Nice post. There’s one part about being an asshole that you forgot to mention: assholes think they’re great so that if a girl doesn’t want them, they just move onto the next one. They think they’re God’s gift to women and act like it. Showing that they aren’t dependent on one woman’s love and affection makes them all that much more desirable. Sometimes they even treat the girl like crap initially, which makes him more desirable because he’s not slobbering all over her like most guys do.

Ah true, good point Z. Spoken like a guy who’s seen his fair share of assholes before.

Having dated one or two a-holes myself, I think women look at an asshole and think that their arrogance and poor behavior won’t apply to us or that we can change an asshole into a sweet caring man. It’s the same reason we date players – we think their ways will change when it comes to us – we will make them see different and be different. It takes us a while to realize that if he is an asshole to others, chances are he is going to be an asshole to us as well.

Ah, good point PP! I forgot about that reason. A few female friends have told me about trying to “be the one that changes the bad boy” before and it certainly seems like a common enough phenomenon.

oh no my friend, i’ve known girls who have advance warning of the assholish nature of the guys they date. they know b/c of his reputation. they know b/c they’ve seen/heard of his asshole behavior. how he got mad if his g/f wanted dessert. how he was constantly eyeballing other women and saying things like “nice tits” about some mother of 2 at the mall. they know, yet they continue to date them. they love being treated like poop so they can complain. its not about just being assertive. i dont kiss girls’ asses, but i’m not an asshole. by the way, i found it hysterical that i’ve been quoted. like i’m some sort of scholar.

nice to see that i’ve been quoted. makes me feel like some sort of scholar.

Yes sir, you are quite the celebrity here, murph. Thanks for the comment!

I think that women with low self-esteem cannot acccept being treated well.

You win the prize, Mr. Write.

You see, I used to be the “typical nice guy.” And yeah, I was only good enough to befriend, but never to date. But then I took the qualities that the so-called “jerks” and “assholes” had, and just mixed it all together with the “good guy” traits. And now I’m in an awesome relationship with the best girl in the world.

And it’s completely true. She’s told me herself how she likes the fact that I am random. I drive her wild, I keep her on her toes, I call her out on BS, I hold her accountable for her actions. Sure, I can be kinda mean sometimes, but she says it let’s her know that I’m human…like her.

In her last relationship, the guy she was with was so “nice” that she told me she felt like she was the man in the relationship. >_< Oy vey…

Take some charge, fellas. You’ll see results.

Wanna be non-robotic, exciting, daring, and most important, NOT an asshole? Then simply do this . . . Use your head, not your heart. Nice guys always think with their heart, try to do the nice thing, and the girl is bored. she’s also a little creeped out by the fact that you are so into her. It’s a little like Groucho Marx. “I wouldn’t want to be in a club that would have me for a member.”

Not to be crass, but act a little like you’re the guy looking into a gym membership at one club while you already have a membership to another. You’re going to really check things out, you’re going to walk around, look at the facilities. You are certainly NOT going to join instantly. You’re going to wait. After all, you’re kind of happy with your current club; you don’t need the change.

Nice guys, hear me now, this dating thing is a game, like it or not, it’s a game. Girls like to play it (at least the girls that you would be interested in). Play with your head, save your heart. Not to get cheesy, but here’s the deal. Your heart is precious, save it for the girl that’s really special – the one who has earned it. When you get the butterflies, that’s great, but don’t let them take your head soaring into the clouds, you’ll get lost up there and make bad decisions. Use your head; really try to figure out whether she’s worth it, play with her, she how she reacts.

Listen to her words. . . She’ll tell you things she doesn’t mean to, and if the red flags go up. . . walk away. She’s not going to be the one for you. Use your head not your heart, and you’ll be much better off!!!

To nice guy no more:

*high five*

Great comments Kazydi & NiceGuyNoMore!

And here’s a great quote from the movie Swingers:

“I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.”

Ughhh I have to write as I am so frustrated with the Female species!!! Women have this stupid theory that their asshole men they so DESIRE is actually a nice guy. PLUZZEE give us men a break and snap into reality!!! Reality is that the so called “asshole guy” is just that an ASSHOLE!! See asshole guys make women believe that they are nice but in actuality what women refuse to see is that the “asshole men” lure women in and once they start to date then the “asshole men” turn into raging assholes that will cheat, don’t give a shit about you and make you think they care but reality is they have 3, 4 or 5 other women on the side they are sleeping with and dating while your at home thinking he is such a great guy!!

