in their thinking.

That is the essence of the problem.

That is why it is taking so long of a time to find the ONE

Because most people just don’t line up with the criteria.

ANd for those people who say just be happy meeting lots of people here and there, that is exactly what I mean, that is shallow and futile, the exact reason for being “Tired of being Sngle”!

I don’t think it’s shallow to give someone a second shot, but I won’t argue. And I know how you feel, because I was actually liked by a girl ONCE. She was a nice person, but there was no attraction on my side. I could talk to her and fool around, but as much as I wanted to, I could never see her as a potential partner.

And being single makes you think about those missed chances a lot, but I think that if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do it differently. I wish for once a girl that I like would like me back. Is that so much to ask for?

Crafty,

It is so not too much to ask for, it seems to be the rule.

Why is it that when you like someone they dont like you and visa versa.

Answer me that is it quantum physics or what?????

lol way to be pretentious to the nth degree, livid. no wonder your single.

What hurts is being a hopelessly single transsexual woman. I am resting in Bangkok, just after having my surgery and preparing to return home to Denver. Home to what? An empty apartment with all sorts of ramen, canned food and papers all over the table that hide my flight log and student pilot’s license.

Everyone at the Unitarian Universalist church I attend, when I am not studying for tests for school or FAA knowledge tests, tells me that my singleness is a blessing. Or that I should stop focusing on being single and one of these days, someone will come to me. I think to myself how therapeutic it would be to shank them for saying such a patently stupid thing.

I come home to my apartment after a long day of classes or cross-country flights (when I can afford them) to spend my evenings alone. I try to fill this time with music and anime because it is better than the deadening silence that I would have to face otherwise. Then, I search online personals so that I can hopefully stop being alone (and might I say, I have found some REAL winners here -_- ). I look on my calendar and see a holiday coming up. Everyone has someone to share their holidays with, friends, family or a spouse. I do not, I absolutely hate holidays.

I’ve been asking that mutual attraction question seemingly
forever. Some people are looking for someone who only exists
in a romance novel. My expectations aren’t what I consider
unrealistic but finding someone I really like is harder
than finding Jimmy Hoffa! So is it asking too much for
someone that is halfway attractive? Is it asking too much
for someone who can carry on an intelligent conversation
once in a while? Is it asking too much for someone who won’t
have their hand in your wallet all the time? Is it asking too much for someone who likes outdoor activities once in a while? Is it asking too much for to find someone that has
a sense of humor and is not always talking about material
things? The answer to these questions is painfully
apparent to all who contribute to this blog. Yeah, it seems
every time I do meet someone that I’m attracted to they
are ALWAYS spoken for leaving me more frustated than the last time. What seems easy for some folks just seems
unattainable for others, but as I have stated before there are a lot of relationships that look good from the outside
but are actually miserable.

Right.

On the happier topics:
That girl I’ve been aiming for… I asked around today (casually of course) and, oh what a surprise, she has a guy. It’s like I almost didn’t expect that. Figures that a girl like her wouldn’t be single.

So there you have it. No matter what, people are always taken or they are leaving for a friggin different country on the back side of geography or they’re just not into you.

And, yeah, I should think of all the other people around the globe who are single (no family) and the orphans and the elderly people, but I can’t. For once I want to feel bad for myself and be justified.

There’s your positive outlook on things:
You wake up and go to sleep with this chunk of rock on your back for years. Eventually you wake up and you’re 50. All that stress which has slowly turned into passive aggression in combination with the daily radiation coming from the heavy traffic and the electrical stuff we’re surrounded by gives you a cancer. And then you get stuck with the fact that you hoped and hoped for the best, you were always positive and kind, but in the end you got bent by life.

I hear ya Crafty! It kind of snowballs on you as the years go by leaving you wondering how it got this far. You’d think that somewhere along the line the odds would favor you a bit. Reminds me of a Three Stooges short where Curly
is pulling wiring from conduit and saying There’s no end to this! At times I get to thinking that maybe I should accept my fate and then there are the times that I get extremely
upbeat but they are fewer these days. I often think about
others that are worse off than me but I don’t consider it
being selfish for wanting my situation to improve. The
frustration of coming up empty lays very heavy on me and
I’m afraid it shows sometimes. However I also consider myself a survivor albeit a wounded one. If there is one thing I can tell you it’s that you shouldn’t get fixated
on any one person. Went that avenue a couple of times myself
and may have overlooked someone in the process.

The worst part, Hank – nobody gives a flying rat’s ass if you’re a survivor. No one will come to you and give you a shoulder or at least acknowledge the fact that you’re going through all the hardships of life by yourself. People seem to keep their distance from singles. Like it’s contagious?

Quite often you’ll hear assumptions that there is something seriously wrong with that given individual. “She must be frigid. He’s probably too selfish to be with anybody”
But then, in your face it’s the usual “I can’t believe you’re still single. You’re such a (insert patronizing behavior and ass kissing here)”. Well, thank you for sharing! I never noticed I was single to begin with…

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, mate. All of you.

Now, I’ve never really experienced this for myself, but from what I’ve seen (and been told) I can honestly say we’ve got one thing on couples – all the time in the world. We answer to no one and don’t have to worry about anyone. It’s just us and, if we’re lucky, our families. We might as well do something productive with it.

I’m getting a guitar next week. It’s high time I learn how to play.

Is every one here even meeting people they would be interested in getting to know? How often does that come about?

I meet lots of people in general, but not even a sparkle really comes of it. It would help even to have a few irons in the fire, to give a spark of hope.

TO even have a crush on someone is a positive thing, does anyone have any of that ?

THe outcome is a whole different story, that’s another hill to climb, just getting out of the gate with an attraction to someone is the first phase.

I find this the most difficult to attain

I’m easily impressed so, yeah, I get crushes every now and then. But whats the point.
Just now I was stuck with this girl outside the office, ’cause we both didn’t have a key to get in. Man, I really did my BEST to get a conversation going, but it was like I was death coming to take her. She just wouldn’t answer or if she would it was like we were in a battle. She seemed relieved when that other guy arrived.

That makes me feel very ugly and undesireable. And thats probably because I am.

I know how rejection feels, it plays games with your head, you feel inadequate and undesirable.

I don’t know what to say Hank, it sounds a bit harsh on yourself.

Are you sure you are not judging yourself unfairly.

Just because someone dosen’t respond to you does’nt mean it is YOU.

Maybe they are attached or you are not their type.

I hate to see anyone so down on themselves

You must be talking about Crafty there Livid. My opinion
Crafty, is that she’s just full of herself. You know, the type that thinks they deserve a millionaire. I’ve been in
your shoes and the best thing you can do is steer clear of
these high-maintenance BIMBOS. Not worth the time as most of
them can barely spell their own name. If they are attached
I pity the poor bastard that has to put up with their
bullshit. Don’t beat yourself over the head cause it’s not
your fault. Chalk it up to experience my friend. Rejection
hurts as I know first hand. As Livid said, it plays with your head and you get a feeling of being inadequate. Before
you know it you’re walking around feeling sorry for yourself and that feeling projects itself to others.

Kinda hard not to feel that way, provided you get ignored in such a cruel manner every now and then.

And it’s not like I was trying to ‘hit it up’ or anything. I was just trying to get a conversation going. I was smiling, keeping eye contact.
It felt as if she was trying to dominate me. Kind of a patronizing tone in her voice. And again – I wasn’t trying to land anything. I was merely giving my best to connect on a human-to-human level. Didn’t work…

Livid -

Judging from life experience – hell yeah – it’s me. It has to be. Ever since school I could feel how I couldn’t develop a normal conversation with girls.
Hey, I know I’m not confident enough, but I’ve seen guys way worse and they can still chat girls up. Me… it’s like they can sense everything and they’re trying to crush me and make me go away. Like I ate their breakfast or something. What’s up with that?

Ah, whatever. At least the guys there are great and we’re having a blast.

Crafty, maybe she felt you were trying to hit on her. She
might get hit on ten times a day but that’s no excuse to
act the way she did. Do you really want a person with that
kind of disposition anyway? I know what you’re saying. I’m
not a particularly good conversationalist myself and have
gotten the brush-off many times. I came to the conclusion
that it’s not always me and some women feel like I’m
talking down to them although that’s not my intention. At
least they could be polite about it! When you do meet a
girl you can talk to the conversation will just flow and
you’ll forget all about being shot down. Unfortunately for me those moments are about as rare as an Ivory Billed Woodpecker but I do remember them. Believe me, I share your feelings and can relate to what you’re saying but just keep having a blast with your friends or it will really eat
you up. You sound like a pretty decent guy and someone
with sense will notice you eventually! You’re not alone
buddy, you’re not alone!

I am single and love life… it’s not about you being better or worse. I have been out with amazing men lately and something is missing. Take it from experience, it is much more lonely to be in a relationship that you aren’t feeling than be alone. On occasion a person will come along that makes you ache when they’re not there, someone that leaves you wanting more… and every person like that is worth 10 others to distract you…

Thank you, Hank. Really.

Of course it is horrible being with a person you are “not feeling”.

That’s the whole point here right?

We all can’t make the connection to the right source.

It is just about frustration, I will be honest I don’t love life alone, I much prefer a partner to share things with, to come home to and be connected to.

Livid, I believe there are a lot of people out there in
relationships who are” Not Feeling it”. They just go through the motions for various reasons. I guess that’s
why I’m still single. The initial attraction of my last
relationship wore off eventually as she was NOT the person
I thought she was. I don’t miss her but I truly miss the
companionship aspect. To find someone you hit it off with
that has mutual feelings toward you is almost impossible.
The dream of making that “Connection” is slowly slipping away much as I hate to admit it. On the other hand it’s
not worth carrying on a relationship if you’re not totally
into it. Fine line isn’t it?

Hank, most people are in zombie relationships, it’s true.

I can’t do it, obviously you can’t either.

IN one way we are cursed, in another we are very lucky.

We won’t settle for less.

So we are not miserable in a dead relationship, but we are miserable in being alone.

The only life saver is HOPE

Livid, That pretty much sums it up. I’ve been called picky,
self- centered, uncompromising,and a few other things. Not
the case at all. To put it in a nutshell, I know what I like. I can’t see making myself miserable in order to just
BE in a relationship. No, I’m not waiting for Jennifer
Anniston to come to her senses and call me. I also know of
the funny looks and the talk behind my back. Maybe he’s gay
or a woman hater or some kind of freak. Then there’s the
“pep talks” or the you’re a good looking guy and women
ought to be chasing after you stuff. In a sense we are lucky, very lucky. We could have screwed up our lives but
we didn’t and that’s something to be proud of. Of course
there are those times like last Sat. nite sitting on my back porch during a thunderstorm and thinking it would be nice to be sharing this with someone special. Yeah, HOPE
is good.

Hank, now you have it. That is the true essence of our dillema.

Everything you say we have all experienced.

Now it is the “what next” syndrome

Just keep on going!!!!!!

You know, Livid, I think people like us fit in a very narrow
category. I don’t identify with snobby yuppies,( I really
despise them), and I can’t hang with assorted scumbag types
either. Kind of leaves you in permanent limbo. Do we qualify as Non-Conformists? If I do so be it!

I think the key here is to not identify yourself as anything but you. Keep an open mind and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.

I sound to be of a higher level of intelligence, that can be a problem.

It is a blessing on one hand…. and on the other?

But keep true to your standards, and take it like a trouper.

That was not I sound to be of a higher intelligence but “you” sound to be of a higher intelligence…… OOPS!

I’m fairly dumb, but take it from me – it ain’t the brains either.

Actually Livid, High School is as far as I went. I’m just a regular guy, nothing more. You seem intelligent yourself.
I find it easier to express myself typing than in actual
conversation. I guess when you speak to some people above
a fifth grade level they somehow feel threatened. I’m self
employed so it helps to sound like you’re halfway intelligent. Crafty’s right, it ain’t the brains! That’s
the whole point, I’m goddamn tired of taking it!

One on the boat now!!

Intelligence has nothing to do with education.

I’m not sure what you mean that it’s not he brains?

I can’t speak for CRAFTY but my point was that education OR
intelligence has little to do with attracting a mate. Who
knows what attracts some people to others. It’s a sad day
though when you have to dumb yourself down just to get a
date. Question is how long do we wait for the RIGHT ONE
to come along?
You see people that are divorced or single one minute and
next time they already have someone else and say they couldn’t be happier. And here we are on this blog trying
to meet THE ONE but it just doesn’t happen.

Precisely.

That’s exactly how I feel! I’m almost 23 and I’ve never been on a date! I just graduated with my master’s degree, I have my own place, and all the rest, yet I’m always the extra wheel, the girl that guys ask for advice when they want to date my friends…and I haven’t quite figured out why. I’m sick, just like you, of my friends saying be patient because that just means that when it happens, he’ll be the most amazing person ever. It’s hard because then you start thinking that something must be wrong with you. It’s seriously sad when you’ve gone through 5 years of college and have never been asked out.

Steph, In a way you should be flattered that you’re being
asked for advice but that isn’t helping your cause,is it.
Some people avoid other people that they think are out of
their league. They’re afraid they won’t be able to hold a
conversation or won’t have anything in common. I used to
be one of those guys and looking back I regret it. I really
felt I was beneath someone with more education than me and
was intimidated by it. Don’t stop being yourself it’s not worth it!

Here’s a couple of examples of how singles are viewed from my personal experiences. An employer wouldn’t hire me one
time because I was single and his previous employee was a
drunk and a drug addict. I pleaded with him to give me a shot but no go. Everybody knows all singles operate METH
LABS in their basements, right. That was the day I decided
to be self-employed. A client asks me if I’m married while
discussing a job. As if a married person may do better work! Then this Moron hands me a blank check because he’s too stupid to fill it out, other than sign his name. I felt like telling him to visit a strip club. They’re full of
“MARRIED GUYS” or so I’m told. Didn’t know if I should
laugh or cry.

Geez, Hank.
That was rather funny. Especially the part about that guy that wouldn’t hire you. What a nimrod.

But I think we tend to get a little too suspicious and defensive when we hit the “singles” subject. I think most people don’t really mean to bring harm by asking. It’s just another great topic. The wife, the family etc.

Some, however, are being judgmental which is not fair.

Yeah Crafty, I look back and laugh about it now. I’d
like to thank that guy for not hiring me if I could find him. Just blowin’ off some steam.

Ouch. I’m feeling so confused lately, I guess that’s how I found this random thread.

Recently met a girl; we talked for 5 hours straight, from 9pm to 2am, and even then we didn’t want to stop. We ended up in a bed curled up together.

The only thing is she has a boyfriend- an abusive jerk who’s pushed her down the stairs, hits her, tells her who she can and cannot spend time with.

when it came to it, who does she end up with.

how is it that the scumbag that beats such a sweet girl end up with her, but a guy who’d treat her like a princess ends up losing out?

I can’t believe it’s been over a year and people are still commenting on this post! I’ve been incredibly moved by the outpouring from everyone, including their personal stories and struggles. It’s been difficult keeping up with how the comments have evolved, but I do periodically go back and read them in batches. 208 comments is just incredible.

The most important thing I’d like everyone to remember is that it’s okay to be sad sometimes, you have every right to be. But please, don’t let it take you over. There’s so much more to life than who you’re dating (even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes).

I really hope that you’re all exploring this entire site for various posts on various topics. There’s a ton of great information here to help get through the tough times and to celebrate the good times.

@Jay – I’ve been there. I’d recommend picking up the book, The Art of Seduction. It may help explain how that poor girl’s abusive boyfriend is just too seductive to give up despite the pain.

How long does one have to continue with their routine of keeping busy and forcefully trying to think happy lovely thoughts and be quoting “positive”, it seems like a lie to tell yourself while your heart slowly dies behind the shroud of smoke you’re trying to blow up your, well you know where.

I am 24 years old and I’ve been told much of the same positive lovely fantasy type quotes before, cheer up be positive, someone will come along ect… ect… ect…

These all come from someone who already has a mate or dating. Well I’m here to say I am pretty right down upset and tired. I’ve got a little bit of a blackened heart right about now. I wish no ill will upon anyone; I just got this feeling like I was never meant to find someone.

I don’t know it gets tiresome to watch your family try to embarrass you when they walk out to random girls and point to me and go hey will you… You try not to let it bother you, heck you almost welcome the possible meeting, but then the girls look and laugh and walk away. It’s like wow thank you ever so much, I didn’t think my heart could sink any farther than it has, but it did now.

I am socially semi-active, being a little alone kind of puts you in a bubble (I know it doesn’t) but the act of being alone seems almost so routine that after a while it’s almost like you lost a knack to actually be very socially active.

Anyways, I’m 24 years old and I’ve played the waiting game, I’ve played the hard search for a year with no results game. I’ve gotten fake numbers, stood up, laughed at, and humiliated.

I’m currently in my Bachelor’s degree. One would think that being a successful college grad would score some points with the ladies, HA it seems more to them like I would have no time for them. I don’t know me just venting.

I’m just really hitting a low, I’ve all the outside readings of a very happy man with not a care in the world, but I wish someone could see the lonely sad depressed boy inside. I wish that for once it would be my turn to dance. You know when ever you go to a party or wedding and the DJ calls all the couples out to the floor and you’re the only younger 20 year old sitting down watching from afar.

My appearance isn’t shabby, okay I’ve not the body of a gym going person, but I work on a farm I’m not overly chubby, I’ve got maybe 15-20lbs more than I should. I tell you what though I’ve yet to see the lean and fit boys toss 800 80lb bails of hay 30 feet in a day like I’ve done.

I have no idea where I’m going with this other than I’m feeling like I’ve been wronged with no one to scold by myself. Self pity is a terrible prospect I don’t wish to give to myself, because I know it’s not the answer.

Why must this helpless feeling continue to haunt me… I’m so out of tune that if a girl did cross my path that wants to walk beside me I wouldn’t have a clue what to do now. I would probably piss myself and then find the girl laughing and running away. I just don’t know, that or I would have a look of such ill contempt for I feel like she’s there to mock me that I would pile drive the first good chance I’ve had for a relationship in a LONG LONG While.

I’ve had a g/f hurt me very badly, cut me deep. We dated for 5 months, then she started to stop taking calls, wouldn’t let me come over during the day and such. This went on for 2 weeks then I asked her what was up. Turns out she was pregnant… It wasn’t mine. She has been seeing someone since month 3 of our relationship. I promptly told her okay I’ve no choice but to leave. I have been faithful and loyal to you, but apparently that wasn’t enough. She acted like that’s what she wanted all along and it was pretty heart breaking (considering she was my first relationship)

It has been three years since that day. Knowing what I am missing (even if what I had was a lie) makes this feeling of lonely emptiness much too real. I don’t know I’m tired now, going to bed (empty) and dream of a life where I have a girl to show my affections too and to stare deep into her eyes. Perhaps for that short period of time I can be happy… Until the alarm tells me it was also just a lie…

This is a horrible cycle that we find ourselves in. No person is going to want to be with another person if they get a “negative” vibe from them. Only its much too hard to project a positive attitude. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve given up. I’m through. I’m out. All I want is a reason to smile. A person that cares for me. I have so much love to give. Boy am I pathetic.

Don’t know what to tell you, Depressed dude. I think everyone here knows exactly what you’re talking about. So… welcome to the club.
Share a few stories with us here. I promise it will make you feel better.

Jimmy:

EXACTLY! It’s so annoying when somebody tells you have to keep a stiff upper lip or “don’t get down under the weather”. Well… HOW?! How does one do that when you’re constantly reminded that you are alone. And like that’s not depressing enough, but we’re reminded of the fact that a frown won’t attract anyone to you.
It’s a vicious circle.

But let me share:

Today I had a rather short chat with one of the girls in the office and I remembered I’ve seen her before. We met at a party couple of years ago so we had a chat about that. The conversation lasted only a few minutes, but it made me feel good about myself. After that, the entire day was great. And, no, I’m not attracted to her, but it feels good to have those kind of relations with people. Someone to remind you that you’re worth awhile.
So that makes me believe that it’s my general social life I need to fix first before I can move on to dating.

A balanced life is so important.

You can control a lot of things to ensure that you are balanced.

THe one thing we can’t control is finding the right person to share your life with.

All we can do is go out there and try

It is very frustrating not being able to navigate your love life, it just happens when it happens.

It is the not knowing where and when that wears on the nerves.

Being patient and happy while we have to wait is the ultimate challenge.

Though challenging as the wait maybe, the welcome of glimmering hope would be surreal. To be happy seems such a daunting task when companionship is absent. The act of being alone was never the intent of the creator, twas which the reason behind the creation of woman.

This is the only truth I know, the burden we keep is that of tested will. True be it that man and woman were put upon this earth to work in harmony, neigh be the expectation that the two should meet without the work of either to strive towards this.

Find it folly within the taunting images of those who have made the journey and rewarded by fate with their own meeting and relationship. There be the meaning and true tested agony of all who come here to commune their frustrations in word.

Be it forever gratifying to know that the feeling is not uncommon upon many, damn it be the feeling that it always seems you’re alone to cope with it to the final end.

In trying to find a suitable partner I’ve put a lot of
undue pressure on myself over time. At times I thought I
just HAD to meet someone sooner or later. Well it’s much
later and my hopes still haven’t been realized. Meeting
that special person is a rare thing indeed as we all know and sometimes I wonder if I’ve used up all my chances. My
point is that it’s not worth it at all to let the pain of
lonliness consume you 24/7. Been there, done that! Doing things alone is NOT FUN either. I,ve gone to the seashore,
went camping & hiking,and went to concerts alone when
friends couldn’t make it. Of course I’d rather be with that
special someone but doing things I like makes life more
bearable, at least for a little while. Hopefully!

The big hurdle with being single for a long time is that after you have done the same things over and over again alone, it becomes repetative and your have to deal with the BOREDOM

I don’t know that I actually get bored in doing things alone
Livid, but you are somewhat limited as to what you can do.
Yeah, doing things alone can really get old but sitting home alone is even worse. I went to see a show last night
by myself. Really enjoyed the band. Would have been great
to be with someone but you just can’t stop living either.
Sitting around and constantly thinking about my situation
can really work on me.

Here I go again, I finally met someone I like. He claims to like me too. First hurdle crossed.

But…… He’s going thru a divorce and I am afraid that I may be a rebound or worse a vehicle to get him out of the relationship.

With 5 years of being single under my belt and countless men “&%$#ing me over, I am frankly SCARED.

So it seems like you never win. I want to have a partner, but I am afraid of being with someone who will take advantage of this.

I’m between a rock and a hard place!!!!!

Livid, I have no business giving you advice but here goes
anyway. APPROACH WITH CAUTION! My last relationship was a
rebound after a divorce and I turned out to be the proverbial STEPPING STONE. Yeah I heard all the I love you’s
and you’re a great guy bullshit. She loved me but she also
loved a couple other guys. This may or may not work out for you as I don’t know your situation. Best of luck!!

P.S. To think I almost married this slut!

I know Hank, it’s YIKES all the way!

Oh wow, I can relate to so many posts here. I am also sick and tired of being alone. I’ve had only one relationship in my life, and she turned out to be the type who likes other girls. That happened 3 years ago, and somehow I’ve not managed to find anyone in all that time. I’m approaching 27 and starting to panic a bit now. I have a good job, am pretty good looking and have a wonderful family, one would think I’d have girls lining up, but ha..things couldn’t be farther from the truth. Also, I only have 2 people I can really call friends. All the other ones seem to become very ‘friendly’ if they want something out of me, like help them move or when they need a lift home. Anyway sorry for the rant but it was refreshing to see I’m not the only one hating being alone here.

“Happiness: only real when shared”

yeah, i’m in the same boat too.. i’ve been single for going on 6 (yep) 6 years.. there’s been guys that might pop up and hang out for a bit and get my hopes up, but generally within a month or so it’s over.. i don’t get it.. i’m not mean, i’m honest, i’m a beautiful woman,i don’t play games, but i get the same thing over and over again wich is that they never want a serious relationship?.. i don’t know what to do? i’m 30 now and i’m begining to give up hope.. i always thought that some day i’d meet someone and the singledom would end.. but after all this time.. i begining to think i was wrong.. i can’t ever have the dream of a family and kids if i can never even get a boyfriend! and it sucks! i love kids! and i’m so great with them! i nanny kids for crying out loud! i often think that i don’t even want to grow old if i have to do it by myself.. i think my parents even secrectly think i’m a lesbian.. the only thing i can figure out wich is something i read in a book once, from a guy describing his single female freind, “she’s one of those artistic types, beautiful, creative and complex, that men are attracted to but unltimately run from”..

ONe question, How do you go on and not be totally dissalusioned?

I meet so many people the MAJORITY are totally messed up!

Men and women alike, I met up with a friend of mine, Ive know her for 20 years, she stayed with me while her supposed house was being built.

A month into her stay, I noticed some odd habits, but put it down to her idiocincrisies.

Then last week while I was away for the weekend she went on a psyhotic rant and called the cops to my house at 3am claiming me and 3 other people were outside with knives trying to break into my own house to kill her.

Ok I know this is extreme, but good god!

I come across , not quite this severe insanity but still to some extent some, in the dating world as well.

People appear great at first and then the crazy or unstable, or just plain flaky comes out.

I come to the table with honesty, and stability, I just want the same in return.

So again I ask,,,,,,

How do you keep your chin up, and keep going out there?????

Livid, I think I’m becomming numb to it all! In truth I
just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve got my share of
wing-nuts too. One time a woman asked me up to her place after I dropped her off at the end of a date. Next thing I know she flips out on me and says I can’t sleep with you
(I never asked her to),and tells me to leave. So I said
if you think I’m a serial rapist why the hell did you invite me up here in the first place? Yeah, it’s really
tough to keep your sanity anymore.

Yah, it’s a crazy world out there.
Last night I was thinking about all the missed chances. A few times I’ve had the opportunity to be with a girl that would like me for me, but I never really felt attracted. And not, because I knew she liked me (which would kill the hunt or whatever), but I was just not feeling the same way.
Do you think it was a mistake? Maybe this whole “like” thing comes with time.
Maybe I just missed a chance to be happy just so I can chase dreams which actually hurt me more in the long run.
Perhaps we should try to lower our standards?

As corny as it might sound, you keep on keepin’ on because you must. Believing otherwise just makes you wary and afraid of the possibilities, especially when they appear. It’s a miserable mindset to dwell in. I wish that there was more than that, but that’s it.

Oh, I’m not dwelling on it. I was just wondering if that’s what I did wrong. There must be a a rational reason.
There’s no way I’m pointing my finger at the “odds” game and blaming it for me being single. There’s more to this.

Melissa,

You want to talk sometime?

Jimmy

I understand everything eveybody has said. I have been alone all of my life and i have gotten to the point i will come home and just stay there because i get tired of doing things by myself.There is no worst feeling to me than seeing all of your friends with their girlfriends and there you sit all by yourself.

Crafty, you may have touched on an idea without knowing it.

Meeting someone special always seems predicated on the idea that two people are very attracted to each other from the start, that almost everything already be present for something to happen. But what if only one is interested but the interested one possesses key qualities one looks for most in a mate/lover? So, they may not be an immediate choice but they are not necessarily one for the friend bucket, either. . . . . they are a “prospect”, to use baseball parlance.

Would this really be so far-fetched? After all, some arranged marriages actually thrive . . . . . why? The idea of being won over, a relationship being cultivated, a smarter more gradual form of seduction? It might even be better than online dating in that you would actually have something to go on, in person. And it wouldn’t necessarily be a lowering of standards, either, they could still be applied. They would just be applied differently, through a different set of eyes/paradigm. Like in all relationships, there would be no guarantees but there might be something more this way.

Anyone else out there wonder about this?

Yes Crafty, there is something to trying and giving someone a chance. I thinkyou go out or try at least three times with someone.

By that time you should or they should know.

It helps if someone is really feeling it though, at least if one of the parties is at all.

I once met a guy who was so gung ho with me, I had NO interest but over time is ardour won me over.

But guess what,he turned out to be married!

That’s why he was so interested, he was bored and desperate for some companionship as well.

So there went that.

Anyway part of the problem here, is that there are so many options for everyone now to meet online that the real world has taken a hit.

If you don’t put out an effort in real life, there are thousands of others just waiting in cyberspace, so I think the motivation to meet people and persue in person has really been effected.

Friend bucket, hah

But, yeah, you’ve got a point there, guys. I think there have been times when I would give up too fast or too prematurely. But there is something else about this that would really tip me off: desperation. I hate that word.

It’s a lesson we’re given in high school – don’t chase or you’re be considered desperate. And this is sort of a oxymoron, because to get something you have to:
a) Chase it
b) Wait for it to drop from the sky

Of course “b” is far less productive, but “a” is bound to fail, again, due to society’s view on “desperation” and neediness. If you really want to get with that girl/guy, you do the logical thing – go after them. However that would often (really often) result into a crash landing, because you either get tagged “desperate” or the person in question finds you to be not-hard-enough-to-get. WHAT?!

And as time progresses and you get into more and more repetitive tests, you come to the conclusion that you’re doing something terribly wrong:
a) You can’t chase, because they’ll run further
b) They’ll never notice you, because you don’t chase
c) You’ll always be single, because the alphabet begins with “a” and “b”.

It’s a damn vicious circle that backfires on you constantly. It’s a confidence crushing machine. And, hell, I blame it on technology. We developed too fast. All those means of communication and what nots. You can talk to people in China, but you’re so monitor-burnt that you can’t even say “hi” to the guy next door.

Which again brings me to my original thesis (can I call it mine?) that I should try harder to develop something more than friendship with someone I connect with rather than chase tails. Bird in the hand’s worth two in the bush, right?
But then again there is the physical part of the equation that gets in the way…

I’ve had some “Near misses” in my time. You think they are
going to develop into something but somehow fate gets in the way. I sit and wonder sometimes about blown chances
and the times that I wasn’t feeling attraction toward
someone else but I probably would do the same thing over in most of them anyway.First impressions mean a lot but of
course you can’t always judge someone immediately.
On another note I’ve always wondered about internet dating
sites. Never heard much good about them. Anybody out there
ever try them? I still prefer one on one or face to face
communication. I must be old-fashioned but I prefer this way.

Crafty, I say go for what you want and don’t worry about how it will be perceived. This alone will set you free. Of course, gradually with some restraint (keep some mystery, don’t give it all away quickly)is best but be ready when you get the green light to go for something else. Some people don’t worry too much about the game and trust their instincts; others read way too much into things. It’s the chance you take.

Livid and Hank, maybe now that everyone has flocked online you think the more adventurous and human folk may have been left behind? Maybe? After all, how do you distill the dynamic of what happens live when you first meet someone new, catch their eyes, open the conversation, and move it from there into a paragraph? I’ve had two friends use an online site. One resulted in a relationship that has so far lasted 7 years (she’s a doll), and it was his first try. The other met a guy online through Yahoo on a lark: he became a prick on the second and third dates and she canned him. So I guess no matter what the mode of meeting, dating will always be a crapshoot;)

Dating is a crapshoot because most people are WEIRD!

Most people want to live a tv show lifestyle. They have no
feelings and no conscience anymore. Common courtesy seems
to be a lost art along with a little self-respect. Yeah, I
guess dating is one big crapshoot. Mostly just crap!

Hey, did everyone hear about that crazy dude who just shot up a fitness class.

He posted blogs about being alone for many years and how it wore him down.

He stated that “flying solo for so long is a destroyer” How horrible to let things get so desperate and destructive.

Now I by no means understand or justify these actions, but I am very aware how years of prolonged lonliness can wear away at your mind.

This poor disturbed bastard, took 3 lives as well as his own, out of desperate lonliness how profoundly sad!

It’s sad what happened, almost incomprehensible. When I read it, all I could think of was “Holy Crap!” I was, frankly, stunned.

And when that wore off, I had to put it in perspective. As much as I can acknowledge what must have been overwhelming loneliness and despair on his part, the act was more out of anger and resentment than desperate loneliness. Can we feel so entitled to love and affection that we see others in a harsh light when we do not receive it? And if we do, what does that say about us? About others?

Didn’t read that one, but I have to say this is not the kind of loneliness we (at least I) are going through. This sounds much more general. Like being completely isolated and alienated from the human race. Maybe his family wasn’t supportive and maybe he didn’t have a family at all. No friends, hardly or none at all social life. That could really destroy a man.

I feel really bad for the guy. At least he is in peace now.

Sad indeed! He was just being eaten up inside very slowly.
Yeah Livid, it does sort of wear on you, no doubt. His
frustration kept building and I can certainly identify with
that. The sad part is that he chose to take it out on
innocent people. Lonliness can do a job on you. Everyone on this post can attest to that. It’s hard not to become bitter
when you get the feeling that life is passing you by!
Trying to deal with it can be even harder!

Hank, you nailed it big time, coping is so hard, I sometimes feel like the biggest loser out there for being so sensitive.

I feel like life IS passing by because it actually IS.

Each day I get a day older and less optimistic.

IF only I could be happy on my own, is that really possible???

Livid, whenever I come across someone who is in a terrible
relationship I tell myself that my situation isn’t so bad
after all. Maybe I’m the freak for holding out so long and thinking the RIGHT person will come along. Getting in a
relationship just for the sake of having one is an idea that
is foreign to me. The big question is how long do you keep
searching? I honestly don’t have an answer. Is it possible
to be happy and alone? Part of me says yeah, it is, the other part,……well!

Something occurred to me last night and I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

If I was to find out that I girl I was interested in has a guy I would just step down. But being mathematical about this makes me believe that this is a very counterproductive action.
And let me be blunt: there ARE ugly girls. Sorry if someone felt offended.

So the rest of the girls that I would find remotely attractive, find boyfriends at a very early age (14 or so) driven mostly by social standards and their girlfriends – “Gee, how could you not have a guy by now. You’re such a loser…”.

So from that point on that girl is taken. For good…
No woman (or man actually) will willingly end a relationship JUST so they can be available for something better, right? That would only happen in case the relationship is already going downhill really fast. In which case either of the sides will not look for a new partner for x amount of time. Let’s say that out of 5 years of a relationship that has gone bad, you’ll be single for the next 3 months ’till you’re ready to date again. Five years x 12 months = 60 months divided by 3 equals 20. That’s 20:1 chance you’ll find someone who is ready to date and is not in a relationship. Of course I am being approximate.

The odds however are ridiculous. And I’m not just being theoretical about this. Come to think of it, I’ve only known one or two girls in my entire life span who would be pretty enough to date, but are still single. One of them had gone out of a bad relationship recently so she hardly counts.

So trying to find a girl good enough and available to date is practically impossible. Or next to impossible anyway.
Which means I have to go for girls who do have boyfriends, right? Two or three possible options here however:

1. I’m being consistent and she does find something attractive about me eventually.
2. She clearly states she’s already in a relationship and she’d have nothing to do with me.

Both of those seem to me as “cheating”, because you can’t just go out with someone in case you aren’t actually interested in them, but if you are interested then you are tampering with the trust you’re given by your partner.
So how could I possibly hit it off with a girl that was in a relationship in he first place, considering I could end up the same way as her ex boyfriend – abandoned for something better?

Shouldn’t there be some kind of a “I’m taken” sign? Is that the role of the engagement ring?

I’m really baffled here. On one hand I have mathematical and certain life proof that the outlook does not look good if I am to look for someone single. On the other I have my moral issues that lead me to believe that a girl that would leave someone for something better without remorse is far below my level of moral values.

Crafty, they don’t call you that for nothing!

I have often wondered about just this too.

To let yourself be known to someone, and “be there for them” is great. IF they are in a good relationship then nothing will happen, but if they are not that happy you could be a potential but in their ear.

No harm no fowl. Plus, you will be the person that stands in stark contrast to the dud that they are currently with.

So what’s to lose?

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I can appreciate your theory Crafty. I never seem to meet
anyone that is totally single or unattached that I can
connect with. I’ve had plenty of chances to date married
women and friends’ girlfriends but my conscience always got in the way. To make yourself known, as Livid has suggested,is a subtle way of letting someone know you’re
interested without pushing too hard and the ball is in their court. In stealing someone away I’d always be thinking when is she going to dump me for somebody she
thinks is better? I’ve often asked myself, Is it better to
just date someone and avoid lonliness or wait and wait for
a miracle to happen? Seems to me precious time is lost
either way! All is fair in love and war is ok as long
as you’re on the winning side! Losing….not so much!

I’ve had quite a few encounters with girls that were spoken for, but I always backed out. Was that not the honorable thing to do?

And now that I think about it, no, it wasn’t. It was the really stupid thing to do.

Again, we’re back on the “Good for you, pal” topic where it’s just you and yourself. Nobody’s gonna come and give you a pat on the shoulder for being upright by not trying to take somebody’s girl. That was just me being a ‘tard.

And I know I should probably say to myself “Hey, I’m just 24. Life’s ahead of me.” , but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way. There is this sort of a social ladder you gotta climb or at least that’s how I see it:

You get a girlfriend at 16 – it lasts two weeks. You get another one at 18 – it lasts 2-3 months and you maybe get laid couple of times. Then you’re kinda sad and lonely for a while and find a girl that has been through what you have. You’re happy together and you last for two or three years. And then you could repeat the last step again or you find “the one” you marry and have kids with.

It’s only normal a girl will expect that kind of experience from me in return. Nobody will want someone who’s “skipped” on all of that and is now in his mid 20′s, but is otherwise “real cool…”
Tough luck, kid.

Thanks, livid and Hank. I still have a lot more to consider before I get it right. That is, IF I ever get it right.

Forget about that social ladder crap Crafty. Not everybody’s
life goes along at the same speed. There is no set formula
to life! Plenty of married people out there are terribly
miserable. Could be that your good times are just beginning!

There is no rhyme or reason to this matter. It just comes when it comes. Or unfortunately when it never does. That is the brutal truth.

You got that right Livid. “Never found the right person”
will probably end up on my gravestone by the looks of it.

Just finished ready your article! I am so tired of being single too!!!

Another date… I have no idea how the first impression went. She seems really nice, but I’m still wondering if we have anything in common. She said to give her a call sometime so that must mean I may have a second date coming. This sort of thing beats me black and blue. Boy, am I pathetic.

Sometimes, the simplest thing is the answer. You got digits, so that’s promising. Don’t nuke it, and don’t wonder after a first date about commonalities. Give it a few dates before you revisit that question. Good luck.

Jimmy, it couldn’t have gone that bad if there is a
possible second date. My advice, for what it’s worth, is
to take it slow and see how things develop. Don’t seem
too anxious and don’t beat yourself up over it. Hope it
works out for you!!

Are there any normal people out there who want a simple, healthy, committed relationship??

I have spent this entire summer meeting one whack job after another, I am LOOOOSING IT!!

Good question Livid. They’re kind of like the Bigfoot. You
hear about them, but you never see ‘em. I believe I’d have better luck in finding Amelia Earhart!

we are out there i promise! i think the problem is meeting each other.. or not knowing what to do when we do meet each other? no one wants to come accross as desperate to spend time with someone so what comes accross to the other is “yeah heh, good to meet you, nice to see you, maybe i’ll see you again sometime?” it’s not exactly encouraging. what would be great would be if someone actually knew the answer to the question how do you find someone for yourself? there is no answer because it seems to be different for everyone. i’ve always just gone with being friends and then hope it turns into something more? or jumping right into things only to have it fall apart within two weeks to a month! if i could just meet the guy who would honestly walk up to me, tell me was interested, spend some time to get to know me, to let it grow, and then to let it blossom into a loving, supportive, sexually & intellectually stimulating relationship! man! that’s what iv’e been waiting for!

Not gonna happen.
Just won’t.

I have just thing to say “Needle in a Haystack”

I’m convinced it only happens in fairytales, songs,and
in the movies. In real life, prepare to get BURNED!

i just heard of a new safe dating site that i am going to use. it is called Postitos.come, the site hosts the banter and you can give out your information when you feel comfortable. it also has a mycon feature if you are a little shy like i am. just thought i would let you all know! let’s chat!

I think some people are oblivious. You know who you are.

Met a great guy, such a gentleman, until……………..I found out he is MARRIED!!!

No, we don’t.
Anyway.

Hank,

I’ve met someone I didn’t consider interesting at first, but now I feel like I’ve fallen head over heels for that girl and I’m pretty certain she’s interested as well.
What I really like about her is that she (at least seems that way) has actual moral standards – rare thing to see in a girl – and she lives by them. Never uses elevator, never swears (thank you, God!) and she also has that feminine thing that girls seem to have lost lately. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I think you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

Problem is I don’t know where I stand with her right now and I don’t exactly have much time to find out. I’ll be leaving the company next week which means I’ve got 3 more days to get things moving.

She’s playing sort of hard to get and I’d be OK with that if I had the time for it, but since I don’t I wish there was a way I could state my position without coming on too strong or too… needy.
Experience has taught me that rushing things is hardly ever productive, but in this case it’s sort of “Now or…well, not now” and I don’t want it to end like this.
We’ve had a few friendly chats, she hugged me once and one time she took the ice cream on a stick out of my mouth and ate it. That was hot damn it!!! HOT!

So I’d appreciate some advice here.
Should I go out of my way and try to act a bit more aggressive or hope for things to develop naturally within the next 3 days? Yeah, like that’s gonna happen…

Crafty, Just ask her to go out!!!!

Take her to a nice dinner and see if you guys connect, simple as that.

Think positive it sounds good, all the best of luck!

Livid,

Sorry that happen to you. I still admire you for not giving up and I think it’s a certain win if you keep doing it. One day you’re BOUND to find someone you click with.

As for the dinner…
I don’t think we’re there yet. We don’t know each other that well still and I’d be too shy to ask her out like that. I’m having second thoughts now. Crap.

Ask her out on a date, Crafty, but make it something with lower pressure and a lot of fun. Dinner on a first date can imply more than it should, but lunch gives both of you time for other options. A good lunch can rival a good dinner. And, don’t wait for things to naturally develop: that’s how you end up in the friend bucket. Be the man: nudge it along, dress and groom to impress without GQing yourself, make the plans, have surprises. Don’t think it to death and don’t give things too much import, just flow and have fun. I’m pulling for you.

