The social aspect
The social aspect of dating is perhaps the most important part. It’s very hard to meet people when you’re not social. There is never going to be a day when your next relationship arrives gift wrapped in a box on your doorstep (unless it’s of the battery-operated variety). No, you need to be out there in the world to meet people, that’s just the way it is.
For a lot of guys, approaching a girl is very difficult. All kinds of fears bubble to the surface about her reaction, how we’ll handle it, and ultimately, the outcome. If you have trouble in this respect, just the thought of walking up to an attractive girl can cause a knot in your stomach. In reality, this reaction typically has less to do with girls then you may think.
The major issue in approaching someone you don’t know is the fear of how they react to you. Their reaction implies a judgement, and no one likes to be judged. The pressure of the first encounter is then magnified because you’re attracted to this person, you want something from her whether it be attention, support, or sex. Approaching someone means that they are able to reject you, and that’s scary.
If you’re someone who has trouble approaching girls, ask yourself this: would you feel better approaching guys? Now, I’m not suggesting you switch teams, but just think about starting a conversation with a guy you’ve never met before. Starting a conversation with a guy you don’t know removes some of the tense parts of approaching girls: you don’t want to date him, so rejection isn’t a fear; you’re not in awe of his beauty, so you should be able to form coherent sentences. So seriously, how do you feel about striking up a conversation with a guy?
For those who have trouble approaching girls, the thought of approaching guys is probably similarly difficult though in a different way. Perhaps you’re afraid that starting a conversation with a guy will make him assume that you’re gay. Why would you want to talk to another guy anyways? Well, get over that. I like to tell people the best way to prepare to talk to girls is to talk to guys.
So just for a second, think about how you’d start a conversation with a guy you’ve never met before. Perhaps you’re at a party, or just in a crowded bar. If you give it a shot, you’ll find that it’s actually not that hard. I was at a bar last night playing poker when a guy walked up and asked what we were playing; I ended up talking with him for a few minutes about poker, how the game was going, etc. After I left with most of the chips on the table, he gave me a celebratory high five on the way out.
The great thing about talking to other guys when you’re out is that it expands your social circle which automatically makes you seem more interesting to females in the vicinity. Who is that guy who seems to know everyone in this place? Another great side effect is that those guys may later meet up with girls, girls that they may introduce you to. It’s really a great situation all around.
So work on your social aspect. Try starting conversations with random people. Have a short dialogue with the cashier at the grocery store, ask the receptionist how the day is going, say good morning to people that walk by you on your way to work. If you want to be confident approaching girls, you first need to be comfortable starting a conversation with people whom you have no romantic interest in. Once you’ve got that down, you’re halfway to getting those digits.
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interesting thought and article.
I think being yourself and smiling – being friendly is the most important part of any new meeting.