Why Do Girls Go For Assholes?
“I dont need a survey, research, nothing. No empirical eveidence necessary. I’ve seen it with my two eyes. Women date assholes like it’s their job.”
- Murph
It’s a mystery that confounds many men. Why do so many attractive and seemingly intelligent women go for assholes? These guys treat them poorly, disrespect them, and get away with all kinds of crap. Yet women swoon and get weak in the knees for them, time and time again.
WTF?
The answer: because while this asshole is dating the girl, he’s not an “asshole.” At least, not in the beginning. He’s charming, fun, and exciting. He makes her feel like a woman. Dating him is like a roller coaster with high peaks and thrills.
But when the ride dips, the cries come. Now he’s chauvinistic, arrogant, and selfish. He makes her feel like dirt. Now, he’s an asshole.
As a nice guy, you’re probably sitting there right now, fuming. “Will these girls every learn?” you’re wondering. “I’m a nice guy; I’d treat them well. Why don’t they like me?”
The answer: because you’re boring, passive, and uninspiring. You make her feel like an older sister. Dating you is like dating a sniveling subordinate at work who’s always kissing her ass and never exhibiting a backbone. You never have an opinion, you always want to do whatever she wants, and you don’t do anything to keep her on her toes (or make her feel swept off her feet).
“Screw that!” you’re yelling. “I totally do that! But some girls just don’t know how to appreciate me. I don’t want a girl who needs me to be an arrogant bastard around her!” Fine, then don’t. There women who don’t date assholes too. Really, there are. And they’re going to adore you.
But if you want to know the truth, it’s not assholes these girls are after. They’re after a guy who can drive them wild. Who can take charge, challenge them, and be a Man.
What does that mean exactly? It’s not about being an arrogant bastard. It’s about being assertive. If you’re what these women call a “nice guy“, that means you’re not assertive, you’re passive. Too passive for them. You’d make a great friend, but not necessarily a great boyfriend.
Assertive means making the first move. Not with arrogance, but with quiet confidence. It means calling her on her bullshit. Not with passive aggressive comments, but with respectful yet playful teasing. It means doing something bold, new, and exciting. Not taking her to a movie for the eighth date in a row (unless she’s a film buff), but flying to a foreign country and joining the Mile High Club on the flight there.
It’s not that girls want or seek out assholes. They are drawn to assertive, self-confident guys who can tantalize and charm them. It just so happens that many assholes are naturally assertive.
If you’re a “nice guy” who’s been passive all these years, man up. Be assertive. These woman could use a respectful yet assertive guy like you, after being with so many assholes. You’ll be a breath of fresh air.
Do something unpredictable. Ask her out. Take her to the Carribean, so she has to show off her hot new bikini. Plan out an entire day with her, without asking for her opinion on any of it. While you’re walking on some random street, spin her around, cradle her in your arms, and kiss her passionately.
It’s not about being an asshole. It’s about being assertive. Know that you’re a good guy, be confident in yourself, and she’ll fall for you.
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
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Comments
Having dated one or two a-holes myself, I think women look at an asshole and think that their arrogance and poor behavior won’t apply to us or that we can change an asshole into a sweet caring man. It’s the same reason we date players - we think their ways will change when it comes to us - we will make them see different and be different. It takes us a while to realize that if he is an asshole to others, chances are he is going to be an asshole to us as well.
Ah, good point PP! I forgot about that reason. A few female friends have told me about trying to “be the one that changes the bad boy” before and it certainly seems like a common enough phenomenon.
oh no my friend, i’ve known girls who have advance warning of the assholish nature of the guys they date. they know b/c of his reputation. they know b/c they’ve seen/heard of his asshole behavior. how he got mad if his g/f wanted dessert. how he was constantly eyeballing other women and saying things like “nice tits” about some mother of 2 at the mall. they know, yet they continue to date them. they love being treated like poop so they can complain. its not about just being assertive. i dont kiss girls’ asses, but i’m not an asshole. by the way, i found it hysterical that i’ve been quoted. like i’m some sort of scholar.
Thanks for the comment!
Nice post. There’s one part about being an asshole that you forgot to mention: assholes think they’re great so that if a girl doesn’t want them, they just move onto the next one. They think they’re God’s gift to women and act like it. Showing that they aren’t dependent on one woman’s love and affection makes them all that much more desirable. Sometimes they even treat the girl like crap initially, which makes him more desirable because he’s not slobbering all over her like most guys do.