Crafty, there is no doubt in my mind that she is for sure into you. As a woman, I can tell you that if a woman is giving a hug or even more than that ate your ice cream, she did not do that accidently. I am guessing that after she did that, she was laughing too?
The woman is definitely into you but she is not that much into you as yet. I agree with the folks who said that your next step is as simple as to ask her on a date. You need to show her that you are REALLY interested and that this is different from what you felt towards her at the begining when you were not into her yet and trust me women remember these things and compare behaviors before and after. If she does not notice any difference how she could possibly know that you are NOW interested. If she does recognize that however, she will either give you a chance or she would make it clear to you that she is not interested. Since I do not know the woman these two scenarios may apply only if she is not playing with you which from what you described does not sound as she does.
If you ask her on a date it does not have to be something too heavy. Perhaps going out for a movie and then for a drink after the movie. Going to see a movie together would allow you the time to relax and enjoy the date without the pressure of thinking what you have to say to impress her.
Good luck with that.

Livid,

I feel for you. Sadly, as a married guy, I’ll tell you that what made us marriageable also tends to make us a little more attractive: we can commit, we can fall deeply in love, we’re romantics. Marriage can also put us more in tune with females and all their subtleties more: call it better dating practice than being single, ironically.

I’ve learned that most women will not ask a guy right away if he’s married. Either they don’t care or they fear coming on too strong. If this is you, always ask. He will either tell you the truth or set himself up with a lie to get caught later. Take your time, learn his routine and sometimes date outside of it for a while if you have a hunch: even try dates at times normally reserved for a wife and kid like breakfast, brunches on weekends, early on weekdays, when schools might have sporting events/seasons, etc.). Watch if he’s evasive both behaviorally or emotionally. After a while, he’ll trip himself up, it’s hard to have two lives. Unless he doesn’t give a shit about his wife in which case, he’ll be harder to catch because he has already begun to check out.

What are you waiting for Crafty? I feel GLAD FOR YOU! At
least one of us has a little luck. Just tell her how you feel and take it from there. Unless she’s a super tease,
I’d say she’s interested. So go for it, what have you got
to lose? What’s to be will be! BEST OF LUCK TO YA PAL!!!

Livid, really sorry to hear that. I’ve had some married women make a play for me. They didn’t even try to hide it. What I don’t understand is if someone wants to act single
why get married at all? I guess wedding vows are just a formality anymore. Met a woman a couple of weeks ago. She
seemed interested enough but she also knew every guy in the place. Some things she told me didn’t make sense either.
All I could see was a huge red flag, if you know what I mean. Think I’ll keep looking. This luck can’t last forever,…….can it?

Not all women are like that. This is really the exception, Hank055 not the rule. I think that you will find the right girl if you would keep yourself positive and trust that eventually the woman would sense your positivity.
I had lately get to know a guy very briefly who seemed to be put together and with a nice career. I very quickly sensed a desperation in her seeking after a date. At the same time he seemed too focused on himself, but want me to be interested in him at the same time. I obviously sensed lack of maturity and wondered how can i trust him if he is so focused on himself and all he wants is a woman to cry on her shoulders. I ended the communication between us immediately. The simple reason for doing that is that as much as I wanted to give him a chance as well as to this dating to grow, he absolutely did no efforts to make himself look attractive and a lot of negative energy was there is his voice and approach towards life, I can’t emphasize that enough. It is like everything in this universe is wrong and bad and all in all the world is such a bad place to be at..I am giving you this scenario as an example just to make the point that it is also important how woman perceives you, it is not enough that you would feel attraction towards her. Women do give signals when they are attracted, you just need to learn them.

Well said Joan, important not to make sweeping gender generalisations. It sounds like you made the right decision with that guy, he sounded like he wasn’t in a place to give to anyone. Seems like he had a lot of work to do on himself..hope you are feeling positive about your decision…

Cool comments. And thanks for the support, guys.

As expected, I got cold feet today. Asshole…
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll grow a pair of something in my pants and ask her out. She gave me a hug this morning which sort of caught me off guard. It’s just that I haven’t felt like that way in a long time. It is refreshing to say the least.

Hi Julie. I do feel better now. Thank you sweetie.
Happy dating

I pulled it off
Walked right into her room which was full of other girls and I could hear them talk, but as soon as I went in there everything went silent. It’s like everyone but me knew what I was there for. We had a short chat and I asked her why she didn’t came to see me today. She smiled and asked me if I missed her.

So couple of hours later she came by, I took her out and BANG! I popped the question.
She said she’s busy this sunday, but I was firm and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer which led to… well, honestly I don’t know what it led to, but she seemed inclined to come. I’ll find out tomorrow, but either way I’m happy that I managed to ask her out. It was a step in the right direction.
I’m still not sure if it wasn’t too soon though.

You see Crafty, the world did not come to an end.

You did it… that’s the most important part of this whole game… just going for it!

Good luck man…

Shut your brain off, Crafty;)

How else is one to find out whether anything is too soon or not, if not by DOING? And you played it smart. If you had responded to her “No” by agreeing and walking away, you would have been flopping in the friend bucket!

Now, follow through boldly. “The achievement of a goal is not a marathon, but an aggressive sprint – - – short, but powerfully intense. No dramatic change is accomplished in a slow, steady, and sensible manner” (Chris Shugart)

You da man Crafty! I’m glad for you. You’re off to a good
start. Lots of luck amigo!

Good luck nothing.
We talked and laughed today, but she came by several times to tell me that she wouldn’t be able to make it, because she was engaged elsewhere. She seemed genuine, but man that made me feel bad about myself. Why can’t things work out for me at least for once…

Good news is that the game we’re working on is shipping next wednesday which gives me three more days to work my magic.
I don’t want to give up on this particular girl.

Crafty, Don’t give up just yet. My advice would be to remain
cautiously optomistic. At least she made an effort to let you know she has a previous engagement. Just don’t get too
down on yourself if this doesn’t work out. I think if she’s interested she’ll find a way to see you. That’s my opinion.
One final word. DO NOT,I repeat,DO NOT seem overly anxious!
If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that. Best Wishes from
the Hankster!

I mostly try to let the comments on this post go without moderation, but I will not allow people to be attacked in comments. As such, I’m removing the last few posts from Joe and Julie. There is no place for finger-pointing on this site. This is a place for help, advice, and general discussion, not intimidation and name-calling.

I’m going to request that everyone think carefully about the words they’re typing and whether they’re helpful or not.

Thanks.

This is it. This is IT!
That’s life for me.
Last week I thought I had a shot at this girl, but no.
The last couple of days she’s been ignoring me completely. It’s like… I don’t even know what to compare it with. I did absolutely nothing that would make her act that way. I wasn’t clingy or desperate. I wasn’t on the lookout for her attention or anything. But she got cold, and what’s worse – I see her flirting with a colleague of mine now.
In times like these I can not help but wonder what the fuck did I do wrong to deserve this?!

Hope is the worse possible feeling you can ever experience in this life. Better to be single and hopeless and deal with some amount of pain you can handle rather than be presented with some sort of a chance to actually be happy and then have it taken away from you. That really hurts.

Crafty, I hear you man!

That really sucks, and it is at a time like this that you have to beleive in yourself.

I know it sounds so cliche, but really try and look at yourself positively.

This girl was not that into you, that’s all. It’s nothing you did or didn’t do.

Haven’t you ever been in that position before, where some chick likes you and you are not into her.

I’m sure you have, it’s not her fault it’s just you weren’t into her.

Well it’s the same thing here. You just din’t find the person you like who likes you back.

That is the HARDEST thing to get; two people who both like each other to be at the same place at the same time.

Just promise to hang in there, Ok?

It is the hardest thing to do , but if you are a strong person you will be able to do it.

It will happen.

Keep your chin up.

Crafty, I think you have what to learn from this experience in a good way not in a destructive way. I think if you go back to earlier developments in this flirting/early dating scene, you would notice that as a matter of fact she did give you a sign that she is not serious about dating you. If you remember my comment I mentioned to you to go ahead, and that she SEEMS into you, unless that she is playing with you. Right after that you mentioned that she came back to you and told you that she have an earlier commitment and she cant. She could not be any clearer and please don’t get mad. I am trying to help you to read women’s signals.
From what you said about her earlier as well as the last development with her flirting with a new guy it is most likely that she does that ALL THE TIME not for the purpose of dating any guy, but for her own ego..she probably either lives in her own dreamland and do not want to date at all, or she had been in love with a guy or she still in love with a guy who does not feel the same feelings for her, and she needs other guys to flirt with her in order for her to improve how she feels about her self as a woman and you simply was one of those candidates. Usually women who do these things lack maturity and everything that can come with the package of immaturity is in them..so you have to do some thinking about that, and I totally agree with Livid he put it very nicely some women will be into you and some not, just as you would be into some women and some you would never feel into them..take it east and move on. let the feelings come up and process it well so you would be able to move on with no anger feelings as well. Good luck.

Well put, Livid.

Crafty, I almost feel guilty encouraging you to follow your bliss and take a chance. And I’m really sorry things didn’t turn out as you hoped. But this story could have turned out differently, and it is for this reason that you have to dust yourself off and continue trying. Not with this person, but with others. You don’t have to, of course, no pressure. And don’t let this diminish your self worth.

Don’t lose hope on the world because of the callousness of the few, Crafty.

Yes, but then why the hell did she take the fist step if she had no intention of seeing things through? I was like a glass full of water – still and peaceful. Then she came and stirred the whole thing. And when I decided to play along – poof – nothing. What kind of a sick joke is that?!

Either way, it’s over and I’ll move on eventually, but for a day or two I really thought I had a chance and it was a pleasant feeling. Too bad it had to end so fast.

Thank you so much for your support guys.

livid: Thanks. I’ll hang… what else is there to do anyway.

Joan: I’ve seen women who crave attention before and she didn’t seem to be one of them, but now that I think about it…

Aiden: What happened was my fault alone. I should’ve been more careful, but I rushed in and that’s what I got. You win some, you lose some, right?

PS. livid is female-ish

Ps Crafty, I am femalish because I am one!

I know of what I speak.

Don’t ever give up because of one, two or three…. Let’s not hope for that many.

People are weird. Period.

Get used to it.

Once you see that, you will let things roll off your back.

One more spot of advise, the more you get hurt the less it will…

Happy Hunting

I know you are girl
Thanks, livid.
So what are you doing tonight?

Crafty….Ha HA , you got the right idea.

Truly sorry to hear that Crafty. Some women enjoy being the
TEASER type. They don’t have a soul! Forget her,she’ll get hers some day, big time. I’ve had a few blow up in my face
too. It hurts, makes you angry. If you can learn anything from this it’s that you can’t read someone’s mind because
they are sending some positive signals. Doesn’t work!
Move on and chalk one up to experience! After all, it could
have been a lot worse. She could have went on some dates with you and drained your wallet. Best wishes in the future!

Livid, people ARE weird aren’t they? Once you sort out the
losers and total nut-jobs the pickings are very, very slim.
Nobody is who you think they are or what they claim to be!
The old saying “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who
you are” still rings true!

I’ll be your wing girl

I feel every word you said. The lonelyness hurts deep inside and life feels pointless alone. I’ve given up on finding a partner, it never seems to work. I’ve been told theres nothing worng with me but experience tells me otherwise. I’ve just accepted that some people end up alone their whole life. I hope you find someone.

Thanks again for your support. You’re great.

Hank, I think I now know what you meant by “cautiously optimistic”, but how do you do that?
It’s like holding back your emotions and not just from the world, but from yourself. Of course you wouldn’t be running around the streets screaming “I’m in love, I’m in love” etc, but how do you stop yourself from being so positive or hopeful?
Because obviously that is the wrong way to go.

Just look at the guys who got the “I don’t give a damn” stamped on their foreheads. They probably get to beat girls off with a stick. How do I become one of those?!

Crafty, What I meant was to remain positive but at the same time keep your guard up and be ready for disappointment.
Granted, sometimes people are very good at leading you on
and their signals will be mixed, but experience will teach
you to trust your own instincts. I’ve had plenty of bad
experiences like the one you just had. Looking back on them
I realized I may have overlooked some of the negative vibes
that should have been obvious to me probably because I
wanted it to work out so bad! Hindsight, as they say, is
20/20. Don’t stop from being hopeful,just remember what
happened last time and approach with a little more caution.

The “I don’t give a damn” attitude might work in a bar but
having an air of confidence about yourself is a good idea
anywhere. Not arrogant just confident. I know it’s very
hard to do and it took me a long time to learn this hard
lesson. By the way, how’s those guitar lessons coming?

I like your attitude HANK. This is exactly IT. Not to become angry, nor arrogant and definitely not direspectful towards women. This is becuase too many reasons, however the main reasons among them is that it would project on who you are as a guy much more than affect the woman, and second of all, it would back fire at you in many ways, leaving you feeling worse than before. In other words it would be a cycle that you would be trapped in, without a way out of it, should you approach men women relationship with disrespect. I can assure you that no woman would accept you with this attitude unless she is going through her own dilemma which would mean that she most likely needs help rather than a relationship.
This is my two cents.

I cant believe what i have just read, youve touched my heart, this is all the things that ive told others like whats the point in experiencing a beutiful day or going on a trip when you’ve no one to share it with, i hope u find someone one day who apreciates and who you love waking up with i’ll keep my fingers crossed for u if u will do it for me xx

I feel your pain man, I too am tired of being lonely. You look around and you see these girls in relationships where they aren’t treated right, and they’re walked on. I would never do that, yet I’m the one looking in. There appears to be no end to it and I’ve accepted the fact that it’s not going to change. It never used to really bother me, and to be honest I thought there was no point to it, but I was very wrong. I want someone to protect, someone to live for, someone to comfort when they’re upset, and I don’t. It really is depressing sometimes…

Last night I had a dream. The dream of the most vivid imagination, the imagination of one who wishes to never be alone, the imagination of one who lives in a world which bends light and blocks sight.

This dream was that of a struggle, the struggle and conflict which rages inside all who are alone and seeking answers. I was fighting, I was that of the role which takes on a form of an agent, a lawman so it seemed, seeking justice… To put right that which has been wronged. My life was in mortal danger, but I was strong, so so strong. My aim was deadly and my fist that of steel. Looking down the barrel of many guns and taking them on with Vengeance!!!!

I watch as the last one begged for mercy, after watching the last of his consorts fall to the mistake in judgment he had made before confronting me and my will. I spared this man’s life and apprehended him and had him taken away. Then I saw it, a door… One that was in plain view of the carnage and righteous fury which was my scorn. That which was being guarded by the foul and filth that dared curse my name. I reached for the handle, opened the door slowly, Looked in to find a girl, strangely the sent of this room was inviting, sweet and perfumic. The atmosphere was also pulling on every since of my soul, tender and soft as if to be calling to me. I look across the room, to this girl… She motions me to come closer, she seemed scared, I think to myself she must have been kidnapped I should save her and take her into my strong arms…

As I walk towards her I find that it was I that suddenly turned weak and my resolve had broken. I reach the girl and I was a pulp/ a shell of the man I was just moments ago. Suddenly she says my name, I stare deep into her eyes, she says “I knew you would come, and now it is I that shall save you, my love…” We end in a loving embrace, hugging and kissing, the sweet passionate scene one would view at the end of a movie. The hair of black with red highlights, the skin of that kissed by the sun, the red pouty lips, the dress… That of blue silk with a bow tied off in the middle. It was real and I knew it!

It was real, so so real… It was tormenting and blissful I wanted it to never end, I had everything that was missing in my life in that one moment. Suddenly I was ripped unfairly away, to my empty room in my empty bed in my empty house. Had it all just been a dream??? If so, then why was I blessed with such feelings and emotions, to just have been mocked and teased? I still have that thought in my head which will stay with me always…

I don’t know, just thought I would share this with you all… Make your comments as you wish, I am going to go weep in the woe and bask in the memories of this dream. Perhaps for a brief moment I can have that happiness again.

Wow, Zack, great way of putting it. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m so tired of hearing at work that I need to find someone. I’m so tired of hearing from family that I need to find someone and have children before they get too old. I am SO TIRED of being told the sea of available women is dwindling, they will all be divirced with children soon, so I better step it up a notch. I consider myself attractive and smart, but why I cannot manage to find a girl is beyond me. I hate being the wing man, too. I know there has got to be a whole sea of single, attractive, smart women close to my age out there, but where???

Dustin, apparently that ship has sailed a long time ago.
Unfortunately, things aren’t quite like a movie on the
Hallmark Channel where everybody meets their soulmate and
ends up impossibly happy! That sea you talked about ain’t
anywhere on my map.

Does anyone out there know of some way to keep sane, while waiting for something to happen?

It’s brutal coming home from a day of work and opening the door at 6 oclock, and asking “What now?”

Trying to make up things to fill the evening when all you wan to do is be at home, make a nice dinner and share the evening with someone.

I find myself pacing or going out to try and find something to do when all I want is to relax at home and chill. But this is not fun 7 days a week alone.

So you end up going out, spending money , and chasing your tail.

I am so bored of this routine, any suggestions??????

Well Livid, I tried a lot of different things. Listening to music,reading,popping in a DVD,etc.,etc. They all get old
eventually. Trouble is when I go out I usually don’t know
anyone either. It’s not that much fun going out to eat by
yourself or going to see some kind of entertainment. I have
a friend that I golf with but that’s obviously daytime.
Once in a while I’ll get together with my cousins and their
husbands but I hate the role of fifth wheel. Then you have the bar scene. Don’t even want to go there. Camping and
hiking are ok but again, it would be far better with
someone I really want to be with. I love to cook, but like you said, it would be great to share it with someone. On and on it goes and I ask myself if this is as good as it’s
ever gonna get.

So what you are saying Hank, is that there is no answer.

I guess you just accept and deal, until something comes along.

That is just about the long and short of it, I would say.

SUCKS!

It does suck Livid. I won’t say there is no answer. I’m
just not able to supply one. I try to keep occupied and do
things I like in order to keep my sanity. These days
opportunity comes along about as often as Haley’s Comet!
The only thing left is to deal with it best you can. Guess
I could just start dating anyone for the sake of dating, but
that really has no meaning. Hell, my cat is better company
than some people I’ve known.

I read this article in Men’s Health a few months ago, and found it to be such an eye opener that I just had to share it. Maybe, it could offer ideas to the ladies here as well as the men. If this doesn’t open, Google “”she’s out there” men’s health article”

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=women&category=hooking.up&conitem=a1756bd750602210VgnVCM10000030281eac____

I actually read that article in Mens Health, and it really made sense to me.

Thanks

Livid, there is no easy answers, you and Hank are both right. And in case I ever sound like a smug married, I will soon face this world as a divorcee and am finding out some of the very things you guys mention in this thread (not much different than when I was single, just more modernized). Much like the article implies, we have to change the way we meet people and how, get out more and be more social. Which will lead, scarily, to dating more. And sometimes it is stress, but as long as you are smart about it, it should be fun even if it doesn’t work out. You can’t always worry about it too much: some relationships look good on paper but don’t work in reality. So to find that out, and which ones will work, you’ve got to get out there.

Sorry to hear that Aiden. Unfortunately social skills have taken a back seat in today’s digital world. I must be
terribly old school but I put much more value on face to
face interaction. You’re right when you say that some
relationships look good on paper but don’t work. Some folks
can put on a good show. I’ve been “Out There”, but I can tell you the pickings are slim and none. I sometimes wonder
if anyone is really happy in a relationship or did they just
find someone who is tolerable!

My mom used to say, upon meeting someone, “no me cayo bien” (didn’t sit well/didn’t strike her right). I pretty much trust that vibe. Sometimes, you don’t really see the really happy ones because the reasons are very subtle. People could be looking for the obvious hand holding and overt PDA. A person could see a guy and a girl talking in the street and see a normal conversation, but the guy might have said to the lady “I’m gonna kiss you good tonight” and it’s their second date. Don’t rely too much on your eyes, there is always a backstory and a side story you don’t see.

A lot of people settle. They marry young and then down the road after kids and house and bills they are bored and no long in love.

But because of fear, finances and family they stay, miserable but still married.

They go on like this for years and sometimes forever.

If the people who are truly unhappy were out there with us I don’t think we all would be that lonely.

There are so many potential partners in the world but they don’t have the get up and go to actually get up and go,

So we have slim pickins

I have to say that marriage is not exactly misearable. I have been married once, I married very young, and today I am single again.. for the last 5 years. It is not always the case that couples would not be happy together after a decade or two. Priorities change and so the definiton of partnership. Children, finances and building a fututre for the family are all aspects that become significantly important for any couples. At the same time, there are those who cheat and there are many incidents who end up with divorce. I am lucky that my divorce was at a very early stage with no children. We simply did not feel that it was right for us to be married to each other and so we split. Today when I look back I feel good about that decision that I made about that divorce. In fact, it was one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life.
My advise to you is: don’t lever ose hope. You will find someone.. If you keep yourself open to the idea and be out there, one day he or she will walk into your life and you would barely remember what you have been saying about being single..or what ever that was..Cheers

Does anyone have any positive stories about women over 30 (in my case 33) finding someone to share their life with? Virtually all the women I know over 30 have been single for years, with no luck when it comes to men.

I was in a wonderful relationship many years ago, but we split up because of geography. Recently I thought I met the man of my dreams, but after three months (1/2 of which was long distance), he’s pulled away. He’s a textbook case of emotionally unavailable. And it sucks because I adore this man otherwise. He’s truly exactly what I’ve been looking for.

I am lonlier than I have ever been and so frustrated with my life in the romance department.

Any positive stories would be helpful!!

Just about the only positive thing here is that we’re still alive, somewhat sane and we haven’t walked into a school with AK47. I guess that counts for something, right?

Something like that movie “Groundhog Day”‘ where the same
day keeps happening over and over. Eh Crafty?

It’s tough out there for anyone of either sex or of any age.

The more intelligent you are or accomplished, seems to make things even harder.

You are not willing to settle.

So slim pickins are the reality

Exactly, Hank. It’s an endless loop.

livid, you’re right too. Which makes me wonder if actually relationships have something to do with intelligence. I don’t mean to sound uppity or with my head up my arse, but does it occur to you that most intelligent people (semi intelligent anyway) seem to have much harder time finding a significant counterpart?
Is it because we think and analyze too much?

There was this guy are work who was a total moron (got kicked out eventually). And I DO mean moron. And yet he had a girlfriend who – in my opinion – looked quite nice.

How? HOW?!
I can not help but wonder what the hell does he have that I don’t? If I didn’t know, I’d swear that he wouldn’t be able to get a date with a rubber doll. Geez, that girl must have a mental disability or something.

Precisely, Crafty…..

Higher intelligence is rare, being socially, financially and career acomplished is rare.

So in order to be happy with someone you have to have common ground, you need to respect that person and feel they are your equal.

In order not to get bored and frustrated you need conversation with someone who “get’s it”

An example of this … I was out with a guy, he was ok.

I pulled my cel phone out of my pocket it had inadvertently dialed a whole screen of 00000000. I said to him “looked I have a whole bunch of nothing”
“get it”…Well he didn’t get it at all didn’t understand even when I explained the little funny ice breaker.

So, instant turn off. The rest of the conversation was not interesting just small talk. It was a boring time.

He was not witty or fun at all.

I really believe that you need someone with equal intelligence and a similar sence of humour. Sure a hot looking person is attractive, but that is only half of the equation.

The smarter and funnier you are the harder it is to find a person who is attractive, smart and fun all rolled together, that is a rare comodity.

It is not anything WRONG with you, it is just harder to find your counterpart, there are simply less of your kind out there.

Average is abundant, exceptional is rare.

Just a numbers game, try and be patient and hang in there.

You hit the nail on the head Livid. There are too many people who DON’T GET IT! They have no sense of humor
unless it’s very simple. Some even think you’re talking down to them and that gives them a feeling of inferiority.
I don’t feel I talk down to anyone. I only have a high school education. On that rare occasion that I do meet
someone witty or fun to talk to they are ALWAYS MARRIED
OR IN A RELATIONSHIP! On the other side of the coin I
don’t like yuppie types who are arrogant and try to shove it in your face either. Guess I’m kind of caught in the
middle somewhere. The older you get the harder it gets.

Crafty, that guy you mentioned probably has a moron girlfriend. She doesn’t feel intimidated by him.
I see it all the time.She probably dresses nice and he
looks like he just walked out of a lumber camp! Of course
she could probably tell you what’s going on in every tv
reality show.

Where will it end?

Hank, I agree.

She is either a full on moron or broke.

Girls will be with a guy who isn’t all that to be in a better financial situation.

Maybe he is helping to pay her bills, or buying her things, there is an explanation for sure.

Actually he was quite poor from what I can tell. But that’s besides the point.
He just wouldn’t groom or take care of himself. I am certain that he lasted a week without taking a bath. Don’t get me wrong. I am not being judgmental, because I don’t really know where he’s coming from and so on, but if I was in her position I’d never go for a slob like that. And I don’t see how anyone could.

If a man can’t take care of himself… well then how is he going to take care of anything else? And I’m talking about basic needs here. First level of Maslow’s pyramid.

And yes, well put, Livid. That did made a lot of sense although I don’t exactly fall into the “smart” category. Never really graduated from university and my IQ’s barely 127 which makes me quite average. But to be honest I’ve met only two girls that I was really interested in after getting to know them. They challenged me intellectually and I felt like we were on the same level.
However one of them left for the US of A and the other went to friggin Denmark to study. Come on! Who goes to Denmark for crying out loud!
But that was two years ago. Never met anyone special ever since. Well, I thought I did with that last girl, but it took only a week to see what a wench she turn out to be.

But, yeah. Looking back I definitely have to agree with you two. It’s a numbers game unless you’re dead from the neck up. I wish I was one of those guys who stick fingers up their nose, but still get to have girlfriends just because they exist.

Hey, this place is actually turning out to be something quite nice. Feels good to have someone to talk to and know that you’re understood. Thanks.

Crafty, anybody that goes out with a guy like that has no
self-respect. Probably thinks she doesn’t deserve better.
I’ll never understand that view. One thing you have to ask yourself is would you really want that type of woman that is
attracted to guys who have their fingers up their nose or
some other place? Yeah, it’s a numbers game like Livid said,
but then again so is the lottery and we all know how that works out! The odds are certainly stacked against us.

Yes, outlook does not look good and we know that all too well.
But now I’m thinking “Why not?”
Why not have a stupid girlfriend and at least get laid rather than being single, Hank? How much worse can things get?
And you have to admit women seem to really take a leap for a guy that’s already in a relationship or something. It’s the so called “social mirror”. “He’s good enough for that girl, then he’s good enough for me”. On the other hand if you’re single, you stay single, ’cause nobody likes singles. They are mentally ill and handicapped and it’s contagious.

So what’s the point of waiting for something that’s worth it if it won’t ever come? I’ve got a better chance being struck by a lightning where I stand rather than meet a girl that is generally interested in me and will respond to what I have to offer.

Right now I’m having a terrible time and frankly I’m quite angry at the world and myself for being where I am. I guess that’s the best I’m capable of then. Other creeps and nut jobs can get girls and not even give a damn, but hey… that’s life for ya.

It’s ok for a while Crafty, but believe me it wears thin.
I’m just as frustrated as you are and I’m sick and tired of being “Sick and Tired”. Friends wives don’t like me much.
You know those single guys,they all go to strip clubs and
get drunk every night. Of course we’re all drug addicts
too! We can’t be trusted for a Goddamn thing, can we?
I can appreciate how you feel pal. Being up against it has
become a way of life almost and there is no light at the
end of the tunnel, but somewhere there is a little faith left. Very Little! Shine On

We simply do not know what is around the corner.

We tend to judge the future based on the past, so because we have not seen and good evidence for meeting a great person, only so far negative losers, we tend to establish a pattern of hopelessness.

Hey you know what the definition of a pessismist is? An optimist with experience!

Haven’t heard the drug addict story yet, Hank, but it makes sense. They can pin the 9/11 on one of us and it will be perfectly reasonable.

Livid, those things get to you. At least they get to me. You try once, you fail. You try again, you fail. You do it ten more time and you fall flat on your back again and again. How can anyone be hopeful after that? “Yeah, I sucked the last twenty times, but maybe this time it will work” ?

I can relate to hermits now. For a year I use to work at home and didn’t meet anyone (especially women) and I was fine. Still single and sad from time to time, but HECK, I was feeling a lot better than I am right now.

Now the girl’s out there, but I can’t reach her, because every time I try it’s like I hit anti-singles barrier. She’s taken, she’s gone, she’s from another town, she’s taken, she’s gone, she’s a tease, she’s not interested, she’s really not interested…

But I’m convinced that it’s me. It has to be. I’m probably way too ugly to date. It’s impossible to be 24 and not get a date for 5 years and be turned down so many times. Besides how come I never got asked out ONCE? Women just find me unattractive and possibly boring.

It’s easy to get down on yourself when all you get is negative feedback.

It’s perfectly natural to think it’s you and to blame yourself.

I feel for you, I have been there, I go through those moments myself.

I find it comes in waves, some good days or weeks and then the bad.

I don’t know what to say only, please try and find something within yourself to make you feel a bit better. Something that eases your stress even just a bit.

I call some friends, get a massage or buy a treat for myself.

I know it sounds lame, but it the best thing to do when you are feeling down.

I know this sounds cliche, but this too shall pass

Read both Bridget Jones books, guys: Bridget Jones Diary and The Edge of Reason. The books are way more hilarious but human than the movies. And a lot of what you guys cover here are really covered there, and some you are headed towards ( Singleton’s Bill of Rights). In moments such as yours it won’t offer a solution but it will offer a good laugh a a bit more. I promise.

Had sort of an epiphany today. Here goes:

Saw this same girl I had a crush on and she was with that guy that… Doesn’t matter but they were together and I saw them in the cafeteria. I felt flushed with rage and anger and lots of it was actually directed towards me. I felt angry at that asshole, but mostly I was angry at myself for failing where he made it.

Good for him.

The point is that when I went home I felt like crying (which I did) , but as I was sinking into my own self pity something occurred to me. Being sad has become something of an addiction of mine. As if I work against my own interest in order to suffer more. Self defeating attitude if you will.

I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be a positive person and not give a damn about those time when I fail. I don’t want to go back to work on monday, look at this girl and feel angry at her. It’s not her fault that she’s a bitch (and she is), but mostly it’s not her fault she chose the better man. If I’ve been bitter and displaying low confidence… well, no wonder she was interested at first, but lost it after a while and never went out with me.

I don’t want this poison in my life anymore. Having to worry if things will work out or not and then be angry and sad when they don’t. This problem has been with me for a long time now, but I never really saw it before. The problem is that it’s still with me. So how do I get rid of it?

And it’s been something that I’ve had on my mind for a long time now. When I was younger I use to be really funny. I made people laugh. Now I still do in a way, but it’s not the same at all. I’ve lost that vibe that made me interesting and fun to be with and you can tell that right away. I’m just not easy going anymore. Maybe it’s because I was bullied in school…
If I could get my hands on that bastard now!!!

Good for you crafty! That’s the way to go.

You guys got skype, Icq?

In skype you can look me up under “Impugned”. I think I’m the only one in the entire network.

What the hell is skype, Icq?? Guess I’m too old school
anymore.

Skype and ICQ are probably the two most famous software applications that help people around the world to connect. It’s kinda like a chat room, but it’s private. It’s alot like what we’re having here only it’s real time (more or less).

Thanks for enlightening me Crafty! I don’t want to end up
being a bitter old man either. It’s hard to break the cycle
when things keep snowballing on you though. Sometimes the
circumstances dictate your luck and other times you can make your own luck. It’s a delicate balance. If the field
is slim there isn’t much you can do. The big challenge is to
find people with similar interests and lifestyles. Meanwhile
I’m still in the outfield. Must be a long inning!

You’re my personal Hero, Hank.

Being ignored is probably the worst thing that could happen to the soul. I feel like a shell of a person. I’m tired of feeling sad because women find me unattractive. I’m tired of it all.

There are people on Earth that made to walk alone. I’m one of them. I just need to accept that. Life is meant to be shared with someone. If I am to be alone, do me the best favor….

I dont believe anyone is meant to be alone. There is no divine cosmic power that decides who will and will not be alone.

So having said that, we must all keep on trying.

I know it’s frustrating to say the least, so are so many things in life, it’s just not fair.

But challenges make us stronger and to be able to face your fears and surmount them is a true accomplishment .

The only thing that keeps me going are my family and friends. Keep on going out, meet new people and try and get your mind off being without a partner.

It’s hard, but no one said that life was going to be easy.

And maybe in the midst of living life, we will all get lucky and meet that person that will complete the puzzle.

I’m the one who pretends like being single is fine and I’ve been doing it a while. I’ve been in love and that ended well(sarcasm) The ones that I want doesn’t want me and the ones that want me are not the ones I’m looking for. I don’t complain about it. This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a blog before. I keep hearing, “be patient, you’ll know when she presents herself, and that I’m lucky.” but all those things don’t amount to anything because the people saying it are with people. I especially can’t stand when girls are in a relationship with a complete tool and are miserable but they”love” him. That doesn’t make a bit of since. I want those things that guy posted way up there and I’m sick of not having them. I’m gonna get off my soap box now

A dear friend of mine met a guy 6 months ago. She called him her boyfriend and was in love with him. I never met him even though I saw her on a daily basis.
We all warned her that he was not that into her, he never took her out or met any of her friends. He was interested in her physically but it was clear to all of us that , that was the extent of his interest.
I warned her against putting too much of herself into this as I knew she took rejection very hard.
She had a messy divorce that left her devastated, as well as two romances that ended up in dissapointment.

I was afraid that this time would be a very bad outcome.

The guy stopped calling her and picking up her calls. He just dropped off the face of the earth with no explanation. She was very depressed, stopped eating, stopped working and couldn’t admit that she needed help.

I saw her on Friday morning , tried to cheer her up to no avail.

She told me she just couldn’t bear the thought of being alone again in life.

I left that day and I just knew things were going to be rough for a while.

She ended up taking her life over the weekend. That is how desperate she was about going through life alone.

It is a natural instinct for humans to be social, we are not built to be loners.

It is so sad when life takes such a horrible turn, that you would rather give up than be alone anymore.

WE all need to remember to be hopeful and lean on each other for friendship when times are tough.

It is horrible feeling alone in the world. People who have partners just don’t understand, so it’s important to find people who have the same experience in life to be able to gain some support.

That’s really tragic Livid. You’re right in what you said.
People have their own way of handling things and some
things are more than they can bear. I’ve been going it alone for quite some time now. It doesn’t get any easier.
I get very depressed some days and wonder if it’s
all worth it and where I’m going to end up. Don’t know
what keeps me going sometimes. I feel fortunate to have
stumbled onto this post to know there are others with
similar troubles. A few years ago a guy I knew committed
suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. They found him in
his garage in the car with the motor running. He was also
rejected by someone and felt life wasn’t worth the trouble.
Very, very sorry to hear about your friend!

Ditto. That’s terrible, Livid.

But in a way I think things like that can be avoided. It takes just a little effort to let someone down easy rather than break it to them.
I had a girl I was REALLY into, but she just didn’t feel that way (which had alot to do with me being an idiot at the time), but she was very kind and let me know how she felt in a calm and respectful manner. So I only ended up feeling lonely, but at least I wasn’t angry and disappointed in her. If anything, I respect her even more.

But some people are just like that – good. And some are not.

On a global scale it appears that society is really falling apart. Many people around the world seem to suffer from dysmomorphobia – “a fixation on an imaginary flaw in the physical appearance”. In other words – you can’t shake the feeling your ugly. And it’s proven that the major factor for this is the lack of social communication.

I just don’t get it. How can we live in a world that strives to develop all means of communication and yet we get more and more distanced from one another.

Social skills are fast disappearing Crafty. It’s no longer
a requirement to have good ones. Nowadays people break-up
and relay news thru e-mail or texting. You don’t have to look someone in the eye anymore. It’s very convenient. Some
can outright lie and never have to be held accountable for it. Talking heads on tv are telling you that you ain’t shit
unless you have this car or that product or look like some
malnourished model in need of some sun. It’s no wonder our
society is in decline. This is why I only have basic cable!

@livid how old was your friend? i’m sorry about that news.

Sorry to hear about that livid. We aren’t meant to be alone in life, but we can short circuit our brains in dealing with it. You may never have a fully healthy life, but it is better than nothing. I’m just too sensitive I guess.

I am a single woman in her mid thirties and yes, I know a great many attractive, intelligent women in their 30′s who are single. After a while, you give up. Something always happens and “it does not work out”. While a part of me has truly accepted the fact that I may never meet someone, another part longs to share my life with the right guy. To know that there is someone out there thinking of me, wondering how my day is going would be amazing. I know I would not take someone special for granted if had the chance to be with someone who cared about me as much I cared about him. I would treat him with respect and love. I don’t know why it seems so easy for some people and not others. Some women (most) know how to snag a man but I never figured that out. It is some club that you either belong to or don’t. That is the way it feels to me at least.

Just to add to my last comment, I noticed others have said the one’s they are attracted to don’t like them back and those that are attracted to them, there not attracted to. I know that situation well. Once again, how the hell do all these people in coupledom find true love. Do they settle? Do they know of special tricks?? why is it so freakin hard to just find a stupid person you are attracted to like you back and want to make a go of it?? why??? ugh. Ok. I am done.

My condolences on the loss of your friend, Livid. Considering the subject matter here, my question to everyone is would they tell anyone if they are headed down that road? Even here?

The saddest thing, and you all hint at it, is that we are more prone to feel set adrift and lost – - – not less, even with all our technology. Your friend was already set adrift by a divorce, then blown further off course by bad romances. Maybe our focus sometimes should not be on our love lives, which might be hit or miss, but on the social networks that sustain us on a constant basis. Even in times like these.

Yeah, but it doesn’t work that way. You don’t just ignore a HUGE part of your existence and concentrate on another. I dare anyone to go out and last for five minutes without being reminded they’re single.

Even at the comfort of your own home you are constantly poked by the media that single life sucks.
Tarantino’s movies have couples in them for crying out loud. And they are all about gore. What’s left for comedies…

Read a book – you’re single. Look out the window – you’re single. Cook a dinner – you’re single. Go to bed – yeah, you’re still single.

It’s not that we need (I know I don’t) someone to be there with us 24/7, but it would be nice to have someone to share a movie or a dinner with.

And don’t get me wrong. I completely agree with the fact that we focus on this negative outcome way too much, but how do you stop thinking about the only thing that bothers you day in and day out?

In no way did I ever imply to ignore something at the expense of another. I can’t do it. It’s in our wiring.

And you’re right, this world ain’t too geared for singles. I’m sure if I said I cooked a nice dinner, someone would ask me who I had dinner with. If I go somewhere far away, I get funny looks whenever I say that I went alone. And once I’m divorced, I’m sure people will feel really sorry for me and try to cure me of my affliction even though I’m not trying to cure them of theirs. I should try, eh?

As for your question, I wouldn’t try to top thinking about the thing that bothers you. The more we try to deal with things, the more it drives us nuts. I would just choose to play the game . . . . .differently. For me, I chose something else: nowhere does it say that I “have” to date, marry, cohabitate, belong to anyone, or constantly keep myself up as if to always be ready to make the sale. Yes, I feel lonely sometimes or sexually frustrated just like everyone else. And I haven’t shut myself off from women at all. But since I’m not bound by the rules or anyone’s timetable, I don’t feel any pressure, or guilt, or obligation. It’s not an easy freedom, but it is freer than the alternative.

How you choose to play it is your choice. I know just about everyone plays the game we hate, but sometimes you have to play by what you feel is a better way. One of those “red pill/blue pill” questions.

I can only agree with Crafty wholeheartedly.

It is not normal for most healthy well adjusted people to be okay living and going through life alone.

I hate when people say you should be okay with yourself and “forget” about being alone. There is only one word for this and it is “delusional”

It is just a big drag at this point we are approaching a fall and winter holidays, New Year, so forth and the thought of another year alone is so depressing.

Just the thought of that makes me want to scream

It isn’t any fun no matter what time of year it is. I don’t
know how many times I’ve told myself that this is the last
holiday or year I’ll spend alone. Then another one comes
and goes. Reminds me of a song I heard the other day. It’s
from Don Henley called “The Last Worthless Evening”. One
verse said something like “I catch a faint glimpse of love
sometimes, but it never blooms.” When I heard that I thought
that pretty much sums it up for me.

Wow, Hank. I can relate to that!

“This is the last birthday I spend alone. This is the last Christmas I spend alone.” It’s been going on forever. Or at least that’s how it feels.

Last Christmas I was 100% certain that it will be the last one I’ll be alone. I could swear on my life.
But here I am, again single and not an inch further than I was last year.

Aiden:

I can’t agree with you on the “time table” issue.
My ultimate goal is to have a family of my own. And when I say “family” I mean children.

I’ve got a girl friend who’s parents are now in their early 60′s and she’s 23. There is just a huge age difference in between and you can tell. They look like my grandparents.
It’s not very likely they will get to see grandchildren either, which I find sad.

I’m not saying there is a point in life when it’s too late to have children, but with today’s life expectancy, cancer boom and terrible health care, I’m thinking – better early than late.

Of course, those are my priorities so that only applies to me.

PS.

Isn’t there a purple combo pill?

I think in the end, Crafty, the pill is various shades of purple. Some darker than others.

Hiya, I just wanted to say I’m in the same boat.

How does it feel when you meet someone and realize that you and that person are not interested in each other? How does it feel to meet someone that you are interested in and call them only to have them ignore you? How does it feel to meet a person that you know for a fact you two would make a decent match only to have them act arrogant and know in their mind they could do so much better? If you ball all of these separate feelings up, that is where I am right now.

I met this girl, average looking, who said she was dying to meet a “nice guy” (c’mon guys…I know what you’re thinking) We talking, she seemed interested, and then ….nothing. Thats it. I’m done. I’ve canceled my profile on eharm, I’m packing it in. There is only so much pain a man can take before he loses his mind and does something stupid. I just want to feel again. i just want to feel a warm body against mine instead of a cold bed. I just want to know that someone cares for me. Do I understand now why men go to prostitutes? Unfortunately yes. I am saddened to say that I will probably be going down that road. Again….I am pathetic.

Hey Crafty,

For women especially it is important to plan your life out to some degree.

I got married young because I was afraid of not finding someone who would want the same things as me. eg. a committed relationship, kids, so forth.

