Date amazing
When I was younger, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of attraction to a girl. I’d get shy, I’d fear rejection, and ultimately, would suffer in silence without ever making an effort to approach her. The thought of trying and failing was too much for me to bare; how could I possibly recover from something like that? The result was that I never approached girls. Ever. Not the best way to meet people.
The dates and girlfriends I had, then, were effectively girls who chose me. I somehow was made aware that they liked me and that alone led me to like them. After all, the fear of rejection was gone as I knew any move I made would be welcomed. Liking someone who already likes you is much easier but ultimately it means you’re being passive. You’re waiting for someone to come along and like you rather than going for what you want. You’re settling and that’s no way to date, let alone to live.
At some point, I decided to go for the girls that I wanted. Not in the supermarket or anything, just when I was talking with a girl and wanted to date her, I’d make a move. Sometimes the girl was receptive, other times she wasn’t. Sometimes I made a complete fool of myself in the process. And the girls who liked me didn’t automatically get dates with me, I’d evaluate them to see if I really thought they were a good fit. Saying no to that first girl was an incredibly empowering experience, it meant that I wasn’t simply settling for someone who wanted me…I was actively choosing who I decided to be involved with.
Now when people ask me what type of girl I look for, I can answer in one word: amazing. I want to be amazed by my girlfriend. I want to believe that she is the most special, incredible person I’ve met thusfar. Moreso, I want her to know that I chose her not just because I was tired of being single and wanted someone there, but because I value her as a person and for what she brings in my life.
I can say with absolute certainty that I found my last two girlfriends to be amazing. I was amazed at the things they’d been through and survived, amazed at how carefree and independent they were, and amazed at how they could make me feel. I spoke about each of them with pride to my friends, trying to hold in the ridiculous gushing. They probably all thought I was whipped, and maybe I was a little bit, but I was also in awe of the person I was with.
That’s what I want now. I don’t see any point in dating someone just to date or just for sex until someone else comes along. I want to believe that the girl I’m with is amazing. And I won’t settle for less.
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Comments
[...] and the girl I really liked who turned me down. I know it’s partly my own fault because I’m picky about the girls with whom I associate, but I can’t help but feel a clock beginning to tick. [...]
Exactly!The thrill makes the ride worthwhile, makes your partner a lot more appreciable, for being with you, for being who they are and for being the one you love.
And that’s why you wanna be with them afterall, the things about them that keep you in awe, the “extra” in the extraordinary… the way you feel about them. Else, it’s just another one of those things.Gosh, not another ordinary!
Great post!
This is a great post. One of my former co-workers still says that about his wife of 15 years. Their marriage works bc he thinks everything she does or touches comes out amazing – from the the little things like a dinner party to the bigger things like becoming the VP of Derivatives at Lehman Brothers. If you’re not in awe of the person you are with, then why even bother?