Why I love her…
We had only been dating a month when Mark told me he loved me. I looked at him somewhat flabbergasted and felt confused rather than feeling overwhelmed by his declaration. He barely knows me, I thought. He told me he loves me, but I didn’t know what that meant.
Mark and I continued to date and our relationship had a nice existence. Our days and weekends were filled with activities from dinner parties, road trips, vacations, friends and family. He got along with my family and friends, and we rarely ever fought as conflicts seldom occurred. Our day-to-day existence was brilliant.
There was nothing really wrong with our relationship, but there was nothing really right either. After dating for eight months, I expected to have better clarity about what it meant when he said, “I love you.” After eight months, I hoped he knew me well enough to provide that clarity.
He said he loved me because…
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I love how you ask for my opinion, rather dinner or other things and take my feelings into consideration
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I love how we can end our day with something simple like watching TV
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I love how you and I can sit side-by-side while you do your thing and I do mine
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I love how even when we’re fighting, you don’t automatically blame me for everything
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I love that even when I’m not at my best, drunk or sick, you don’t look at me any less
What I wished he said instead…
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I love that even when you’re feeling hurt, you can’t stand to lash out at the other person.
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I love that regardless of rather your tired or not, it doesn’t occur to you to ever say no when someone you love needs you.
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I love that it takes you awhile and you have your own process when dealing with your fear, but somehow you push through and overcome it
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I love that even when I made the worst mistake, you don’t assume that’s all of me and give me yet another chance
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I love that no matter what you do, you always put your heart and soul into it.
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I love who you are and who you strive to be because it inspires me every day
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I love that rather we’re dating or not, you’re a person I am proud to have in my life
I wanted Mark to love me for my passions, my fears, my strengths and for my weaknesses. I wanted him to see me, the person that I was and the person that I wanted to be. Instead what Mark described was the best TV watching, dinner party, and road trip buddy. His best relationship was based on transactions. Although he was telling me he loved me, he could have been talking about a thousand other women. Basically I wanted him to love me for the unique qualities that I brought, so that I knew who he loved wasn’t replaceable.
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Comments
It wasn’t until that relationship I learned that not everyone ‘loves’ the same way and that I need to find a guy who defines love the way I do. Unfortunately I feel like there’s more Marks in the world than not.
Had fun reading your site!
The nuances in this post are really insightful! When two people can’t agree on what love is, it’s not surprising that the relationship ends up feeling unfulfilling. Thanks, Spicy.
wow, i can definetly relate to what you said… i didn’t realize it when i was in the relationship, but now, i realize he didn’t love me for ME. he loved me for what i did and didn’t do. sucks.
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