Comparing Dates to Ex’s
So what do you think about this one? Whenever you date someone new, do you find yourself comparing them to previous ex’s?
Me, I think it’s kind of inevitable and even, maybe, natural? It doesn’t have to be comparing the new girl to a specific ex, but perhaps specific traits of all your ex’s.
Maybe one of your ex’s used to always know the right thing to say when you’re down, and another used to love exploring just like you did, and a third used to surprise you with little thoughts & things when you least expected them. You know what I’m talking about. Those great little things that made those past relationships so much fun while you were in them.
But of course, they all ended for a reason. One of your ex’s always had something negative to say, another always seemed too busy or too aloof, and another was just too high maintenance.
All of these traits become benchmarks for your next relationship. Either consciously or unconsciously, they’ve molded your expectations and standards. They’ve become what you look for or what you avoid. In effect, they form your basis of comparison.
At least for me, that’s how it is. Seems to come kind of naturally and unconsciously too.
How about you? Do you find yourself comparing your dates to ex’s?
What do you think? Leave a comment!
Related Posts
- The Comparison Effect
- How to impress a woman
- A New Start for a New Year
- How to Tell if Your Date Likes You
- It pays to be prepared
If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment or subscribe to the feed to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
I find that I only compare dates to ex’s when the date is going poorly. When the date is going well, I tend to forget all about the other girls.
I’d argue that you’re still comparing your dates to ex’s, Z, even when things are going well. It’s just less obvious, because you’re “in the zone” and are loving every minute of the date. But every time the date does or says something that you know to be a “Cool, I like that!” trait, you’re unconsciously polling from your past – because otherwise, how would you know it to be a “Cool, I like that!” trait?
[...] of comparing dates to ex’s, here’s an interesting phenomenon. If a girl dates a real asshole, then dates you, [...]
It’s really true how the mind of humans work. We really do tend to do that, and that’s why after a break up, I rather chose to be alone. I rather use that time to examine and learn from the experience that was at hand. By doing so I learn about certain things that can be prevented from the beginning. For example, a lot of times the problems we have during a relationship had always been there. See, the thing with people is that we are easily amazed and wowed and for some reason, at the beginning, we tend to let so many things slide. We over look so many things. Think for a minute about the problems that led to your break up and see if there were any signs that presented itself from the beginning that you may have overlooked. You may have ran across someone who always had ex’s they claim were bad and never had anything else to say about themselves. That same person turns out to be a ms./mr. know it all. That person never admits their fault in a relationship. When you look back it’ll click. This was a girl who never found wrong in herself from the beginning but all of that was overlooked.I learned to look to hear of the lessons learned from past relationships rather than sit around and hear about the wrongs of the past ex. I guess I can say for me, I just chose a lot wiser now. I would never want to compare the present to the past because the reason the past ended up in the past was because the past didn’t belong in the present. Just wouldn’t be fair.
As much as we don’t want to admit it, everyone compares to the past. But sometimes it is not just about what was good and you want again – it can be about what you want to avoid in the future. I like to think that I learn with each relationship and I learn what didn’t work for me. There’s a reason they are exes after all.