Would you trust your parents to help you date?
The idea of marriage as the expected result of falling in love with someone special is a relatively new concept in most cultures around the world. Seemingly for as long as there has been written word, arranged marriages have been mentioned. Arranged marriages reflect the belief in marriage as a social contract between families (and sometimes God) rather than the expression of undying love that those of us in our 20s and 30s believe it to be. Children grew into young adulthood with the understanding that they would be married off to someone that their family deemed appropriate. It was the job of the wife-to-be’s parents, then, to make sure that she ended up with a man that would respect her.
There are many things wrong with the dating arena these days, sometimes making it a hostile environment for the kindest of hearts. We’re overwhelmed with sexual imagery and expectations. But some believe that part of the problem is that parents are no longer involved in their children’s dating lives, let alone their marriages.
While following random Internet links, I came across an article written in 1992 by a Christian magazine exploring issues with dating and marriage. The most prominent theme throughout the article was the importance of parents in the dating/courtship/marriage routine. One troublesome situation the article mentions is as follows:
The young man and woman may have never even met each other. All they know is third hand information. Even the parents may only have third hand information about each others’ family. Much more time and a more gradual process may be needed than in situation #5 above. It may be slow and a little awkward for the young man and woman to initially become acquainted. It may be a while before either knows enough to commit to a courtship.
This situation is arguably the most common for people today. The thing I find most interesting is the importance placed on the parents’ involvement, and how it is a problem if the parents don’t know the other person’s family. For most of my dating life, my family had no idea who I was with until I formally introduced them and I’d imagine most people have had similar experiences.
I can imagine it being a very comfortable thing, to have grown up with someone and known their family as well as you’ve known your own. To marry someone from that other family is essentially continuing on an existing connection rather than creating a new one. Presumably everyone approves because they’ve known each other for so long. If this seems like such an ideal in so many cultures, why has it faded away into something that’s considered a tradition from bygone days?
What would happen if your parents became more active in your dating life? Putting aside that you’d probably have a lot less sex, would they be able to pick someone out that would be compatible with you? Could you trust their judgment in picking a date that would be attractive to you, or at least interesting?
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
Related Posts
- Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others
- ONE (more) NIGHT STAND?
- An ode to Emily
- I’m tired of being single
- Dating Definition: Baking
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
This topic reminds me a lot the movie “The Painted Veil”, because in the movie like in arranged marriages, the couples try to live with each other and maybe learn to love the other. I’m agree that sometimes maybe that doesn’t work, but like the movie and many marriages from the past it seems that it worked more than not.
Like somebody in a comment in IMDB said, the couples and the relationships in this time are so rushed, so you don’t have the time to really know the other person. In situations like the movie and arranged marriages it’s another history.
Could we combine the best of the two aproaches (today and the past)?