So I sort of settled. I had my kids and my marriage was ok for a while, but because I married the guy I thought would be a good provider, loyal ect. I overlooked the most important thing…chemistry.

I jumped because I wasn’t sure anyone else would come along. I got divorced because I wanted to be in love.

I still havn’t found that bond with anyone and it has been 5 years.

So what would have happened if I had held out for this in my early 20′s.

Who knows, maybe I would have found eternal happiness with someone or I may never have met “the one”

In any rate I have my kids and a financial security in a divorce settlement.

So am I better off or not?

Who knows, the only thing I know is that it is so very difficult to find the combination of mutual attraction, committment and common needs.

It’s like finding a four leaf clover.

Jimmy the Saint, Here’s a tip for ya. She’s dying to meet a
“Nice Guy”. TRANSLATION – She’s looking to meet a guy who
makes at least $100,000.00 a year and drives a new BMW!
My advice is to stay away from those dating sites. They’re
nothing but trouble.

Jimmy, the fact is that you never know what is in a person’s mind. They could really like you as they claim, or they could be hanging on to you until something better comes along.

There are ways to tell if she is into you, if you like I can pass along some info.

In the meantime, just hang in there!

I’m all ears livid…However, it really doesn’t matter because people tend to overlook everything and focus on the superficial stuff.

Yes Jimmy you are somewhat right, however, if there is someone like yourself there may just be a female of the same ilk somewhere out there.

The challenge is finding her.

Yes Jimmy you are somewhat right, however, if there is someone like yourself there may just be a female of the same ilk somewhere out there.

The challenge is finding her.

But the odds of that are… oh, I don’t… 1:10,000,001?

I know hat’s the part that sucks!!!!

Screw it. Stay alone. People will eventually leave anyway. Don’t let them get close, that’s when you get hurt.

I’m sitting here on a Sunday morning reading these posts and feeling somewhat comforted – thank you.

As a 33-year-old single woman I’ve all but given up hope. I too feel crushed, unloved, and increasingly unworthy.

It’s hard not to take singledom personally when you continue to be rejected (or used) and the world points a finger at you.

For me, the hardest part is people assuming that I want to be single, that I’m a cold career woman who prides material items over family. Guess what? I don’t. I would give anything to have a family but it hasn’t worked out that way. I work not because I’m a career woman but because I don’t want to live on the street.

The other thing I find odd is that people tell me not to be picky with men – and yet, I’m not. It’s the men who only want to have “fun” with me, the men who don’t want to commit, the men who pretend they want a relationship with me to have their “fun” and then tell me they were never in it for a relationship all along.

I’ve been single for five years now, and I put myself out there, but just can’t seem to meet anyone who genuinely wants me. Much to my shame, I’m beginning to feel like I’m only good for one thing with men, and let’s face it; I may as well be a blow-up doll.

I haven’t had sex for a year now, and I ache for a touch, a cuddle, to wake up in a man’s arms. And yet the funny thing is married men at work assume that I must be sexually rampant, and try to come onto me, while married women assume that I sleep around, too. Why? Why do people think that? Why do they think that I’m still single because I like to have “fun” with different men?

Ever since I was 21 I’ve wanted to be a mother and wife. Seeing my dream slowly fading away is killing me. The media tell me I’m worthless as I’m over 30, that my looks are fading, that I’m a cold career woman. Married women don’t invite me to social events, or ask about my life, or include me in conversations about relationships (as if I can’t contribute to them because I’m single.) Relatives have stopped asking me if I’ve met anyone, and just nod silently when I tell them I still live alone.

I feel like an outcast, a pariah, but also as someone viewed suspiciously, or as prey. When I talk to men at work they think that I’m coming onto them, I have often considered wearing a wedding ring as it might afford me some more respect. Married men flirt with me too, and get huffy if I don’t flirt back. Worse, they make it a point to mention their wife and children immediately when I talk to them, so I can’t even have a conversation with them as a human being. Newsflash: I am not, and never will be, open to a married man or a man in a relationship.

Yesterday I walked down a crowded, hip, urban street and ended up in floods of tears. I just couldn’t take it any more: couples eating, laughing, sharing, being and me walking along by myself with no particular aim and certainly no sharing. Men looked at me appreciatively and their partner’s gave me mean looks, which just made me feel worse.

What the hell is wrong with me that I can’t find a man to want to get to know me? I’m honestly starting to think that if a woman hasn’t found a partner in her twenties, she’s doomed to be nothing but a “fun” diversion. I fear that many men have contempt for women in their thirties, like we are indeed faulty goods, on the shelf, and that there’s something wrong with us.

I travel, volunteer, work hard, love my family, do art, and all that jazz, but I never meet anyone who wants to know me. I cry most nights now, and realised yesterday that I seldom smile any more. I hate the weekends, when I have no distraction from my aloneness, and I avoid going places where happy families reside. I used to go out by myself a lot but now I do so less and less: it’s a paradox, because I have to go out to meet someone, but I can’t face it any more, the vulnerable feelings, the looks (real and imagined), the coming home and crumpling in a lonely heap in bed.

Society tells people that it’s wrong to feel lonely, that we should learn to love our independence, and that no one will love us if we can’t love our own company. But I find many of the people who say this have never lived alone for a long time, never dealt with the crushing judgements of others on women who are single post-30 (it’s nothing like being single in your twenties) and who often haven’t been single for years.

We have sympathy for old people who live alone, isolated and marginalised by society: why not reluctantly single people, too? Or is it too uncomfortable to realise that we don’t have as much control over our lives as we would like to?

Hey Lonelygirl,

Let me start off by saying you give men too much credit. We’re idiots.
In my opinion, on every twenty men you meet only one might actually be worth your time. So don’t blame it one those poor souls who are bored out of their minds with their false marriages and look for some fun. They don’t know any better.

I completely agree with what you said there. Being told that we should love ourselves the way we are. What a load of crap. It just doesn’t work that way at all.
When you’re alone, you’re alone – period. Sure, you still get to have happy times, but no matter how many those are, you start thinking how nice it would be to have someone to share those with.

And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m programmed to think that every morning is a new start. I got problems in the evening, I’m tired, I’m disappointed or I’m ill. No matter what it is, when I wake up, it’s gone and I feel better. But being single doesn’t get “healed” by a good night sleep. You go to bed single and you wake up single. And eventually that cycle makes you believe that you’ll always be single in the mornings, which develops a complexity and depression as deep as the mariana trench.

So you can’t deal with the problem, you can’t fight the problem, you can’t ignore the problem and you sure as hell can’t forget the problem. You’re just stuck with it for life.

Lonelygirl,

Thank you for the eloquent post. Godspeed.

From,

A man who is dying to meet someone like you.

Well said everyone, especially Lonely Girl, I agree with you that it is in your twenties when you meet your mate. The reason for this is that at that age people are not yet jaded and dissallusioned.

They are open and a bit naive so they “meaning the men” are not quite yet arrogant and full of themselves enough to be players so they actually settle down with a woman, it is at least a few years before they start to cheat.

I dont know what the answer is but people do hook up later in life.

Hang in there, you just never know

They say it gets easier the older you get. Don’t think so!
Just to add to the confusion a friend of mine told me his
marriage is falling apart after 10 years. Says I have it
made. I told him I was sorry to hear that news and I never
would have guessed it. I don’t know what’s up or down
anymore. This leaves me wondering if anyone is actually
happy together and what the chances are of finding a mate
that really has mutual feelings toward me.

Guys are also judged to be somewhat “Different” if they
are older and never married, although not maybe as harshly.
Surely we must be gay or a real freak. You can tell what they’re thinking. I gave up trying to explain my reasons.
I’m not ready to give up but the options are fewer and fewer.

Hi All,

I got off a dating site, this evening, that I’m subscribed to and checked for replies to messages which I sent to some of the ladies who interested me. As usual, no replies…….

Feeling down, I Googled, “Tired of being alone”. So, here I am. After reading many of your comments I don’t feel so “alone” in my journey through life.

I have to tell you that I’m probably much older than most of you here. I turned 57 in July. I’ve been divorced since ’83. Dated here and there……etc. I’m about to retire from my job after 30 years working in manufacturing.

I’ve easily been on a few hundred dates since my divorce. I’ve had a few relationships that lasted for awhile. LOTS of terrible dates. That’s how it goes for some people I guess. Many times, I could have settled for less and could have remarried. I just can’t lie to myself and do that. It’s not fair to myself, or the other person. I want a lifelong relationship…….nothing less.

So, here comes the rest of the story…..

About two years ago, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. WOW !!! did that change the dating outlook. I was actually told by women, many times, that I should have told them…..ahead of time……about my Parkinso’s issue. Who else, on their on-line profiles, states what their health issues are ???

So I’m dealing with Parkinson’s and having women tell me about my bleak future. So, there’s been many pauses, in my dating, while I’ve regrouped and rethought my future plans.

Ya know what ? I don’t care. If my date doesn’t have an issue with my PD…..then neither do I. I’m out there dating and still looking for that special lady who makes my heart melt. No doubt that I WILL find her.

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP !!!!!!!

Keep a positive attitude, eat well, join a gym, keep a positive attitude and keep plugging. That special person IS out there. Trust me. The worst thing you can do is sit home and start feeling sorry for yourself. Life is excellent. So, get off your ass and go for it…..alone or with that special person.

“life Is Not a Destination, But a Journey”

God only helps those who helps themselves.

Be well and good luck,

Paul

Thank you, Paul.

Sometimes we all just need a kick in the ass.

Godspeed.

Talk about that kick…

Today I was offered a new job position by an old friend of mine. We’ve known each other for over ten years now and he said that I was the only man he could trust with this.

He’s trying to start a new business here and next month he’ll be taking a course which will last a bit over a month and he wants me to go with him. All expenses covered.

The tricky part is that we’re talking about China! Only yesterday I was thinking how most of the people I know have traveled around the world and I haven’t been anywhere and now China.

I’m not exactly social person and the job that I have right now – although not so well paid – is quite good, but to be honest, it’s a dead end. I’ll never be more than I am right now. In the best possible scenario, I’ll get a few raises and that’s it.

On the other hand, if I do this, if I go to China, I’ll have a chance to climb the social ladder quite a bit. And this is not a scam. My friend is 24 and he’s working with his father who made an extremely successful company out of thin air. So I know that this is very very likely to work. After all, nothing in this life is certain.

But for the first time in my life I can not make a decision. Do I stay where I am right now and have a somewhat stress free life and a mediocre job or do I jump legs first and risk everything I have for the hope of something better. It’s a really tough call. And since you guys have been so helpful, I was hoping you could shed some light on this. It feels like I am at a crossroads and there won’t ever be turning back. The decision I make right now is going to be final. No refund, no second chance.

I know this is not actually related to dating, but one thing is certain – I sure as hell am not thinking about women right now… which is quite damn refreshing if I do say so myself.

Go!!! Yes, go!!!

As a Navy guy who has traveled to tons of places and had many adventures, I’m telling you to give it a go. And you’re young, so the time is right. When college did not work out for me, I was afraid I would be stuck where I was and was afraid of the future. And when I signed up months later, I was more afraid of leaving, as you are now, for the unknown. And in boot camp, as I was being yelled at and humiliated and run ragged, I kept thinking “What the fuck have I done?” In retrospect, leaping without looking like I did was the best thing that ever happened. That’s when everything started to move forward in big ways. It was tough in the beginning but one gets the hang of it. Of being the new guy, having to learn new things, meet new people, think differenntly than before. And it’s invigorating.

Sometimes, it starts with just one change. Then it snowballs. Be brave, Crafty, and good luck.

Crafty,

What’s your gut feeling telling you ? Your gut feeling is usually right. Or, take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle……the first row will be labeled “”Pros” and the second row labeled “Cons”. Be honest with yourself and list them all. This sometimes helps me see the matter at hand a little clearer.

Good luck,

Paul

Go for it Crafty. You can always come back if it doesn’t work out. You said it was a dead end job anyway. You’re
young enough to try things and it seems like you don’t have
many strings attached to you. At the very least you’ll get
to do some major traveling. Who knows what doors will open up for you. In the end though, you have to feel good about
your decision. Paul had a good idea about weighing the pros and cons. Best of luck to you whatever you decide pal!

Crafty,

Only one thing to say

GO GO GO!!!!!!!

Thank you for your attention.

I still can’t make up my mind and I have to make a decision by the end of the week.

Got a great job here, but even if I work for ten years I’d never be more than I am right now.

If I got for China and risk it,I’ll be head of department and possibly get good promotions every now and then. The huge minus is that I’ll no longer be in a team of people in their mid 20′s. Everyone there is 50+ which means I’ll have to go back talking to myself again. The job is nowhere near as cool as the one I’m doing now, but it’s not that bad either.

Bah!

I’ll flip a coin for it I guess.

Thanks again for being so supportive.

Crafty, where do you live at the moment?

Maybe a change of scene is what you need at the moment, you never know who you could meet.

I would not hesitate to take a chance, what’s the worst, you will see the other part of the world, meet new people and if all else fails come back home.

All the best, hope you find some adventure and happiness

I say go for it Crafty, but to experience the feeling, rather than thinking what if? But only deep down in your heart if feel it;s the right decision.

What ifs are really annoying lol.

Was meant to say “better” instead of “but” in the first line. Whoops lol!

It’s kinda sad, well I am the sad one. I was in a relationship with a girl that I truly loved, and spent the ever so much time with her. Granted that we were together from 9th to 12th grade. We spend every day together till the end of the relationship. She fell for one of my friends, and i knew about it. She wanted an open relationship, and because i was so confused i said okay. Hoping to see if she would see that he wasn’t the one and i was. This didn’t happen. We fell apart slowly and painfully. It has almost been 3 years now. I feel over it, and i believe i’m over it. But i can’t stand to face a girl i like. I can have a conversation, but i notice that i’m only agreeing with her, and just doing my best to make her happy and side with her. Yet, i can’t get the the guts to explain to her that i like her, or even hint it. It’s not like i’m scared of commitment, i crave commitment. Everything you’ve said zack, is beyond true, and i feel it. Even though you obviously sound a lot older and more mature than i, i am tired of it too. i don’t care that i’m still young at the age of 20. i’m going nuts being alone. i’m so tired and depressed all the time because of it. and the longer i wait, the longer i’m alone, the harder it gets to face this annoying challenge. i’m very scared that i’m going to be like this for even a lot more years to come, and more so, the rest of my life. i just want someone to hold at night and enjoy the same things i do. but i can’t get myself to find that “one” and do anything about it. and it sucks.

Good luck in whatever decision you make Crafty!

P.S. Not ALL people over 50 are boring! TRUST ME!

Hi Lonelygirl,

Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. I too am 33 and have been single five years now and I too find myself terribly down about my single status. Early on after I became single, I realised that:

a) it was hard to be friends with other single women because they view me as a threat to men they are pursuing

b) being friends with coupled women is also hard because they think i’ll hit on their husbands (i won’t)

c) being friends with single men is impossible — they think i’m hitting on them

d) being friends with married men is also impossible — they hit on me.

Obviously these are generalizations, but it is basically the case in most situations I encounter.

I don’t mind my Mon-Fri life so much, but my weekend life is abysmal. The friends I do have have children and husbands (or wives) to spend time with, and because I do not really have any family, I am usually alone for whole weekends at a time. I’m told I’m pretty, and I’m actually one of the more popular people in my industry, but nevertheless…I am alone. The last man I dated felt like “the one” but after three months together he suddenly stopped talking to me for no reason. I found out later he’s done that to a number of women in the past. He’s emotionally unavailable and after three months, when things started to get just a wee bit more “serious” he bailed. It is two months later and I still feel sideswiped. Maintaining my dignity and trying to get on my feet again to try romance yet ANOTHER time is wearing me right out.

I have no answers for you. I think some people are just lucky and others…aren’t.

Godspeed,
Down.

Hey, down,

I hear you.

No healthy well adjusted person wants to be alone.

People who run from attachment are seriously disturbed.

Eg, the Unibomber, he was good on his own.

So hang in there even though it is hard and discouraging.

You are a perfectly normal individual who is just looking for the same things as are the rest of us normals.

Don’t let the rest of the effed up people get you down.

The problem, Livid,is that there are so many F’d up people
out there.

I’m 25 years old and single. I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal on paper, but I’m honestly starting to think that I’ll never meet “the one”. 99% of the time, I’m able to find other things to distract my time – school (I’m a law student), friends, family, hobbies – but every few months, I just get incredibly sad and lonely. I try to tell myself that I don’t need a guy in my life, that if I keep my eye on the ball, I’ll become a successful career woman and will be content that way, but the truth is, I’ve wanted to find love since I was a little girl and I can’t truly talk myself out of wanting it. Even with my own friends, I feel like I have to act like I don’t mind being single, but the truth is that I do mind, and I’m so tired of being alone. I try to tell myself that one can’t have everything in life, and because I’ve been blessed with a great family, friends and being smart, I can’t expect to have it all – but then I look around and see people around me who really seem to have it all and I wonder why I can’t have it all too. The truth is that I can’t seem to meet anyone who I connect with. Maybe there’s just something wrong with me and maybe not everyone’s meant to find true love.

Yes Hank you are so right.

Unfortunately, we have to deal with the reality of the situation, so what do we have?

We have to make the best of it.

It’s just another part of life for people like us, Livid.
A life that is getting harder and harder in general. These
days it’s tough enough trying to make a living. Looking for
someone to share my life with may have to go on the back burner for a while. Hell, I’m tired of beating myself over
the head about not meeting someone anyway!

It just seems that you get so close to a chance , maybe even meeting someone who seems to be interested, and then just poof it seems to fizzle.

I don’t get it.

Chances don’t come down the line nearly as much these days,
so there may be a tendency to read too much into something
that looks like a possibility. At least that’s my take on it. Fizzle seems like an understatement sometimes.

I think you may be right Hank, we are so starved for a connection that we may put too much on a shallow false start.

I am a bit more serious and deep thinking type of person, my whole life I have been known as the “serious” girl.

Most of my life was spent watching other girls dance on bars with their tops off yelling “Whoo Hoo”

I just wanted to sit and have a meaningful conversation with someone, that is
MY idea of FUN.

When you are different than the average person out there it makes life a whole lot more challenging to say the least.

I am a forty two year old woman who has had two crummy marriages. One was a cheater, the other was a drug user. I know they both did me a favor by letting me go but…it still ripped my heart out. I have never cheated on any man and I have definitely not used drugs or been called a drug addict
in my life. I have tried to walk the straight line, be a good person, wife, mother and friend. Yet, I always wind up getting used up, abused, disrespected and beat down. I have been single for a couple of years now and I just don’t know where else to turn. Tried the dating sites…disaster.
Where are all the good guys?????

I’m a 20 year old guy. Most people on here would probably think that you’re so young you have plenty of time to find “the one,” but that doesn’t stop the fact that we all get lonely.

I think i’m a good catch, but I never been in a long term relationship, I had relationships that lasted a month or two. I’ve said I love you before, but I don’t think I truely ever meant those words… I don’t think im the best looking guy, but I don’t think i’m disgusting either.. I dress nice, i’m slim with a pretty good body. I think I have a great personality, i’m funny and i’m the sarcastic kind of funny that the girls seem to love, but it’s not over done. I’m confident on the outside, but sometimes I get down about not ever being in a long relationship. Especially with all the peer pressure about having to be with somebody to “be cool…” It really seems like girls can be average and still attract good looking guys, while average guys attract average or below average girls.

I met this girl in college that seems real friendly. I don’t know if shes interested in anything more than just friends though. I wish all girls would hold up signs that said if they would be interested in going out with you. You girls make it really hard for guys to know who is or who isn’t in their league.

I have a lot of friends, some with children, some with partners, some without children, none are married yet thank god, but still always dreamed of marriage first, now I am thinking should I just put up with the bastard and have a kid because I cannot imagine my life without children,
Is it the better the devil you know??
I have joined the gym, started belly dancing, enrolled on an evening jewellery making class, attend two churches on a Sunday and go swimming lol at another leisure centre. I am going Egypt in three weeks for my bday so I am just trying to keep busy. Even with all this I still find time to cry and dread being alone. One of the worse for me is when I am sick having no one to pamper or look after me, make me tea, lemsip, massage my feet, back massages, sweet kisses, someone to worry about me…..

Hey Shania, I know what you mean. All I do is try and keep myself busy with things so I don’t spend time alone.

When I am alone with nothing to do I start thinking, and that sinking feeling comes over.

It is a very empty feeling, like when you have friends over and you are so happy and then it is time for everyone to go home and you end up going home after having fun to another night alone in an empty house. Only to wake up in the same quiet empty house.

This goes on for days, weeks, months and years.

It wears on your mind like being in isolation.

We are not meant to be alone.

Lonliness does strange things to your brain.

Try and talk to your close friends about your feelings, don’t bottle it up.

The more you release the less stress.

Anyway try and keep positive, and good luck.

I totally understand u man. im feeling the same way. i like going out and stuff, and im not an attention whore, but i see every one of my friends with a girl, or someone they are at least sleeping with, and it sucks, cuz i feel like the third wheel. Im attractive, but not the best looking guy in the bar. I dress quite well and look successful. I believe my personality is a great one, I entertain the people i surround myself with, but sometimes the clown isnt happy sometimes. ive been single for a year now. i had a pretty bad break up with my last girlfriend, and the way i took it was not so well. i hooked up with a girl the same night me and her broke up. i dont want one night stands like i used to, i just want someone i can be with. going to bars and stuff is a bad way to look for someone, but ive looked every where else, and theres nothing. maybe my game is off, or maybe im just ugly, who knows, but it doesnt seem to make senses, cuz im very confident. im pretty confident enough to tell what i dont like about someone, but is that not enough? what do women really look for? its very hard to understand, and its fucking with my head being so alone. its so bad sometimes it messes with my self esteem, off and on, and i hate that. i dont wanna come off as desperate to be with someone, but sometimes it would be great to actually have someone i can at least talk to, chill with, and just watch a movie and spend quality time, instead of going to bars and getting completely trashed just to cope with everyday stress and things on my mind such as this. i completely feel u on this one man. im just ready to find someone i can have feelings for, and not lust over them.

Tonight I googled “tired of being single”…and came across your article. you said it perfectly. good to know someone else understands. Sucks to be single in married land.

Wes, for what it’s worth, here’s a little piece of advice
from somebody that’s been there. Look someplace other than
the bars!

It hardly seems to matter where you “look”, it just seems that is is up to the luck of the draw.

I have met guys everywhere, bars, parties, restaurants, sporting events, peoples houses, through friends, ect……

It has mostly been the same result, absolutly nothing!

Things may start off but the elements that are needed for mutual attraction are usual absent.

So it just seems that it is not the place but the person you are encountering.

Hey guys… Thought I should leave a few cents of cynicisim.

I had a girlfriend back in highschool. Dated her for 3 years, then got dumped. I’ve been tainted ever since and get called sexist by my friends on a regular basis even though I don’t really think I am. It’s been three years now, and I’ve always wondered… Maybe all the single people are just single because they’re unattractive?

I’ll never truly know if girls just pass me up because I don’t have the ‘goods’. :/

Well, I guess I’m not the only one who Googled “I’m tired of being alone.” I am in the same boat as several of you who replied, I am lonely. I have had relationships in the past that didn’t work out, and then all of the sudden, it seems as if the well has run dry. Many of my friends are now married, or in serious relationships. I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about how much I miss having that special girl in my life. I have always wanted to get married, have children, and have the perfect live. Now, I’m wondering if it will ever happen. I’ve come to realize that I have a serious confidence issue. I would tell myself in the past “I don’t know if I would be a good catch because I don’t have my own house or I don’t make enough money.” But I think I may have really crushed my self-confidence by thinking that for so long. I don’t have an excuse now because I make a decent living, I own my house, cars, etc. Now I’m 31 years old and it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date, I can barely remember it. I just wanted to write this here to get it off my chest.

I too am tired of being alone. I was very surprised of how closely the original thread fits. Having bad luck sucks. I’m stuck on the wrong side of the world for another 6 months; after that I really hope I meet somebody that I can make happy.

Good luck to all of us.

first and foremost, CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. You idiots, stop writing in caps lock, your just being bossy and childish. Reminds me of some slut bag whore i never wanted to know. As for the post… I am single myself, and going through this too. Loneliness seems to be a bad friend at most times. I really hope all of you including myself will find someone to make you happy. No one deserves to be alone. Its hard to even make friends these days, especially online, because the medium is overrun by spam bots. Well, my asl: 22/m/ca and if anyone can relate or wants a friend.. its a long shot, but yosefshaltiel@gmail.com there you go.

I have already posted something here. I posted something when I was 19 and it is now a year later. I know I am young but this bothers me. I started school in my teens and I now have a college degree and I am in my career at 20. Most people say Im too young to be concerned with finding someone but I am not like my peers. I dont want to sit around and drink every night and act like an idiot.I do have girlfriends that are amazing and sometimes I feel thats all I may need, until everyone else is going on dates and cuddled up with their lovers and Im alone. I would like to get off of work and be excited about coming home to someone.I am tired of hearing about how “successful” and how “gorgeous” I am. Then why is it so hard for me to find someone? Im not trying to be mean but I feel like I am surrounded about douchebags who dont do anything with their lives and the only way I will ever find someone is if I move but I cant keep moving around. I have moved 4 times in the last 2 years. This is suppose to be an aspect of my life but this issue controls my anxiety and its something I think about everyday all day.What people dont understand is that I dont have anything else to work towards. Im already done with school and Im moving up in my career. I want to start something special with someone soon.Going out and being “young” is not going to do it for me.It never will.

It truely sucks most of the time. I’m fourty now, was married once so I know how good it can be, these days I’ve pretty well reisgned myself to this lifestyle. Quit sleeping in the bed a few years ago, just too big of a reminder of whats missing in life(not the sex so much as the personal intimacy, you know)…been sleeping on couch these days. It’s really hard to meet anyone, working long hours, live in a smaller town, pretty well know everyone already. Just have to wonder if this is truely how life was meant to be lived. Ussually I just try to count all my blessings, I have a job, a house, money in the bank, eat alone but I do get to eat (more than some others do), really its all about perspective. It’s just that the perspectve someday is better than others.

I’m just tired. Never been married. I’ve always taken care of myself. Never met that someone to spend the rest of my life with. I work, I contribute to the community as best I can. I come home. Then get up and do it again. I try and make my dreams come true. And when I do, it just feels incomplete. I Fought cancer and won on my own. Even worked through half of that. I have friends but still feel alone. I have family and still feel alone. I’m 46 years old and still looking for something. As a song said .. “everytime I held a rose, it seems I only felt the thorns” Thats my life

These stories seems so common, I don’t get it. It seems that there are alot of us out there, yet no one has been able to find a like minded person.

What are we just passing each other by in life?

It seems I meet so many guys only to find out they are not available for whatever reason.

I have met some I would settle down with but they were not on the same page.

So where are all these people that are looking for partners.

I really have not in 5 years come across someone who really wanted a committed relationship.

So where in the world are all of us?????

Lucy, I can’t imagine how tough it is to battle cancer and
win,but I can relate to everything else you’ve said. I’ve never been married either. The longer it goes the harder it gets. I sometimes wonder if this is my destiny and that maybe I should just make myself at peace with the fact that I’ll most likely always be alone.

Sadly, people nowadays don’t want the responsibility a relationship seems to bring. Yet, they want all the perks. That’s why most relationships flame out after about three months. Now, people are even trying to cuddle after one night stands. And the boldness of trying to go after someone has been sucked out; relationships have become more rehearsed than Broadway plays! But we should still hold out for something meaningful and accept no less. And slow things down to where maybe, just maybe, people may be forced to romance or seduce us with something other than the perceived promise of sex. Might take longer, but the good stuff usually does.

When I look back at my parents generation couples seemed
to stay together through thick and thin.These days people
separate quicker than oil and water. It’s hard to take anyone seriously anymore, or am I just too skeptical?

Hank.. I’m with ya there. The longer it goes, I do feel its my destiny to be alone as well. Why? I haven’t a clue. I look back at my grandparents, they were married for 70 years. I can’t imagine that. My parents were married for over 40 years before my dad passed. It’s sad people don’t understand what “committment” is.

And Aiden your right, no one wants the responsiblity or the work that goes into a relationship. If it gets tough they get going. Society makes it harder for folks to understand the committment. I guess I would rather be alone than settle for something that isn’t complete for me.

Another frustration is I know quite a few really great guys, some that I would love to date and others not so much, but they all have one thing in common

They are loyal, sweet, considerate men who have hooked up with complete witches.

Abusive, neglectful, lazy, selfish and not even gorgeous.

And yet the men don’t leave.

There are so many decent women who would give anything to have a great guy like this, and the bitches still get them.

What gives???

Can any of you guys out there explain this, please?????

Livid, those qualities you described in a man can also be a dual-edged sword. The very same qualities also means a man may put up with more than they reasonably should either out of a sense of obligation (loyalty), not wanting to inflict pain on their beloved (sweetness), or out of some misplaced understanding borne out of “psychologizing” somebodies flaws (consideration). And chances are, they weren’t bitches when they met those guys, either, because everyone puts their best foot forward at first. With these guys, it may take a lot to make them see beyond their reasoning.

This might sound fucked up and lacking of sense, but that’s because what people get emotional over can’t make sense.

Thanks Alden,

That makes sense, I usually go out with more of an Alpha male type, and let me tell you they do not take any bullshit whatsoever.

Thanks for the insight.

Cushy carpets get walked on;)

I’m not one to take much bullshit either. Maybe that’s why I’m not attached. My theory as to why people stay in bad
relationships is simply that they’re afraid they won’t find
anyone else. They can’t bear to go it alone. Giving it your
best shot to make a relationship work is one thing, getting
shit on is another matter. Sometimes you’re the last one to see what needs to be done as was the case in my last real relationship. I knew what was wrong, I just didn’t want to
believe it. Even though it hurt at the time I’m glad I
didn’t compromise my beliefs and cave in to her. Yeah, it’s
lonely, but the wrong person can also be a living hell!

has anyone tried things like praying for love, or law of attraction, or any other “new age” methods to make their dreams come true? obviously all of us on this thread aren’t having success, but maybe we do know some success stories??

All that praying and channelling stuff is pure hogwash, so for example, if I “secretly pray” for David Beckham to leave his wife for me do you think it might work?

Livid,

What exactly is the alpha male in your eyes?

I’m expecting a call from Jennifer Anniston any day now!

An alpha male is usually a dominant type of personality, usually motivated to succses. They are leaders not followers they tend to be aggressive and competitive.

An example would be someone like Donald Trump.

Conversly they are not very sensitive or nurturing, they tend to be no nonsense.

This on the one hand is great, they are powerful and succssesful but not very emotionally giving.

It is very difficult to change them or to expect any of these types to be very empathetic, as a result as a woman in their lives you can’t expect a warm fuzzy sweet guy.

I tend to be attracted to the strength of these men, but when push comes to shove they tend to dominate me as well.

There is a tendency to be arrogant and this ultimately leads to trouble in the relationship.

The only way to maintain a relationship with an alpha is to not require the things they lack.

I realize that this is not for me.

Much like buying a cell phone it is a matter of balance of features and what you can afford to pay. We want a passionate person but that also means they can be also be passionately mad or sad. We want equality and understanding but also want someone who knows when to take the reins or use a stronger touch. We want a strong person who knows when to yield, and a sweet person who can bare their teeth. And we want someone who can love with reckless abandon yet ground it in responsibility. And all these features may take time to find, or an update, or a few bad ones before the perfect model comes out. The alternative is a crappy model with poor signals and dropped calls;)

When it comes right down to it, people,both men and women,
tend to think they can change someone’s traits over time.
And when that doesn’t happen the relationship starts to go
in a downward spiral. It all comes back to how much one is
willing to put up with in most circumstances. In the early
stages of a relationship one can be fooled into thinking
that the other person is something that they aren’t. It
happened to me. She didn’t show her true colors right away,
but boy did they come out eventually. It may sound as if I
have a chip on my shoulder but I’ll approach my next
relationship,if there is one, with caution! Experience is
still the best teacher. Of course this is a lesson I still
haven’t quite learned.

I would be happy to work with someones flaws. I am not perfect but neither am I damaged.

I just want a stable committed relationship.

I have not met a man who is willing to step up to the plate yet.

It seems they all just want to go from woman to woman.

The frustration level is huge at this point.

It’s that “Grass is Greener” mentality, Livid. Does anybody ever come to the conclusion that if the grass is always greener then nothing can ever be great or good enough?

Things get complicated for people when you insert the words like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” or “relationship”. I honestly just want a mutual connection with someone that is more comforting than a friend.No rush for anything.I recently had a hard time getting over someone that wasnt even considered to my standards. I dont think it was the person that was getting to me, it was the fact that they were the best available.Im only 20 and I felt like I have been dealing with this too long. I cant not go on with it. I cant.

Patience, Moni, patience. Keep your mind open. Some travel beyond your borders and more experiences and yOu’ll see differently. There are interesting people everywhere to connect to.

HELP!!!!!!

This is the icing on the cake. I met a guy about a year ago, we have been out several times. He never really took it past casual dating, so I just assumed he wasn’t that into me.

Well last night he called me, he wanted to talk so I went over to his place, he sat me on the sofa and told me he wanted to get to know me on the next level.

I thought ok, this sounds good. He then proceeded to tell me his “rules”, which is the following……

No sex in a bed, and no sleeping together.

So I said “let me get this straight” sex is ok, just not in a bed and there is no sharing a bed or a room together?????

He just broke up with a girl after 3 years, she slept on one floor and he on another, vacations were spent in separate rooms.

I don’t know about you guys but I ran out of there, could’nt get out fast enough.

Why can I not seem to me a well adjusted man?????

Well, livid, you made up for the mistake of giving him the time o day again by getting out of that situation fast. You have to trust your instincts: there was a reason you let it die before. Don’t wake up dead stuff: even in the movies that’s bad juju!!!
WTF was that all about?
Now, before I even give you an answer, here’s a question. Where have you met the last few guys you have been interested in? And how gradual do you proceed?
It’s not always that guys are not well adjusted, let’s not psychologize things too much, livid. Some people are just fucked up like that. They will see what stupidity you can tolerate, it will break you down in the process and by the time you realize it, your sense of self worth has gone down the toilet and you look for excuses to stay even longer. Meanwhile, they get what they want and give you nothing. You end emotionally and sexually bankrupt. What he asked you for would have been just the beginning.

Thanks for your comment, Alden Sabine, I fully agree with you, the bullshit from that dude would have been endless.

I don’t believe a healthy person would want to manipulate people like that.

I have met guys everywhere, this last nutjob was through a friend at a birthday party.

He seemed perfectly fine, good looking, successful, pleasant demeanor.

But as soon as you dig beneath the surface the freakshow revealed itself.

Funny, I was gonna ask if you have used your friends for referrals. Scratch that.
Don’t lose your head, Livid. What haven’t you tried?

Tried it all, believe me. I don’t think it’s where you meet people it’s the people you meet.

It’s just the majority especially the older ones have a lot of damage.

Not a lot of velveteen rabbits out there.

The older ones have been through a divorce or two, a child or so, and the bad dates are now sad AND funny. The young ones think they have so much time that they’ll dump people for dumb reasons, take them back, and repeat. As long as we know that we are all damaged to a degree, we’ll shrug our shoulders and keep on keeping on;)

Either I’m extremely clueless or livid is one of the unluckiest girls ever.
Over the course of my membership-ness-ness here I’ve counted more than 6-7 guys you talked about and they’ve all turned out to be jackasses.

I’m being general here, but are things really that bad on the dating scene?!

Cause if I’m doing the math right, I should be meeting approximately 2 people a week in order to date someone worthwhile by the time I hit 30.

2 people a week would make you quite the commitment-phobe, crafty . . . . LOL;)

I’m 21, haven’t been on a date in 4+ years, have no female friends except for one who’s married, and live in an area where there are no social gatherings whatsoever to socialize. I like Philosophy, conversation and deep meaning, and other than myself and the Internet, have never met a person who shares equal interest. The last girl I was ever involved with cheated on me, and is now married. I’m healthy and attractive, and really don’t understand why my life is this unlucky. It’s impossible to avoid, and everything I’ve tried to do has turned out negatively.

I have no job, I got laid off. There’s no work around here. The loneliness I feel is unbearable, and I often wonder why my life is even worth living, if only to spare my family the pain of dealing with my suicide. I’m unable to attend college, and have no particular skills to succeed far materially.

I’ve never even received a look, a glance, or anything remotely close to interest from another woman. I ask every person I know, sister, cousins, acquaintances, if they know anyone who’s single, and nobody does. Everyone around me is taken.

So I sit here, read, write about nothing, and think about this basic meaningless existence that plagues me every time I open my eyes in the morning and realize that I’m here for nothing. There is no dating “scene” that people speak of, unless you consider clubs, which is… just sex. If you don’t have friends, who have more friends, who have more friends, then there is no “scene” for you, there’s only luck.

My luck ran out.

Ok, so yesterday after work I was to go to a wedding and didn’t do it. Just didn’t want to go alone. So since I had a little headache that day, I exaggerated and said it was a migraine and didn’t go. Just wasn’t in the mood. I hate making excuses, hate even worse saying I didn’t want to go dateless. It’s depressing.

I know what you’re saying, Lucy. I’ve done the same thing.
Somehow it’s easier to blow off an invitation rather than
sit there looking and feeling like a complete fool. It
always seems like everyone is looking at you like some kind
of a freak. More often than not those same people are back
on the market in a year or two anyway. It’s still better to
avoid those situations in order to keep sane.

Crafty, I’m curious, did you make the move?

Looking for HONEST answers please. I posted here back in February. Since then, instead of getting better, my life has gotten worse. Since losing my girl and my kids, I can’t seem to get my life together. Never mind the fact that I haven’t had a girlfriend in about 8 years. I lost my good paying job and had to move back in with my mom. I HATE IT HERE. I haven’t seen my kids in about 5 years, ALL of my friends have either moved out of state, or are married, I have no money, no girl, no freedom, no independence. On top of all that, I just turned 30 last month. I’m getting old and I don’t have anything to show for it. It seems that I peaked at about 21. Everything in my life since then has been crap. This is eating away what little confidence I had left. Most days I have to make a real effort just to get out of bed. I’ve lost everything, and getting older, I don’t really see turning this around. Being able to get another decent job to where I can support myself (who wants to hire a 30 year old for an entry level position???), meeting another woman that I could possibly have another family with (what beautiful woman still of child bearing age wants an aging nobody???), being happy again. These all seem like some sort of long-shot, pipe dream to me now. So people, do you guys think that there is a possibility that I could return to being a functional, NORMAL human being, or is my life just DONE, at 30. HONESTLY…

I once felt like you at 22, minus the girl part. That’s when I joined the Navy. I’m not telling you to do that, though. Sometimes, change can only happen when shit falls apart. The age part is insignificant, just do something, anything, as long as it’s forward. But you need to tackle one thing at a time: you’re trying to eat the elephant in one bite. Get on your feet, then get a job, then a lawyer for the kids. Then when all is calm in the house of kj, think of a girl. Then you won’t have as many things compromising your happiness.

Thanks Aiden, I appreciate it man. At least somebody out there cares. I actually did think about enlisting awhile back, but I’m too old for that now too. Dude, I am at a major crossroads right now and don’t know what to do. The f’ed up part is that I have to do it all by myself. Yeah, I stay with my mom, like I said earlier. But, I can’t begin to tell you what kind of hell that is in itself. We DO NOT have a good relationship at all. Let’s just say that, it’s hard to live with someone who you can’t trust, who’s always in your business, tries to control every aspect of what little life you have. And as for the age thing not mattering, yeah it matters man. Let’s say it takes me 4-5 years to “get on my feet.” By then, my kids will be damn near grown themselves. I’ll be 35 then, and if I’m lucky enough to meet someone, 35 is to old to be trying to start a family. Had all this happened to me when I was still young, I could possibly still have achieved these things. It seems like the door is closing on me. I know I sound like a punk right now, but I need to vent. I have NO ONE to vent to. I’m becoming hard and bitter. This isn’t what I wanted, and I can’t seem to fix it…

Btw, you are not too old to enlist and there’s always the Reserves. I’m a Navy Reservist myself, and I work for them as a civilian. It would get you in a job for a while until you were back on your feet, and if you were full time you could be self sufficient. But I won’t lie to you: No matter what the armed force you pick if you do, it’s not always the easiest life, and you will one day go into somewhere like Iraq, Afghanistan, or Africa (where I am). The other option is to look for work elsewhere, a move canalso do you good.
But you need to kick yourself in the ass, kj. While you are worried and lamenting, you need to make some moves. And you need to get yourself together and confident again. Especially if you want to date again. Lack of both will kill your love life before it even begins.

Hank,

No and thank the stars! I just had a bad feeling about it, but things worked out even better. I’ll still get the job, but 2-3 months from now and I won’t have to go to China after all.

To me, that’s the best possible option.

Thanks for asking

Crafty the dating scene IS bad out there. Yes I do meet guys and go out,,,,,but there is something seriously wrong with all of them.

The ones that are “normal” are taken. Married guys are the worst, they come across as stable and fairly well adjusted, and by the way very persistant, but I will not go there.

So I don’t think it is luck it is just a sign of the times I think.

Why can’t everybody on this blog arrange some kind of convention so we can all meet?
I did the same thing many of you posters have: I googled “I don’t want to be alone anymore”. Imagine my surpise at stumbling across an entire community of like-minded(or at least like-situationed) people.

I should warn you, I’ve got a lot on my mind, and no way to organize it, so this post might jump around a bit.

I’m a 27 year old guy, self-employed, considered attractive by many, kind, nurturing, a great listener, fit and- of course- completely alone.

I’ve had exactly one relationship. I was only in that relationship because I’d been so alone and desperate that I settled. The problem was, I actually thought that I loved her. We married after 3 years, were married for 2, and I’m in the middle of the divorce right now.
The marriage was completely unsatisfying in every way because deep down, I knew that it was a lie. I just refused to accept.

So here I am, completely alone. No friends, no life but my job(which I do enjoy and excel at). I’ve come to hate myself because I know I’m not worth anyone’s time. What’s worse, is that I don’t know why. Maybe if I knew what was wrong with me I could fix it.

