Sex isn’t about sex

Posted by Zack Taylor
on April 22, 2008

“It’s just sex.”

I hear people say this time and time again…and then I laugh. I’m not convinced that “just sex” exists any more than I’m convinced that about the possibility that Bigfoot exists. It’s a myth, something we tell ourselves to rationalize a decision we’ve made. In truth, sex is rarely just about sex; there’s always something more to it.

Criminologists studying rapists found this early on: the crime has little to do with sex. It’s more of a psychological crime on the part of the criminal that ultimately results in a physical assault. But it’s not about sex, they say, it’s about dominance.

Sex is undoubtedly an important part of humanity, not just for procreation, but for our psychological well-being. Chances are, if you really think about it, you’ve never had sex just to have sex…there’s something driving you to that moment with that person. Perhaps you need to feel attractive and having sex is a psychological indicator to you that you are, or maybe you’re proving to the other person just how much you care about them by making yourself vulnerable in the way only sex can do. On the other hand, maybe you just want to feel good for a while or maybe the whole experience is just really fun.

We tend to look on people who sleep around with scorn as it’s still a stigma to have had multiple partners in most parts of the world. Few people really stop and consider the psychology behind these actions. When I see someone who’s slept around, I find myself asking what is it that sex is providing for them? Sure, there are some people who want to try to sleep with as many people as possible, but I believe most people aren’t doing that. In both cases, there’s a reason why.

This information is also useful for personal reflection. When you find yourself craving sex, ask what it is about sex that you are actually craving. Is it truly the sex that’s important, or is it what the act represents? If you can figure out what the act of sex means to you, you’ll have deeper insight into your own behavior and dating patterns that can very well help you in the future.

Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!

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