Comparing Dates to Ex’s
So what do you think about this one? Whenever you date someone new, do you find yourself comparing them to previous ex’s?
Me, I think it’s kind of inevitable and even, maybe, natural? It doesn’t have to be comparing the new girl to a specific ex, but perhaps specific traits of all your ex’s.
Maybe one of your ex’s used to always know the right thing to say when you’re down, and another used to love exploring just like you did, and a third used to surprise you with little thoughts & things when you least expected them. You know what I’m talking about. Those great little things that made those past relationships so much fun while you were in them.
But of course, they all ended for a reason. One of your ex’s always had something negative to say, another always seemed too busy or too aloof, and another was just too high maintenance.
All of these traits become benchmarks for your next relationship. Either consciously or unconsciously, they’ve molded your expectations and standards. They’ve become what you look for or what you avoid. In effect, they form your basis of comparison.
At least for me, that’s how it is. Seems to come kind of naturally and unconsciously too.
How about you? Do you find yourself comparing your dates to ex’s?
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
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Comments
I find that I only compare dates to ex’s when the date is going poorly. When the date is going well, I tend to forget all about the other girls.
I’d argue that you’re still comparing your dates to ex’s, Z, even when things are going well. It’s just less obvious, because you’re “in the zone” and are loving every minute of the date. But every time the date does or says something that you know to be a “Cool, I like that!” trait, you’re unconsciously polling from your past - because otherwise, how would you know it to be a “Cool, I like that!” trait?
[...] of comparing dates to ex’s, here’s an interesting phenomenon. If a girl dates a real asshole, then dates you, [...]
As much as we don’t want to admit it, everyone compares to the past. But sometimes it is not just about what was good and you want again - it can be about what you want to avoid in the future. I like to think that I learn with each relationship and I learn what didn’t work for me. There’s a reason they are exes after all.