Now have all this guilt because I ended the marriage and destroyed my ex’s life. I still can’t believe I found the courage to end it, especially knowing the consequences. I’m told I shouldn’t feel guilty because it was the right thing to do, and I do agree with that logic. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still hate what I did. You all think not being loved is hell? Try throwing away the only person that ever loved you.

So now I’ve come full circle. I was miserable and alone, seemingly unlovable all throughout my teens and early 20s, then I “fell in love” and got married, thinking that everything would be okay, which it didn’t. Now I’m miserable and alone again. I’ve tried half a dozen dating sites, including the all-powerful eharmony, and I’ve never received a single reply.

My ex got the house and everything in it, and I’m living in my brothers’ basement. He’s happily married with 3 children. At least I can be a good uncle, but even that’s a small consolation, since family gatherings are entirely composed of “happy couples”. It’s hard not to hate them.

Everywhere I look I see pretty people kissing other pretty people. Everyone is so damn happy. The single girls? They don’t even notice me. I stand alone in the malls sometimes and watch the passing crowds. No one ever notices me. Ever.

A bit of added patheticism(I don’t care if it’s not a word). Lately I’ve found myself browsing the escort service websites. I don’t even want sex, I just someone that will at least pretend to like me, even if only for an hour or so.

I hate to say it, but if I could afford to, I probably would have done it already.

How’s that for ya? I want the real thing so bad, but can’t find it, so I look for a blatantly fake thing. Makes a weird kind of sense, doesn’t it?

It would be great for all like minded people to connect as suggested by overlooked.

I know it may sound unbelievable to others but there are so many of us who are struggling just to keep out heads above water with seemingly no end in sight.

Where part of the country does everyone live?

Log in and let us all know, you never know maybe we can pull something off?

I’m too far away. Eastern Europe
But lot of you that can meet – do it!

I’m from California, but I live in New Jersey now. 20 years old.. Young, but I think I can offer a lot to that “special someone.”

Calgary, Alberta, Canada here. I figure most of you are from the States.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to tell just by looking at someone that they felt the same way as you?
Everybody says you should look for a strong, independent person to be with. Okay, so look for someone that doesn’t need me? It’s not a sign of weakness to need another person, it’s a sign of humanity.

We as people aren’t wired to be alone, so I say if you find someone that needs you on the same level that you need him/her, that’s got to be the greatest thing in the world. To “complete each other”.

I’m seriously starting to lose it. Every time I meet a nice girl, I blow it. I get over excited and nervous and just come off as needy and/or desperate.
I’m sick to death of being told that “confidence is key”, “girls are attracted to confidence”, “be more confident”.

Confidence for me, comes from past successes. I’m great at my job(I’m a tradesman). Because of that, I have confidence in my work. I know what I’m doing when I walk onto a new job site, and I know that I’m the best guy for the job.

I’ve never had any success with women. I don’t fear rejection, I expect it.

I try to be the cool, aloof guy when I’m out, but it’s just not me. I shouldn’t have to try to be somebody else to impress a girl. I’m not the kind of guy that can just strike up a random conversation with a pretty girl. They’re intimidating in every way.

This is going to sound bad, but I don’t even see women as people. The only person I know in this world is me. I’m a person. The next closest thing is other guys. As a guy, I understand that they’re a similar level.
But women? I don’t understand anything about them. They’re something else completely.

I wish I didn’t need someone.

I am from New York City, which is very crazy. People walk by ignoring each other and it is pretty difficult to meet any decent person. I am a graduate student and 25 years old female

We are not wired to live and be alone, we are social animals. Ask an biologist.

Yet society screws around and tells women to be independent and for men to play the field.

The media images are all about just being free and easy.

So dopey people follow this retarded image and end up chasing their tails.

I met a guy on a trip he was very nice. We ended up having dinner together and during the conversation I asked him if her were ever married or had a partner, he was 37.

He said that at 25 he had met a girl who he fell in love with, she wanted to get married but his friends and family convinced him he was too young and he should be free to sow his wild oats first.

Well he dumped her, even though he loved her to run free and wild, and guess what? 12 years later he has yet to find another girl who he finds love for in the same way.

So sad, he thinks about her all the time, she is now happily married with 2 beautiful kids.

He said it was the worst mistake of his life.

People make us feel stupid and needy for wanting a partner, when in truth it is they who are screwed up.

I live in the Vermont/New Hampshire area and sometimes I wonder why I moved up here from the southern CT, NYC area. Had one relationship since living up here and that was enough to make me want to be a hermit. Ya think wow this is going pretty damn well. A year and a 1/2 passes and ya think wow we don’t even argue, so far so good we get along really great! Then BAM right out of left field and you get the song and dance its not you its me routine. And I find the ones that I’m still friends with and more so with his family. And he’s with someone that takes his money and unresonable and arguementative no one gets it. Should I start being mean? Nawww.. not worth it…

You should never be mean or someone you are not.

Even though it seems that the rotten ones get the the best partners it is only an illusion. Be yourself and hope for the best.

Well, if anybody wants to talk my email is krush247@hotmail.com at least I know i’m not the only one like this lol.

I hear everything you people are saying here! I read your comments day after day and these same thoughts rush through my mind. We walk among those people who are in happy relationships and we blend into society. We are so much different than all these happy people and yet we wake up and spend our days trying to blend in and hide our lonliness. For a long time I thought I was alone and the only person who felt these thoughts. One night I was so sad I typed in “I’m tired of being lonley and found this site. It made me realize I am not alone and not crazy just a little lost. I’d like to take time to thank each and every one of you for showing the courage to post your inner most thoughts. I feel your pain and find comfort in your stories so from the bottom of my heart “Thank You”! My thoughts are with you and I wish you the very best. The next time you see someone you want to get to know and your feeling like you can’t talk to them just remember your not alone and you are being to hard on yourself. I see each one of you has a lot to offer so go ahead and take a chance!!

Well since everyone here is thinking the same thing and in general feel the same thing, I’ll throw this out there: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=1629185259

I just want to talk to anyone, just meet people and make friends. Add me everyone who’s on FB.

Another trip down the path of being an emotional anchor for this girl. She is 8 months divorced. Took advantage of my good naturedness. Shame on me for being optimistic. I am seriously considering just never leaving my house.

I’ve been on that path a few times myself. Your good enough
for emotional support but not good enough to date. If you
make a move you’re shown the cold shoulder. It really
hardened my attitude after a couple times. They go right
back to the type that caused them pain in the first place. It’s not your fault Jimmy! I can’t blame you for wanting to throw in the towel. Next time just remember what happened
last time and be careful not to let yourself get too
disappointed. Keep on keepin’ on!

Wow…didn’t expect to find this. Been Googling awhile and this is the first place where folks honestly told their stories and I can totally relate. I was married for 10 years to my highschool sweetheart. It was a disaster. He was diagnosed bipolar about year 4 and it was never properly managed. Anyway he eventually just left..a blessing in disguise in many ways. About 7 months later I was fortunate enough to meet someone. It was lovely to feel again. Then he slowly drifted away and the end result has been devasting. He is a good man, always honest and simply wasn’t feeling it. He is still a dear friend and I feel blessed to know him, unfortunately he is many miles away so its hard to fill the friend roll that I need right now. The bad part is the lonely black hole I find myself. I was always independent and valued my alone time. I never minded doing things on my own…figured why wait or the world to get with the program. Now I hate being along and have experienced the same things others have posted. I sleep curled up hugging a bunch of pillows because I miss having someone in my bed. I long to have someone call me and just ask how my day is. Although I have a few friends, most are not local and involved in their own lives. I have hobbies but they don’t always lend themselves to meeting folks. I’m just struggling and damn I’m tired of crying all the time. Its gotten to the point that having a good time is painful in that the longing and lonliness I feel after a weekend away is crushing (yes, anxiety is an issue…more joy). Bottom line this sucks.

Here is a great story! I met a girl online and went out on a date. she was very interested and we made plans to go out sunday! My family came to visit for three days and I did’nt get a chance to talk to her much. When I tried to talk she said she was busy! Saturday night I got a message (email) that said she could not go out Sunday because she met an old flame and they were getting back togeather. I will turn 32 on thursday (thanksgiving). I guess this was an early present. This might be a reason my self confidence is a little low. Women love confident guys. Well sorry girls but it seems you’ll have to keep looking because I’m having a hard time even convincing myself I’m a good catch!

I also am tired of being single. You have to love yourself before you can truly love another human which is true. I do love and respect myself, It’s not that I need a man to be happy if I did I would not be single right now I would have settled for the first guy that came along. One girl asked me “why don’t you go fetch yourself a guy” I don’t want to fetch someone or just be with someone just because. I guess what I’m trying to say is that It would be really nice to be in a relationship, to have a significant other, but I just don’t want to settle for anyone.

chad, i see we’ve got a mutual friend(rejection).
i went to a party once, not knowing a soul except the guy who invited.
I met a great girl who gave me her full attention for the entire night, like 6 hours of just talking. It was amazing. Eventually, the night had to end, but as luck would have it, her ride home was passed out drunk, so she asked me to take her home.
I’m thinking “Wow, a girl that likes me!”. So on the road, she says all these suggestive things(good suggestive, not overtly sexual, but flirtatious). Now I’m thinking “Yes! A girl really does like me!” Then I drop her off, without getting her phone number or giving her mine.
After a few phone calls, I tracked down her number, and with nervous, anxious and terrified fingers I called her.
It was great, we talked for a good 2 hours.
Somehow, we got on the topic of astrology. She asked if I was into it, I said ‘no’, and this is what she says:
“My boyfriend’s mom is really into that sort of thing.”
I was floored.
“What was that, sorry?” I asked, panicking.
Sure enough, I’d heard her right. I hung up on her right then.
Ever since then I’ve been trying to reason out what she was doing. Did she..
a) Know her ride home would get drunk and decided to flirt with me so I’d drive her home?
b) Flirt with me because it was fun?
c) Lie about having a boyfriend so I’d leave her alone?
d) Was truthful about the boyfriend thing, but still b.

If it’s a, she’s a bitch. If it’s b, she’s a tease, and if it’s c, she’s a bitch again. If it’s d, she’s a bitch and a tease.

The funny thing is, this happened like 10 years ago, when I was still in High School. Yet it still hurts. The pain and rejection I felt at that moment has never really gone away. I don’t think about it much though, but when I do, it hurts like it just happened.

There have been other times I’ve been rejected, but what hurt so much that time was that she gave me no reason to question her interest in me. She came on to me first. She said things to me that I longed to hear for so long, but it was a game to her, and I lost big time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have let the longing for romance ruin my life for to long. I am a college educated man. I work my ass off in the gym to stay in nice shape. People tell me I am the funniest guy they know. I own my own nice vehicle. I am in a position to buy a nice house. I could go on but I’m not trying to sound conceded. I just don’t have that “whatever it is” that catches a womans attention. I am just at the end of my trying to be the nice guy. I am not going to give women the chance to reject me anymore. I am simply going to focus on me. If a woman becomes interested she better be ready to do the guys work because my days of being a fun date or two are over. I apologize if this offends anyone. I just can’t let myself get this down anymore!

I feel your pain Chad. What you said really struck a nerve
with me. I’m sick of being burned and have adopted the same
strategy. Yeah, being the fun and witty guy is good for a few laughs but nothing else so it seems. You don’t have to
appologize to anyone for the way you feel!!!! ANYONE!

I think in the day and age especially, with the advent of the internet, most people are not serious minded about relationships.

In the old days you had to go out and pursue a relationship, they were not so dime a dozen.

Now adays, you go out and if you meet or not it dosen’t matter there are literally thousands more to choose from on the web.

This makes the flakey types happy because they don’t have to work at anything.

Most people are not serious or deep thinking.

We here I feel are the minority.

So as a result we want an honest and committed relationship in our lives and would be happy to find someone whom is like minded.

I cannnot for the life of me find someone who I am attracted to and is serious about being with someone of their own kind.

I find tons of flakes out there and silly individuals who are not that aware or interested in developing a mature and meaningful partnership.

It is a numbers game, and I think we are all in the minority.

So it is all the more difficult, though not impossible to find that needle in the haystack.

Hang in there everyone!

you go chad!! like i said before… you can’t love someone until you love yourself. Just be happy being you and when you are truly satisfied with yourself women will notice this…that’s what attracts women. I should know I am a woman!

Im sorry Kameron that is just mumbo jumbo, like some sort of magic potion that you believe to feel better about things.

It is just random, you don’t know how someone feels, you can’t get into their heads to see if they love themselves, that is utter nonsense.

You are either attracted to them or are not that is the bottom line.

So by telling someone to “love” themselves you are putting the responsibility to find and attract another person on them.

So when you find yourself single for a long time it is because you don’t like yourself enough and people can see this in you…..YA RIGHT.

AMEN, Livid

Everyone has self doubt, the most beautiful super models and the best athletes in the world go on about how they have insecurities.

There are things we like about ourselves and things we don’t that is the human condition. We are constantly changing and improving ourselves.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with finding a partner.

Do not blame yourselves for not being secure or happy with yourself enough.

It is totally irrelevant.

Yes we should all work on improving ourselves and growing, but who is to say how much to love yourself, we all love ourselves or else we would just end it all.

Ignore the pschyobable and get out there and be yourselves!

Zach,

Gosh. It sucks so bad that I’ll never get to meet you or know you. I would very much like to be the one you wake up next, the one you come home to and relax on the couch with after you eat the dinner I made for you.
I’m tired of being lonely too. I want nothing more than a significant other. I wish you the best of luck in life. I hope that we can both find what we’re looking for and are able to find happiness

Another Thanksgiving gone. I felt so alone. So far detached from reality. But, I just keep trying to stay positive. There is no worse crime than trying to change who you are. Remember, our colors will always be with us.

Re: Jimmy

Do not say that you are not alone we all are here with you. Beside if it about the Turkey do not worry not a lot of people now a days celebrate Thanksgiving

I felt the same way Jimmy. I would of liked nothing better then to share Thanksgiving with a nice lady that I care about… Sucks because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and it felt like something was missing because I couldn’t share it with somebody.

Hey Jimmy, I can so relate.

I hate spending the holidays alone, I don’t feel I have anything to look forward to.

It just feels so desolate and hopeless.

I was thankful to spend my Thanksgiving with relatives.
Being one of the few unattached people there still left me
with an empty feeling, but I guess it’s better than totally being alone. I keep asking myself, Is this as good as it’s
ever gonna get? Why is it that some people can find a
person they like and has similer interests but others like
all of us here keep struggling?

There is not justice in this life, I know so many unexceptional people who are happily paired up.

While really great ones are going through life alone.

I am so confounded by this. I am simply at a loss.

I think at times, “exceptional” people are trapped in their own ego when it comes to dating. They are too worried about finding the perfect partner, that they ignore what it’s really all about.

Sometimes the “unexceptional” people are exceptional at letting go of this need and just having a good time with someone.

The funny thing is, there’s no real way for any of us to better our situation. I’ve read most of these posts, and very view of the authors seem to have self-esteem issues or other problems that would inhibit finding a mate.

It’s all luck. Being in the right place at the right time with the right person.

Thank you all for your support. I’m really at wits end at this point. I’m able to put on a facade and look happy when I’m out and about, but what nobody sees is when I’m alone. I am breaking each day I am without “her.” I just wish someone would like me for who I am. I just wish there wasn’t a stigma attached to me. I just wish my luck would change because I won’t.

I’m almost convinced that the type of woman I’m looking
for only exists in my imagination. If it’s not to be then
I guess I’ll have to deal with it and get by best I can.
That’s the price for not compromising my principles! No
other way to explain it. Now it’s a longshot at best. Sadly,
you all know what I’m talking about.

Listen to all of us. We face the same problem and live completely different lives. The words you people say are thoughts that run through my head! I really feel like we put on a happy face but we are waiting for the person who will look into our eyes and see our heartache. The one who will wipe away our sad memories. I went to a parade tonight and saw all the happy couples holding each other in the cool winter air. I see this everyday and everyday its like a new knife is shoved into my chest. You would think I become use to seeing what I miss but it always hurts. I’m glad I can come here and convey my feelings. Before I found this site I thought I was just alone and no one else felt this way. Thank you all!

A friend of mine once told me that I’m too independent and that intimidates guys. I mean really, guys is that true? Was there any truth to his statement. Do men feel intimidated by intelligent, self-suffient women?
I can learn anything, I bought my own home on my own, car and truck. I can change my own oil, change a tire, help with a brake job. Keep my nails clean and still get dressed to the nines. Do men find when a girl knows how to do guy things they feel we’ve stepped over an invisble line somewhere?

Some men will, most will think it’s great because it takes the pressure off of them if you can handle yourself. In the end, Lucy, worry about those who aren’t intimidated.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

I ask myself the same question. Why can’t I just find a woman that doesn’t have an agenda.

Wow I dont know if there is anything I can add anything here that has not already been said. I can empathise with most of youer situations. I am single and was loving it. I travelled and met loads of ppl then one day I just woke up and felt incredibly lonely!!! I have been unable to shake the feeling for the last 4 years!!! I always wondered what was wrong with me.. why do others find it so easy to be in relationships or even meet people. I cannot begin to put into words the pain I feel waking up in the morning on my own, going on holidays on my own, movies on my own, dinner on my own.. etc etc.. I try to adopt a positive attidude because ppl expect you to be happy go lucky all the time but its hard.. I dont want to add to the depression so I wont.. I want to wish you all the best and looking forward to reading more of your comments.. Thanks Zack for starting this all…

Lucy,
As a guy, I find independent women much more attractive than those who need to be incessantly looked after.

The main reason that my marriage was such a disaster was that my ex had no identity aside from that which i afforded her. \she built her life around me from day one and it made me feel good to be needed(st first, anyway).

Eventually I realized this and a whole heap of other things that forced me to end the marriage entirely.

Granted, most women(I hope) will never be as needy as my ex. But most guys want to feel like the man in the relationship. It’s not chauvinism, it’s instinct. It validates a man if he’s the dominant one. Men unknowingly(most of the time) seek to be respected and admired by women.

This is not, obviously, describing every last man on the planet, but it’s pretty typical. Personally, I’d rather be wanted than needed. Sounds funny at first, but it’s what I’ve come to realize. Despite how much I need to be wanted, I don’t want to be needed. Man, that does sound crazy.

It’s part of me not settling, I guess. It feels good to be needed, but I think being wanted is more important.

So, to sum up; Lucy, keep being strong and independent, if a guy feels too threatened by it to deal with it, he’s seriously just not good enough for you.

Lets be serious. I think being an independant woman is very attractive. In fact reading the things you people have written makes me realize you are all unique and independant. In the few things I’ve read I can tell that each of you have a lot to offer. The thing I am most afraid of is that you are all really hard on yourselves. I can relate to this because I am very hard on myself. Does anyone here realize from reading these comments that there is really a general goodness in the people here and that the comments here show a good group of independant people who have had some bad experiences but all in all fail to see that they have a really good heart. Its wierd but when I say I wish you all the best I really mene that because I see myself in the things you write and I see we are very unfair to ourselves!

Had a talk with this woman last night. She is going through a divorce and is 8 months separated. She is very much an emotional wreck and basically to sum it all up, I said this to her… “I don’t want anything from you now, I want you to heal, I want you to have self worth again, but in all honesty I would love to have a relationship with you when you are good a ready.” She appreciated my honesty and said I was sweet and all and she is not ready for any type of intimacy (emotional, sexual etc.)… I look at it this way, I put myself out there, if she likes me and realizes that I would be good for her, grat. If not, oh well, not much loss because I didn’t sleep with her. She wanted to, but I know myself, if I slept with her I would’ve been a rebound and would have found myself attached. So basically I ask the women of this group… if she really wanted something she would have jumped at it. I have the overall feeling that she had an agenda for me and I was able to save my heart (somewhat) by not falling into the rebound status. All opinions are welcome, however i really would like a female perspective.

Jimmy, She is not ready yet.

I had a bad breakup and I was not able to be involved with a guy for at least a year.

After a year, I was able to be sexually involved with guys, but not emotionally.

That took 3 years.

Maybe I am weird, but I am very serious about committment.

So if she is worth anything in the future, her level of seriousness at this point indicates her commitment to a relationship.

IF you have a pure heart as a woman, you need time to let go and feel clean and clear for the next relationship.

If you are a airheaded flake you can jump from man to man, no problem.

So her behaviour will be the indication.

Good luck

Thank you livid. You have given me concurrence.

Overlooked… Thanks. I can really related to the being wanted and to the being needed. There is a difference. I’ve always taken care of myself since I’ve been out on my own so I can be a bit headstrong, but at the same time it gets tiresome and you just want to share life with someone. Comes down to being wanted, and then theres the trust and respect issues, which of course goes both ways. I am really glad I found this site, I think its great seeing I’m not so crazy after all. Thank you everyone for sharing.

Livid you aren’t weird, I totally understand. And Jimmy, be her friend, be supportive, and be careful. Livid is right watch her actions. She will go through many emotions because that is what we women do. We are emotional. The people I remember and keep close in my heart and in my life are the ones that stood by me and put up with me when I was hurting the most and experiencing the worst. I can tell you there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for those people that were there for me when I thought I was alone.

Chad, YOU ARE RIGHT. We are tough on ourselves. But I think we found so much of ourselves in everyone here that writes something. I think that it gives us some relief to see that we aren’t alone feeling the things we do. I hope that everyone who visits here will find a little something to give them the strength to not give up. That they will find what they are looking for in their heart. Something that gives you just a little bit of hope that says, ya know I don’t feel so alone now. And that just may be all the boost one person needs that visits here. And its a place you can always come back to because people here understand. It really is a good place. I’m glad I found it. I’m gonna go hang more Christmas lights. Look out Clark Griswald…

Thats funny Lucy, I was laughing my ass of at the hanging christmas lights comments. I love that christmas vacation movie. On a more serious note Jimmy my hat is off to you. You are obviously a real man, instead of taking advantage of a confused woman you became a shoulder for her to cry on and a listener she can confide in. I really don’t understand how anyone here is single. You all have shown that you are caring and understanding and that in the face of hardship you all put being moral above just using others to get what you want. I think this site is very theraputic. I know I always read the new comments and I only hope that the rest of you have found comfort in coming here as well!

Here’s an interesting story for you guys:
I enjoyed a brief stint of of weekly visits to my local pub. I wasn’t drowning my sorrows in alcohol, but i was hoping to get noticed.

So one particular saturday night, about 3 months ago, I meet an exceptionally beautiful 21 year old girl who is wasted beyond belief. She’s wearing one of those short jean jackets over a tube top and she’s got daisy dukes.
I am definitely not the guy that goes for that type, but she was nice and talked to me first, so I indulged a little.
When the night is over her ride home(her mother, incidentally) has disappeared, and in her tears, she asks for a ride home. Always the gentleman, I say okay. The problem here is that she has no idea where she lives, so we end up at my place. While I’m waiting for her to sober up, she flashes me her breasts for no real reason.
Now, I’m a guy, so naturally I liked what I saw. But the chivalrous knight in me closed her jacket to cover them.

Later that night, she does it again, only this time she’s insisting that I touch them. So what did I do? I closed her jacket again, and said ‘thanks, but no thanks’.

Once she sobered up(around 5am), I drove her home and never saw her again. I’m not choked about that, or about not touching her rather perfect breasts. I’m choked that she didn’t even thank me for taking care of her while any other guy would have taken full advantage of the situation. She said ‘thanks for the ride, take care’.

Why is it that you only get noticed if you do something bad, but the good deeds are ignored, if not shunned altogether?

Well it sounds to me like this girl was just looking for a one night stand. I think she was young and if you are into picking up women for sex that you should have went along with it. I mene we are all human. But I don’t think you are looking to get lucky. Sometimes when your lonely you don’t see that some people are looking for other things. Maybe we try to force relationships and we set ourself up for failure. My opinion is that she was young and enjoying her youth and that you are much more mature and looking for an equal.

oh don’t worry chad, I knew she was nuts from the moment she started talking to me that night, I just figured I’d get a bit of recognition for doing the right thing, especially after she mentioned that she was engaged.

First of all, Overlooked, Any chick wearing a getup like that is off at bit in the first place. But that is only a tiny glimpse into the vast majority of people out there.

A young woman who puts herself out on a platter by dressing and acting like that is obviously either intellectually or emotionally challenged.

Getting wasted, left by your mother?????

Great family background, for starters!!!

Any woman who presents herself like a piece of meat, is going to be for the most part treated like one.

She was very lucky to have been in your company, probably the one time she actually came across a decent guy.

This type of girl wants a certain type of guy, and you are way above and beyond her level, socially and intellectually.

Let those types find their own kind.

What you must understand that that type is socially retarded and you can’t expect proper behaviour from them in any way shape or form.

So for her not saying thank you properly comes as no surprise at all.

Do not take it personally, just be glad you didn’t catch anything!

Yes on all accounts. If you dress like a ghoul, you will attract ghouls. What I find very depressing each day is the fact that there aren’t more people that do the right thing in life. Thank you Chad. It was very difficult not jumping into bed with this woman because lord knows, I am very attracted to her. The fact is, I’m hoping(like overlooked) that I can be recognized for doing the right thing and maybe she will see me in a different light. This is the same girl five years ago that I brought flowers to while she was working. I had met her through a friend and started hanging out and enjoying each others company. After the flower incident, we drifted apart. I chalked it up to me “coming on too strong” or something. Well, fast forward five years to today and that was one of the first things she brought up. The fact that she felt so bad for not reacting positively when I brought her flowers. I’m willing to bet I’m the only man that has done something like that for her. Well, it is entirely up to her to find herself and to see if she can break the cycle of dating/marrying abusive men. I pray for her. I pray for you all. I just need somebody to pray for me.

Jimmy you got my prayers. And Overlooked, gals like Daisy Duke there, they don’t know what to do. She doesn’t understand how lucky she was to have someone like you around to help her out. Livid put it perfectly. That one is definatly a needy type wrapped up in alot of emotional self-destructive issues.

The problem today is that younger people have no one to
look up to. They have no examples of how to act toward
their fellow humans. No common courtesy or manners are
taught. Some of our elected officials don’t even know
how to act! It’s a sign of our times. All of us here are
in a definite minority, and while we should be proud that
we don’t conform to society in general,we aren’t getting
anywhere either. Are We?

After todays revelations by Tiger Woods that he cheated for 3 years with 2 women on his beautiful 29 year old wife, there is no hope left.

There is really no one to look up to any more you are right Hank.

It is so depressing, no wonder there are like 10 of us out there who are in the right place mentally. The rest of the world had gone MAD.

I feel like an alien from Pluto or something.

Sad, just damn sad!

Hank, you are very wise. I agree, there is really nobody to look up to and it seems most people don’t possess a moral compass nowadays. Tiger Woods? He doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me is the stories I hear about the couple married for 30 years getting a divorce. I mean…WHAT!? I don’t understand that at all. I will just keep my head up and try to find someone who I can’t live without. I hope you’re out there my love.

Jimmy you are too good to be true!

Jimmy, I believe most relationships start with two people
who can’t live without each other. What that evolves into
might be a different story. Does anyone really mean what they say anymore? I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m
skeptical due to my past history. My expectations are way
too high, no doubt. Tiger’s reputation has been tarnished at
least till he wins the next tournament or the next big
scandal comes along. This is the new normal!

Hank, again I agree with you, but I have heard of good marriages/relationships. Although rare, it has happened. I guess I’m being naive in thinking I may find someone who I can’t live without. What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic.

Livid, I’m just a regular man sweetheart, searching for the woman that makes my stomach hurt. That’s when I know.

Lucy, Thank you. It does mean alot to mean.

From what I have heard today, men just want to run around like crazy, most of them anyway.

It is very discouraging, to say the least.

Well Livid, my fellow Plutonian, things do look grim don’t they? I can relate to what Hank says about past experiences and the expectations you look for in someone else. They may be high expectations to some but we’re talking about the rest of your life with one person and its alot of work. I look at my grandparents, they were married for 70 years. Can you imagine being with one person for 70 years? When I close my eyes to imagine being with someone that long….imagine what he would be like… all I get is the headless horseman (sigh heavy sigh)

Lucy your very funny!

Most long term relationships are really hard, I think living together kills alot of them.

The constant day in and day out is very tough, it get boring and then trouble starts to brew.

I would love to meet someone and just have a relationship that is a couple of days a week.

That;s all I want

Not a lot to ask

Why are girls so hard to figure out?
On two separate occasions over the past few months, 2 very attractive girls have volunteered their phone numbers to me without ever having had a conversation.
Both girls acted all weird when I called and said they’d give me a call and we could get together. Never happened.

Let’s review. Two girls noticed me based on how I look, and must have liked what they saw, since(as I mentioned), they offered their numbers to me out of the blue, with no prior interaction. When I call, they passively reject me.

I’ve been trying to figure this one out and would love some input from some of the girls here.

I wondered if maybe they just got scared because they’re not used to the guy actually calling. I don’t think that’s it since both girls were very attractive and I couldn’t see them having trouble picking up guys. So I’m out of ideas.

It’s like buying a new car from a dealership and being surprised when they hand you the keys. Any thoughts?

overlooked, how old are these girls

one was 30, the other looked about 24.

Wow, we spend a lot of time trying to figure people out. I always wonder if the lady walking by smiled because she was interested or if she was being nice. I think I’m going to stop wondering so much but on the flip side I do have some good news. I was talking to a girl this summer at the pool and today i went to a restaraunt with a friend and she was the waitress. She ended up sitting with us and talking for an hour. I am going back Friday to ask her out on a date. I’m trying not to get to excited but we have a lot in common and I have to be honest I am confident around most people but every time I’ve talked to this lady I get a little weak in the knees and I have a stupid grin I can’t hide. I know from previous situations I should go about my business and not set myself up for disappointment. But what the hell I’m gonna give it a shot and see if she is interested. I might be a little sad if it does’nt happen but I’m not worried because I will come here and coming here always makes me feel better. So I might need a shoulder to cry on Friday or I might be on cloud nine. Either way I have always found comfort in the kind words and helpful advice I get from all of you!!

Chad : Do not worry trust me each one of us have one that out their for them, it may not come right away as for others but it always comes. So take it easy Friday and enjoy yourself if it works great if not great for you because their might be someone who is way better waiting for you.

Jimmy: Man you will find someone who will fit you very much but if you do not do not run crazy because if you rushing for it you may end up with the wrong person and that will stay with you for A LONG TIME so be patience observe, learn and then choose and you will find someone who is exactly for you.

at the end guys, we have to be 100% confidence with ourselves in order to let someone feel 100% confidence around us.

Me, myself I know that I am not fully confident of myself because I am bit chubby and I do not like it but at the other hand I am 25 yrs female who is persuing her Master in one of the best schools in America so young and smart but not yet confident. I believe that for good hearted people like it us we have to believe that we are good inside and outside because who ever will be with us will feel great around us.

Dee,
I want to tell you something. When I was younger physical beauty was everything. Now I’m 32 and I find myself being attracted to a woman I can talk to. You say your a little chubby but I hope you did’nt forget the encouraging words you just wrote me. Young lady I have read just a few encouraging thoughts from you and you are beautiful. You are gorgeous were it counts because physical attraction is great but I think we are all looking for the person who is understanding and compassionate and there is no doubt in my mind that you hold those qualities. You are a compassionate, and intelligent woman with a good heart. You are gorgeous don’t fool yourself into thinking anything else!

Chad… Go for it man. That is the new mantra.

Dee… Chubby? I love curvy women. Especially smart ones.

Overlooked… I think that happens to me evertime I get a girls number. Did I ever tell you the one about the girl who asked me out on a date to tell me she doesn’t date?

Livid… The day in day out won’t be so bad with the right person. I mean really, My best friends are the people I want to be around…constantly. That is what I’m looking for, a best friend, a soulmate, a lover, etc.

I think you all are awesome and have been wonderful. Thank you. I am going through sour times.

Chad, look at it this way. What’s the worst that could happen if you get turned down? Things end up no worse than they are right now. Give it a try and see what happens.

Livid, your idea is worth trying. Might be the secret to
keeping a relationship fresh, providing the other person
is comfortable with it.

Dee, I once met a girl from the other end of my state. Made
arrangements to drive out and see her.(A four hour trip),
only to find out she already had a boyfriend after we spent the day together.I would have laid into her for wasting my time but she was my neighbor’s niece so I left it go at that. Was a long trip home. This is the luck of the Hankster!

Enjoy reading everyone’s post and words of encouragement. I guess I’m a bit of an optimist. I do see more examples of good folks and relationships than bad. It does make me physically ill when I hear of infidelities as I was on the receiving end. Nothing IMHO is more painful. But because I have males in my life that are good, in fact outstanding friends, fathers, and husbands, I do not accept that the buttheads I have dealt with or read about are the norm. I agree with Chad..what I may have found attractive at 20 is not the same as what I am looking for now. There are a couple things physically I still do look for/notice ( I tend to like talls gent probably cause I’m not and a good smile) but really it is the person on the inside thats the real seller. To the gents that did not have their kindness acknowledged you have to look at it this way. You acted in a way that was true to who you are and did not compromise “yourself” for what would have probably amounted to just a couple hours and days/week of regret. Thank yourself

Just an edit “You acted in a way that was true to who you are and did not compromise “yourself” for what would have probably amounted to just a couple hours of fun and days/week of regret. Thank yourself

Chad: Thanks a lot I am sure you will find someone who is just born for you and 32 is not a big deal good marriages do not happen until you are in your 30s because you are in a stage of life where you know where are you and what do you want so it will happen sooner or later. And if takes some times it is all for your benefit trust me.

Jimmy: you are nice trust me in New York City it is hard to be Chubby.Also it is hard to date people tend to look very stress and running for their lives and it is hard to meet decent people and for me I am not a bar type of girl, I am very social but not in bard I feel like the people who are their will down grade my brain capabilities… .

Hankso55: You drove 4 hours for a girl who later you found out that she is dating someone else. I dated a guy for 4 years where I found out that he is just playing games with me and not taking me serious. But funny enough this guy got married and now he is contacting me to tell me how wonderful I was. Keep in mind that I never had sex with him or any other guys. So do not feel bad take it as a learning experience.

I keep getting the words of encouragement, the usual crap about ‘fish in the sea’ and whatnot, but I’m pretty sure there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. I really wish I knew what it was, so I could at least try to fix it.

Girls I know praise me for my honesty and sense of humor, they tell me I’m attractive and blah blah blah. Next time I hear that I’m just going to call bullshit.

I’ve had more friends that are girls than guys, and not a single one of them ever wanted to be with me in any capacity. The only girls that even talk to me now have been drunk. So I’m just going to give up.

I quit.

ReL: Overlooked

Just called it bullshit for now and the more you will forget about it, the closer you will get to meet The girl not any girls because trust me there are a lot of girls out their but you need the right and the best one not just the right one for now. Keep your hopes low and without knowing you will see how much difference will make.

Overlooked… There is more likely something fundamentally wrong with them. Trust me, I’m finding out that we are a small number in society. You know, good, well-rounded, moral people. Don’t quit. Just adjust your mind. Work on your hobbies, and interests. Stop hunting per say and start farming. If you catch my drift.

Nina… Thank you for your words of encouragement. Damn I wish I was tall.

Dee… NYC is a very tough town. I know, I’m there everyday. And I’m there being chubby.

The “farming” statement by Jimmythesaint was dead on. It’s too bad people are so impatient and so ADD these days about relationships. If they stuck around past three months and cultivated the relationship further, people might be pleasantly surprised.

So I askeed that girl out today and sher said yes and gave me her number. I can tell she is very interested. Its ben a while since I’ve felt this good. I almost forgot what the feeling was like. Well I’m off to the gas station to buy a lottery ticket! Wish me luck!

Re: Jimmy well yes it is New York rules and you have to live by them

Re: Chad that is great best of luck with the girl and the lottery.

Chad…High five! (Borat voice)

Well thanks everyone. I hope this date goes well but I am usually the one date wonder so I’m trying not to be overly excited. I just love the feeling you get when someone is attracted to you. I’m sure we have all felt it but its ben a long time for me. I kinda feel like I walk around but that women think of me like the walls of a building. They notice that I’m there but they don’t look at me as a person to be interested in. I’m not going to lie I have pretty much given up on being in a relationship. I have ben going about my business and not really looking for anyone. It probably sounds crazy but I almost don’t want to call this girl. Things usually go south for me and I never understand why. There is always a lot of fun on a date with me and somehow I slip into friend mode and that completely sucks. I just have a gut feeling that this is different. Something says to me that this could be a really good thing but only time will tell. I can tell you all something. Here recently I have really become content with who I am. Every part of my life is working out nicely after a lot of hard work. For the first time in a long time I actually like me. So win or lose and good or bad I’m going to try and hold on to my positive feelings. You can bet I will be keeping you all posted. Every one of you have ben a shoulder to lean on and an ear that is always willing to listen and for that I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you!!

Dee, you sound like a sweet heart, I love NYC, and yes I know how intimidating it can be.

It must have the most good looking stylish people in one place I think I have ever seen.

But you know, you are lucky that you can affect your situation if you choose to.

You sound really funny and intelligent with a kind heart.

So if being chubby is hard you are very able to change that.

Do you how hard it is for a super skinny asshole to change their situation.

It is much harder to change your personality than your weight.

So if you feel it keeps you from meeting guys, then why don’t you focus on small goals to get to the look you feel might enhance your siuation.

Small things and baby steps to feel better and more confident. You would have such a boost and some attention would be great for you!

hey livid you thinks being happy with yourself and independent is mumbo jumbo. If finding a guy is your only priority well good luck with your life. I’m only 18, but you sound more like the insecure young girls I see everyday. And i actually met a guy about 3 weeks ago so YA RIGHT back to ya.

Wow. That was kinda ridiculous. I’m sure finding a guy isn’t livid’s sole purpose in life. You are going to see Kameron that no matter how much you love yourself, the other person has to see the same qualities in you that they cherish. I’m not a self loather, but I have insecurities like the next guy. I’ve learned to accept them and just be true to myself. Love me for who I am, if not, they’ll be someone that will eventually. I’m glad you met a guy. However, do not change who you are. If you want something, go get it. Godspeed.

P.S. For anyone who is familiar with my situation, I sent that person a hallmark card with some words in it. I feel at total peace. God I love just being honest and saying what is on my mind.

I miss NYC Was suppose to go down there next weekend, bring some friends and show them NY at Christmas time. But something always gets in the way. Yesterday, it was 103 temp god knows what it will be tomorrow…

I miss NYC. I was suppose to go down there next weekend, bring some friends and show them NY at Christmas time. But something always gets in the way. Yesterday, it was 103 temp god knows what it will be tomorrow.

sorry for the dbl entry. compter glich thing

Re: Kameron, you are just 18 yrs old so you do not really know much about life and relationships. I remembered when I was 18 I never thought of being in a relationship. I was more focused on my studies. I think for you relationships should be the last thing in your mind but for us who achieved most of what we want in our lives we take it a bit serious.

Kameron,

Youth’s worst and, ironically, best aspect is being care free.

Just because you are content with your life right now, doesn’t mean you found the right formula.

Everyone’s priority here is to find a certain someone, because everything else is already set in order.
I’m pretty sure that a huge part of the people here are somewhat successful and have reliable jobs, homes and shoes on their feet. So when the plates are on the table and the candles are lit, you can not help but wonder “Where is my dinner?!”

Jimmy:
Spot on.

Kameron, thanks for your insight, but with all due respect you just have got it all wrong.

Im sure you mean well but I don;t think you grasp the concept I put forward….All the best to you, dear.

Jimmy the saint, thanks for “getting it”. I;m not sure the other person is actually “all there”.

But no mind, we are here to be supportive not judgmental, that’s for the rest of “them”.

Thanks, guys

I remember when I was 18, I thought I had it all figured out too, like most of us did at that age. That’s the problem with being young, you can’t have any real experience to draw from.

I’m 27 and I’m only just starting to figure out who I really am and what my place is. I wish it hadn’t taken so long, but it did.

I read something once: ‘To know love is to know thyself’. It basically means that when you do meet someone, and that person is the right someone, you’ll become the person you’ve always been, but the one that hasn’t had any real purpose yet and so hasn’t been on the surface. The right person should make you want to be better. So it’s a little hard to be 100% happy with who you are when you know the real you has yet to emerge.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but it’s true for me. Part of the excitement of meeting the right person is the hope that I’ll finally be complete and become the person I’ve always truly been.

Does that make sense? ‘Cause sometimes I make with the ramblings and end up in a completely different spot than when I started…

Re: Overlooked well it does makes difference the older you got the older you realize what you want especially with respect to relationships. But you are the complete person still, yes when you meet the right one you feel at your greatest. So basically we have not feel our greatest yet

Re: Overlooked I just read your story with that girl you meet 3 months ago. That was really nice from you. You did the right thing even if she did not thanked you. Trust me it will add to your personal wealth.

thats the whole point of loving yourself you don’t have to change who you are. and no i know i don’t have it all figured out, I’m sure you don’t either. and yes we all have problems i’m not saying that I don’t, I’m human. I think everyone is completely over analyzing my point, being happy with yourself doesn’t mean you don’t have problems, it just means that your not going to change for someone and that you respect yourself, you have standards.

And livid I got a little offended by what you said. It was just a bit harsh. I was only giving my opinion. And others are being quite discriminant toward my age. I may not have that much experience, but you can learn a lot from paying attention to others…

I am not going to go into full detail or take much of your time. Earlier this week I told you about a girl I met and was going out with. To make a long story short she is hung up on her old boyfriend and nothing is going to happen. I am completely crushed and for the life of me I cannot understand seeing so many happy couples and realizing that I can never be a part of that!

Re: Chad

What happened with the girl that yo saw Friday?

Do not be sad if seeing happy couples in the street, wait until you hear my story, Friday I stayed in the library for 18 hours studying with a female friend of mine, I look to my right there couple to the left there couple . The whole library was only couples. So I made it a fun story, I starting telling my friend I just need a guy who just can ask about me even if it once during the 18 hours, the couples who were front of me he was feeding her and covering her because it was cold and I could not find one GUY on earth to do that to me so do not feel bad , and i pretty much study very often. Laugh man

sorry Dee,
My laughter is gone tonight and probably for a while.I keep trying to fight the obvious but some people r meant to walk alone. I keep trying to get past it but its true. Maybe its true for those of us who come to this site. Maybe we carry a burden so other people can be happy. Maybe we are chosen to walk alone and there is a reason we don’t understand!I’m not sure I just wish this lonliness would go away!