Why is it that almost all women think they must date an asshole and a super super tall guys???? Height is what it is we men can’t simply grow to your required height. Men get so frustrated with women that look mostly for height but hell we men would never ever hear the end of it if men always brought up weight issues. Women always say well weight shouldn’t matter and that is the EXACT same for HEIGHT ISSUES. Women can loose or gain weight but height is height and can’t be changed!!

Women just simply do not get it!!! Are most women just simply ignorant in the dating game? But let’s say for example there is a male named Mike who seems to be a nice sappy guy and women let him ask you out and women will throw him to the curb because in women’s mind and many other women’s minds you see Mike the sappy guy as a “nice guy” and thus you ladies will think of him as a wussy and you will turn around and get a guy that is such an asshole and keep wondering why oh why did I get rid of Mike? But the “nice guy” Mike if given the chance would be just as exciting if not way more exciting than your “asshole BF” but Mike would leave behind the asshole part . You’ll keep wondering this while your asshole boyfriend is cheating on you with his 3 other ladies while you think he really cares about you and in reality the asshole could give a rats ass about you. But oh wait Mike on the other hand is way to nice to give him a chance!!! I myself a nice guy but I am just telling the truth here and I bet most men will agree with me!!

Also women answer men this question why do most women these days really truly believe that they can honestly tell on a first date if a guy will work out or not? I think women self sabotage themselves because they go on a first date and yes there are times when people can tell on first dates that it will or wont work out but that is an extremely small percentage. But anyway most women self sabotage themselves on first dates because they think they can tell that the guy is good or not good for another date so women put on so much pressure on men that they must be so damn good, carry on such an excellent conversation on the first date or the women will be like oh well he wasn’t great on the first date so no second date for him!!! It gives the men no second chance at all!! What if the man was simply nervous and it takes him a couple dates to get into his groove?

So let’s ask a simple question. You women then never ever get nervous or have a hard time on a first date? What if it was reversed on dates and it was men that said to women “oh she didn’t have a good first date so no second date for her” I and so many other guys can guarantee you most women would be flaming PISSED, upset and we men would not here the end of it if that happened to you ladies!! There are not many men that go on a first date and have a slam dunk first date that rarely happens and most of that is played up in movies where the man on the date makes the women weak at her knees. I’m not saying that there should not be expectations on first dates there should be expectations on first dates and on. But women shouldn’t expect so much on first dates and women would get much much further in dating to give a lot of men more than one chance and would have a lot better success!!

[...] Why Do Girls Go For Assholes? | Dating advice, tips and experiences | Dating blogs & forums Nice guys suck. __________________ Signature coming sometime… [...]

HA! Hahahahahahahahahahhaha so true, so true!

Look, it all comes down to instincts. Ultimately a woman is looking for a guy who exhibits dominants, aggressive, successful characteristics and who will boss them around just a tad bit so that they can feel protected and in a structured environment. I know what you’re thinking — “why can’t women just be logical and see that a nice guy will work out way better in the end for them?” well it’s not about conscious decisions my friend, it’s about subconscious decisions, I mean that’s like asking why you wouldn’t date a girl who weighs 100 pounds more than you do with bad acne and turrets syndrome just because she has a lot in common with you, shares your interests has a great career and is a multimillionaire? It’s not about conscientious, logical decisions, it’s about instincts.

To chaoscontrot,

So you are making your point for yourself that you like a guy who is an asshole, not only an asshole but a dominant asshole. Also what’s your definition of a “successful man” so in your narrow mind you think the so called “wussies” are not successful??? That’s complete BULLSHIT and you know IT!! The so called “wussies” or nice guys are probably more successful than the “asshole” guys because the “asshole” guys when they don’t get their way they throw temper tantrums and don’t grow up and thus more often get fired because the assholes don’t know how to control or can’t control there tempers and if they are cheating on their girlfriends, or wives what’s going to stop them from trying to cheat on their jobs. To me and a lot of other men that just SPELLS “LOOSER”!! The nice guy or in your mind “Wussies” are the logical ones, and make the good decisions.

Guys are not going to date a lady that’s a 100 lbs more than them because it just wouldn’t match for both and both women and men know that. But on the other hand a lady that is 20lbs or 30lbs over sure there are plenty of men that would date women like that because they know that they can loose the weight if they want. But again my point of women like shorter women say 5′3″, 5′4, 5′5″ want to date the 6′ guys is ridiculous because not only does it look stupid it simply doesn’t match.

I totally agree. I am a strong, smart, beautiful woman and I can’t help loving assholes although I have tonnes of nice guys in my life. I do need a man with a backbone and I totally agree that you can be both. The trick is finding this combo..please circulate this article..especially to the guys i have been dating.

