Be confident
Confidence is attractive, plain and simple. The girls that I’ve dated in the past few years have all drawn me in through their confidence. It’s something about the way they talk or the way they hold themselves that really caught my attention; they weren’t trying to get my attention, they took it. And this trait doesn’t just go one way; all people, men and women alike, are more attractive when they’re confident.
So what is confidence? It’s being comfortable with yourself, plain and simple. It’s not changing because you don’t fit into someone else’s idea of what you should be; it’s speaking your mind even if you’re in the minority; it’s taking responsibility for your life and not acting like a victim of circumstance. Confidence can be quiet or it can be loud. Finding your source of confidence makes you more attractive.
One of the most confident things you can do it admit your intentions towards someone. There’s a lot of bad advice saying that you should never indicate you’re attracted to someone because that will push them away. There are people like that, of course, but those usually aren’t the people you should be with in the first place. Anyone who would take your feelings for granted, even from the beginning, is not someone you should spend your time on. You want someone who appreciates and is flattered by your affection. Now, this certainly doesn’t mean that you profess your undying love at first sight. But don’t feel ashamed that you’re attracted to someone, and don’t feel embrassed that you feel this way.
Many guys actually seem to apologize for being attracted to a girl. I’ve heard of guys asking a girl out and somewhere during the conversation saying, “I’m sorry” for one reason or another. Sometimes the girl turns him down because she has a boyfriend and he says, “oh, I’m sorry,” as if he offended her. Sometimes it’s supposed to come off as being shy, “I’m sorry, but I just have to ask, are you seeing anyone?” What are you sorry for? You should never feel sorry for being attracted to someone or for expressing your interest so long as you do it in a respectful way. The fact that she had a boyfriend doesn’t really mean you’re sorry for being attracted to her, does it? Talking like this immediately lowers your perceived confidence from others.
Want to go out with someone? Show a little confidence and say so, don’t ask. A lot of guys (and more daring girls) make the mistake of asking the question, “would you like to grab coffee sometime?” When you ask someone out like this, you’re putting the ball in the other person’s court. You’re basically asking them to state their intentions before you truly state yours. You’ll get a better response by stating your intentions first: “I’d like to take you out for coffee some time, what do you say?” Explaining your position first takes pressure off of the person you’ve approached and simultaneously makes you seem more confident.
What you say and how you act affects how others view you and your confidence level. Think before you speak. Listen closely to yourself when you’re talking, what is the perception you’re giving to others? If you have a belief, stick to it; when you express a point of view, don’t change it to agree with someone you’re attracted to. Significant others need to respect each other’s opinions and should also be able to get along despite having differing points of view.
So as you venture out into the dating world, do so confidently. Speak clearly, authoritatively, and don’t be afraid to let someone know you’re attracted to them. Confidence works.
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
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