Re: Chad we are here for you and for one another so do not ever feel alone, and I do not know what city you locate. Just remember we are close.

Common sense dictates that when you see couples all over the place that there are people who are still looking for a committed relationship.

You see them walking on the streets, in shopping malls, restaurants and social events.

So it makes sense that they are meeting each other and they are obviously getting together, and yet somehow for those of us here it is just somehow impossible.

What gives?

I keep thinking to myself, I meet guys, I even sometimes get together with them and yet still it goes nowhere.

Everyone I have met dosen’t seem to be on the same page.

What is so friggin hard about meeting a like minded guy?

They seem to be out there, but with other girls.

I’m afraid there is no rational way to explain how some
people have luck in finding a partner and others like all
of us here don’t. It’s not a numbers game,luck of the draw,
or even timing for that matter.Yeah, I guess that saying
that you can make your own luck is partly true, but who of us here is just waiting for someone to fall into their lap?
We’re looking but just not finding. It still comes down to
this for most. Do you look for the right person for maybe
your whole life, or settle for less and try to MAKE yourself
happy? Old as I am, I still can’t do the latter. Is it the
right thing to do? I DON’T KNOW!

NO SETTLING! I know this sucks for all of us. Its lonely as hell and yes the holidays can be unbearable. You just want to go and slap the happy people/couples. Still, settling is wrong, wrong, wrong. It only results in missed opportunities when the right person comes by and ultimately you are lying and will hurt the other person. Imagine being with someone you adored, who you thought was the one and you found out one day that, well, you really weren’t the one, just the one that happened along. Ouch. Totally agree with the fact there is no rational or logic as to why/how some find partners and others don’t. We struggle more for whatever reason because of loneliness but I know several folks that are beautiful, successful and generally very happy people that are oddly in the same boat. Luck, karma, goat sacrifices..who knows the trick. Trust me, if I did I’d share.

Ninam,
I loved your comment it was great. It brightened my day. Maybe you should look into writing professionally. You have a way with getting someones attention!

Everyday I look out the window and look at the trees, listen to the birds singing, dogs barking, and the cats meowing all alone and i cry. i know my love is swimming around there somwhere. i got to find her those are my duties. When Im in my kitchen making the best pot roast in the world i get angry that no one is there to try it besides my doggy bubblegum thats his name. im sick of picking up bubblegums poop i want children so they can pick it up. anybody want some fried chicken cuz i makes da best

As most of you it seems, I stumbled across this site while feeling down about my loneliness… my singleness. Your stories have touched me and I feel blessed to have come across them. It has inspired me to share with you all my story, which might have bit more of a twist on it. I apologize for the length, but it just kept coming.

I met who I would call the love of my life when I was 16. We were extremely compatible and extremely close. We saw each other through all of our major life transitions as we spent 8 years together. Upon graduation from college I moved to pursue more technology based career opportunity. We spent two years apart (seeing each other on the weekends) as she finished up. I never dreamed it would collapse – but it did. A combination of life taking us two different directions (and I’ve been told likely another man) played a part in it. It’s been another two years since our split and she’s now engaged to him. She placed all kinds of blame on me for not committing to marriage back then and ridiculed me… calling our relationship a waste. And certainly I was more immature then and not faultless. I do have regrets, but I never even dreamed of cheating and wanted the world for us both. But now I’m alone without even a single family member near me.

My issues leave me boxed and feeling punished. I have money and many friends yet I am isolated in a self-created cage. I grew up only knowing how to exist in a relationship – and now can’t seem to get past the third or fourth date before being tossed out like my 8 year love tossed me. Yet some days I love being completely free – to the point that I’m privately considering a move to Britain to pursue an opportunity. My life, hobbies, and career excite me, but the dreams of my past and never ending loneliness haunt me. I consider myself over her, yet she shows up in my head around this time of year and in my dreams when I experience rejection from other women.

I have been on a losing streak lately. The last two girls I dated had me big time – I was really interested. I would have bet every penny they were as well. Our dates mostly consisted of extensive conversation after a pleasant meal. Some carrying on for 4-5 hours. In both cases I felt a connection and they said they did too. After sharing a kiss and saying goodbye I never heard from them again. Apparently I’m not worth rejecting face to face or even via text. I was just a few fun dates like all the others boys. I am an engineer and my job is logical, cold, and fact based. I cannot digest the illogical part of these relationships and I feel I’m trapped. I’m successful and have been told handsome, but I’m missing something women look for it seems.

I’ve thought thoughts I never thought would come. But take heart in the small amount of faith I have in God and in people. I recently attended the company Christmas party – alone. I pass lovely couples and think similar things that have been mentioned here. But I also find myself passing graveyards thinking of their stories. So many stories of success and heartbreak that no one remembers. In 150 years no one will remember us either, and that makes me feel good. And this cyclical struggle has matured and humbled me – volunteering, charity, doing everything I can for others is all I have to declare worth by so I do it. If I can help change even just one life I feel my life would be validated whether they ever really know me or not. In a way, I’ve become a better person through the tears and prayers. The reality is that as a young man I could have been born to a different generation and died at 19 on a Civil War battlefield or in some unknown place in Europe. That makes my cold and lonely bed less intimidating.

Sometimes I wish I would have never loved anyone but focused only on me and the coldness of my life. Then at least I would be ignorant to what I am missing and most certainly with less regret. But in the same way a dynamic life is better than a dull one. I suppose it is that pioneer attitude that makes a cold and lonely character like James Bond so popular. Loneliness in marriage would take its toll in perhaps even worse ways. Things could be worse. I just wish this losing streak would pass and I could get a second chance at love. And I pray and wish you all the very best in your pursuit of happiness as well.

I went out this past saturday night, and to my utter shock and amazement, a girl came onto me. Me. This has never happened in my entire life. Seriously, never.
I was sitting with 3 other people I’d just met, just talking, and this girl asked me to dance. Out of nowhere.

Long story short: My whole table ends up going back to a friend of this girl’s house. We hang out until 8 am and crash there. Needless to say, she and I spent like 5 straight hours just kissing and touching(no sex). It was incredible. This short, adorable, and very sexy girl was attracted to me.

Since then, I’ve spent the night at her place twice(no sex), and it’s been great. We watched movies and cuddled until we fell asleep. For those few past days, I was the happiest I’d ever been.

Which brings me to now. I was thinking today, not once has she inquired about my personal life. When we talk, it’s more like she talks, and I listen. Now I’m scared to death.
I don’t want to miss this opportunity, but I’m afraid she’s just looking for a warm body. Whenever I compliment her, she just smiles and says nothing. I don’t mean like bashful silence with the blushing and all that, just a polite smile accompanied by a thundering orchestra of nothing.

I’m extremely attracted to this girl and it’s killing me to think that she’s just using me. I don’t think she really cares about anything I say or do. We’re not even technically in a relationship yet, as she told me she just wanted to take it slow. Good idea, but we’re awfully physical for taking the slow route.

Here’s her deal. She’s 29(2 years my senior), has a 9 year old son whom she loves dearly. She never married, and shares equal custody with the father(they were only together for a month, so they didn’t have much invested emotionally when they split, so they get along okay). She works 2 jobs, both in the medical field, one of which takes her 5 hours north for 2-3 weeks at a time. She loves what she does and she’s proud of how hard she’s worked and what she’s accomplished. She just moved into the city where I live so she could see her son more often.

She’s everything I want in a woman; smart, beautiful, dedicated, goal- oriented, independent, friendly. But I don’t think she actually likes me. I think it might be worse to be with her but not really have her than never being with her at all. As I’ve said, we spent the last 2 nights together, and when I left this morning, instead of telling her I’d call, I told her ‘give me a call later if you want to’. So I’ll see if she bothers to call, even if just to talk.

I like her so much, and she’s obviously physically attracted to me. Please help, I want to confront her but I don’t want to push her away and blow what chance I may have had. I know it’s wrong to settle, hell, I wrote on this very blog about it’s importance, but I’m so damn lonely and she’s so perfect. I hope to God I’m wrong and she’s just too busy with her life to really consider what I may or may not be feeling. I’m also pretty sure that she doesn’t realize that’s she using me(if she is, at all).

I wish I was the type of guy that could be happy just being with her at all, but I want a woman that get’s excited about seeing me, nervous before I come over, and brags to her friends about how great I am. I’ve been trying to show her that I could be her long term guy, I’ve been attentive and caring, physically affectionate(like massages and things for no reason other than to relax her), I told her that I’m not the jealous type, and wouldn’t worry about her cheating on me when she’s gone for those 2-3 weeks.

Do any of you have any input? Anything that I can say or do to not mess things up and let her know how I’m feeling? We did just meet and I don’t want her thinking I’m some clingy loser. Please, I’m so scared of missing out on what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

sorry that was so long, I’m kind of freaking out.

Overlooked….Stop thinking brother. Enjoy the time spent with her. You will make yourself crazy if you keep thinking about the what-ifs and such. Easy does it with the emotional attachment if you are like me and gets attached once the sex comes. The fact is I want you to do me a big favor, just go for it and go with it. My reasons are sound:

1. No matter what happens…you will heal.
2. No matter what happens…you will take something away from this relationship
3. No matter what happens…WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
4. No matter what happens…I would rather regret going for it than not going for it.

Hope this helps out. Brother, you are in my thoughts. Godspeed.

Jimmy

I can’t help thinking, Jimmy, this is the first time I’ve been in this situation.

Of course I want to go for it, I just don’t want to be in a fake relationship.

Breathe my brother, breathe and take a step back. First, its wonderful that someone approached you. No doubt that made you feel good. And that you have spent a lot of time together over the past couple days is very nice BUT this does not make her the “it” girl…not yet anyway. Oh I know you are flying high as I do remember the feeling and its normal and fun. Its also a little dangerous because its like a drug, very, very additive. So you need to just step back a bit and see what happens when you actually try and get to know this young lady without all the good hormone stuff flying. Phone conversations, maybe some dates and I’m not talking at each other’s house. You know like a movie or dinner, catch some live music somewhere or heck, go bowling. Simple time spent together will help paint the real picture of interest in the long run for both of ya. She said she wanted to take it slow so I’d take that hint and do just that. Just my nichel’s worth.

Nina, it does feel good, but I have thought rationally about why I like her so much, and the qualities are there. I’m not saying that I’m in love with her, because I just don’t know yet, but I’m just scared that I’ll mess it up.

All the girls I dated before I got married started this way, except back then it was me asking them out. They seemed to really like me, but the more time I spent with them, they just seemed to fade away, usually within a span of weeks.

I know that I’m over thinking this, but it’s just so hard to be still and just enjoy things when your whole life has been nothing but disappointments and failures. Instead of taking it as it comes, like I know I should, I just start to wonder how long it’ll be before she sees that same repelling quality all the others have seen before her.

I appreciate you guys listening and helping. As pathetic as this sounds, I don’t have any real friends, so that makes you guys the closest thing right now.

Earlier I mentioned that I left it up to her to call me tonight. Well, she didn’t.
I’m not surprised, really, but it would have been nice if she’d of me.

We have spent a lot of time together, so I do understand that she might want a break, but now I just worry if saying that turned her off altogether.

See what I do? I get so scared of an idea that I can’t relax, I think only of the worst possible outcomes. Not once did I say to myself ‘I hope she calls’, or ‘I’m sure she’ll call’. I was always ‘She won’t bother’, or ‘She probably forgot all about me already’.

The voice of experience, I suppose.

Well she did not call. This is not fair to you. Don’t you have the rite to ask her about things? If you can’t talk about were the relationship is going then what can you talk about? The main thing is she was interested in you as I’m sure many women are so atleast this is a confidence booster! Just be yourself man. We can all see your awesome! Just remember you must be true to yourself!

The worst part is knowing the rational way to behave, but not being able to.

Two things, hard as they may be. One, don’t overthink this but just watch the flow of things and, two, don’t actively wait. Live your life to the fullest and let her do some of the legwork. You need to gauge her level of interest and willingness to be anything other than physically intimate. Remember that when someone truly likes you they will do what is necessary to make it happen, even exposing their inner selves. To be sexual is too easy and convenient, look for her ability to be expressive in other ways.

I agree with Alden, if someone wants to make it happen they will.

The thing that scares me is that she is 29 years old with a nine year old, with a man she knew for a month, not the most responsible thing to do.

However she was young , but still I was 20 years old and very careful to not do anything to screw up my future.

Having said that, it only may indicate a lack of taking things in life seriously.

That is what makes me a bit nervous. Her personality may be a bit flaky, I don’t know but it may be a concern.

Be aware of this possibility, and you seem very focused and sincere, and totally not flaky, so just be on the lookout for this tendency.

If she is not flaky and is looking for a solid relationship, as you are, then let her show you her intentions.

Ask her questions next time you get together.

Has she had any long term solid committments?

Does she want a life partner?

Is she a dedicated and solid mother?

Does she have a solid infrastructure around her, eg, house, car, friends, family.

These do indicate a focused and mature person who at this stage in life is looking for a life that is settled and solid. Not a party animal who is jumping from person to person.

Just take it slow and see how things look, remember if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck………Its probably a duck

Good Luck

I’m back, after a brief hiatus, and extra thinking. I’d like to touch on a few points:

The media sells us the concept of a “soul mate” – but they’re made, through shared experiences, not found. I believe this leads people to look for perfection that doesn’t exist, which is in the best interests of advertisers who tell us to “be our best”, but we’re chasing rainbows.

The publishing industry writes books or articles for women about how to be sexy for a man and cater to his every whim, and writes books or articles for men about how to seduce women and sleep with as many as possible. They’ve set us up for a gender war that is playing out particularly right now and neither sex will ever win. And just to keep everyone on side, they tell average looking women and poor men that it’s personality that counts – but it’s not because that’s not the message the entire world is being sold.

Both women and men are encouraged to settle for the very best, and as above, the very best is decided by advertisers and the media. It’s as if no one knows their place any more because we are all to pretend that it’s what’s inside that counts. But it’s not in our current climate! If people chased people at the same level of “attractiveness” (e.g. looks, values, money, upbringing, etc.) to them they’d have more chance of meeting someone who wanted to be with them. However in the current climate this will never happen because people feel that they “deserve” a hottie.

Too many people walk away from each other when the lust fades. I believe that the two-year honeymoon period was given to us by nature so that men and women would stick together for the birth of a baby until it was breast-fed. But this two-year relationship is a particular tragedy for women in their thirties and forties because all too often they don’t get to have babies. (Don’t even get me started on how we’ve forgotten what sex is for, and how women are cheated out of what their biology craves.)

After people walk away from lust, there’s a period where many of them hate the opposite sex. If you’ve been single for a long time, you’ve probably met them, and been used or played as a result. This perpetuates the war of the sexes and the ill feeling. Meeting someone does come down to timing, because there are a lot of secretly wounded people walking around who want nothing more than to wound you for wrongs their ex’s inflicted on them – then they can move onto the person they’re really going to love. (Rebound relationships, anyone?) Infuriatingly, we don’t condemn this behaviour, we encourage it: the only way to get over someone is to get under someone new, says the media.

With the advent of the nuclear family (and yes, it is something that was invented) we’ve somehow decided that men and women don’t have to be each other’s everything, and in fact, they shouldn’t be. Look around at other cultures: the women get emotional intimacy from other women, and the men get emotional intimacy from other men. It’s only in the West that we expect ONE person to meet our EVERY demand as we live in isolation with only our partner and children, if we have them, as opposed to our extended family or village. It’s preposterous.

Anything goes in the anarchic world of dating, because there’s no societal shame for rude, dehumanising behaviour. Can’t be bothered calling a person back when you said you would for a date? Don’t! Just keep them hanging. Don’t really like the person who asked you on a date? Ah well, just ignore their invitation. Society shames philanderers and other sorts who are married – dating is still very much looked at as a teenager’s sport or a money making exercise (see: online dating.)

At the same time, single people are blamed for atrocities that would put anyone off dating. You got used? You obviously let them do it. The general population overlooks the fact that “players” are emotional CON men and women. What happened to honour? Once upon a time you could be shamed for leading someone on. Now it’s okay to blame the victim who was lured into have sex with false promises and thrown away like a piece of trash.

Which leads me neatly onto the fact that men and women are products now – we’re not people. We’re PACKAGES. On the dating MARKET. With a USE BY DATE. And a VALUE. This encourages the objectification of humans, I believe, and encourages a consumerist attitude. TRY BEFORE YOU BUY. TAKE A RAIN CHECK FOR A RAINY DAY. UPGRADE. And just like any free market, some people have more perceived value than others, which are the people that everyone wants.

Overlooked, I was in a similar position a few years back.
Met a woman who was recently divorced. We immediately hit it off. We had mutual intrests in a lot of things. She had
no children but was divorced twice. The more time I spent with her the more the REAL HER became evident. Of course
she blamed everything on her ex-husbands. In fact she hated one so much that she secretly went to see him while dating me! I’m not trying to scare you in any way. Just take it
one step at a time and don’t get too attached right away.
Believe me, crash landings are no fun. The fact that she
was with her ex for only a month should raise a red flag!
I know it’s exciting to finally meet someone after a long
search but you can’t let your guard down either. In my
situation I was just a stepping stone until another prospect
came along. I wish you only the best but you should approach this with caution!
If she’s genuinely interested in you she
will make an effort to call you. Keep your head my friend!

Overlooked:

Try to look at yourself from her perspective. What would a single mother in her late 20′s could want from a guy she never knew, but liked straight away nonetheless?

Hate to be negative, but this doesn’t look like a promising relationship start to me. Then again – I’ve hardly seen any.

Lonelygirl:

Despite your wonderful report on today’s media brain washing powers, it has also presented us with more problems than solutions.

What you’re saying is that you feel that you “deserve” a hot guy? I don’t think so.
I believe that lonely people (and girls) only ask for a person they are compatible with.
And to put it clearly, let me give you my basic requirements:

A person who has a healthy way of life. No junk food(most of the time at least), no smoking. Few extra pounds I can live with, but overweight is a big no. A semi intelligent person is alright, but someone with bit more bolts in their bucket would be great. Responsibility is something I value and desire greatly. Why would I want a partner who’d be ready to abandon the ship after the first ice cube hits. Last but not least – physical attraction. Although beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, if a person doesn’t feel even remotely attractive to me, I can’t really think about starting a relationship. However, I’ve also come to realize that people really can “grow” on you and at one point physical attraction is rendered useless and thus replaced by the inner image of that individual. So…

I think it’s safe to say that we’re all looking for similar traits in the people we meet. And those are only spawned by common sense. I could ask for superior looks, intelligence and even sense of humor (rarely seen in women), but I’m being real here.

Thanks for all your input, really.
As far as her having the kid at 20 with a guy she barely knew, sure it was careless, but mistakes are pretty common for everyone, so I don’t think it’s fair to judge her on one thing she did 9 years ago. Plus, raising a child has a way of forcing someone to grow up.

And she’s a very dedicated mother. She helps with the homework, worries about his self esteem, and all that other good stuff. She loves him a lot, and I can tell.

She’s stable in terms of having what she needs right now, but part of why I like her so much is that she’s always thinking ahead to the next step in her life, right now she’s hoping to expand on her career and work exclusively in the city instead of all the running around she does.

I don’t question her maturity, or the strength of her character, it’s just that I can’t tell if her heart really has any room for me. I’ve never had any luck ‘reading’ women, they’re a complete mystery to me. As I said before, she is very busy, so maybe she just hasn’t taken the time to think about it yet.

I’m trying to be positive and give her the benefit of the doubt, but it’s so hard, especially since we all know how long it can take a woman to make up her mind.

KolinskySable,
I agree with you on what the basis of attraction should be, but it’s not as simple as just looking at the inside first.

When I met the woman I eventually married, that’s all I did. She was a great person, and that was all I needed at the time, but as things got strained between us, I realized that part of the reason was that I simply didn’t find her attractive. Granted, my marriage was a thundering failure all around, so I can’t really be expected to know what I’m talking about.

What I’m trying to say is that physical attraction is pivotal. Especially on the female side of things. A woman wants to feel and be told that she’s beautiful. She wants to feel sexy. They want to be able to drive their man to a lustful, passion-filled frenzy with just a look.

It’s not shallow to look at the outside first. It’s shallow to never look beyond it.

Overlooked: I feel you, man. If we were young, your decision would have been easy. You could have either gone for it or said “fuck it” and moved on to something or someone else. The young feel like they have all the time in the world, and coupled with what what they think is an endless stream of options they don’t feel like they have to care.
Jump to now and I’m not saying we are old. We all have plenty to offer someone. But now we know better, and we’ve gone through a lot. We are wiser, maybe too wise. Now we know what the best options are but feel like it all has to matter, it can’t be love fast food. And we don’t have the same networks, and as you read here a good person can be hard to find. You may feel the beginnings of something great but are scared because it may not give you a warm fuzzy. You might have to wait a little for her to reveal herself to you, and you’re afraid of what it may be. And you might be afraid of investing the time for something that might not work. So you want to know a lot now, and it’s driving you nuts.

Set a reasonable timetable for yourself for certain milestones to happen
and while you shouldn’t push too hard, be open with her and try to work with her towards it. If at that point it ain’t happening and she doesn’t want to, move on with dignity and make sure you’re upfront and honest with her about it. If this seems harsh, she is doing the same thing but at a different pace.

If you’re the batter in a major league baseball game with people on base and a 3 ball, 2 strike count your mind is gonna go nuts wondering what he is gonna throw and how hard he is gonna throw it. Experience and good coaching has prepared you for this but, in reality, you really only have .3 seconds to decide and he might still strike you out. Even the best players do. Love is like that.

but their is always tomorrow. I sit on the edge of my bed every morning dressed and ready for the day wondering how i will put on a happy face and make it through. I don’t know how or why but I always make it.

Holy crap, Aiden.
You totally hit the nail on the head with that one. That whole first paragraph was pretty much spot on.

It’s now been 2 nights without talking to her. But what does that mean? Is that 2 nights she chose not too, or 2 nights she forgot all about me?

I’m being told to let her come to me, because women like to chase, so that’s why I’m leaving the ball in her court. But what if she’s not the typical girl? What if me not calling is sending the signal that I’m not interested? But then I remember that it was her that made initial contact with me, but maybe that wasn’t typical behavior for her.

There are so many variables that I’m all spun around with craziness and uncertainty, which will probably only make me screw things up anyway.

On the plus side, I am sort of getting used to letting things go. The first night I did the girl thing and waited by the phone intently, but tonight, I had more of a ‘if it happens, it happens’ mentality.

I think the root of my problem is control. Right now, she has it. I’m at a disadvantage because I have no clue what she’s thinking or wanting or looking for. This really sucks.

You made that decision when you woke up and got dressed;).

Re: Overlooked

Take my advise, these days there is no hide and seek. If you like someone you call them and if they like they will call you too. If they are not interested to you, you will feel it, If you like them you may let your feeling fool you once but it will not fool you always. With that said, move a head and call her and find out how she is doing and what her plans for the weekend, and you never know you may spend the weekend with her.

Being a mother for a nine old son, is not a problem but the problem is if she is looking for a father for her son not a partner so just be careful and let us know.

Dee,
I always did hate the idea of ‘letting her call me’. It feels too much like playing games and that’s something I despise greatly.

You’d think that she’d want both a father for her son and a partner for herself in the same package, right?

Thanks. I think I’ll call her tomorrow, but what should I do if we end up meeting? Go with the flow, or ask her the serious questions? As much as I want to understand her intentions, I also want her to know mine.

Overlooked

Do not go with the flow let the flow go with you. Take her out try to know her better stay away from any physical harmony, she may be hot but being hot is one thing in a person. Try to know who is she, do not tell her everything about yourself try to take it a step by a step. And remembered that you are Good and you will offer the person you are with great qualities.
Do not say to yourself, “Hey man, I should tell her everything, she is hot and God knows i may not found a person like her, I should be proud of myself that someone like her is thinking about me”, Self Self Self confidence is a key for your relationship to successes.

Thanks again Dee,

The problem with going out is she usually has her son, so ‘in dates’ are all she can do. Not only that she has yet to even introduce me to son, I’d think that’s bad, but we only did just meet.

Overlooked

Just take it easy for now and it is a good sign that she care for her son which imply that she will care for you too if you both end up being together, just remember not to stress yourself and everything will work for you.

Overlooked et al…. Live and let live.
As for the baseball analogy… I’m sitting on a fastball with a 3-2 count waiting to put it in the seats.

Like Reggie Jackson, I might strike out a lot swinging big but when I hit, it’s big!!!

Dating should just be fun. Just relax, enjoy what you can do now. Don’t overthink things. Don’t set high expectations for yourself or for the other person. Just have fun and enjoy the moment, be yourself, its the best we can do. If it develops into something more, GREAT, if it doesn’t hopefully you have another friend in your life.

Lucy has good advice. If it’s supposed to be, things will
fall into place. If she is just looking for a Sugar Daddy
you’ll know soon enough. Don’t force the issue whatever
you do. Let things play out and don’t beat yourself up
over it. Believe me, it’s not worth agonizing over!

Well, I was right.

She called me tonight and told me all about how things are going to be tough with her career and her son acting out. She pretty much kept repeating herself until I called her out on it.

I said ‘I figure this is your way of telling me that you need space.’ She said yes.
Then I said ‘It’s fine, I know you don’t actually like me.’
She said ‘I think you’re a great person and I still like hanging out with you. We’re still friends.’

What a load of crap. I was insulted at how she danced around the issue. I knew what she was getting at right away.

I called her back a little later and asked if I’d done anything wrong, and she said that it was just a lack of chemistry. I guess she was too wrapped in all the kissy, touchy fun at first, and taking that 2 day break made her realize that I’m just not her guy.

This hurts so bad. I should be used to this by now, but every time it happens again it gets worse. I feel like I;m dying inside.

Ok everybody…. I got a response from the woman in regards to the hallmark card. She loved it. We have a date for tomorrow night. I have no expectations, but at the same time, I feel incredible. I feel so high on the best drug. I am just going to enjoy the time spent with her because it is a blessing. I can’t describe the feeling I have when I am around her. I think you all know that feeling. I will savor every minute. Whether I have 3 dates or a lifetime, it will be worth it.

Overlooked…I’m sorry brother.

Hoping is the worst.

I get hopeful, and then I hurt more when it inevitably falls apart. But there’s always that little part of me that says ‘This might be it, this could be her.’

It never is.

Jimmy, good luck, seriously. If just one of us on this sorry blog can make it work, maybe there is a chance for the rest of us.

Overlooked, I’m sorry too.

I’m on a house committee for club here. And we’re going out on the 20th for our xmas party, all the bartenders and other committee members. 21 of us. 22 if I had a date. Wanted to deck one of the bartenders when she said.. oh.. don’t you have some lonely girl friend at work or that would want to go? She’s lucky I didn’t hit her. Now I feel like I’m on a mission to find a date, any date to go with me. This sucks.

Sorry Overlooked. I guess a couple things stuck me. She did at least call you and was honest so IMHO that showed at least some respect for you. The rejection part still hurts but at least she didn’t just blow you off. The other thing is how much this effects you. Since you are really struggling have you ever given any thought to spending to someone…therapist or a relationship couch. I toss it out there as someone who has spent time in couples theraphy and then personal theraphy. Obviously it doesn’t cure things over night (if that were the case I wouldn’t be doing those Google searches about loniliness) but it can be helpful in identifying things you do both wrong and right when it comes to women. Realize that couch time isn’t for everyone!

Spending – speaking. Beat from work these days so I’m typo full.

@Jimmy – Great news!!

Good luck Jimmy!! Here we r again overlooked and I had a little hope there for a few seconds and now we r in shitville. Lucy I am facing your same problem now. The last week of December I am going to a christmas party for work. Everyone including the owners 13 yr old son will have a date. My friend asked if I was going stag again and I told him rite now I’m living day to day and I’ll have to see how I feel. So my question is to you Lucy. Do we attend these parties alone and put on our happy face? We have worked hard this year and deserve a party as much as anyone else. Or do we stay home and avoid the feelings we will no doubt feel when we see the happy couples? I don’t know if I can be the funny guy again. I’m fucking miserable!!!!

Chad we are here for you, just have us as your imaginiary dates

Dee,
You have a very kind heart! I appreciate your comment and hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Thank you

I’m not your date chad, I’m straight.

I’m always the funny guy too. Girls say they want a sense of humor, what they fail to mention is that it also has to be someone who’s not me.

Thanks everyone for your sympathies, at least I’m not the only one who knows what this is like.

Nina,

Thanks for the suggestion, but I’ve been to therapy before, it didn’t really help, my therapist told me the same crap you here from any jerk on the street about self confidence and whatnot.

So we’re all pretty miserable, right? Anyone have any good sad songs to listen to? As cliched as it is, I find sad, depressing music to be quite therapeutic. I can listen, be depressed and get it out of my system. I’ll throw one at you guys:
Storms by Fleetwood Mac(a great song regardless of your mood)

Overlooked,
I am not gay either, If I was gay I’d probably be dating more!

chad,
You’re right, I hear gay guys are the worst in terms of promiscuity. Maybe it is the way to go… Nah.

Overlooked and Chad do not worry guys. I am here for you but only one I can not do mulltiple dates. No fight please lolol.

You know what I respect about gays that they are straight in their decision, they go approach the person they like whether it works or does not, they do not play games.

Dawlat

Dee,
The whole problem with dating in general is the fact that it’s considered a game. No one is upfront or honest anymore. Hence my recent experience.

I have an idea, tell me what you guys think…

I’m going to have a t-shirt made that says the following, front and back: David, 27, divorced, kind, loyal, caring, honest, funny. NO GAMES PLEASE.

David is my name, by the way

Jimmythesaint: I wish you luck on your date and no matter what, have fun. Easy and breezy.
Overlooked: I’m sorry to hear about your trouble. For what it’s worth, better it happened now than later when you’re all knotted up in the game. Lick your wounds, clean yourself up, and get back in the game. And no T-shirt, please.
Dee and Jimmy: go to the party and have fun. No game faces, either, just good fun. You may be alone but that also means you have options. And you can always bail and crash someone else’s party. As long as it’s not the President’s party;)

Lucy, the party thing goes for you, too.

I’ll drink one for all of you. Ok, maybe not ALL of you;)

That is a great idea, David I will have a shirt too but where we can get them from I am a D starter we are the best sorry for any other letters out their

I am very disappointed now my finals are coming up next week. I have 2 finals and 25 pages for one class, and 10 pages for another class. and every time i go to the library I feel very disappointed with all of these couples who are helping each other out. But I always laugh because nothing I can do .

My finals are next week to and I also enjoy being the lost soul in the library of wonderful couples who hold each other while studying. I wonder if they even notice me. I guess I don’t care. I’ll just keep plugging away. What else can a person do!

Chad good luck I do not care either but it is hard but we are smart so wbat are you studying ?

Sorry to hear that, Overlooked. Don’t let it eat you up!
Remember this when your next opportunity comes along. I
think it’s always a good idea not to get your hopes up
too soon. Had to learn this the hard way. Yeah, it hurts
now, but someday you’ll look back and realize that this
didn’t work for a reason, trust me. Put it behind you and
don’t dwell on it. You’re no worse off than you were before you met her. Lotsa Luck!

Well…. I got the ever popular, something has come up (family issue) tonight so the “date” is canceled. I guess I could have saw that coming. Oh well. I’m upset, but there is nothing I can do about it. I will keep going.

I won’t lie folks. I’m kinda crushed.

@Jimmy: Does cancelled date = no date? Did you suggest another day/time?

@Overlooked: I hear ya (regarding getting the standard crap in theraphy). I had a pretty good one but I fired a several rotten ones. That said, in my case there were a couple things they all consistently picked up on. Can’t say I liked that pill but I figured if they each picked up on it then it must be something I need to work on. Still a work in progress.

Its Friday night..alas, usually my roughest day of the week.

Jimmy, I’ve been in your shoes. Nothing anyone says or does
can make you feel better. My best advice is to take it in stride. She might have good reasons for breaking the date.
If she’s interested she’ll let you know. If not, then an
other opportunity will come. I know the feeling that comes
with a disappointment like this. It’ll pass eventually.
Keep the faith!

She told me that she has to watch her little sister. Now, I didn’t follow with another day/time because she had said that Friday was her only free day on the weekend. She has finals for grad school and a whole bunch of stuff regarding xmas and whatnot. I look at it this way. If she wanted to go out, she would make it happen. I have to fold my hand on this one. This is breaking my heart.

To the rest of you… good luck. Thank you for your support.

Thanks Aiden… I was fine with it until someone had to open her big mouth, now it just bugs me. I know I’ll have a good time.
Sorry Jimmy, don’t give up!
Overlooked (David) I hope your feeling better.

Hey Guys this a great song but without the trigger listen to it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKoYP-kO-BU

sorry Lucy
I was not trying to make you feel bad. I am just tired of attending these things alone! I will be done with school for this semester on wednsday and then I have a month off to sit around and enjoy the lonely holiday season. In the last week four of us had a date planned and we were so happy because we are good people and wanted to show some women a nice evening out. Every one of our dates fell through and I am devastated but coming to this site atleast tells me I’m not alone!

Re: Chad

At least you have the chances to have a date how about the people who are just sitting like me you should be glad that you have the option to date but for girls we wait wait wait

Dee,
First I would like to say I enjoyed your song and here is one I enjoy listening to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbITxYgtlAY

But I can’t agree with your last statement. It only allowed me to get my hopes up so I could be dissapointed again. I would rather not feel anymore dissapointment!

Hey guys, I’m doing better, really. I appreciate the support.
I’ve been thinking about what’s happened over the past week and I’ve realized that it was a good experience.

Not only did a woman approach me for the first time in my life, but she was a beautiful woman with a well-rounded personality. Maybe women like her have noticed me before, but she was just the first one to do anything about it.

I actually find myself with a bit more confidence, and thinking it might not be hopeless for me after all.

I was always worried about my looks. Women always told me that I was ‘cute’. But this girl actually called me ‘fucking sexy’.

Also, regardless of how it ended, the time we spent together was nice. I missed being able to touch someone. So that’s 2 things that I can be thankful for coming out this situation.

Re: overlooked : That is really nice, it is always great to have good attudes toward our experiences. Sexy boy …..

I always learn from my experiences whether they are good or bad.

Thanks, Dee.
The sexy thing really threw me at first, because no one ever seemed to think so. I was starting to think that I was just plain ugly or something.

It’s nice to think otherwise for a change. Unless, she was the only girl to find me physically attractive anyways, in which case I’m still screwed.

Oh well. Happy thoughts… Optimism…

Hey Guys do any of you have Face books, I am not a fan of myspace so we can see each other, but it is up to you guys.

Do not be screwed come on overlooked

This is where I am at this time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eZMqx6knz4

I’m hung over. Naturally, I did the stupid thing and drank because I was upset. Now I have a headache to go along with my heartache. I want to be honest and clear. It seems that for years I enjoyed feeling the highs and lows of relationships and dating. It made me feel alive to experience the emotional pendulum. But at 28, I want the middle ground now and don’t want to be pulled from one side to the other. I’m getting tired and truthfully, scared. Scared that I’m going to be alone. Scared that I’m going to die alone. So what am I trying to say? I think what I need to do is unplug from the dating scene and work on myself. Distract myself with things, hobbies, and the rest. And maybe, when I’m distracted, love will find me. I don’t know. I can’t help but feel helpless, emotional, foolish, depressed, nervous, anxious, with a twist of hope. Hope is dangerous folks. Hope is both good and evil. Everyday, I pray to God, and you all are in my prayers. Thank you. You made my year.

Ya Dee I have facebook, it would be great for everyone to meet!

Yes is not a good idea I guess.

lol Chad you didn’t make me feel bad! Aww sweetie, it wasn’t you! It was someone at that club that we’re going out to dinner with she said that bugged me. I was all set until she said something really dumb that just made me want to throttle her cause I’m the only one going without a date.

For what it’s worth, here’s a song that fit me after a
breakup. The title is “CRY” by Godley & Creme and it’s on
YouTube. I think it was once in an episode of Miami Vice.
It’s old but the lyrics tell all. Still makes me feel sad!

Hank. That song hits hard. I remember that one from long ago.

Story of my life here…. And So It Goes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHO6a2H-pqY

This is a great site. I am a 36 year old single and have been very sad this holiday season so far. ALL of my coworkers are married or dating. There is always a looming why are you still single cloud over my head. I appreciate knowing others are in the same boat. It has been two years since I have been with anyone and I have put away the fancy, feminine clothing because why bother. I know you are not supposed to give up but after a while, you kind of do give up. That is the bad part. I also feel like my pretty years are going away and that does not help my confidence any. I am out of ideas on how to meet mr. right..

As we are approaching the end of the year lets do this. let everyone of us 10 things that we did the impact us or others who closer to us, friend, family, or co-workers .And 10 things we felt were bad we did or someone did them to us. We do not have to limit ourselves to one topic “Relationship” it could be work, school, family or ever day things.. What do you think guys about it?

I feel that we only limit our abilities around relationships yes e may not be in one but at least we are doing other thing on the side that benefit us or people around us. So start writing and I will be reading and you will be reading mine too soon.

Jimmy,

You know wats your problem in dating, that you are too nice. I do not know you or know overlooked, or chad or the others but you guys are great. You have to realize that you have a lot to offer and the person who will be with you, she will be glad. Relationship are equations you have to balance the other side to get a positive result if you are the only one you are screwed for the rest of your life.

Enjoy yourself, you know guys I know you live far away and everything but if we all in New York we should have went to a coffee shop as a group but sad none of you here or maybe close by.

Well Dee,
As you talk I come to realize we are all no longer complete strangers. I think we have become a support group and we help each other. I think we have told each other things that we may not tell our closest friends.I see we all keep coming back here and I see a kindness in each one of you that nobody else has found. We face a similar problem and after being knocked down as individuals I feel in the last couple of months we have all gotten back up by helping and leaning on each other. Every time one of us has a possible date I find myself hoping it works out just as much as I hope for myself. So maybe one day we will walk into a coffee shop and sit down at a table and talk. I’m sure after all we have said here we will have plenty of things to discuss!

You are put it better than me Chad, you are right, We bounded with one another here more than we bound with our friends and families.

Its funny but Ive never seen your faces and everyday I check my email in the hope that your day is going great!

Me too, Well if you have facebook we can all see each others. And I willing to give you my name too

I don’t have facebook Dee, I’m sorry!

Do not worry w=I am still here no worries for fb

Hey Guys, How are you? what a day I had today from school, relationships if they exist everything was a big mess. How was yours ?

Hey Dee,
I had a good day, My tests went well. I was wondering if a guy approached you. Your last comment sounded kinda vague like something might have happened?

Re: Chad not one but 5 guys, it is funny because these guys I used to like in the past but now I do not think I do any longer.

School was crazy I wrote 15 page final paper and it was deleted and I could not get back and I bought the program to retrieve it back so what a day of rejection external and internal .

I am glad you did well, I still have 40 pages to write and 2 finals . life is funnnnn

Dee,
You had five guys hit on you and ask you out? That is awesome!! I am really happy for you! Are you sure you don’t like them or is there another guy at school who caught your eye!

No in fact my school is 75% homosexual funny, but I am not interested in any.

These guys have funny stories. one was my ex who is married now but still love me, i did not ask him to get marry right, the rest were my neighbors who in different stage my life I did like them but they never notice but now as people talking about me and saying good things about me so they are approaching me. But if I like someone and they never notice I never like them back and they were close to me that they may feel it. You know it is funny but true, I am happy without a relationship, I thought about it a lot and i never found what i am looking for. So I better be by myself then with someone for the sake of a relationship. That is my new way of thinking about relationships.

Dee,
I love your new way of thinking. You are to good of a catch to be waiting for someone to start liking you. I have taken a similar approach. I do the things I need to get done and if love comes my way I’m ready but I’m going to be happy with me and not let these feelings of needing to find someone interupt being the best person I can be. Life is to short to worry so much. So I’m proud of you and lets hope our new approach in life helps us to be more content with ourselves!

Re: Chad

It is all about confident if you feel confident about who you are and what can you offer for someone you ready to go. I remembered when i was 22 and wanting to be in a relationship very badly I did not why though, but now I Know for fact that I can live without a relationship, if the person will not value you me the way I value myself.

Check this out, it will put a big smile on your face .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stctowsk80A

I love that Dee,
What a wonderful young child. He is a genious and so full of happiness. He is a symbol of what the holidays are all about! Very nice to see such a symbolic meaning of what life is all about. Thank you Dee! You have become a nice asset to our little community here!

Ever walk around and think to yourself there’s just something missing inside? Your not sure what it is? You never felt complete? You’ve gone from one bad relationship to another and none of them seem right. Always there’s something missing. Then, one day, someone comes into your life and everything you thought you were crazy to think about happens. That feeling of being alone on the planet inside disappears. You feel like you found a part of yourself that was lost. Someone that existed only in your dreams and is now is here, right in front you. Then, life as quickly as it shows you it exisits, just as quickly and cruely takes it away. Nothing seems to ever be the same after that. You search for a fraction of the what was given to you in such a short time and nothing compares. People tell you, time heals everything. Alot of time has passed and as I find people in my life that are wonderful, I still look for that feeling I thought I was crazy to think exisited. Settling just won’t do knowing there is something out there so remarkable and rare. Could it happen twice? Sometimes I think ignorance was bliss. Think I’m too picky?

Lucy, I’ve been there.

And guess what while it lasts it’s fabulous, you’re in love and the world is great. There is only one slight problem with that incredible feeling, unless the other person is as intoxicated with those feelings as your are you are f;;;;ed!

They have your heart in the palm of their hands and can squeeze it dry at any time.

Somehow if you can find someone who you care about but in a rational way it is actually better.

That head over heels is great but is so dangerous.

So don’t settle but don’t expect or wish for that ridiculous high, it comes at a price.

Instead a slow steady and stable climb to a mutual caring is much better.

It more solid and if it ends, you are not nearly as devastated.