To YUP,

Yes there are a ton of men that have the combo of both asshole and nice in them but seems that women just get the “assumption” that a nice guy is just a nice guy but in reality most are both such as me. I’m a both kind of guy nice yet a little asshole that has a backbone, stands up for himself, does what I want and when I want but at the same time I’m a thoughtful caring guy that doesn’t cheat like most of the “just assholes”. See the combo guys have this trick of both being a nice guy but yet at the same time they have the backbone, stand up for themselves blah blah blah……

Women who love assholes are assholes themselves. That’s the truth, there is no other explanation.

im also ann asshole

Ok, I understand the frustration, but guys, really, getting frustrated isn’t going to solve the problem. Relax! There are mean, nasty people everywhere male and female, and if it seems that all you do is run into these people, then maybe your looking in all the wrong places. For f*cks sakes guys, if you’re always looking in bars with no luck, STOP LOOKING IN BARS!!!

Find an interest, then look for others who are interested in the same things. When you are doing things you are interested in, you are more likely to be relaxed and approachable.

Guys, you have to remember, women are getting hit on ALL THE TIME!!! They always have their guard up because they have to . . . understanding that may help you understand why women go for assholes. Most guys think that being nice all the time works, but MOST GUYS ARE TRYING THE SAME THING.

Imagine if you will, every time you walk into a room all the people in the room start to give you cake. No matter where you go, everybody thinks you want cake. You like cake, but you will get tired of it after a while, and then you get downright sick of it, and you may even get a little mean to people who keep giving you cake . . . Then out of the blue, someone walks over and hands you pasta. . . who’s going to keep your interest, huh? More cake givers, or the one who comes at you with something different.

I’m not saying go out there and be an asshole, but what I am saying is if you come to the table and bring something different you are more likely to get noticed.

Find your something different!

If you’re totally frustrated and bitter, then quit dating for a while! Go out without the intention of trying to get dates, phone numbers, etc. Try it for a month or more. When you do meet women, stick to your plan. You’re not dating, and you’re not trying to get dates. You’re just meeting people. If you are really dedicated to it (and believe me, guys, women know, they just do), your true personality will come through, and because you are being yourself without trying to work an angle you may become more attractive.

Women hate being encumbered by your fragile ego, so getting frustrated is REALLY not good for your game.

Girls are shallow.
Assholes are usually ‘hot’, and they’re assholes because they know they can get away with it, due to their physical appearance.

I’ve seen and helped idiotic girls through so many relationships where this was the case, and I’m also unfortunate enough to have been friends with guys who were assholes.

Learn to be patient. There are definately girls out there who appreciate a nice guy, and they’re usually better people for it.

So who’s paying for these overseas dates? I would think that many of these assholes we’re discussing do not (or can’t afford to) jet set.

Your trite and predicatable argument (in some places true) is a mix of Cosmopolitan article, filled with whimsical Mills and Boon type fantasies.

Hopefully your looks do get you success with men. Because if you didn’t have them, you might be a bit screwed (or not) as you sound like a bit of bore.

So basically what you’re saying is, in order for a guy to have real potential with the woman he’s interested in, he has to naturally be confident ALREADY. In essence, without this factor, he’s basically screwed (at least if he wants to be taken seriously as consideration by this woman). This also seems to imply that, if he’s not naturally confident (which all assholes are), and if he’s not (by nature) already assertive (again, as all assholes are), then he probably doesn’t stand a chance with the woman he’s interested in, is this correct? Well, to be perfectly honest, I’ll take a woman with actual substance, who doesn’t need to get a man by having them gawk and drool over her body. Sure, looks do matter to SOME extent, but it’s WHO she is that really matters at the end of the day. Just think, if her beloved “Captain Confidence” is in a car wreck and becomes paralyzed, then his TRAIT (by-product) of confidence (”assertiveness”) will more than likely not be there nearly as much as it once was. What happens then, does she just up and walk away? I’m thinkin’ so, because now he can no longer take her on that screwed up roller-coaster ride, so now she’ll have to pursue the next asshole that comes along (OOPS I mean, the next assertive, confident man). Forget that he might rape her, mentally and physically abuse her, and have her in fear for her life, he’s assertive – that’s what matters. All I can say to these women is “good luck in ‘changing’ him – they WILL NOT succeed (and even if they should actually succeed in changing him, he will then become just another boring guy friend, and they just CAN’T have that)”. As therapy (which WILL be needed as a result of these poor choices), I highly recommend becoming skilled in the art of basket weaving. Why? Well, who better to learn basket weaving than someone who is on the fast road to becoming a certified basket case? Oh well, it’s her life right? Happy suffering…

It’s simple. Immature girls are attracted to immature boys. Once they get past college most women have outgrown the jerks and have the experience to know it only ends badly with them. By then they’re ready for real honest-to-god mature MEN.

