A year alone
I laid in my recently-empty bed staring at the ceiling. Now what? My girlfriend had just left me and I was alone. Again. It seemed completely surreal. Just yesterday I was making plans for our summer trip back East, and today…what will I spend my time doing? As I pondered the many questions in my head a sudden realization came over me: I’m going to be alone for a year.
This has always been the way my dating life has worked. I’m a serial monogamist, opting for girlfriends rather than dates, and opting to be alone rather than dating just for fun. The result is that there tends to be long lulls in between relationships for me. That pattern hit me particularly hard at that moment.
All of a sudden, the sadness I was feeling became coupled with anger. Not only had my girlfriend left, but she had also sentenced me to a year alone. The rage boiled within me…how dare she? We didn’t have enough good times together to validate her power to keep me alone for a whole year after her. Who gave her the right?
When I was younger, the prospect of being alone meant more time to flirt with whomever I wanted. As I approached my 30th birthday, however, the thought of being alone for a whole year seemed that much scarier. I want to settle down and have kids some day, and the prospect of starting from scratch at this point really shook me. Another year alone means a year later to get married, which means a year later to have my first kid (if you subscribe to the traditional ordering of those events). Being sentenced to a year alone began to seem like a horrible fate.
And now here I am, July 2008, having survived a year alone. There were a handful of dates, and the girl I really liked who turned me down. I know it’s partly my own fault because I’m picky about the girls with whom I associate, but I can’t help but feel a clock beginning to tick. Will my looks start to go, making my prospects of finding a wife fade away? Will I be 60 when my first kid graduates from high school?
These are fears and feelings that really never surfaced until recently. Yes, kids, dating in your 30s is different than dating in your 20s. Welcome to it.
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
Related Posts
- A single’s frustration
- The Sad Truth About Relationships
- The New Me
- Why DatingThoughts.com?
- Should You Settle?
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
I’m glad you’re enjoying the posts. I think that’s why all of us are writing, to make sure everyone out there realizes that they’re not alone. We’re all going through similar thoughts and feelings.
I enjoy reading your thoughts. Many are like my own. I’m struggling lately. I’ve been single for over a year. So many guys who want to “just have fun”, I left those days behind (except when i went to Europe last year, that was yummy). I’m almost 32, I stopped wasting my time in “just because” relationships in my mid twenties. Thanks for letting me vent.
So true…I just stumbled upon your posts..they are excellent. It’s nice to read these thoughts coming from a man..I guess my assumption is that you guys don’t have these kind of thoughts/fears etc. I’m a fan!