It was fabulous, it was mutual, it was once in a life time (at least so far) and it was too short. It was a cross between a sci fi movie and a hallmark flick. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It was like finding the missing part of each other and it all fit. Then it was like losing a limb, because it was gone in a tragic instant and your life although goes on, will never be the same. I’ve been through the head over heels OMG this is it deal. Those dating butterflies and expectations. It’s just not the same. Unfortunately, I keep looking for that missing part again. It’s just something that is and when its found it really is crystal clear.

I know what you’re feeling Lucy. The fact is I have dated several women in my life and there was something that was always missing. I keep hearing the same old line “you just haven’t met the right person yet.” Ok. Fine. But how the hell does that happen when you have a large portion of women in the country that really don’t need men. You are in the work force and generally have rendered good men like myself useless. The men that are living it up are the creeps and scumbags that enjoy taking a new woman to bed every night and treating them like dirt. I am told to change my ways and start to womanize. I say f*ck that. I’m too proud to change into what I hate. As you can tell I have given up for the last time. It is over. I will die alone, that is fine. At least I will have my soul because I’m not selling it. There is NOTHING to buy.

Jimmy don’t ever change who you are. I’m glad your soul is not for sale, and you aren’t useless, far from it. I’m not going to tell you “someday” you’ll find her, because that is something no one can tell you. But I can say, never give up looking. And most women that go for the scumbag type are either avoiding something in their own life, or feel unworthy of someone good like you. (Therapy should help……they should have their head examined)

Finally found the right one! Yeah, I’ve been there a time or two. All those feelings soon fizzled out like a sparkler
on the 4th of July. Nothing is ever quite what it seems, is it? Livid is right. The feelings have to be mutual or you
are just wasting time. Funny thing is, I still have this
little bit of hope left for a miracle. On the other hand
I have also made peace with the fact that I may never meet
the type of woman I’m looking for. How long does one keep
looking before all hope is gone? Can’t say. Why didn’t I
ever find somebody sooner? Can’t say. Maybe it’s my own
fault! Maybe people like me are destined to always be alone.
Shit, it’s been so long I wonder if I’ll even know her if
she does come along!

Funny thing about hope Hank, we give up on it (or so we say…) but inside there’s always something that says… well.. I’m still breathin right?
So I found the one, I wasn’t even lookin for him, but, well, I have to wait till the great beyond for that to happen now and if there is someone else out there for me I’ll bet dollars to donunts he’s half way around the world and already married and miserable wondering where the hell am I.(wishful thinking?)
For as long as I can remember, I say the same things to myself you do. Is it my fault? Whats wrong with me? And have totally bought into the fact that I’m destined to live alone the rest of my life and I have a feeling its going to be a long one too.
I always like to take a bad situation and try to find the better side of it. This situation, however, has me stumped. I got nothin, zip, nada. At 46 years old my head hurts from banging it against the wall. I could use a helmet for Christmas…

Unfortunately, everything you guys are all saying is more or less true.
The feelings have to be mutual for the 2 people to be compatible.
Some people never do find that ‘someone’ and end up alone until they die. Sad but true.
The average girl is too focused on money and herself to really see a great guy when he comes along.
The average guy is too focused on ‘conquests’ and himself to really see a great girl when she comes along.

The only thing that keeps me going, since having known all of you, is the knowledge that there are people who feel just as I do. The odds are the tough part, but what else can I do? If I can’t find that special girl, I’ll be alone, but I still have to look.

Yeah, I’m miserable. I can’t stand to see people getting close to each other, seemingly flaunting what I can’t have. Everyone talks about not settling, still waiting for the perfect someone to come along. But I don’t even have the opportunity to do either. True to my name, I’m simply overlooked.

Re: overlooked

Not all girls are focusing on money, and if they are, it is just part of who they are but the majority for us is not, I do not focus on money. Sometimes I say to myself If i ever be in a relationship and my work is conflicting with it, I will leave my job for it.

And you are not overlooked you are David the simple person who is looking for a simple relationship but for some reasons you have not find what you looking for either us.

Right?

@Lucy. I’d like to borrow that helmet. I believe lightening can strike twice, if not 100 times in terms of having that wonderful, rosy feeling you get when in a relationship. In my very, very limited dating experience, I have certainly felt that…the quest is finding that relationship in which those feelings last to some degree.
@Jimmy. I have no idea why women date a-holes or bad boys. Maybe because they know it’ll be no more than a roll in the hay or maybe because they think they can change them..who knows. In my case I do tend to be attracted to very charismatic, outgoing men probably because I am not and enjoy the energy those types of individuals can have…opposites attract I guess. I’m one of them there career women (I say that loosely as I do not love what I do however it pays well, good company, good benefits and in this economy I know I am damn blessed) that does it all on her own. I have a house, my vehicles are paid for, I do my own repairs (if you can read, you can fix), cut my own grass, take care of horses, do my own taxes and investing etc. You are absolutely correct, I do not need a man. However, I do want a partner, a relationship and all the good from having one. There is something that is gained from a meaningful relationship that no amount of self accomplishent can fulfill.

My favorite quote and a tag line I always use “Happiness is only real when shared” I beleive that 100% whether its sharing with a friend, a stranger at the coffee shop, or spouse/partner.

Dee, I just want someone to share my life with.
I haven’t had a real relationship with a woman in my life, even in my marriage. So I really have no frame of reference for what you’d call a ‘simple’ relationship.

The girls I manage to get close to are very quick to realize that I’m not who they want.
Unfortunately, overlooked is exactly what I am. When I go out to pubs or parties, I’m ignored. It doesn’t matter how outgoing and involved I try to be. Girls don’t look at me.

My friends that are girls say I’m attractive, as did that last girl I couldn’t have, but my real world experience screams otherwise.

So, for starters, I need a girl to actually notice me. I’m not just feeling sorry for myself either. I really don’t know why this happens to me. I’m a good dresser and attractive(maybe), polite, smart, friendly, and I’m a great listener. But I can’t even get the chance to have that initial contact, so the girl can find all that out. The ones that do seem quick to regret it.

Nooo coming overlooked do not make me feel bad now, Man I do not know what to tell you but I feel you very much.

I swear guys, I wish we were close in term of location, I would have made your days. I do not let my friends to be sad ever, even if I am sad. Life is too short and we will never accomplish what we want so we should not care about people who do not care about us.

Overlooked do not break my heart.

Sorry Dee,
It’s just that the one thing I want to accomplish the most in life is the one thing I’m not allowed to have.

And if I had your heart, Dee, I’d never break it.

Re:Overlooked.

You are 27 right. ENJOY being 27 and forget a bit about being in a relationship focus more on yourself of how to become better. Take relationships out of your map and you will see how much different you will feel. and trust me you will meet the right person not just anyone but the right one, and If god forbid if you did not meet anyone. I will still be here so you get a backup.

I am sorry to ask you this but what kind of things do you like to do in your free time?

You can take it

I love reading your comments. I swear these exact same thoughts run through my mind daily. Lonliness is like cancer. This cancer has been eating my heart up. I look in the mirror and wonder what looks so bad that nobody even notices me. I’m tall clean cut and athletic. I have every other part of my life working out very nicely. Well my friends I realize that love is not an option for me. I am burdened with walking this earth alone. God knows I’ve tried to be a good man women would want, but thats just not an option for me. If I would not have stumbled across you people on this site odds are that I would be in the looney bin for losing my mind!!!!!

Thanks Dee.
As for my spare time, I like to draw and sculpt. I enjoy going out to my local pub on karaoke night(not that I have the guts to sing). Like most people, I like checking out movies and the occasional restaurant. I love playing with my nephew and nieces. I love camping and the outdoors in general, although it’s been a very long time since I’ve had a chance to. I like music and hitting a concert. Despite all that, I still like my nothing time, when I’ll just watch movies or post on a particular blog about being lonely.

That is really nice Overlloked. I love drawing and writing not that I am good writer but I do love writing. New York is very busy city to do anything you want but I love to go and see different ethnic areas and Historical places. Sometimes I go to Pubs or bars but I never drink but I am always the first one to look drunk but because I always like to make fun of my friends as well they are. For some reasons, I am weirdo, because I love going to school with all the pain I experience being there. I love soccer and football and one day I want to plat football with real players but it may never happen.I used to play soccer, basketball and Volleyball but now I am not active any more.

And for most of my time, I just love helping my friends or family and then for my no time is just sitting and watching Romantic-Comedy movie or walking near the river for my no time.

Dee, be proud of being a weirdo.

I’ve always wanted to connect to another artist. I’m very much a people watcher when I hit the pub. I watch the drunken idiots hit on the women dressed like hookers. I could never get into football myself, but I do like playing soccer, usually as as the goalie. Volleyball’s fun too, but I could never get the hang of overhand serving.

I’ll admit, I’ve been known to enjoy a romantic-comedy here or there, just don’t tell anyone.

As for you being my backup, consider me yours too, if you like. The way my life is going, I’ll probably have to hold you to it.

Yes I can hold you too.

about football it is very physical and every time I watch a football game I feel like someone will die but never happened.

Bars, I never getting along with them. Every time I go to the bar which does not happens often I feel that guys are stupid and do not have anything to talk about other then being close and close but I am tough I always get them as far as they can be.

When I go to the pub, it’s in the hope that I’ll stumble upon a girl who’s only there because she’s looking for someone just like me.

Do you get hit on a lot when you go out? Also, I was wondering what you write. Poetry? Short stories? Novels? Comic books?

You both seem to have similar interests maybe you have been coming here for a reason that you did’nt even realize. Love works in mysterious ways. I mean in does’nt work for me but I have heard other people find it in different places!

Re: Overlooked

I am not super hot but I am smart so when I go out and start speaking a lot of guys like the way I represent myself even though I am a bit shy but very social.I was never mean to anyone as far I remembered myself being in life.

I love writing non fiction and poetries. I am not a type of writing short stories because they are short but most of my poetries are very short. But I am a huge fan of non-fiction, I love history of the people globally. so yeap

Re: Chad

How are you? and how was your day and exams. What is Chad means is not it a country?

Dee, ‘super hot’ can mean many different things.
I don’t have a physical preference when it comes to women. Every woman is very different and can be attractive for that reason.
For example, the last girl I “dated” was short, petite, and cute as a bug, but that’s just her.
My first crush was a short, stocky goth girl.
I married a relatively tall woman who was much larger than most.
I’ve always been physically attracted to unique girls. The ones that look and act just a bit differently than the “normal” girls.

It’s funny that you’re shy and very social. I’m the same way, even though it seems contradictory. I’ve always enjoyed history and culture as well. Don’t suppose you’re planning any trips up to Canada in the near future…

Re: Overlooked

Canada I always wanted to go to Canada I was supposed to come last Month but it never happened. I may come in March in my Spring break.

I am 5:7 relatively tall, but I have to work with my weight, I gain fast and lose fast my problem is Chocolate I love it. Shy and Social I know is complicated but it is true, I like speaking with people but once someone flirt my face turn colors. And when guys start talking about girls in visual terms I just leave them and go some where else.

davidajh@live.ca
Feel free to write me whenever you feel like it, Dee. I’m interested to find out more about you.

Thanks Overlooked

I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds, Dee.

I do not know if I should mention this but I am Egyptian- American and hope that does not bother anyone here.

I’m a white male. Hope that doesn’t bother anyone. If it does, too bad.

lol, you are funny Jimmy no it just sometimes happen to me when I say I am Egyptian American some people do not feel comfortable. But what can I do, I will not change people minds

Lucy, I’m going to get myself a helmet for Christmas! My
head really hurts from the constant banging all these years. With the holidays approaching it’ll come in handy.
This is way out there,but I can’t help thinking that in
some parallel universe there’s a guy just like me running
around with two women having the time of his life!

By the way. No pun intended with the way out there!

Well Hank 2.0 is havin helmet free time of his life isn’t he! Going way out there the mutltiple possibilities are endless, at least there could be a lot of me’s out there havin the time of her life! Quantum physics aside, if you get a two for one special on those helmets I’ll go half with you.

Maybe a helmet won’t even help Hank version 1.0 anyway. I’m
thinking full body armour. I’d send 2.0 a Christmas card but
I’d probably get one of those damn bragging and obnoxious
form letters back! You know, the kind that says how GREAT
everyone is doing.

Just don’t stand in front of the mirror cursing yourself…. See, I already have that problem being Irish and Italian… I get drunk and argue with myself. (as long as I don’t mention alternate realities I should still be able to get away with it without being committed)

Re: Lucy

It is too much here, I am very humble but some guys just get scary from being Egyptian,I do not say things about myself but I know I am a good person but it is harddddd man

Dee, If someone has a problem with where you are from or where your heritage lies, then they aren’t worth your time. I was in Egypt awhile back. I felt very fortunate to be able to visit and see everything I had read about in history books. I especially loved talking with the people. Yeah there were some that weren’t friendly but you get that ANYWHERE you travel, there are buttheads everywhere. But you can’t let them get to you its not worth it there will always be a butthead somewhere. You just got to weed them out, and stick with the people that matter in your life. :0)

Re: Lucy

Well I never had any problem with any one regarding where they come and I am very fortunate to be around my friends who came from every where. I love people and I always like to learn about them.

Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are or where your from. Never let anyone take that from you. Be proud of who you are and where your heritage lies and don’t worry about what others think. If they don’t like it, its their loss, not yours.

:0)

You are right Lucy, well I love being both because it made me who I am now, and I am thankful for it. Well I am writing a book now about m experience living here and their.

I have 3 things that scare guys from me sometimes.

I am mulitethnic.

I am highly educated, so far.

I am straight forward and I do not play games so here I go.

I was in Cairo, spent some time there and had gone down to Abu Simbel with all the stops inbetween. It was an experience of a lifetime for me. There were so many other places I wanted to see when I was over there, but we couldn’t. I love history, all kinds. I don’t think people pay enough attention to it. I’m hoping to get myself over to Thailand someday, no better place to ride an elephant. Of course I had to pick a state to live in where most people who live here HAVE NEVER LEFT! Their idea of a vacation is going two hours north to look at the Canadian border. I moved up here to Vermont a few years back. I worked and played in NYC, lived in CT. I miss it. Now I have moose and squirrel… fox, turkeys, bears, fisher cats, deer, you name it goes through my yard.. oh yeah.. coyotes can’t forget them…

I wish there was more ethnic diversity where I live. It’s just a bunch of white people with maybe 2 black guys and few Cantonese.
I’d always hoped to travel but it’s a bit unrealistic at this point, with work and everything. Egypt, Jerusalem, Australia, Germany, Iceland… So many cool places in the world with so much rich history.
Of course, the best would be to experience those places with that special someone.

Dee, those 3 things you mentioned are all qualities that I really admire in a woman. Especially the educated part. You have no idea how difficult it is to find anyone with any real intelligence.

Re: Lucy well Cairo is very very populated but it does have a lot of good historical places, shame to admit, but I never been to the Pyramids .

The people are every where the same, some are good and some are really bad.

Re: overlooked

Thanks, well it is a habit and a practice to be intelligent. I am trying to be as much as i can.

My background is Irish and German. I hate judging people because of their ethniticity! Dee is obviously a very caring and compassionate person. I don’t care if you dropped in from another planet Dee. I love that on this site we are all intelligent enough to except people for who they are and not what they have or were they come from. So many places have a**h****s who just try to belittle people. The great thing about all of you is that you are actually interested in the person!!

Lucy I always get the impression that you are a tough person who enjoys life and does not let it get you down. I really admire that about you!

Re: Thanks Chad, it is very nice from you.

It is fun to live both worlds the East and West and try to bridge them together, I always like to find similarities between people rather than differences, That is why the world in a self conflict, people tend to find what is different and critique it, I find it nicer to look at similarities.

I forget to ask, how was your day today guys at work or school. Mine I have not slept for 4 days and my body starting to break down.

Good Dee,
Finals are over and I got all A’s and B’s. I’m starting my internship Monday so all and all things are going well!

Congrats Chad, by the way how old are you? are you undergrad or grad. Keep up your As, they make you feel better. I missed them in my grad school but I still have a year left.

I just turned 32 in november Dee. I am finishing up my 2nd year and should graduate in May!

Wow, that is nice what your area of study.

In 5 days I come home after 2 years in Africa. Sushi and coke icees here I come.

Re: Aiden welcome back, I believe it was great two years.

It changed me in many ways, Dee. But it will be good to be home.
One thing I’ve seen in my travels is that dating everywhere is a mess of amazing complexity, but in America it’s worse. It’s simpler everywhere else, we have turned it into a minefield. But scary as it is going to be to get back in the field, I accept this as the cost of doing business and keep my optimism intact. That, and the bad stuff makes for stories over beer;).

Chad: I have to be tough, its just me fending for myself out here, I ain’t got no backup. Well, unless you entourage of imaginary friends and the voices in my head, they’ve been a great help!

Aiden: Welcome home. Where in Africa? I have friends living in Sierra Leone digging wells for the folks there for fresh water. Also, one of the Doc’s I work with came back not too long ago after doctoring for a year in Uganda. He couldn’t wait for a cheeseburger and fries!

(ooops include the entourage of imaginary…….) tired

Re: John and Tommy

Welcome to the site and we will try to be helpful to one another as much as possible I know it is hard during the holidays. I felt the same way today. New York during the Christmas time is amazing but if you are alone that does not help you feel lonely in this big city. But I always keep myself busy so welcome guys

I use to love the holidays. The past 7 years I’ve had to really struggle to get through them. This year felt different, thought hey! ok. NOT… not only still alone, its 4 degrees outside, my car broke down right after work. I was at a restaurant across the street. Transmission fluid EVERYWHERE. Had 2 martini glasses filled with chilled tequila. Called AAA they got the car and we found a gas leak. GREAT where did that come from!! Oh do you thats the end? Nope…there’s more but I just want to pretend it doesn’t exist for a while because it will put me over the edge. Please pray my Truck works tomorrow and makes the 40 mile drive one way to work. When I wake it should be -2, windchill will be BRRRRR. So I’m going to bundle up like nanook of the north so I don’t freeze to death in case I do break down, pack my tools and pray pray pray pray.

8th year now… It’s official, no more holidays for me, none. On that note I’m going to go to bed and when I wake up in the morning I’m going to hope this day was all just a bad dream and didn’t happen

Re: Lucy pretend it was a bad dream. I had this 2 days ago but it way worse. I want to scream out loud but I was only screaming to myself

Lucy,
I still think your strength is very admirable! You are an awesome person even on the bad days!

Jess, I hope you realize that real beauty never faids and if you read some of the comments left on this site you will realize the world still has a lot of beautiful people and the ones that have ben coming here and leaving comments are among the most beautiful.

I see we have some new names leaving comments and in my lonliest times I have come to this site only to find understanding and support. I hope all of you will find these things here too on your bad days.

Dee do you see what is happening. More people with our problems have arrived. More good hearted people looking for the rite person to share their love with! I wish you all the very best!!!

John,
Your story blew me away. I am very much in touch with the belief of helping others. Unfortunately I don’t have any good advice for you because I am missing the same thing you are. Those of us who come here walk alone and see happiness that apparently we are not allowed to have. But your life does mean something. Its a statement to the world that life is tough but that you have not given up. I hope you never give up.
Some mornings I sit on my bed and wonder how I will make it through the day. Especially now going to the stores and seeing all the happy couples makes me sad. I often question God and ask why I cannot find my other half only to be ignored. The thing I never do is thank him for everything he has allowed me to accomplish. I often wonder if I’m single only because I allow myself to be!

Re: Chad

I do not know if this is a good thing or a bad thing that good people are coming to this site unhappy, well we will try to do our best and support one another here.

I agree with you, Chad I always come here when I feel lonely but is not always true because now I have good friends and I always like to check how is my friends doing, I do not think now it about being lonely any longer more about being connected.

Re: Chad

Do not forget that we all in the same boat so please do not feel bad because trust me within the happy couples, you see there are of course a lot of who are Miserables who do not stand one another or anything, so always look at the other side as well so you can feel great.

Dee,
I think it is good that people come here. Before I came here I felt alone and unable to explain my feelings to friends and family. I found this site and people here have been walking down the same road I walk alone everyday.
In many ways it has taken a burden off my shoulders. I am still single with no possible love in sight but I can come here and spend time talking to supportive people who are facing this same harsh reality.
I am only sad that these new people walked around thinking they were alone for so long before they found our little support group!

Re: Chad

Come on Chad do not break my heart. I made a decision like a month ago or so. I would prefer to be in no relationship rather in a relationship just for the sake of it.

The only person I will be with, is someone who can made my heart never stop beating hard or who can bring back my real smile and I have not found someone who can do that yet.

Hey Lucy, I am currently stationed in Djibouti. This place gas totally rewritten my definition of poor. I thought being born in the projects was bad but outside the wire, it looks like living in a landfill.
I should note that the common lament of seeing couples happy together and walking hand in hand doesn’t happen much here. For one, it’s a Muslim country so PDA is generally frowned upon but between rampant poverty, a low life expentancy, and drugs (khat), love might be a luxury few can afford. . . .survival is more important.

I don’t see how what I said breaks your heart Dee. If I was looking for just anyone there is no doubt I would find something. I have those opportunities. I simply can relate to the rejection of never finding a special someone.I really think that is why we are all here.
I am happy you have decided not to settle and I am the same way. I just wonder if in the back of our minds we are giving up altogeather which is quiting and equally as bad. I can just relate to the hardship we all seem to share.

Well, its’ 4:30am and its not a dream. My nightmare will continue today. It’s a nice balmy -5.

Aiden: Safe journey home. I know from my travels I have seen alot and see what so many back here take for granted when it comes to things we think are simple like dating, holding hands, going to the movies. We have a life here that is precious and so needs to be protected, but understood.

Re: Lucy

Do not worry I am still up too studying Microeconomics and is not fun, wish some luck

Lucy: keep warm and travel equipped. Luck favors the prepared.
Dee: Don’t fall asleep! I signed up for MicroE when I was at Rutgers and dropped it after two classes, it was so boring. God bless ya and study hard.
Chad (and everyone else): don’t give up. I suppose it’s safer like not getting on planes is. Nothing happens but you could only go so far.

My mom and pop divorced officially when I was 25 years old. In those 25 years, I could remember them together maybe 5 of those. My pop, despite not being a great husband, was floored by the divorce and was dead a few months later. My mom would later meet a man who tried to make her his everything in a good way. When I was first on leave from the military, I walked downstairs half asleep and saw them sitting together in the kitchen, him holding her and her resting her head on his chest. It quickly dawned on me that I had never seen my mom and pop do that. Ever. I was touched and choked up.

My mom no longer, however, wanted to let herself get that close to a man again. Nor did she want to be under a man’s thumb, even though he would do just about anything for her (we all liked him). She eventually pushed him away. He died of a heart attack in his apartment by himself: he wasn’t discovered until days later. My mom still has us but she has never again known a moment like the one I saw. It didn’t have to end this way.

So as a guy to be divorced in a year, I’ll tell you this. I can look at the bad side of everything that happened and shut myself off and play it safe and turn good love away. Or I could always remain hopeful of the better nature of some people, and be open to the possibility of at least one defining moment of bliss. However brief that it may be. Anything else is not a choice but a resignation.

Happy holidays, guys, and keep the faith. This thing is bigger than what the author intended;)

Aiden, first let me say Thank you for your service. And what a touching moment to hold onto. I like it, I can picture it. My heart goes out to your mom and to your step dad, I’m sorry it didn’t work for them. I know, deep in my heart I hold a piece of hope for myself somewhere that my life won’t always be this way…lonely.
Days like yesterday make it hard. Then today, I did need some help with my truck and I found chivalry is dead. (well almost). I can do some things, not everything otherwise, I’d be running a repair shop out of my house. And I don’t think they ever heard of the Christmas Spirit either, so my day ended badly thanks to those schmucks. It’s going to be a tough week. Makes you feel all the more alone, guarded, defensive.

So I finally got my Christmas shopping out of the way today. It wasn’t so bad, since I enjoy getting gifts for people. I’m very much a giving person by nature, so when I get a good excuse to buy things for others, I jump on it. I ran into a girl I went to high school with. She actually recognized me, which was quite surprising.

My brain works in a very odd way in this situation. Here’s a very nice, beautiful girl that knows me. But, just like all the girls that don’t know me, she doesn’t like me either. I had maybe 30 close friends in high school, 90% of them girls, and they never ever wanted to be more.

Now that I’m back living in my home town, I’m running into old friends more frequently, and they all seem to have perfect lives with that special someone. I find myself telling them that I’m going through a divorce because I want the sympathy. I want some emotion from a girl other than ambivalence.

On a side note, I taught my 3 year old nephew to say humbug whenever someone says merry Christmas.

Overlooked,
What happened with the girl you saw shopping. Is she single? Did you ask her out?

Re:Hey Guys,

Well Overlooked that is a great opportunity for u if you now meeting people you knew in the past and you like them you should at least give some signals use the opportunity that you are in your home town to meet some old friends and you might find the perfect one.

Of course I didn’t ask her out. I didn’t ask if she was single, since that would have been too forward, even if I did have a sliver of a chance with her.

Unfortunately, most of my old friends are married anyway. Not that it would make any difference if they weren’t.

Story of my life.

You could have asked her if she was christmas shopping for her husband and family. Overlooked you and I gotta break this shy thing. Sometimes I wonder if we are our own worst enemies. Don’t worry I;ve made this mistake myself. Maybe you’ll see her again!

Re: Listen Guys you really have to break being shy

For me, I am starting now to break it away bit by bit and It is funny that some people are interesting on me know, which is good for me but more than being good, now I get to choose and the more I met guys I find that I am getting closer to the right guy, because know I know What Exactly I want from a guy not like before when i used to have a doubt of myself. I think guys you will get to it.

As crazy as this sounds, go to VH1′s website and look up all the episodes for The Pickup Artist, first season. Watch and follow.

Now, before you dismiss it, hear me out. My wife and I just about dismissed it but after the first 2 episodes, we were hooked. Even our son, 14 at the time, watched it with us. Not only did we cheer these guys on, but it opened up dialogue about these matters with our son (& ladies, it’s not so bad, and of course I made sure to remind my son as always about the proper way to treat a lady). The competitors are average guys. One thing you see is that besides talking, you have to know some subtleties. And the exercise where they have to tell day care kids a story and keep them engaged is an eye opener. The “day game” one is, too.

Give it a lookie and let the dialogue begin. And Lucy, thank you. Proud to serve;)

I had a “date” this week and let me tell you all, it is hard not to think of all men as PIGS.

I am a mother of three boys, divorced, well established in my community, and respectable.

I don’t give off a sleazy demeanour and yet this old looking overweight, mediocre looking man who took me out for a drink, started within 15 minutes of talking, started the grossest sexual inuendoes.

What is with these guys do they think we women want to just drop our pants?

That we want to meet men to get banged??????

Boys, tell your fellow brethren, this is not what women want!!!!!!!

Decent women want decent men, end of story.

Sorry about that, Livid. I hope that my teaching my son right will lessen the number of men you call pigs;)

Funny, I think he didn’t care what you were giving off. His modus operandi was probably just drinks before going in for it regardless of innuendos. And sadly, he probably does that a lot because it has worked at least once.

Are you OK?

Sadly, some men just don’t know how to act towards women. Some men don’t care. Unfortunately, you won’t get much sympathy from me because you decent women are never ready for a decent man. I’m tired of this nonsense. Apologies for being a bitter broken man. I’m 28 and I have a long time of solitude to look forward to.

Ouch Jimmy. I know you are having a really rough time but you are making some unfair assumptions. Livid’s dating experience is unfortunately something that does happen..it was an experience in which she learned this gentlemen was not a decent gent by her definition, but she needed to have the date to find that out. Its kinda like gifts. Sometimes you can see what ya got when the paper comes off, other times you have to open the box.

28? What I wouldn’t do to be 28 again!

28? Trying to remember….
If I could go back to 28… oh but only if I know what I know now!
Livid, I’m sorry about your experience. I know exactly what you mean and it is disgusting. I have (rather had) a friend, he is 75 years old, I can’t be around him because if for any reason it’s just the two of us, he gets really obscene and its a bit disturbing. This from a retired Judge no less.

Sadly, I think alot has to do with the internet as well. You can’t find places to go and just “chat” with people. It’s all about sex now. Porn is everywhere and its unrealistic and so many think all women are like that, and its easy for anyone, any age to get to.

When I first got onto the internet, it was with Prodigy Classic and only the Prodigy memebers could chat with each other, it wasn’t open to the world. It was nice community. And I’m still friends with people from that time. That was about the mid 90′s. I even landed a great job in those rooms, I was talking with an owner of mulitple businesses and he hired me, I worked for him for 4 years it was great and there was no sexual intentions and all the other crap you get now. When they ended Prodigy Classic and went to Prodigy Internet alot of people were upset. It’s never been the same since. It’s sad.

Jimmy, I welcome decent men. I get turned off by pig attitudes. Honestly, I find it hard to trust, all my life my trust has been betrayed, by good guys and bad. So I don’t know which end is up at this point anymore. So to me, a decent guy will have patience and respect for a decent woman. Respect and trust needs to be earned for both. If a man comes at you like he just watched Lolita doing L.A., he’s got no respect for her and why should she respect him. If that jerk ever wonders why he’s alone, someone ought to tape his actions and point it out to him. That’s a no brainer he isn’t a decent man such as yourself.

The sad truth is, most guys are pigs. That’s why most of my friends are girls, since any guy friends would be the usual horny loser who does nothing but objectify women.
I can’t hang out with a guy and listen to him say crap like “Wow, look at that rack” or “I bet she’s great in the sack” (I cleaned up the language, obviously).

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I was never like that. Now I’m proud of it.

But now, women are starting to get that guys are like that, and try to cater to them, because they can’t find someone who gives a damn about them otherwise.

In all this, I get left out, because I’m a decent, sensitive guy. Not really fair is it?

So I had a ‘date’ today. It was a first meeting from eHarmony. It’s strange, but I have absolutely no idea how it went. We met at a coffee shop, took a short walk and talked about our interests, and said our goodbyes. I didn’t get any signals from her at all, none good or bad. The only thing I sensed was that she was as nervous as I was, which I guess might be a good thing.

So now what do I do? Is the ball in her court? She called me initially for the meeting(quite unexpectedly, I might add). Does that mean it’s up to her to call me for the follow up? She mentioned that she had the whole day to do nothing and said she might check out a movie tonight by herself. I said that I also wanted to see this particular movie, but she didn’t mention anything of us maybe checking it out together. Should I have brought it up first? On top of all that, I got a sense of finality when she said “It was nice meeting you”.

As usual, and based on past experience, I’m expecting the worst.

Thats sounds good OL. I see nothing wrong with checking in with her…if there is interest, then you guys will meet again and if not then you simply had a pleasant afternoon and your world remains open to possibilities.

I see two shy people, thats cute. If she made the 1st move… then the ball is in your court. Give her a call, ask her to the movie with you, sounded like an opening to me when she said she was going “alone”. Whats the worst she can say.. No? If your already expecting that for an answer, whats the harm in asking? She might say YES and you might just have a good time and the two of you may be able to relax a bit enjoy each other and learn a bit more about each other. Go for it, don’t fret about it, and don’t set high expectations for you or for her.

I’m actually feeling a little better about the whole thing now. Since she’s a complete mystery to me, I have no idea what kind of person she really is, or what my feelings toward her are.

That’s a good thing. It means:
a) I have no real expectations.
b) My jugdement isn’t clouded by an initial attraction that would give me false hope(Basically, I don’t know enough about her to really be attracted to her yet, although physically, she is quite striking).
c) I’m more eager to see her just to learn more about her, rather than just being lonely and wanting to see a random girl.

So, I’m actually feeling kinda okay with the whole situation. I’m nervous, sure, but I’m not overly worried anymore. Here’s my plan, tell me if I’m on the right path or not:
Wait 2 days. If she doesn’t call me, I’ll call her. I’ll ask if she saw the movie. If she did, we’ll talk about that and see where the conversation goes from there. If she didn’t see it, I’ll ask her out to see it together.

Thoughts? You guys are my support group, I’m counting on all of you for honest answers.

Hey Guys, How are you doings? Snowing in New York City but it is great.

Re: Overlooked,

I think your plan sound great, so if things work out that is great , if they do not god forbid you already settled yourself with low expectations . At the end you will not lose anything in fact you will boost your self confidence moving forward.

I’m sorry but I’m tired of hearing guys are pigs and women are fake. Its so easy to stereotype people. Not all black people are lazy and not all jewish people are rich. Its just this simple there are a lot of good people out there and there are a lot of people who make mistakes. Of course porn is all over the internet and moralless people are going to come into our lives from time to time. I seriously hope that you don’t believe these stereotypes. I simply believe there are a lot of good people doing the best they can. If you have a friend who is just trying to get in your pants all the time then odds are you and I view friends a lot differently and maybe its time he found someone else to try and seduce. I’m not trying to be rude but if we start puting people into categories does’nt that assemble us in the category of snobs or judgemental a**holes!

I really hope that eharmony thing works out for you overlooked!!

Chad, thanks for the good luck wishes.
The fact that people like us are all posting on this particular blog shows that not all men are pigs and women fake.
Everyone here knows that there are good people out there, it’s just that, of all the people I’ve met throughout my life, the vast majority have been pigs and fakes. Maybe I’ve had worse luck than the rest of you, but it’s a sad fact of my life.
Forget dating, even just finding real friends can be an almost impossible endeavor to undertake.

When searching for that ‘special someone’, the almost inevitable outcome is first weeding through these types, and when you’re as lonely as this lot, it just seems that much more tedious and discouraging.

I completely understand overlooked and I feel exactly as you do. I feel I have ben treated poorly by women as well. I just think sometimes we focus so much on the negative people who we seem to become entangled with. It almost makes me wonder if there are women out there who I blew off and they think of me as a sh***y guy. I just don’t think stereotypes are what we are searching for. In fact what is it about those of us who come here. We seem to attract the wrong people. Are we allowing ourselves to be treated poorly. We certainly deserve better than that. I simply think before we put so much blame on others maybe we should step back and look at ourselves. I know my comment might have sounded rude but it was certainly not ment to be. I just think our problem is not solved by placing the blame on the way we allow others to treat us. Certainly we all deserve real friends and real happiness. Maybe its time we go out and get it!

RE: Chad

I do not think It is about Sterotyping, I do not believe that guys should be called a name or women because at the end each one of us meet people who could be described terrible or very nice, of course some were goods and other were bad.

I meet a lot of guys friend who were very very nice to their girlfriends but their girlfriends never seems happy and always complain.

I feel now it is very hard to know the difference between what women think or and men think…

Re:

Funny Story Guys.

Every year during this time, when I go shopping I always find a new digital camera and always feel sad because when I go over the pictures , I always find happy pictures of couples, I always try to find the owners of these cameras but I never so so far I have 3 cameras and all of them share one thing, that they contain happy couple pictures.

I am who I am. I don’t give any pretenses. If someone wants to get to know me, that may take some work because I’m well guarded in alot of areas. I don’t think all men are pigs, just the ones that have shown me that they are. I don’t think its sterotyping when someone is cheating on their partner. It’s WRONG and their pigs for betraying their partner. The same goes for any woman. You know right from wrong.

As for that Judge, he is a pig, he’s behaving like one, it isn’t sterotyping, its him. You tell him to stop and it gets worse, and I don’t want to be around it, because it doesn’t stop. I thought here is a nice couple, cute, in their 70′s found companionship. I love the writing, and he could care less he just being nasty. You can’t have a conversation with the man without it coming up.

My ex-boyfriend, he had these two friends. Both own their own businesses, we went to fix one friends computer. Since I was the computer guru my boyfriend wanted me to check it out. So, we get there and I find out it was so he can watch his porn,it was too slow for the moives he was trying to look at. Ohhhh. but don’t tell his wife. And shes a friend too, then he starts telling me things I really don’t’ want to hear. And he has ad’s on line for women to sleep with and asks me is there something wrong with the computer that he gets no responses. I had some respones for him but I kept my mouth shut. He’s cheating on his wife, I don’t think its sterotyping that hes a pig for betraying her trust and breaking their vows. Amazing how in an instant you can loose all respect for someone.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, this man took it upon himself to start calling me, at least he waited till after I moved into my own home. Well, I’m single now so that means can I’d have sex with him whenever he wanted. He could stop by anytime. Like sex is some meaningless act, and I’m just going to let him into my house for him to sneak around with. This man shows the majority of people in town his life is one thing and people think oh what a nice guy, look at all the things he does, and all the things he does for his wife and community, BUT very few know the other things he does.

Then there was the farrier, the guy that came to trim the horses hooves. I get a call one night, keep in mind I live in the boonies, and its the farrier, I’m thinking he wants to talk to the BF, who everyone knows works nights so I’m alone. He then starts hittin on me, telling me how much he loves redheads and goes on and on. My boyfriend had told the farrier that we weren’t together anymore, but we were still living together at the time, we’re still frirends. So this guy (another married one) also thinks, just because I’m single I’m going to put out for anything that moves and wants to know if we could meet up between some of his jobs. Yeah right pal.

I got so mad at my ex-bf and told him to stop telling his friends we’re not together, just stop. I’m sorry, but those guys are pigs, they are how they act, they’re cheating on their wives and girlfriends and its wrong. They are pigs for hurting and humiliating their partner that trusts them. I don’t feel I’m sterotyping these guys at all, their actions speak for themselves.

If they are so unhappy at home LEAVE and be single and play the field at least thats honest! You can’t argue with that! And the same goes for a woman too. I’m tired of it. People think demoralizing is OK. I don’t. I’m not a piece of meat and I won’t be treated like such. If that means I’m going to be alone, so be it

I really look at people twice now when I meet them, whether they’re married or not and alot goes on in the back of my head that makes me wonder. And that is unfair to the decent people of the world.

I know there are decent people out there, this site is proof of it, everyone here is great and we all want the same thing. But I’m not finding folks like all of you in my life, they are far and few between. And if I do, they’re already married! Or they’re gay. The guy I work with, he says well, they’re either married or staight, so we made a deal we’re going to swap the gay ones for the straight ones, and weed em out. I think thats fair.

Overlooked: Always keep the ball in your court. I’m sorry ladies, sometimes a man must do what is necessary because you can’t get out of your own way. (My recent case demonstrates that)

As for men being pigs, you’re right. As for me making assumptions. I am. I did. I apologize.

Wow, Lucy, you know some real fine examples of scum.
It’s too bad these are the kinds of people that seem to succeed nowadays. Humanity is disappearing from the human heart in more ways than one.

And Jimmy, I have no idea how to keep the ball in my court.

Overlooked:

Regarding the keeping the ball in your court:

Did you enjoy the time spent with the woman from eharm?
If so:
call her and set something up once again.
If not:
move on.
If you ask her and she says she can’t but offers a different day…good sign.
If you ask her and she says she can’t and doesn’t offer another day…bad sign

I’m probably going to get in trouble with the females in here for saying this… Never leave the ball in the woman’s court. No offense ladies.
You are the man. Act like one.
I want a woman who is just that A WOMAN.
Be assertive, but don’t be a psycho. you may scare her.
You need to just meet people in general, talk with them, if you enjoy their company, see how far you can take it. You cannot go into every meeting with a woman thinking or expecting the worst. Because brother, you will fail everytime. You need to develop a mantra. I did. It goes something like this.
THERE IS NOTHING WORSE IN LIFE THAN DEATH.
Take control of the things you can control.(which is very little in life)
Accept the fact that you and I are together in this ocean of chaos and we both need to start thinking positive. Positive thinking and smiles attract.

Your assignment:
Read the book “think and grow rich” by napoleon hill
it is about the power of positive thinking.

Godspeed my friend.

Much love to you all,
jimmy

Overlooked, Those guys are scum, including Livids date, its all sad. So many people out there and it seems more and more

As for the girl maybe she is thinking that your not interested in her… Call her, don’t wait, just do it…

Take Jimmy’s advice, in alot of ways I believe alomst all women like men to be assertive. Women like to and want to be treated like a lady. Take the lead my dear, call her (and yes you can do all this without being psycho or controlling, even to the most independant woman) We do like it.

Funny at tonight’s xmas party, my friends and I were talking, one friend her and her husband have been married 30 years. They are so cute together, but she told me for two months they dated he would do no more than a good night kiss. She said he was the first gentleman she had ever encountered. After 30 years he’s still sweeping her off her feet. I think its great. We’d all be lucky to find something as special as those two have.

You’re right, guys.
I’m going to take the lead and call her tomorrow. I’m sick of being the one who’s always waiting and never knowing what’s going to happen. It’s time I made something happen.
So she says ‘no’. Big deal, it’s not like I know her well enough to be totally crushed.

Lucy, that relationship you just described is the one I’ve longed for my whole adult life. My inspiration for being a gentleman came from my grandfather. He and my grandmother are both in their late 90′s and have been married almost 70 years.

70 years.

Take a moment to ponder that one.

That’s not even the great part. They’re still just as in love as they were when they got married. Whenever I see them, it’s disgustingly cute. He still compliments her on everything, from the meals she prepares to her hair. They even flirt sometimes.

I’ve never known any other 2 people who were so perfect for each other and who fully appreciate what they have together.
It kills me to think that every time I see them may be the
last.

That’s what I want. I need that level of like-mindedness between myself and my partner, where we’re on the same page in terms of just loving each other.

A huge problem with relationships in general is that almost all the time, the 2 people are not equally in love. Whoever loves less, is in control(I speak from experience, here) because that person isn’t as concerned about impressing/keeping the other. This also sends the signal to the other person to work harder, putting a major strain on things.

I wish it wasn’t true as often as it is.

I try to stay positive but the holidays are really tough. Lucy I liked your story about your friend and her husband. I am the same way when I’m dating a lady. I never kiss on a first date because I just met the girl and I want to get to know her. Myself, I just feel wierd trying to stick my tongue down the throat of someone I just met.
I know a lot of great guys and women and a lot of happy couples but I can never figure out why I can’t have that. Why I always attract the nutjobs. If someone tells me it will happen one more time I’m literally gonna flip out.
Hey Lucy I’m a redhead to and I’m hoping that the rest of you are not. But maybe thats it! Do redheads have a harder time at relationships. I will be shocked if we find out we are all redheads. Ha Ha Ha, only kidding everyone!

