It’s one of the most common questions on dates and amongst would-be lovers in the world. If we’re interested in that person, most of our description describes them. Further, we all think we have a type. Some girls like bikers. Some guys like redheads. We all have things that we find physically attractive that we consider to be our “type.” In reality, your type has little to do with physical qualities and more to do with some intangible perception of another person.
Driving home from a friend’s house last night, I recounted the evening we had just spent together. It began with dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant. For once, I got the cute waitress, which typically doesn’t happen to me. We had a lot of fun talking to the waitress, teasing her a bit, and she responded in a very real, intelligent, and fun way. I was hooked. Come to find out she was a biochemistry major wanting to go into medicine and she’ll be graduating in two weeks. Nice.
As I drove along 280, I found myself thinking of that waitress. I found her incredibly captivating. And then it hit me: my type of girl. I quickly thought back to my first girlfriend out of college…she was finishing up her undergrad degree. Next one? She was also finishing up her undergrad and, in fact, I went to her graduation. The next girlfriend had just finished her master’s degree when we met. The one after that was a few months away from graduation when we met, though we broke up before her actual graduation. The first girl I asked out after that had just graduated from college a few months earlier, and now this waitress.
A chill went down my spine in the way that happens when you’ve uncovered something about yourself. Clearly, this is my type. There is something about girls at this major transitional point that draws me to them. Now, not all of these girls were the same age: some were 22-23, two were 26, one was nearly 30, so clearly age is not the determining factor. For at least half of them, I had no idea that they were in college or close to graduation until after I was already attracted to them, so there is no direct relationship there.
I’ve written before about my belief in attraction as a subconscious experience. Clearly, there is some subconscious attraction I have for girls who are graduating from college. The question I now need to ask myself is why? Is it some recognition of youthful energy that I need to make myself complete? Am I drawn to girls that I think I can guide or otherwise help through a tough transitional period? Is this the expression of some inner resentment for having wasted most of my college years on a single, unhealthy relationship?
The people you’re attracted to typically tell you something about yourself. If you haven’t lately, think back to the last few relationships you’ve had. Can you pick out any patterns amongst them that you didn’t notice before? What’s your type? Not the type you’re physically attracted to, but the type that you seem to end up with? What does that say about you?
This is something I think I’ll be pondering for a while. The recognition that this is the type of girl I seem to be attracted to calls for some self-reflection. I hope thinking about your past relationships yields an equally important moment of self-realization.