“Nice guys” are typically very mature for their age. As a result they will have little to no success with the immature girls they find around them. This gap steadily decreases until it disappears for most people (some people NEVER grow up) between about age 25 and 30. Of course there are also girls who are mature for their age and they love nice mature guys.

Also since “nice guys” are mature they typically want a more serious relationship. Immature girls don’t get that. They think the guy is boring because all they understand at their maturity level is “hot”, “sexy”, “popular”. At the same time those girls will often want to be friends with “nice guys” because even though they don’t “get it” yet, they do have some sense that they can rely on a real man for emotional support, which is why they come crying to you about the assholes they’re dating.

Trust me, I was a mature youth and saw this time and again. Thankfully I was lucky enough to meet a few girls who were equally mature and we totally hit it off. Otherwise I would have probably thought there was something very wrong with me.

Now as an adult, oh how the tables have turned! I notice that assholes have to work exceptionally hard to get an adult woman to even talk to them let alone go on a date. If they’re smart they’re trying to figure out how to be nice guys themselves. Meanwhile genuinely mature men enjoy the luxury of having to choose which of any number of truly great women they want a relationship with and those women approach the man, not the other way around. That’s another benefit with mature women, they’re more confident, know what’s real and aren’t afraid to seek it out.

DJ’s last comment put forward the truth in a nutshell.

Used to always wonder why I couldn’t see this nice friend of mine as boyfriend material.
Now I see why; because he agrees with me so much I really can’t find much to talk about.

It’s not about the looks, honestly, though it does help, but seriously, it’s nice to have an argument once in a while.

Nice post.

Since when did being a dangerous, irrational thug become the same as being assertive? Women are insane today. They call the future Microsoft CEO a pansy, yet can’t run to the dirty, drunken future convict fast enough!

angry joe’s comment hit the nail on the head. These younger women become wierder and wierder because for some messed up reason they do see these irrational thugs or dirty, drunken future convicts as “assertive” but they refuse to listen to people that they are loosers. It’s so strange that even now days even educated women are going for these loosers and you see this on the news a lot. It’s like to some of these women a murderer/thug is so cool and yet they still think oh thoses murderers/thugs can change.

But I really think it comes down to how these women were raised which I think they themselves came from broken families, one of their parents might have been in prison, or something horrible happened in thier family and most likely they didn’t have a father figure in their lives and they think this type of guy is so exciting and don’t actually realize or want to realize that this dirtbag looser is simply a looser.

Continued… For example look at convicted killer Scott Peterson. I recently read an article that even though he is a convicted killer and on death row he still get’s a lot of mail from women and they have shown some pictures of the women that have written to him and they are hot. It’s so strange this psycho guy Scott Peterson goes and kills his wife, unborn child, has an affair, is a convicted killer and on death row but yet some women are turned on with him. Scott Peterson is the true definition of LOOSER. Why would any women want such a guy???

This is complete and utter bullshit! All women are shallow kunts who only want to have rough, hot sex. Then, after many contracted STDs, a few aborted babies, or two bastard children do they realize that they really want a real man…too fucking bad, they had their chance and blew it on getting wasted and slammed more than a nail in the floor.

The comment by Jupiter “Used to always wonder why I couldn’t see this nice friend of mine as boyfriend material.
Now I see why; because he agrees with me so much I really can’t find much to talk about.” Women like you look at the nice men in “general terms” you don’t see the big picture where 99% of the good men will disagree with you and have arguments blah blah blah…

This sounds identical to my current life. My ex, who I am still not 100% over..total douche bag. But I loved his assertiveness, the way he swept me off my feet. Current guy that is my friend. We tried to date, but his “too nice guy” behavior got under my skin. How do you teach a guy to be assertive? I guess it’s no different than, can you teach someone to get self-esteem/ self-confidence?

This is for Mylife about your current ex that is a total dusche bag. I think your in a bad bad pattern of dating the complete douche bags and there are “nice guys” that are just like your ex except they leave the douche bag part behind. I think your just being totally selfish and shallow. Your other friend who you think is “too nice” maybe try telling him directly that you think he is acting too nice we men are not mind readers as so many women want to believe that we can just pick up on your so subtle hints or read your mind. Tell him what you want directly!! Also you could try dating a prisoner, gangster or a thug since seems like women these days like those type of complete LOSERS!! Or you can go back to your looser ex/total douche bag and still continue being miserable. You have to sacrifice something and now you have to figure out what you will sacrifice!!!