Hey Guys I missed commenting on your post, I have been very busy I have two exams this week then I will be done, tomorrow’s exam I lost my notes, books and everything related to the class, so life is good.

Funny thing, I’ve always found redheads to be quite attractive and almost exotic(girl redheads, anyways). I figured more or less everyone felt the same way.
A while ago, I mentioned my weakness for the fire-haired to a friend of mine, his response?
“Gross!”

That one floored me, he was quite emphatic about it too, like I offended him or something. He went on about how he hated freckles and pale skin.

Am I just weird, or is he the weird one?

He is the wierd one overlooked. Redheads are awesome and very unique! There are not many of us around but we are captivateing. OK so I’m kidding because I think our features are a little less desirable. But once in a while I’ll meet a girl who thinks my red hair and blue eyes are gorgeous. It just seems like all those type of girls have moved away from this area. The good news is I can still get an awesome tan. So my genetic makeup is not all bad! Ha Ha!

To anybody who can relate to me please help! I’m 19 and in college and I have been experiencing some major depression lately. I have few close friends in college and I’ve never had a job, still single (still a virgin as well), and I don’t have a car. My GPA is struggling (a shitty 2.3) in Industrial Engineering at Cal Poly. I feel like a failure and honestly feel as though I don’t have a true path in life. I’m always tired and find it extremely hard to find people who share the same interests as me. I’m sort of lost regarding my direction in life if u might say. I don’t want to go on meds cuz everybody says the depression just gets worse in the end. I often just wish the pain would just go away but the symptoms just seem to get worse as the years go on.
It’s been like this since my sophomore year in high school. People begin to change and once-friends begin to show their true colors and in the end, we realize that most of society is construed and twisted in its own selfish agenda. I wish I had the once real friends who would accept you for who you are and not try to mold you into this figure designed by society because they think they are superior for some dumb reason. Loyalty just seems non-existent in this generation. I was lucky in my earlier years as I was surrounded by decent friendly people… but as u get older, people go their own ways and friends begin to disappear. I guess that’s part of growing up and we all need to accept that… It seems everyone around my college is so self-absorbed and I have struggled finding trustworthy friends for the longest time. Cuz everybody screws you over in the end.
I’ve never been able to find a girlfriend whom I’ve been able to click w/ for the longest time. All the girls get drunk and have casual sex w/ random douche bags and all the rest seem so self-absorbed to really commit to a relationship. Funny how its always the ones we like and try the hardest to relate to that end up the ones who screw other guys behind our backs. I’ve become quite lonely after all these years and am starting to wonder if there is real love in this world. Sure my parents claim to love me but they’re not gonna be around forever. As a result I have spent many nights in my dorm alone and depressed. Some nights I have considered taking my own life. Life just sucks these days. I wish there were brighter days like when I was still a kid when everything was new and exciting. The good days when we would all play tag and have water fights in the streets, the days when we would all have fun at pool parties or have bbqs at the local park, the days when we would all laugh at stupid jokes and just have a good time, the days when I had real friends, the days when life wasn’t so cold and empty…

I know this is sort of an issue tied w/ dating and friendships and I’m not sure if this is the best place to post my problems but can somebody please help me! No offense, but please, no suggestions regarding religion or finding Jesus. I don’t have an issue with religion but religion just seems to be everybody’s answer to my problems and its not working. Thanks

Ok… Ever notice there are no jokes about redheads? There’s a reason for that. heh….We are a rare breed! I love my hair but I have the hazel eyes Chad… and I use to tan when I was younger and lived on the beach….that was the italian side of me. Now the irish side has taken over and… well.. the sun and I don’t get along much anymore and if one more person tells me.. well, your over 40.. blah blah blah. :0)

Overlooked.. good luck with calling your lady friend, and not kissing on the first day Chad, awesome, but a nice kiss on the hand is always intriging…. gotta love those romatical scenerios. I do like watching my friends the two of them just click and its nice to see.

Andy,

Friends will come and go in your life, it is a part of growing up, its a life long process, there are just different stages. Cherish the good and learn from the bad. I am still friends with about 3 people from high school, and very rarely talk to anyone from college. Life is a crazy roller coaster at times, and really, is there a perfect seat on a roller coaster for the ride?

Your at an age where people are all finding their own way in life, and are probably just as confused as you are but have different ways of handling it. It may seem hard, but you’ll find your way too.

I suggest if your feeling the way you do, is to talk to your doctor, or a councelor at school, your parents. You don’t have to go on meds, but it wouldn’t hurt to talk to a professional. It’s not so scary, I promise. I do it, but its more for my cancer issues, everything else just kinda flows into it.

My neice was 14 years old, came to her Mom, with printouts about depression and said, I think I have this. They went to her doctor, and then sought out the proper specialist. My neice did go on meds and therapy for about 2 years. This is what worked for her.
She’s 21 now and doing fantastic, and no meds.
My nephew as well had difficulty, he didn’t have to go on meds, but he did get couceling. Life is difficult.

Sometimes, its just a chemical imbalance inside, and also there’s a lot more pressure on the youth today than when I was your age. There’s alot more information coming at you and life happens much too quickly.

Don’t worry about other people, what they may think or do.
They have to find their own way in life.
You need to take care of yourself first. And alot of times the best things happen when your not expecting or looking for it.
So, make an appointment to see someone, talk to someone, like I said it couldn’t hurt.

I do beleive that there are decent people out there, I know I am, so there must be others.

It just seems we are the minority.

I have met really great guys who I get along with but there is no romantic attraction. I have recently watched a video on you tube by an anthropologist who has studied the brains of people who are in love and those who are single and lonely.

There are chemicals released in the brain that actually make you feel better when you are in love, and the same chemicals actually recede when you are alone and sad. You can actually slip into a clinical depression from it!

I have met a lot of guys who prefer to be on their own. It’s weird are we not all human with the same needs and desires???

It’s most of the guys I have met that they say, well I don’t want a relationship.

I don’t get it at all.

It seems as though these men want to meet you, sleep with you and then on to the next one.

Where are the guys from here, but out there??????

Yes…Where are the guys from here, but out there??????

That is the $64,000 question of the decade Livid

That works both ways! Where are the women from here, but
out there! The search is endless. Could be that there’s only a handful of decent people out there and we are all on this post. Reminds me of that old fruitcake joke. There’s
actually only one fruitcake in the world. It just keeps getting passed around!

I think someone stated to clone the fruitcake, and landed here on the island of misfits….

Andy, fear not.

The unfortunate truth is, for the majority of people, the majority of life pretty much sucks. The bad will almost always overshadow the good because of how it makes us feel.

I had plenty of friends in High School, now I have none. They’ve all become people I’d rather not associate with, or have left.

I’m sure you’ve heard all the crap from people trying to comfort you:

“Love yourself first”: That’s all fine and dandy, but it’s not easy when others don’t value you. Should it matter? Absolutely not, but it does, nonetheless.

“Find Jesus?”: I’ve been a christian my whole life, but Jesus cannot fill the part of my life that needs filling(Unless he’s going to make a woman for me. Fingers crossed).

“Be more confident?”: Again, sounds great, but in the end, most people are products of their experiences. If you have a history of failures and hard fought losses(like myself), it’s difficult to find self worth in any form.

I was pretty close the edge, I tried meds and therapy, but the only thing that helped me is this blog. Seems odd, but after conversing with these people I’ve found that I’m not alone in how I feel. Maybe it can help you too.

Great, another girl that doesn’t like me.

So I called her to ask her to that movie, she said no because at our first meeting, I didn’t offer her a cup of coffee.

I don’t know what she was thinking. When we met in the coffee shop for the first time, I was early, so I sat down and had a hot chocolate. She came in about 10 minutes afterwards and I stood up to greet her, then we both sat down. I OFFERED HER A COFFEE. She said no, instead opting to go for a walk, while on our walk, she commented on how cold it had gotten. I OFFERED HER COFFEE A SECOND TIME. She said no.

How dare she pull this crap with me. When I talked to her tonight, I said “Actually I did offer you coffee. Twice.” She muttered some crap about the way I offered it or something and politely said goodbye.

I’m seriously losing it. I tried to play cool, calm and collected. On our walk, I was a perfect gentleman. We talked about all sorts of things and I was genuinely interested in what she had to say, and now I lose out on an opportunity because she remembers the meeting wrong?

Words cannot express how tired I am of taking this shit from women. What is wrong with me?

If I was some psychotic prick it would be one thing, but I’m not. I know that I’m a good person and that I deserve to be loved like I know I can love.
Even when I talked to her tonight, I maintained my tone. I didn’t raise my voice or overreact in any way. As always, I was just nice. A gentleman. Apparently nice+gentleman=me/unattractive.

Thanks for all the help guys. I’m gonna try speaking to a counselor ASAP.

So stop taking her bullshit Overlooked! That bit about you not offering coffee to her is bogus. If that’s the best excuse she can come up with just think what else she has in
store for you! I’ve known women like that and believe me,
it’ll only get worse if you persue her. A true gentlemen
deserves a true lady and vice versa. She ain’t no lady!!!
I’m just as frustrated as you are but I’ll be damned if I’ll
tolerate that shit. Save yourself a bundle of heartaches
and move on. Don’t waste any more time on this wingnut!
Lonliness tends to make you desperately want something to
work,I know.

Overlooked:
Its very simple. Forget her.
Onward and upward. You cannot keep dwelling on immature women that don’t know what the hell they want. If you are a gentleman and they can’t see that. Tough. Her loss. Nothing is left for you to gain in this experience. move on. It is a constant struggle I know, but in the end, there will be someone for you. In all seriousness, you need to be a bit more laid back and try to not appear that you are trying. Happy go lucky is the way to be. Brother, i’m here for you. Just like I’m here for the rest of you.

Godspeed my friend.

Much love,
Jimmy

Jimmy, all that gentlemanly stuff I did wasn’t trying. It’s in my nature to be this way. I was actually quite relaxed on our first meeting.

It’s not like I’m pining over her, believe me, she’s forgotten. It’s simply the fact that rejection has been a constant. How can that many women be wrong? There’s obviously something wrong with me that I just can’t see. Granted, this one was crazy anyways.

I’m angry that she didn’t even know what she was talking about. If she’d said “There’s no chemistry” I would have been fine. That’s what the last girl said to me, and looking back, I’m thankful for the short time we spent together and don’t hold any animosity toward her.

It’s also funny that I’m pretty sure she believed what she was saying. The tone of her voice and the way she said it was perfectly sincere.

I sent her an email through eHarmony that politely illustrated my feelings. I told her that it upset me that she rejected based on something I didn’t do(or is that ‘didn’t not do?’). I also told her that I know I’m a good person and she’s missing out on something that could have been great. I actually closed by saying ‘good luck’.

Oh well, time to be a selfish jerk and have women fighting over me. Then I can use them up and cast them aside when someone prettier shows up…

There isn’t anything wrong with you. Its the old 80/20 rule my friend. In this case, 1 out of every five people are good people….Men and women. The percentages are not on our side. But time is.

I went to school with this one guy from 5th grade until graduation.
He was a good christian guy. He helped everybody out all the time, he was involved in all sorts of school programs. He was brainy, but not a jerk about it. He had no enemies, and tons of friends. But not a single girlfriend.

Guess what he did? Senior year, he turned into the biggest jackass in school. He treated everyone like dirt. It was pretty much an overnight change. The obvious ending is that he must have gone through 30 girlfriends that year.
We talk about it a lot on this blog, why women want that kind of man, but we’re no closer to an answer. It’s frustrating to be the truth behind ‘nice guys finish last’. It’s unbelievably painful and it’s reduced me to the lonely, hollow man that I am.

All the jerks I knew in high school have gorgeous wives now, and of the ones I still know, they’re still jerks.

OMG Overlooked…I’m sorry but when I read your interaction with this woman I laughed myself silly. Are you friggin kidding me? You didn’t offer her a cup of coffee was what she came up with..AND YOU DID?! Oh lawd thats not a rejection thats a run the heck away in the other direction as that lady ain’t right. Hey, the positive is that you got out there, met someone, and took the initiative to followup. All the right things. So, as this option goes away (again I say thank goodness) just brush it off and say “Next”!

Actually Nina, I almost laughed out loud when she said that over the phone. I really couldn’t believe what I was hearing. If it was true, and I didn’t offer her a cup of coffee, I can see how someone might take that as significant.

I very much believe that you need to pay attention to the little details as much as possible, especially early on, because any little problems might have deeper roots that could show up later.

And as I said, it’s not the loss of her specifically that bothers me, it just feels like wasted time.

If nothing else, it’ll make a good story to tell the next girl before she rejects me.

Re: Chad, I just read your comment, for some reasons I did not read it till now.

I want to be settle and I want to have a special someone but in my case the rejection never come because of being myself it is more like an external rejection , because my background and religious believe always being a block for me. Even though I have some friends that religion and background differences were a strength to their relationship rather then a weakness. That is why the only thing I can is just to remain silence.

So in my case I only advice people what to do but for myself I know it is a dead end for me and it is funny how things work. So settling down is not something I do not want is something that do not want me, not because myself but rather because my cultural and religious backgrounds.

Overlooked, it is simple she was just not that into you.

I have met guys who I felt that way about, I tried to but could’nt find that attraction.

Don’t blame her, she just wasn’t feeling it.

I don’t know you and over the internet you seem really intuitive and giving. But online dating I feel is for the birds. Until you meet someone eye to eye you simply don’t know. It is definately chemistry that is so important for romantic feelings.

Don’t say there is something wrong with you, it’s wrong between the two of you. Like two dogs that meet and sniff each other , some intstantly start to romp around together and others growl, for no apparent reason, just instant attraction or repulsion.

This is the most elusive thing on earth, finding that person that you like that likes you back, man, what are the odds?

Livid, you hit that nail on the head about email dating.

With some courses I have taken, only 7% of what a person is conveying gets out in words, that isn’t alot. Talking on the phone you have tone is about 38% more you get to convey of yourself, but, body language is 55%. Put them all together then you have a full picture of someone.
When you have someone in front of you its a different story all together, your getting body language, voice tone and so much more on an unconcious level. And it can be different than what you thought through the words you read or the voice you heard on the phone.
More than likely she didn’t know how to deal with separting the internet person from the real person.

The cup of coffee excuse was wrong, I think it shows there may be things in her life she’s not being honest with herself about.

Being honest with someone is always the best way to go, even if it may upset the other person. You can get mad and upset at excuses, and yes get mad or upset if someone says something you don’t want to hear. But, if they’re being honest, after the initial arrrrrgh, its something you can appreciate. At least it is for me, you can’t argue with someone who’s being honest, it just is.

Keep the faith, don’t stop being a gentleman.

Andy,
I see you are depressed. I can totally relate. I am currently fighting a devastating depression. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I feel so unwanted. I know the thoughts runnung through your mind but maybe unlike you I have fought this beast before! I can only tell you that good days are really ahead. But for guys like you and me sometimes we gotta fight some really bad times. I think at nineteen you are very mature for realizing you have a problem. Here is what I want you to do!
I want you to work on your life without a woman. Make the things in your own life rite. Get your grades up. Go to the gym. Buy some new cloths. Whatever it takes to lift you back up. Many people will want to help but only you can really fix this problem. Today is a brand new day my friend. The first day of the rest of your life. Its time to let this depression go and remember all the great things that make you an individual. Take these gifts and enhance them. Find a way to be proud of yourself again. Don’t lay down and let yourself be defeated. Just fight because I promise if you do you will feel the sun on your shoulders again!!!

Re: Chad

I feel the same way too but nothing I can do

Thats not true Dee. You can realize the same thing everyone here realizes. We all see you are a beautiful person. I think its time we all fight back against this depression and show the world and most of all ourselves that we as Individuals have a lot to offer!!

Re: Chad

I am very depressed lately all my friends are going with their partners to enjoy the vacations and the holidays and me staying here just trying to finish my work and acting like a machine who lives without emotions.

Depression is the combination of every bad feeling you can have, or at least it was for me.
Sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, self-loathing…

If it was simply a means of ‘getting over it’ there would be no depression. The worst one that I mentioned is the feeling of helplessness, that regardless of how much you want to be better, you don’t know how to make it happen or even if it’s possible to.

I’ve gone through it, and I only beat it by learning more about myself and who I really was and becoming. I’m still sad and lonely quite often, but that’s an extension of just being alone. Although I agree with chad in that changing external things can help at the moment, they do little in the long run.

Well I am depressed because a lot of things for example, today my ex spoke with me, and to remind you, he is marry. He spoke with me about Politics and stuff like that but not really anything romantic.

I do not know what does he want for me, but I know that he is not happy about his marriage, he is planning to resign from the Navy so I was asking him what he will do after then he said he will kill him self, I am not a mean person but I really do not know what to tell him.

Guys when you are married or in a relationship do you really care about your exs. I know I was and still good person but I really do not know what to do?

But its the moments that kill us. Have we forgotten we all are battling this. We need now more than ever to lean upon one another. We will survive this holiday but lets do more than survive. Lets work togeather to stop our biggest fear of being alone. So to every one of you I say we can beat this togeather. We are here for a reason. Today I will do something to make my life better. I’m going out on a limb here but lets try and change. Lets tell each other tomorrow night what we did in a single day to make ourselves better. We can come here and be safe tomorrow night no matter what we tried and if it worked or not! Lets take comfort in that fact and try something new!! Please, we have each other. Lets use this power to start a new way of life!

Re: Chad

I am here everyday I love you all and I consider you as good friends who i may knew for a long time.

Chad read what I post what should i do with my Ex i am not meannnnn but it is crazy

Dee, suicide is never to be taken lightly. True, the average person is all talk and would never actually go through with it, but there’s always a chance.
Although I don’t love my ex-wife(not sure if I ever truly did), I still care what happens to her. It’s why I’ll always feel so awful being the one who left, I hurt her bad and she’s still hurting, and it’s my fault.

Regardless of whether or not you really care about him, you should try to help him, but not if it’s for selfish reasons(like helping him so he’ll come back to you). I don’t know how you feel about this guy, but it never hurts to have a friend. He may have confided in you because he trusts you and wants your help.

You should probably talk to him more and figure out what’s going on in his life and what could be done to fix it.

I’m no expert, obviously, but trying is all you can do. I’m sorry if I didn’t help matters, Dee.

Overlooked is right again, the moments come and go and can be fine but when the dust settles and you look around you the sadness is still there.

I for one am reminded on a daily basis, just the simplest things like waking up in the morning and being in an empty bed, facing the day and next night the same way.

Going holiday shopping for no one special while everyone runs around buying their gifts for that person, it’s always there.

A constant reminder that you don’t belong to anyone.

My shrink once told me that it’s an invisible bag you carry around all the time trying to fill, and it’s true.

So even though you try and “forget” about things it’s just always there.

I am sure we all have some good moments, but the all around picture is still dull.

Until we feel like we have a complete life , and by, the way having a partner is a perfectly normal biological need we all have, don’t let people tell you to be happy being alone, that is not realistic. We will still feel out of sorts and not quite content.

We just go on every day and try and find those moments of sunshine to get us to the next place where we could perhaps find a bit of happiness.

I am spending the holidays with my kids and my extended family so that will be my moment for now.

I hope you all have some nice moments this coming week.

Holiday blahs, I use to love Christmas so much, now… blah….

Andy, positive changes in your life for yourself is always a great thing. It’s also good to find someone to help you sort everything out and get some perspective. I hope you do!

Dee, your ex may have the holiday blahs like so many of us. It’s good to listen and be a friend, and sometimes we find it could be easier to confide in someone we use to be close with to get things out. But it could be emotionally dangerous for you too, so be careful. Try not to read more into it than just a friend, who’s frustrated and confused needing someone to vent to.

I feel as though I can’t do anything right. So I was told that it has nothing to do with being right or wrong. My therapist offered a redo scenario for how I handled the woman I was involved with. The woman offered herself to me and I should have seen that as her offering a gift. The fact that I didn’t want to just sleep with her drove her away. I mean what the hell! Has it gotten so bad that being a decent man is frowned upon? I wanted to be with this woman in every way. The fact is if I slept with her, I would be in really bad shape right now. I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A FACELESS LOVER TO HER. I am so heartbroken and depressed I can’t even function anymore. I can’t believe my therapist said that. I guess she was just being devil’s advocate. I have a suspicion that women in my generation really don’t want to find good men. They have this mindset that they can “have it all” and that just causes confusion as well as apathy among the gentlemen.

Jimmy, I think the therapist was offering an explanation for that girls behaviour.

Don’t think that this is the right attitude, because it isn’t.

I’m sure your therapist would agree.

That girl has low self esteem and needs instant validation from men and thinks that sex is the fastest route, where in reality the way you treated her was the real validation.

If she is too dim to figure that out it is she who needs the help.

Do not sweat it you are the sane one here!

I agree with Livid, you did the right thing. Be proud that your the type of man that doesn’t take advantage. We need more people like you in the world.

Thank you ladies. I’m damn near tearing up over here.

Andy:
I acknowledge your problems, and I totally feel you. And what you have been told by everyone here is nothing but good advise. To that I will add: give it time.

A few years ago, life seemed eaasy for you because it was. Your parents took care of a lot so all you had to take care of was yourself, your life, and having a good time. Change at this point in your life is the norm. You grow apart from some people and as you take more of the reins of your own life, it will start to seem overwhelming. And everyone around you is in the same boat. For a while, they will be selfish, not always because that is the way they are but because they also are on their own and have ambitions to reach above all else. And, yeah, this ain’t the most social generation, either.

You, of course, want a quick return to comfort. You probably feel set adrift like a small boat in the ocean, lost with no land in sight. Right now, Andy, don’t try to take it all on at once. As I tell my wife, “don’t try to eat the elephant all at once, take little bites.” A counselor can help you through this transition. Get yourself right first, then ease into everything else. A little at a time, and you will have your groove back.

Happy holidays.

Merry Xmas to all of you guys here. Please take care of yourselves and each other this time of year.

RE: AIDEN

MERRY XMAS TO YOU TOO AND ALL YOUR FAMILY

RE:OVERLOOKED

I DO NOT THINK I HAVE ANY FEELINGS TOWARD MY EX, BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US IS GONE BESIDE WE BROKE UP LIKE 3 YEARS BUT HE ALWAYS LIKE TO TALK TO ME FROM TIME TO TIME. I WILL SUPPORT HIM AND SEE WHY HE IS SAID OFF BUT I AM SURE I WILL NOT GO BACK TO HIM OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

Dee,
You asked for my opinion so here it is. I think you are a little hung up on your ex. I don’t say it to be mean I can just tell by the way you talk about him. But he is married and he has moved on and he is now coming to you for someone to lean on. Really! he needs to talk to his wife or someone close about his problems. You can sometimes take being nice to far. Why is it your obligation to comfort him. You have more important things to do. You have a lot on your plate with your classes. I really think this guy sounds pretty immature. Maybe its time he grow up and you move on. I know this might sound very harsh but you are a good person and you deserve to enjoy the life you are building. Wasting time with this guy is just that WASTING TIME!!

Re: Chad

I agree with you Chad, Is it I never turned anyone down, and I sweari feel bad for his wife too. I even told him that the reason why i do not like talking to him is because he is married and If I ever be in his wife position I will not let it go at all. I am sure that I do not have any feelings toward him but at the same time I feel sorry for him,

I will take your advice, I am sure their someone nice out their who desrve me and who I desrve, it is just I have not meet yet.And I am not giving up, I know my ex was in the past and he will always be in the past.

Beside that today I invited couple of my friends to have Dinner with me and I am making them some fish but on the other hand, I have 20 pages to write that are due today but I do not feel writing them today. I was very stuffed this semester with papers and exams.

I still don’t understand what I should do. I mean, thi woman obviously had plans to fool around with me, get “validation” as some of you ladies said, and then probably go on to the next guy. What am I supposed to do? Because they say if you keep doing something and getting the same result, you are crazy or stupid or both. Well, I am doing the same thing over and over again. I am myself and I am a gentleman that is looking for a quality woman. I seem to be only an emotional anchor or a booty call to these women. Why? Why is it so easy for people, but impossible for us? I can’t take this pain anymore. I need it to go away.

Jimmy, what you keep doing is not the same thing as say actually walking into a wall over and over again, with a door right next to you and wondering why your not on the other side. Even though that is how you feel. I know I do.
Your not doing anything wrong, your being you, and you can’t ask for anything better than that.

The pain, I understand that. I know I can’t take it much longer. I’ve never been more alone in my life than I have this past year and its not ending on a good note at all. I want it all to go away.

I really relate Zack. Im the “Nice” kind of guy, yet all the ladies in my area go for the a-holes. I dont get it. I really don’t. Why would someone choose to be with someone that calls them fat, and is just plain out mean, instead of someone that actually cares about them instead of just wanting sex, you know? I dont understand.

I swear you people can read my mind. All day I’ve thought about how badly I want my pain to go away. Tonight I see two comments that say almost word for word I want this pain to go away! There were so many attractive young women out shopping today and as I walked by and casually looked at them I noticed they all looked away. I am clean cut and very athletic but I feel so unattractive. Can these women see that in my eyes or am I just ugly and undesirable? I just don’t get it! But my friends I am glad I can come here and talk to you. Nothing is getting better here and like so many of you I want so badly for this pain to go away! It seems like everyone finds someone. Is it my destiny to be ALONE!!!

Re: Eric

It is probably the society we live at, if you are bad you are loved but if you are good you are ignored, it is the reality you and I have to accept.

I agree with you Dee the selfish are loved and the giving people are cast aside like an old newspaper. We find ourselves trying to put this into perspective and understand its outragiousness. But this is simply a harsh world and we who try the hardest are made to suffer the most. I am always impressed with just how strong and good hearted each person that comes to this site is!

Re: Chad

Do not say you are unattractive because if you say it you will believe it and if you believe it , it will get to you.

I wrote this piece about 3 yrs ago

How are you?
How is your day, work and school?
How are you?
How is your mom, dad, and siblings?
How are you?
How is your health, fitness, and diet?
How are you?
How is your love, love, I meant your love life?
…………
…………….
………………

Well No answer
Make sense man
My whole conversation
Was only based on HOW IS YOUR HEART?

I wrote like 3 yrs ago and my English was not that great. I did not change award

I was thinking today, as I often do, and I came up with an interesting analogy:
Think of yourself as a ship. Love is sailing(Ships are built to sail, we are made to love).
We are run aground(When a ship hits dry land), the only way to get back out to sea is for the tide to come in and carry us back out. But when is that tide coming? You can’t force the tide either.
Now how many of us are aground, and how many of us are shipwrecked entirely, no longer seaworthy?

I know it doesn’t really offer much in terms of insight, but sometimes I feel aground, mostly I’m sure I’m shipwrecked. But that raises another question: Can you be fixed so that you may sail again? No ship can fix itself.

How about you push the ship harder? Or take the ship apart bow to stern and build something smaller, faster, and just as seaworthy? Build a raft and take your chances out on the open sea rather than stay on the island and die? Overlooked, you know where I’m going with this. As a sailor, I’ll even take it further. The ocean, too, is like a woman: sometimes calm and majestic, sometimes turbulent and scary. Sometimes you hit the doldrums and are stuck out in the open sea with nothing else in sight. Other times, you get more breeze than you asked for and get blown off course. And the ocean can swallow you up and never spit you back out, if it wants to or if you can’t steer through it. And if you’ve experienced this, then you’ve done more than most. Because the ocean is not neccessarily for the smartest or the richest, it is for the bravest. Always has.

Be brave.

mmmm Brave… I feel like I’ve been adrift at sea forever wandering aimlessly wondering what is gonna happen next.

Lucy: Thank you. You make me smile. That is all I can ever ask of you. Have a Merry Christmas.

All of you, Have a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you want to rightfully celebrate. Godspeed.

As far as the ship analogy…. I’m capsized.

Merry Christmas Jimmy. ) Merry Christmas everyone.

Hey Jimmy before you capsized were ya sea sick? I’m just lookin for the signs when I’m going flip over…. oh wait, i’m in a kayak, they roll back don’t they…damn i’m just going to look like a wet rat.. Keep smilin. Have a Merry Merry Christmas…

Merry Christmas everyone! I’m off for some stressful holiday cheer withh the family! Bring on the egg nog!

Merry Christmas to everyone.

I hope the best wishes for all of you.

Most ships are left on land until someone fixes them up and takes an interest in them. With so many good looking nice young boats that women could get that are already ready to set sail. I have to think that this old boat with the broken stern that has lost direction needs a lot of work and is not very enticing!

Re: Chad

Wats up, what happened?

nothing i was simply commenting on the analogy overlooked made in a comment today. Its very insightful you should read it and give your opinioin!

Re: Chad

It is deep but yet very true. But I do not know who I am though with this analogy because each one have different approaches that can lead to the same conclsuion.

I don’t know Dee it is just a lonely time. The holidays are so hard to face by yourself!

Re: Chad

I know it is very hard, I am trying to keep myself busy I amwriting a 20 pages paper to one of my class, but I will be off from school for a whole month so I will try to find myself a good things to do

sounds good Dee, I hope you enjoy your days off. I will be trying to stay busy as well!

What I can do more,,, nothing I guess

We can only take it day by day and hope things get better. That is the best we can do!

You are right, like now for example it is almost 3 am in New York and I am still up trying to do some stuff.

Beauty, ladies and gentlemen. Beauty is what gets you “there”.

Read some comments around the net about beauty and a common line I kept seeing over and over was “Beauty can only get you so far”. How far is so far? Because in my experience, genetically superior people (hot) have a truckload of benefits as opposed to those who are plain looking.

You, of course, already know what I’m talking about. Landing a job interview is just the start. But looking deeper you’ll realize that if you had the looks, dating would be the last of your worries. Sure, it can still be an issue.
Aha, if you are a woman, chances are you will get lots of dumb men chasing you, but so what? Sooner or later you’d meet that one guy that is ok. Downside is that if you are unattractive you still get to bump into lots of morons, but you actually have to work for it. Ironic.

But let’s be honest:
How many times have you walked down the street and seen a good looking person (male of female) and felt very attracted? You could almost call it love, right?

That person will surely have it way easier to get to your heart rather than someone who you thought was unattractive and simple.
It’s like having two plates served at the restaurant. One that looks terribly messy and made by a newly assigned chef or one that looks made just for you – attractive, delicious and… you get the idea.

And another cliche that I’ve heard countless times. Beautiful people are stupid, shallow, unmotivated.
That is a load of bullocks. Yeah, some might be, but the same can be said about the rest, no? Imagine a good looking person with intelligence. It’s not a rare sight at all. I know quite a few actually. It’s staggering and deep down it makes me feel inferior. No way I will ever look that good, because the dice have been thrown. You get what you get, but it’s still unfair, isn’t it?

Some of us have to go through life with their plain looks and have our chances of meeting someone special greatly reduced while other don’t even have to make an effort. And, no, don’t make the assumption that a person who would judge you by your appearance at first glance is shallow. Uh-huh. You do it every day. We all do. It is in our nature to strive for the best.

Don’t know about you, but that makes me feel bitter. I don’t hate good looking people, although I do envy them a good deal. I want to drop on my knees and go cry to god or whomever, but no one cares and there’s no one who’ll listen so we’re on our own.

I’m convinced that average (and above) intelligence and average (and below) looks are a terrible combination when it comes to relationships. You are smart enough to realize how helpless you are.

My only condolence in times like these: I’ve got my sight, my senses and all my limbs working. Many people don’t have luxury.

Just a thought…

Oh, Merry Christmas, folks.

Merry Christmas Everyone and Happy Holidays

Merry christmas everyone! I hope you all got some nice gifts!

Merry christmas to you as well, Yup I got some nice one

Well, another Christmas in the books. Not too bad, since I got to spend with all the people that matter to me.
I had enough of a good time that I didn’t have much of a chance to feel lonely, although my brother and his wife were extra snuggly at times.

Yesterday, I got a message from a new girl on eHarmony, so maybe that’ll be the one, right?
I’m sort of over the whole “I must be ugly” thing, since of the 5 people I’ve communicated with through that site, all of them contacted me first. So they saw my photo, and read my profile, and decided to make the first move, so to speak.

Here goes nothing…

Oh, and Happy Holidays to all of you guys, you’re still more or less the only friends I have.

Re: Overlooked

We will always be your friends

Its not how many friends you have overlooked its how good the friends are you have. In a short amount of time a common problem has bonded us as good friends and if you think about it I think we all talk about everyday. So I would say you got a pretty good group of friends here. Good luck again on the eharmony thing!

Re: Chad

I agree with you chad, and yeah overlooked best of luck in e-harmony I know couple of people who meet their partners through it and it is working with them perfectly.

No matter what, Overlooked, have a good time.

I’d like to wish everyone on this post a HAPPY NEW YEAR and
also a PROSPEROUS one. I sincerely hope we all find what we’re looking for in the coming year! Best Wishes, Hank

chad,
Quality over quantity has always been my preference, but in the real world, I don’t have any friends at all. Literally.
Like a lot of you have maybe discovered, social networks tend to break down after high school.
The great friends that I had have all moved very far away.

So when I say that you guys are my only real friends, I’m being serious.

My bestest friends live hundreds if not thousands of miles from me. I have good friends where I live now, took me some time after I moved up here to make them.

Christmas with the family was fun. Had alot of family to visit in a short amout of time and alot of area to cover. Drove a good 500 miles in 3 days (UGGH)
Surprisingly I feelin pretty good, crossed over the VT line….. and all hell breaks lose, with the car that is. So, I’m stuck on the side of the road, waited for and hour and a half for a tow truck FREEZING… a cop stayed with me for about 10 minutes and lit some flares. He had to leave,He had cop stuff to do..I wished him well and to be safe and have happy new year and I also asked for him to make me feel better by pulling over a speeding tourist and give em a ticket for me. I’m glad he had a sense of humor.
And there are ALOT of tourists this weekend coming up to ski after christmas. AND NONE OF THEM know how to drive.

Is this year over yet?
I hope and pray and wish with all my might that 2010 is a great year. FOR EVERYONE.
(sigh)
Now I’m going to have another cocoa and kahlua calm me nerves and warm me bones.

Overlooked,
I was not making fun of you. Your comments are very good and I enjoy your insight. I really do consider you and the other members of this site friends. We have shared a lot of feelings and emotions here and I think that is a foundation for some great friendships!

RE:

We are good friends we share things that we do not share with anyone else. I have like 230 friends but I never shared with them anything because I am a type of a friend that like to listen to my friends problems and find for them solutions rather than they listen to my problems, that is why I consider you all guys very close friends of mine.Because here I can do both.

Hey Lucy, better thab being in the same plane as that guy in Detroit that tried to light something off. Though I’ve been in that situation befor, that thought would not have been much consolation. Hey things can only get better, eh?

Dee, be selfish sometimes. Only you can take care of you.

Overlooked, how went the rest of your day?

chad, I wasn’t insulted at all, don’t worry.

As for the rest of my day, I’ve been laid up with the flu since Christmas Eve, so I’ve been playing solitaire(I know, I should slow down, but I just like to get crazy sometimes) and sitting at the computer.

On the plus side, that new girl on eHarmony and I have been sending messages back and forth all day, and she seems pretty cool so far. She’s 23, but seems mature for her age, probably because she’s got a 3 year old.

So, who knows right?

Just remember overlooked we all think your an awesome guy here! Let this girl see that side of you and see will be hooked. On a plus note a woman who passed me up was telling one of the ladies at my job that I am really cute and really a nice guy and the girl at work told her that I am really cute and a great guy and that she messed up by letting me get away. That totally made my day!

Reel her in, chad.

You’re in demand now.

That is really nice.

My best friend alwats says she wish she was a guy to date me.

Chad and overlooked are in demand now

That girl had a chance and that chance is over. I may not be the greatest catch but I am definitely not a backup plan for anyone. I would rather be single than be tied up with someone who likes me one day and is not sure the next. I just enjoyed seeing karma in action!

chad

I like your attitudes, yes you are not a backup or any one of us we are good people who desrve good people. If they lose us once they lose us forever.

Is holidays time but I have been sitting on my chair for the last 4 days writing two papers that i do not understand anything about, I do not know what should I do with my life seriousely, life is too hard or success is not easy

Aiden: my luck this year I would have been on a flight like that and the guy was lucky I wasn’t on it. He’d have a crazed red-headed muppet on his hands saying I’ve had ENOUGH! And my frustrations of the year would have been taken out on that moron. (and then my car would have broke down on the way home from the airport) my friend would beat me now for being negative. I’m not suppose to be. (things are going to get better, things are going to get better, things are going to get better…)

Good luck Overlook on Eharm with this girl, but remember slow and easy, be friends. Your a great catch. Time getting to know you will let her see that.

Lucy,
redheaded muppet? Are you made of felt or something? Or maybe your nose is detachable?

As far as the eHarmony thing, I’m being realistic about the whole thing. We seem to have the important things in common, and the rest is stuff I’d be interested in anyways. Time, it seems, is what we definitely have a lot of.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this to you guys before, but I won’t be officially divorced until April. This girl said she doesn’t know yet if she’s comfortable dating someone who’s still married. So I figure we’ll just keep in contact for a while and see what happens from there.

I think it’s a good thing.

Lucy, I’m glad I didn’t route through Detroit. My trip home went smooth except for mecanical trouble that kept me in Bahrain for 24 hours (on the ground, luckily).

Overlooked, just keep it honest. These days, quite a number of people date folks who are on the way out of a marriage. Just be sure that OUT is where you are headed, and reassure the girl that she’s not a rebound.

Hiya folks…hope everyone is hanging in there. Been a rough holiday but I survived. Definitely had a bad case of the lonelies. A little frustrated to be the one who has to initiate the well wishes…be nice if someone would call or email first but what can ya do. I know folks get wrapped up in their own lives but man, you shouldn’t forget those who are alone for whatever reason…don’t assume they have plans or family around. If you know someone that shares your boat (and we all do), pick up the phone and say hello, make plans. They’ll appreciate it and you’ll feel better and have something to look forward to.

Should I even ask what everyone’s New Years plans are? Nina, my hopes are that at least those go well for you, and that you find yourself in good company.

Ahh, New Years, never liked it. I cannot remember a New Years Eve that I have gone out and enjoyed myself. Or, want to do something I’ve always wanted to do and have it ruined. So a good night for me is to stay home, lock the doors, make a great meal and watch a good movie.
New Years day, well, I’m house committee at a club and we have a Membership party. 2 hrs open bar and food. So I’ll be working, then working my 2nd job rest of the weekend.

Aiden, I’m glad your home safe and sound!

Overlooked: Animal the drummer …. we’re twins…. lol

My best New Years was 1992, I went to the Limelight in NYC and I think Lords of Acid was there. Fun stuff.

Right now, I’m in San Diego but I live in Washington State. Don’t know where I’ll be New Years, but dinner and a movie sounds good. Too many crazies out on the road.

Your New Years sounds like it has potential. Enjoy it safely.

No worries, Aiden, I’ve made it quite clear that I’ll never be going back to my ex. We’ve been separated for 8 months now, and haven’t had contact of any kind in 3.

Hey Overlooked..from a legal aspect you need to be careful dating when your divorce isn’t final. In the event your ex could catch wind (although it certainly sounds as that is’t the case) it is something that can be used against you. Just check with your lawyer if there is any question.

@Aidan: Thanks my friend. Last year was my best NYE ever as I went to New Orleans. Fireworks over the Mississippi, seeing some of my favorite musicians play at Tipatinas, lotsa dancing and fat breakfast near sunrise. Followed by a day at Fairgrounds racetrack. It was heaven. That place is just good for the soul and very easy to meet folks. This year I see being the norm….hot date with Dick Clark and my cats and a pint of B&J. NYE is just a tough holiday and I have spent most of them at home and too many alone. Even if you find something to do, with it being amateur night, you need to stay where you go so you don’t get hit by a drunk. Neighbor of mine got creamed last night by a 22 year old. They survived with broken ribs. But the kid was so drunk he got out of his car and asked what happened…he had passed out.

hey Guys how are you doing today?

Dee, I just woke up after a five hour nap. I’m so jet lagged and craving a pizza and a coke Icee right now.

Mmmmm sound delicious , It is funny for the last couple of days I do not sleep but I only take naps which is funny because I never did

A pizza and a coke do sound good. As for new years I have to agree my best times on new years are staying home and watching movies. I like the fourth of july much more. January is just to cold!

Dee: you’re studying, so sleep becomes a luxury best enjoyed whenever you could get it. I remember those days . . . Mountain Dew and gyros from the grease truck were my best friends.

Chad: someday I’ll spend NYE in a warm place like Thailand or Ibiza. But San Diego is nice during the day so it may still be fun.

Chad:

I really enjoy spending the new year eve with my parents and my best friends in my house I still can see the ball dropping from the balaconi I do not take the risk of going out and getting hit by drunk people.

Fourth of july I love it because I was born 7.7 so it is always an early celebration for my birthday but every year I am someone else house but last year I spend it with my parents because I fot to see the firework too.

Aiden

I am a school addict for some reasons I can not live with out school. I graduated 2008 with the idea that I will be out from school for 4 years the next thing you know I applied for grad school and was enrolled in 3 months.

I just finished with my last paper which was 20 pages about Camp David I cried so much last night because of the numbers if paper I wrote this semester. I am still little hang with my school schudle I have nor been able to adjust for my normal life,

How was your Monday guys?

Pretty boring Dee, just enjoying time off. How was your day?

Boring Boring Boring and pretty stress

I’m still out with the flu, so I had the day off. I’ll still be sick tomorrow too, but I’m still going to work. Stupid need for money… >inaudible grumbles<

I know for some reasons life is hard when you are single I swear

Monday… snow…. monday night, sore throat…. AGAIN… Tuesday back at work wind and snow (grumbling like overlooked) And I like snow! tired of being sick though

Hey guys how are you today? How are you today Lucy and overlooked from the cold? and how are you Chad still bored

Well I stole a page from overlookeds book and started online dating. I sent out a lot of emails and got about six replies back. So I replied and eventually they all stopped replying altogeather. I am convinced that being a nice guy is forbidden in this world. The more respectful and nice I try to be the less desirable I am. I’m starting to think being single is a good thing. It better be because I am going to be single for a long time unless something dramatic happens.

Ohh wow Chad well, online dating sometimes work. but just be careful.

Yesterday me and my friend were walking in the city and complaining about being singles then I realized it is not our loss to be singles I think it is the loss of New York guys who do not ask us out

I completely agree with you Dee. You r an excellent catch!

ohh no I did not mean that but thanks a lot. I meant we always say why and what is wrong with us not having someone but in reality it is their loss of not having us. I stopped thinking why I am not dating because I realized that their is nothing wrong with me to fix unless I am not seeing it.

Hey Dee.
I’m feeling better for the most part, thanks.
Chad, I wish online dating was a sure bet, but the only thing it does is guarantee certain qualities that you’re looking for, unfortunately it has no grasp of chemistry.

I’m a little worried about this latest girl on eHarmony. She hasn’t written me back in 2 days. The others all just stopped writing altogether, so I’m afraid this one either lost interest or met someone out in the real world. Neither would surprise me.

I just wish I could go out somewhere and meet people face-to-face. It sucks nowadays, because the only place to meet singles who are looking to meet other singles is at a bar setting. The problem there, is that no one seems really serious about finding someone special. It’s all about flings and one night stands.

overlooked and Chad, well do not worry guys you may find some good people. But it depend of how you present yourselves in your profiles.

Tips
Another point if you really really like a girl she may not be a subscriber to replay back so you can create an email account or send her your personal email to stay in touch.

you do not have to mention you are looking for a serious relationships start your first option friends and dating because sometimes girls do not respond well when you are too honest they feel less confident/

Well guys and girls I just don’t put a lotta faith in meeting someone anymore. If it happens it happens but I’ve wasted to much time wondering and worrying. These feelings of doubt can’t haunt me anymore. I just deserve better and I’ll get better or enjoy my life on my own. I have had the same luck as you overlooked so we are both freaks or just two normal guys unlucky in love. I choose to believe choice number two!

You are normal guys but unlucky in love, like us all here we normal but we do not have too much luck.

Life is funny, when we stop looking for love we find love, and when we seek it, it runs away.

I entirely relate to this blog. I had the lonlyest christmas ever.

Unlucky, I know that word well. I think it’s my middle name.
I’ve tried the Eharmony thing, I didn’t like it. I wasn’t connecting with anyone. Don’t let those advertisements get your hopes up. Where I live I think alot differently than alot of folks around here so that makes things all the more difficult.
Love is rare, finding that someone to fill in those empty spaces inside you isn’t so easy whether you do it on line or in a grocery store in the producce asile.
Don’t get discouraged. Think of it as searching for a lost treasure.

I had a Great Aunt that didn’t get married until she was in her 50′s and she was a great lady. It was before the days of computers. She must have had plenty of feelings like the rest of us here but had no one to talk to about it.
Keep the faith guys.

Well as the past year comes to an end it gives me pause for thought.

I spent this past year chasing my tail again, at least half a dozen encounters with guys only to end up with nothing yet again. Frustrating to say the least.

I had a bunch of married guys wanting to find someone to cheat with, a bunch of too young immature guys wanting just to fool around, and a bunch of weirdos with psychological baggage. All in all not a good turnout.

The icing on the cake came last week.

I have a local hangout around the corner that I like to go to. They have good food, a friendly atmosphere and it is close to home and inexpensive.

So those boring lonely nights I can go there to chill watch the hockey game and chit chat with the regulars.

I became friendly with a couple of the patrons, through mutual interests and just by coming by a few times a week.

I am a very warm person, I love to engage in conversations and am very empathetic I am told.

Now what has happened, by no intentions on my part a couple of the guys have gotten the wrong impression and have told me they have feelings for me.

This is very flattering, but totally unwanted. I am in no way at all attracted to anyone of them and they have totally misread my friendship.

Even my my little haven for company is now an uncomfortable place to go to.

I never put out a vibe of interest to these guys and yet now one in particular is really coming on strong, going to the lengths of telling me he thinks he is in love with me. Totally unwanted!

Is is that difficult for men to get a read on a woman’s demeanor?

I gave out absolutely no signal of interest whatsoever, I know because there is no interest.

So the frustration that began the year now ends it.

I liked 2 guys I met this year and they were the only 2 that were not interested. How’s that goin for ya????

Let’s hope 2010 is a better one. From my lips to God’s ears.

livid,
The average guy needs a girl more than she needs a guy. Here’s my theory on the whole subject, one which I have formulated both from observation and experience:

Girls are pretty. Guys are not. This isn’t something that can be argued, it’s just fact.
Girls know they’re pretty, just as guys know they are not. I don’t mean in a conceited or vain way for the girls.
Because girls are pretty it puts them in charge of all things sexual. Girls decide how far and how fast a relationship goes, or if one will begin at all.
Since guys are aware of this it immediately puts them in one of 2 initial mindsets: offensive or defensive. Offensive guy is threatened by your power, and seeks to put you on the defensive to make himself in charge(the married guys that want you for sex and nothing else). Defensive guy wants you to make the move, because he knows it’s ultimately your decision whether or not things happen(this is me, more or less).
With this guy at your local hangout, he falls into a 3rd category that I once found myself in: Desperate guy.
Desperate guy can’t distinguish a friend who is a girl from a girlfriend. If a girl is nice to desperate guy, his first thought is ‘Finally, a girl that likes me’. Unfortunately, many guys find themselves in this position. They’re so desperate to find anyone that they’ll cling to the first girl that’s nice to them(especially if she’s pretty), misinterpreting her simple kindness as some form of attraction(This is what I did that landed me in a disaster of a marriage, something I’m not proud of, for certain).
Furthermore, desperate guy isn’t likely to care about who you are as a person. This type will often feel attracted to you, simply because he thinks that you are attracted to him. Strange, but true. He may think he likes or even loves you, but it’s a distinct possibility that it’s a psychosomatic reaction.

I think it stems from the fact that for men to be happy in a relationship, they need to be admired first.

It’s a bit convoluted, so let’s review: Guy in local hangout misinterprets your kindness for attraction(through a mixture of his own insecurities and the fact that you’re pretty). This falsehood leads to him believing that you admire him(something he craves). This, in turn, makes him like you.

I hope this helps livid.
(DISCLAIMER: I, the author, make no such claim that the above analysis is a factual representation of all persons, and that individual circumstances may override any points made therein.)

Interesting, Overlooked, but I have one question, what characterizes the defensive guy.

For example, wanting for the girl to make the first move. I thought men were supposed to make the first move?

What is a “move” anyway?

If I like a guy what am I supposed to do?

If a guy likes you and is attracted to you, isn’t he supposed to make himself known?

I’m so confused!!!!!

Ps. to Ovelooked,

I have heard this before, that women determine relationships. I disagree, I have really liked certain guys and would have loved to get to know them better, but THEY were simply not into me.

So to say that women determine relationships is simply not the case, as I see it.

Wish I had that kind of power I just do not.

Livid: You are correct. Both genders control the cards. Secondly, if you like the guy and he doesn’t make the first move because he is “defensive,” he is not being true to his gender. You are looking for a MAN. The guy that made the move on you that is unwanted is the type you are looking for. Granted, this particular chap you have no interest in needs to hear from you I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. Livid honey, men do not understand subtlety. We need to be hit with the sledgehammer to get things. And if he is still doesn’t get the picture, you call the cops dear.

For me: if I make the first move towards a woman and it isn’t well received, I MOVE ON.

The simple answer, Ms. Livid, is to not worry about the rules. If you find yourself being attracted or interested to someone you can flirt and hope that he’s either interested or not oblivious to the obvious or worried about rejection. Or you can step to him and talk. Start simple and keep it that way. I know that you have been getting misread and so you would give up a certain measure of comfort and control if you make the first move. But you seem to be a smart gal, Livid, just use your head and be ready to call it off smartly when it looks to be headed in a direction you don’t wait.

If a tiger waits for his meal to come to him, the meal will run away and he will starve to death.

By the way, good morning all. And shouldn’t you guys be at work?

Now for overlooked et al:

Dude, seriously, you need to drop the mindset that you have no control over anything in regards to women. Yeah girls are pretty….SO WHAT. Guys are awesome. You need to go into situations with apositive attitude and knowing that you will win and if you don’t, that woman is too blinded to see your worth. Please please please stop being subservient to women because that is one quality that they hate and won’t respect you for. I am not saying to be an asshole, I’m not saying to not be you nice self, I’m just saying this:

1. Do not be a doormat
2. Develop an edge (if she doesn’t call.. oh well, her loss)
3. Be a gentleman, but look for her to come halfway
4. Always have backup plan, if you get stiffed on a date, go out with some friends and have fun. (keep your mind off it)
5. Drop all perceptions
“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is – infinite”- William Blake

6. Find some hobbies.

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.

In conclusion, you control your own fate… to a degree. God has a plan for you, but sometimes, you need to create your own luck.

Godspeed and Happy New Year,

Jimmy

Livid: There is something about you that turns me on.

God bless ya, Jimmy, well said.

I had the same issues with guys you think you were friends with, then the next thing ya know they come out of left field with something so unexpected and there goes a perfectly good friendship (sigh). The first time that happened to me the guy was married, and we worked together. That made things uncomfortable, unfortunately, I coudn’t stop going to work.

I don’t think its easy to say that any side, male or female, determines a relationship.
I always liked to be asked myself. Still looking for the hero on the white horse.

2009 held no dates for me since I was sick most of the year with cancer and had my share of chemo and radiation.
No one was wanting to be making any “moves” on me, with my tubes of toxic chemicals and my daily trips to the room with a machine that reminded me of Opitmus Prime.
I certainly had no moves to make on anyone either. Unless…, hey.. “Would you like to have lunch by the glow of radiation room 3? The glow is really lovely around noon.”

2010… it has to get better…….

Aiden: I’m at work… Its sooooo quiet here today…..

Everyone’s out and about here, gone for the holidays. I have just one appointment then the rest of the day is mine. Am spending the weekend with a friend but until then, I have to fill my days up.

I hope for a speedy and complete recovery for you. With your situation, I wonder if you’re in a contemplation stage right now. Not just about your own mortality but even any possible relationships down the road. It will all have to mean something more, something to hold on tight to.

Am recovering nicely thankyou. Will still have lingering side effects and those pesky emotional issues that goes along with the BS of it all. It was definately a mind blowing experience this time around.

I think its made my expectations higher therefore more difficult to achieve. But since I’m adrift out at sea might as well seach for sunken treasure right? When it happens (note to everyone, I said “when” not “if” it happens) it will be like winning the lottery. Of course more than likely I’ll be in a nursing home by then wondering what robe to wear to dinner.

Oh, stop it, Lucy;) You will see people differently, through different eyes. Our experiences sharpen our eyes.

Oh, have no fear, humor is what keeps me going, keeps me somewhat on the saner side of life. Never would have survived all these years without it. With the nursing home was actually seeing myself getting tossed out for betting on wheelchair races……

Even through our darkest hour there is always some light to be found. There is always an UP when you feel your going down. For everything bad there is something good, we just have to look for it in each situation you find yourself in.

I find that with each experience I go through it brings something new to the table, that will continue to change how I view people and the world around me.

A never ending learning process of life.

Whoa everyone. Didn’t any of you read my disclaimer? I never said my theory was universal fact. Everyone is different, leading different lives that bring about different circumstances.
My theory, as I said, was formulated through both experience and observation.

Jimmy, I’m not in that particular mindset anymore. Do I still get down? Sure. Do I blame women for it? No. Luck is what’s to blame, in that I just haven’t had any.

Personally, I refuse to be controlled, be it in a relationship or just the courting process. No longer can I abide being the one who waits for the phone call, prays the pretty girl over there will approach me, or be just another 5th wheel. I’ve had it with all that crap, and if it means I’ll be alone until I’m dead, so be it.

If it wasn’t for humor I don’t know how I’d keep it together.Unfortunately some people don’t get it when
I try to inject a little humor into the conversation.
Hey gals, is it true that a guy with a sense of humor
is somewhat of a turnoff? Is the tough guy persona
the way to go? I’m confused about this. Maybe there
are too many hicks in my area. Keep your sense of humor
Lucy,it’s good to laugh once in a while. Especially
when lonliness is always knocking at the door.

That’s why, overlooked, I would just throw caution to the wind and just act on impulse. There’s just too many rules and games, it’s mind numbing bullshit. Amazing anyone ever gets together. I imagine the bookshelf of these people loaded with self help trendy relationship crap and probably mixing up The Rules with Mars and Venus On A Date!!!

Furthermore livid,
It’s a terrible burden for a lot of guys that we have to always initiate contact.
Constantly putting yourself in emotional danger like that can weigh very heavy. The pressure can simply be too much for defensive guy.
Defensive guy is insecure, for one reason or another, he’s not good with women, so what makes it worse? Now he’s being asked to seek out rejection(in his mind, trying=failure).

For a girl to approach first can be enough of a breath of fresh air to reinforce his self-esteem, and allow him to relax.

A few months after I left my wife, I was at my local pub getting my drink on, very much being the desperate guy at that point. Out of the blue, this very nice looking pair of girls walked up to me and started a conversation. At first, I thought they must have mistaken me for someone they know. but sure enough, they actually wanted to meet me.
Neither one hit on me or said/did anything suggestive. They sat next to me and we hung out all night.

That single event was the first step from desperate guy to normal guy. It cemented for me that I’m not repulsive. I’m just a guy.

God, could you imagine all of us on Dr. Phil? lol what a show that would make…

Hank, I think a guy with a sense of humor is great, not a turnoff at all. Life is serious enough.
And laughter and smiles are good for people.

Do you think my neighbors will think me odd if I leave my xmas lights up (and on) for the next few months? I like the lighting, that nice, soft, warm glow (as its 8 degrees outside and dropping). I just put all these darn things up and now I have to take them down? (sigh) After Friday the rest of the street is going to go dark.

Lucy,

You can be the odd one why not? who cares you like it so leave it, do not think of what might people say. They will always keep talking for no reasons

We could be Dr. Phils project of the year if he can get all of us into a normal and happy relationship he should get a free pass into heaven. Lets face it I have to be funny and laugh at myself. If I did’nt laugh I’d be crying!

Overlooked I hate approaching women for the simple fact of rejection. I usually avoid it.

Chad you are funny man , imagine if we all in doctor Phills show then at the end he may match us all together given the facts that we all nice people , but when we can do it?

I doubt Dr. Phil would be able offer any fresh insight into our shared situation.
He’d just preach all that usual crap about loving yourself first, and how you shouldn’t need someone else to make you happy.

Ya he would have us all crying and throw down his microphone and say “I can’t work miracles” as he leaves the set!

Dr: Phills have his own problems

Ok guys,so a question, at the end of 2009 mention 5 things you did good for yourselves or others and 5 things you thought you may do better or handle well.

Dee: I actually hope it makes all the neighbors talk. I actually think its going to be funny, like how some types of folks freak if you wear white after labor day.

And about Dr. Phil, I actually think he’s a dork. I think the bunch of us could easily pick him apart and leave him crying.

(5) Things I did good for myself? There’s only one, I survived 2009.
For others? That’s easy…
*A handful of us served over 80 Vets dinner to show our thanks for their service.
*I put on a kids halloween party for the community, that was alot of fun.
*I put on a kids christmas party, Santa came and gave 54 kids gifts.
*Delivered fruit baskets to the seniors in the local nursing homes and care packages to the Vets at the VA for Xmas.
*Did numberous fund raisers for a camp the 13 lodges in our state runs for exceptional people in the summer time.
*On the scholarship committee for kids in my community
*Just signed up as a charter memeber with the Boy Scouts of America Venturing group (basically boy scouts on steroids)
*Planning our senior dinner we’re having in a few weeks, we’ll serve 125+ seniors in our community in nursing homes and assisted living a great meal (with gifts too)
*Working with the Wounded Warrior program so at the end of next summer when the campers leave, about 50 or so wounded warriors will be flown in from around the country and stay at the camp for a week.
*OHHHH yeah, 5 of us right now are busy putting together our membership appreciation for the New Year. Tomorrow we have a huge buffett (we’re cooking most of it today and this evening) an open bar for 2 hours and we’ll get anywhere from 2-300 members to show up.

ooops I think thats more than 5…

OMG, someone just gave me a potato gun for Christmas….I love it!

Re: Lucy

That is great Lucy keep the good work. I wish I live in such a community like yours, my community is very business oriented like Wall Street type, you do not really know what is going on and you see your neighbor once a year but for elders who live here I always keep on eye and check on them usually because I do like them a lot, every time I visit one of them I always learn something new about New York City and how it changed dramatically.

I feel bad for people who have plans today. New York is white now and it will keep snowing until next year

It’s all white here in southeastern PA too. After the holidays it can go right into spring for me. Don’t have any plans for tonight as usual. My brother flew in from
the west coast so we’ll probably party at home and listen
to some tunes. Music is one of our only outlets. I hope
everyone has a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I’m pretty bummed about tonight.
The biggest party of the year.
Even if had someplace to go, I’m too sick to actually go.
I’ll be alone tonight, as always. I won’t even bother watching the clock or counting down. The only thing I have to look forward to in 2010 is a finalized divorce.

Imagine my excitement…

Re:

I am throwing everything old even my old dairies everything bad thing remind me with last decade not last year only. so I have a pretty busy day before Midnight

I’m going to catch hell for it. I’m suppose to go to a party. I so don’t want to. I’m tired its been a long day, and I have a long day tomorrow. And I just don’t want to have to go put on my happy face. Just not feelin it. I have my lights on, have a Lucy Loco Cocoa or two…do some shoveling and wait for tomorrow, more snow, more shoveling and the feeding of the herd we call a lodge.
Too bad I can’t see the moon, it would make shoveling outside nice.
Overlooked, have a hot toddy and when you wake up in the morning its a new start.

Everyone, have a healthy, magical, happy new year.

I am doing laundry and my goal is to finish before the Midnight so I can have a clean start lol, I do not if it is going help hhhhhh

A Happy and safe New Year to all of you. I’m just in my hotel room, sipping a Coke, watching Cartoon Network. It’s not a party, and I won’t get a kiss out of it, but it will do nicely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8tcM87tBsc&feature=related

A little something to get the party started.

Aiden, cartoons make everything better, even if just for a short while.

Omg, how funny, I’ve been sitting here watching Family Guy… It’s peanut butter jelly time…

I like it too, I love cartoons, it is the only thong make me laugh hard

Thong, Dee? You have either laundry on the brain, or sex on the brain;)

Lucy, Andrew W.K. is the dude. The songs may be throwaway but they are so infectious.

And peanut butter jelly sandwhiches sound about good right now. And rum aand coke.

Overlooked, a divorce can be a new lease on life if you let it. Even though, after this week, I’m apt to think it’s the confusing shit we left behind the first time when we got married.

I think it’s a good time to watch A Night at The Roxbury.

Lucy, now that you mention it . . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jevOuAyYnoc&feature=related

To all the ladies who might not be getting one in a few hours . . . . . .

SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!

Re: Aiden you made my day ohh my God, you made me laugh sooooooooo much my parents were asking me why all of this laugh coming from. No I wish I have six on my mind, it just do not come often since I have been single for the longest hhhhhhh

If you don’t watch what you say, I’ll catch it;)

Lol Aiden English like my third language so I am trying my best though but I always have something that comes out like that

Freudian Slip?

Well thank you Aiden…:0)

We have 50 minutes to go here on the east coast…
and I wasn’t going to stay up, but here I am…

Hows that rum and coke going?
I’ll raise ya a tequila..

oh..and the PB & J time… thats the episode I was watching earlier.. i love it…

I have Maker’s mark, actually, Lucy. I like a good bourbon, neat. Not too much, though, since I don’t like to drink alone. A toast!!!

3 hours and 46 minutes til New Years here on the West Coast.

we have 12 min left God I can not wait eating
ice Cream

MMMMMMMMM . . . . Ice Cream. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

Yup what is better than Ice Crea,

Happy New Yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr here we go 2010

happy new years on the east Coast!!!

sex, is that a new card game? I think I remember hearing about it before! Happy new year everyone! I hope this is our year!

Happy New Year!!!

Happpppppppppy New Year, Yes it should be our year. I am happy to spend my new year eve,

Sex is the game is not new

And for you west coasters (Aiden)
I’ll have an extra toast now before I hit the hay and one tomorrow.
Dee… what kind of Ice cream? put a little cream de menth on it.. yumm
Chad: new card game? I heard a rumor it was for at least two or more players.
Have a good night everyone!

A toast. Glug! Glug! Glug!

Sex is the game with a bonus.

if you’re tiger woods, it’s golf with 3 extra holes.

Lucy you are so nice and funny, I put all creams on it it was Haagen Dazs it was good.

You are right this game need too, well lets be Optimism, and we will find the one.

Aiden you are enjoying yourself in the West Coast are not you.

I thought you were married though?

On the outs, it was before I left but I tried to salvage it. It will at least be amicable. We let the things that mattered least compromise the things that mattered most.

I live in Washington State, but I had to demobilize here in San Diego. I fly back the 4th.

If I sound jolly, it’s because I never lose my humor aand because my wife and I made our peace. But, trust me, the whole single thing has me thinking. I don’t want to relive my single days: I want to do it . . . . differently.

That is really nice, Wow Washington State is far I always wanted to go

it’s pretty.

I heard a lot of good things about it

Washington is very green, and the air is a lot cleaner than Jersey. It is very grey during the fall annd winter, though, so a lot of people have seasonal affective disorder there. And it rains more than it snows during that time.

I will come visit this year well New York is the exact opposite

I know, I love New York . . . . . though I have not seen it in a decade. It would feel weird to be in New York again and not see the towers . . . . eerie, in fact.

Yes I know it is very sad I know.

If you visit, let me know.

Thanks I will def maybe in March

Happy New Year West Coast

happy new year east coast

Thought I would share, The 2010 Contract:

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy

May the problems you had, forget your home address!
In simple words ………….

May 2010 be one of the best years of your life!

LOL!!!

Re: Lucy Amin Amin

What is Amin Amin, Dee?

I meat Amen is like when you pray you ending your praying with Amen Amen right?

Aiden you are not easy

Like Kate Bush once sang, I’m the man with a child in his eyes . . . . and just as curious. I notice the little things. usually.

So, how did 2009 end for me? I couldn’t put it here because of it’s length but I finally committed it to print. It’s the one called A Cross in The Sand:

http://notsosmugsingleton.blogspot.com/

Ohh wow I really enjoyed reading your blog and the story. I am trying to have a blog too to track my eating habits and losing weight. I am like the crap person you mentioned at the end but thank God I do not have nay sickness as of yet

A blog would serve your purposes well, Dee. It also gives you a support network once established. I would give it a go.
Hey, and now you know that I’m not just a cheerleader on this thread. But as you can see, it’s not always easy to convey what one goes through.

You really have a very unique writing style, like when people read your blog that can imagine it. That is hard to have now. I really liked your blog a lot.

I like to write on papers more so i do not know how the blog thing will work.

Just start, Dee. I would look at other fitness blogs as a start. Like this one, then look at the blogs they list.

http://maspikteruzim.wordpress.com./

And I’m not finished. Though I’m spoofing Trainspotting, I sometimes wait to go through things just so I can have the perspective.

Thanks a lot Aiden I will try to do one today and hopefully it can be done

Good luck, and happy blogging.

Thanks a lot I will keep you positing. Facebook is more than enough for me but I really can not blog

But I will try starting from today

Where is Chad today and overlooked I have not heard from them?

Having a good time I hope.
I’m beat. Had a long day. We fed alot of people today, over 300, they come out of the hills on January 1st. You mention 2 hour open bar and they’ll crawl in. And even though it snowed all day, it didn’t stop them. Suppose to get another 3 inches tonight and up to another 5 inches tomorrow. Great I have to work tomorrow at my other job. I hope its not busy!

It was 70-something degrees here, Lucy. Hee, Hee!!!

West Coast bothering East Coast, well we do not have hurricanes or Earth quakes guys Hee Hee Heeee

Actually, the East Coast gets hurricanes, Dee. Though people in washington do have that pesky volcano, and California has Ahnuld and wildfires and earthquakes.

Not like you guys.

What are you doing right now? Are you on break?

Yeap I am in a break and I am trying to define my 2010 resolutions.

How many have you defined, Dee?

I will stick to 4 to 6 things that I can really accomplish instead of many many things that I will never accomplish.

I have no resolutions. I’m greedy and want to accomplish everything;)

I can’t stop reading this cos i’ve been single i whole life as well. And i am just so F**KING sick of it. I need some counsel. feel free to email me if you wanna help me out. thank you.

Lol,

I want to lose weight but for real this time
I want to become a better writer
I want to start writing my book that i started but i never ended
I want to help more people
I want to be precious on my time “Be on Time”
I want to finish my Master with a 3.5 GPA not thinking of PhD yet

I really can not say I want to date because it is not me it is him my future mysterious guy

All reasonable and doable goals. As for the writing, write now and edit later, not the other way around.

LOL about the date thing . . . . . how does one make that a resolution? But as I’ve read, it may be a better thing to treat it as anything else and make it a mission and a mantra rather than something that just happens.

Mission impossible IV the will never be accomplished by me I wish I am bold to ask a person out or even flirt I do not have these skills

I wish I could help you there, but I only know the guy’s perspective. But as I told my son when he asked me the same question, get out there and strike conversations. “Hi” is a good start. you’re too worried about steps two and three when step one gets one foot in the door. Every pickup starts here. The one flirt you should work with first is with your eyes: once you make eye contact and smile, you must quickly act. And don’t do that for too long, or you’ll seem like a stalker.

BTW, you’re Arab or Egyptian, if I remember correctly. Their women have very powerful eyes. If that be you, work it.

Well i gotta date for Sunday! Here we go again. Trying my luck again!

We were wondering about you? Now where’s Overlooked?

You work fast in the New Year, Chad. Have a good time.

Aiden, Lol I am both an Egyptian Arab American you call it , I am do have good eyes so I will work it out once I feel I can do it I am always in a fear.

Congrats Chad hopefully it work out with you, even though I am a little jealous that we may miss you.

:(

Why Sad face Aiden it is a happy here

I was bouncing off of what you said to Chad that we may miss him if it works out. Of course, I’m happy for Chad, Dee;)

Hey guys,
Just figured I’d check in before bed tonight. I’m surprised you guys even noticed I hadn’t been around. It’s nice to be thought of. I had a pretty rough emotional day today. I was alone for the whole thing, and when I’m alone, I think too much. That’s always bad.
For some reason or another I remembered when I told my wife that I was leaving. Her expression, her reaction, her pleading, it cuts so deep. I hope you guys never have to put someone through that. The guilt I feel over that will probably never go away. It doesn’t help that it’s for the best either.

chad, good luck brother. If I had any success with women, I’d impart some wisdom. All I can say is that I hope it works out for you. I really do.

Dee, Aiden’s right about the eye thing and egyptian women. There’s a mystery there that most guys should want to solve. As a guy, the only thing I know that draws my attention is, first and foremost, eye contact. A guy will feel much more comfortable if he sees you notice him too.

Re: Aiden I did not mean it in a bad way at all I wish all of us one time go.:)

I have a warming eye for the most part

Re: Overlooked

Do not over think we know it is hard but we learn and I am sure it is better for both of you

I’m pretty sure I’m never hearing from that latest girl on eHarmony. It’s been 5 days since she sent me a message.

Maybe I should’ve offered her a coffee…

Hey Overlooked, the sad thing is that if you’re right about this, she won’t realize this until later. And right now, she can’t see past the pain. But she will see this, trust that. The alternative is a loveless marriage. Let your guilt go, next time will be better.

At the risk of sounding like a player (which I’m not), this is why you have to talk to a few women, and go on a few dates (Of course, be honest and forthright about it). That way, you’re not hanging off the silliness of another. Her coffee excuse was bullshit: I’ve never been somewhere to eat where I wasn’t offered coffee, drinks, or water. On to the next girl, Overlooked.

But then again, by that reasoning, she dates a lot of waiters;)

Maybe I should become a waiter…

=))

Or Juan Valdez.

Now what girl could possible say no to Juan Valdez? It’s perfect! Women beware, I’m comin’ ta getcha!

I think I’ll take my date a whole can of foldgers that way atleast she can’t say i did’nt offer her coffee.

I do not understand why it is very hard to find the someone decent

LOL!!! The Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBH0Bd9Z1VA

Now scream for your cream;)

Dee,
if anyone here knew why it’s so hard to find a decent person, we wouldn’t be here. We’d all be out on the town with our decent significant others.

Don’t worry Dee, you’ve still got me as your backup if you like.

Dee, nothing great ever comes easy. This applies to athletics, precious gems, awesome food, and people. And like all these things, you have to focus your efforts, balance your flavors, be intense, and be patient. And at least for a while, delay sex in the equation so that people actually have to woo you by other less obvious means.

Not that you do that, Dee . . . I probably should have worded that different. But people are in such a rush for that that a clear picture never forms.

Re: Overlooked thanks a lot I know , you are very nice:)

Re: Aiden I always delay sex all my life for the right person

I’ve only had two serious girlfriends in my lifetime, the last one became my wife. The rest were dates, flings, one night stands, and minor dalliances. Those aren’t good odds but that’s people for you. It’s like this with friends. I’ve been to a lot of places in this world and run into a lot of great people but a few of those became lasting friends. Not every shoe fits.

You are right Aiden, I only had one serious boyfriend then I quit after it but I am back again now

That’s the spirit, Dee.

We get to keep it up.

At the very least, it makes for funny stories over beers.

That is right, well hopefully this our year

Re: Tin

Ohh no do not feel depressed we are all here for the same reason and we are helping each other out. You can tell us a little about yourself and are you a female or male? I am sorry I am not good with names.

T’S SNOWING, and snowing and snowing and I don’t think its going to stop till Thursday. The ride to work this AM was so joyful, 5:30am and there were 10 cars on the road (that’s like rush hour up here) I like being alone on the road in the snow, too many dorks out there.

Hey, Mr. 70 degrees, wanna come shovel?

Chad good luck with your date, might I suggest a nice medium roasted coffee with just a hint of carmel…

Overlooked…that may be your nickname but your not overlooked here. You need to cheer up my friend. Concentrate on you 1st and foremost, thats the best thing you can do for yourself and future dates, enjoy the women that come into your life and take your time to find what you want for the rest of it.

I had said before that I appreciate a man being honest with me, I may get mad or hurt, but its honest, you can’t really argue with that, but eventually you can respect it. It’s when you get excuses and the other crap that ticks us off.

Next time you start dwelling on the pain and sadness get your butt on here and we’ll buy you a cup of virtual coffee. :0)

I go back to Washington on Monday so cold weather is in the mail, Lucy. Now what you said about honesty, that was very well put.
I’m supposed to see my friend today, first time since our little incident. We didn’t talk or text yesterday, and she didn’t respond to my email. I suppose if she didn’t feel the same around me anymore or wanted to speak to me anymore I would understand. And I would consider it a lesson learned. Would be a bummer, though. But I knew this world of confusion awaited me upon my return home, so I can’t really be too surprised.

Good luck with your friend today. Just be honest with her Aiden. I hope you can both find a way through it and remain friends. It takes just a moment for a trust to broken, but with time and patience, it can be rebuilt.

In a situation like that, I would let her lead and go from there. We’ll see.
Thanks, Lucy.

Good Luck Aiden today I hope it turns well.
Good Luch Chad tomorrow hopefully it will turns well too
Overlooked do not worry, things will get better.

Hint Chad, You can invite your date for coffee tomorrow but trust me if she likes she may invite you too. I remembered one of the dates I had, I invited my dates because he was coming from CT and I live in NY so I felt bad not to do so

She called me at 4PM PST and I’ll see her in a couple of hours. So, she can’t be too mad. I will exercise tact, however, without losing my characteristic cheer;)

Chad, go get ‘em, tiger. Ok, maybe not tiger, but go get ‘em!!! No pressure, just a good time.

How goes your day, Dee?

Good Luck.

I hurt today, taking a muscle relaxer, and loco choco and veggin out… I love the winter, but my bones don’t anymore. Amazing how one year changes things. I got my snow shoes all set and ready to go after work today, but I feel like I’m 90 and I didn’t.
Has anyone gone snowshoeing when there’s a full moon?
It’s sooo awesome.

Lucy, someone needs to pay you a housecall and give you a massage. I tell you, even though I lift weights and run and push my car on occasion, shoveling snow still whips my ass!!!

I’ve sledded on a full moon. Does that count?

Oh my god I thought I wrote a comment but it seems I did not well. I had a cold day today. It is freezing in NY the weather do not have mercy I almost cried from the cold today. I wake up around 6PM yes very very very late but I slept around 9 am. I went to the bookstore I bought some books went to do a little shopping. and starting my resolutions tomorrow.

So how are you guys, I hope you all doing great.

Good Luck for Aiden and Chad on your dates and hopefully it will work out pretty well.

Overlooked how are you today?

Lucy I know how you feel it is freezing here too?

Dee, still cold and windy up here and still snowing. I’ve been fighting a cold all week, it seems to be gaining some ground on me but I’m not going to let it.
I know how cold it can be in NY, walking down one street and it seems OK then turn the corner and you get the wind and oh my gosh can it be cold!

Aiden, in my book anyone who refuses a massage is either an idiot or has never had one. Shoveling is a B*%#!. Especially the end of the driveway from with what the town truck leaves me.

Well, didn’t win anything on Powerball, so no makeover for my truck (which I refuse to sell) and no new car (which mine is still in the shop since its 2nd tow) I’m thinking intake manifold gasket. (god I hope not)

Good morning, Dee.
It went well but I wouldn’t call it a date. She’s one of my best friends. She’s not interested in me like that, but it’s as close as I can get to a woman without being in a relationship. Funny, she still let me massage her but I would jokingly kiss her feet or her hands then ask “Ok, are you cool with this?” or “the safeword is Silly.”
My wife had texted me before I went out and reminded me to be a gentleman, and hoped I had a good time. At that moment, I felt happy that all was right with the world.
Chad is going to ask his girl if she wants coffee before, during, and after his meal now. He better make sure he offers cream and sugar, too. LOL.

Chad, good luck.

Dee, stay warm.

Overlooked, how are ya buddy?

Lucy, how ya feelin’?

Hey guys.
It’s strange how I really want the best for all of you. When I read that one of you has a date, I worry and hope everything turns out alright.

I’m pretty convinced that eHarmony is useless to me now.
We’ll send a few messages back and forth and then they stop.
There’s never been an explanation as to why for any of them. What’s even more frustrating is not knowing if they actually are still interested and maybe something important is going on in their lives, or if they met someone, or if I said something wrong.

I really wish they would just tell me flat out what’s up. That’s the major issue I have with online dating, the anonymity makes it guilt free when you blow someone off.

Furthermore, I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who takes it seriously. Every single girl I’ve been in contact with takes a minimum of a week to respond to my messages. Meanwhile, I’m in limbo, not knowing if I’ll ever get another message and if I should start looking elsewhere.

My membership’s up in March, but maybe I should just call it quits now.

Aiden,
I really hope you’re not in the sort of friendship with this girl who takes advantage of your good nature and uses you because she can.
I’ve been there before: You be nice to a girl and try to make her see that you’re a good person and would be good to her, but she doesn’t like you at all. It doesn’t mean she won’t still get you to do things for her, even little things.

People “fish” a lot in online ads. I call it “pre-dating” where one tries to get a feel, flirt, and make contacts before one even tries to physically meet the person. It’s not you, Overlooked, it’s the nature of the beast. That’s why in online personals, you have so many people who try to immediately hit you up for a chat, im, or phone call: they are trying to avoid pre-dating as much as possible.

Overlooked, honestly, get yourself out there and just talk to women, several a night. To take the pressure off, don’t take it as you are looking for a mate or girlfriend, just get yourself out there. As scary as that sounds, it’s no different than the personals. Shit, it’s better: things either happen right then and there, or not at all. No diggity, no doubt!!!

It’s good, overlooked, her and I served together in Africa. When I was in Europe thinking of coming home sooner because I was afraid of spending to much and had told her to change the ticket, my wife contacted her and they both persuaded me not to. When you think about it, we both take care of each other and we both have a place. Neither of us wants anything serious with each other, she gets the massage and touch of a man, and I get to be close to a woman without being TOO close. And we can still keep it in perspective.

But you do have a point. This kind of friendship, without an understanding, would not end well.

I’m sick of the darn CONGESTION! arrrrgh

I can see Chad on his date now… offering a cup of coffee, then cream and sugar with a big ole grin on his face…. lol

Overlooked. Don’t take Eharm seriously. It’s just a meeting place you pay for thats all. They can’t really promise you anything.

What percentage do you think is lower…
The # of people actually hooking up and making it?
Or the # of people putting their money into someones business in hope they’re going to find someone, hook up and make it?

You have till the end of March. Just relax, don’t expect anything each time someone responds. If they don’t respond back, forget em, move on and don’t dwell as to why, you’ll never know why, so don’t beat yourself up over it. Think of it as a near miss to disaster when they don’t respond and your damn lucky. :0)

Re: Aiden

I am glad you enjoyed your day yesterday. But I can not get something how this is ok with your wife? Is it complicated.

Lucy, why you are stressed? Nothing should stress you out/

Overlooked: Online dating is a waste of money and time. I tried 6 dating sites and the only one that worked was Yahoo Personals, but Match, E-harmony, Chemistry and I forget the others but they really do not work. So go out meet girls, if not even for something serious but at least for a friendship. Have a facebook I guarantee you you will find your high school friends, neighbors and people you would never imagine that the knew you.

My facebook I have people who I knew 15 yrs and completely forgot about them, they search my name and they found me and I found some

Dee,

Because it is an online forum, there’s only so much I will reveal. But I will reveal the basics, just this once. Especially because in a forum like this, what I would write would be tantamount to being a slap in the face to all who write here.

A year or so before I left on deployment my wife had an affair. I had an inkling of it, then she confessed it out of guilt (I know the guy, too). We went to counseling and we tried to fix it but after a few months, she was conflicted and back at it again. While I was gone, I confirmed it for myself by looking through our cell phone account online, narrowing it down to a few numbers, and calling them. She admitted to it, and for a while it was extremely tense: I was angry and hurt, her family was angry, our son was caught in the middle and wondering what would happen to him. At that point, what had started out as a separation was headed towards divorce.

This story could have ended ugly, but it took a turn for the strange.

We had been through a lot, and had put ourselves in a crushing financial hole, and in the process of getting ourselves out of it, we had forgotten about each other – - – we had let the things that mattered the least compromise the things that mattered most. I had to admit that even I had been tempted on occasion to stray, but I couldn’t do it. Why be in a relationship, then? My wife and I had been friends first, then lovers, then marrieds. We had been through so much together, and didn’t want to lose each other from our lives. I was fine with that, but we also agreed that our mariage had run its course.

Late last year, my wife and I are talking and she couldn’t stop crying. I had a feeling that she had something she had to tell me. She was pregnant. I could have just lost at but it had been decided. Now, I had asked her, how would this story end? Her family had been fractured enough by her parents nast divorce, and our son had seen so much family strife through all this that he was convinced the family was fucked up. Normally, we can’t even have her family all together in the same house on holidays, and I did not want my son to go through more of this. On top of all this, my wife did not want to lose me as a friend: of all the friends who had crossed her path, I was the most enduring and the most caring and positive. And my son was afraid of losing a father (I had been in his life since he was a wee tot and we were very close). We had to think radically.

Long story short, we looked back at our lives together, made our apologies,and made our peace. When I first went home for Christmas, we all talked and him, my son, and his sons even played ball together – - – his kids couldn’t believe it. My son and I talked about things and he was at peace. When she had her ultrasound, I was also there. While I was gone, she took care of things and kept sending me magazines and food and stuff to keep my spirits up. She took care of things at home. And we, oddly, got along the best that we had in years (read what I told Overlooked). Even her and her friends have volunteered to match me, they had always liked me. And during this situation with my friend, she was very supportive and even offered to talk to her (they have talked and emailed before).

To make matters stranger, because of the economy, it’s not like we can sell the house right away, and I can’t pay to live in an apartment and maintain a house. So we are all gonna be under the same roof for a while. She’s getting my room ready, complete with new bed and desk and dresser. And we’ve worked out financial arrangements, since our names are still on everything and we are paying off stuff, and he’s taking care of the bills (he still has to get divorced, too . . . toold you this was a mess). The divorce will be filed in the summer, the marriage should be over by the end 2010. It will be amicable. No hate there, and no one needs to tell me to take care of my son.

Now you know, Dee, why I have never mentioned it. But now the cat is out of the bag. Told you it was complicated. Amazed that I can still stay sane and chipper?

Re: Aiden

I am speechless but one thing I can tell you is that you are a real GENTLE MAN and god will reward you of what you have been through.

Aiden, I think that with all you and your wife have been through to remain friends is great. Especially when kids are involved, too many can’t work through the pain.

Ahhh Dee, I am stressed everyday. Big misconception of happy go lucky people. My luck as of late has not been the best.
Just when you think you have a handle on things. BAM, something comes along and screws it up and puts you one step further behind instead of ahead.
Keeping a roof over my head, vehicles running, heat, bills and more bills. Getting sick this past year didn’t help matters. I push myself everyday just waiting for it to get easier. Maybe tomorrow something great will happen…then again…

I’ve been waiting for things to get easier and better my whole life. That’s all life seems to be anymore: Waiting, hoping, praying.
So far it’s all been for nothing. Sure, little things may improve, but what I want most is what I can’t have.
It kills me that women have so much power over me. I hate that I can’t be happy being alone forever.

I wish there was a way to know for sure if I’m ever going to find someone. Maybe if I knew for sure that wouldn’t, I could just live and forget about it. I hate hope.

Since we’re letting cats out of bags, I’ll tell you guys something to.

I picked up a prostitute a while back. I didn’t ask for sex. I told her that I was just going to take her out to a movie and get something to eat afterwards. All I wanted in return was that she pretended to like me.
She was a cute little 22 year old.
She hung onto me during the movie, and she flirted and smiled with me as we had our meal.
We talked and laughed and had a genuinely nice time. She still offered sex, out of pity more so than making a profit, I imagine. I said no thanks.

After that, she thanked me for being different, and that was it. Not exactly a seedy encounter, but I rea