Nice Guys: I Owe You an Apology
I’ve come to realize there is a special kind of Karma related to dating. I’m quite certain this Karma is manifested as a woman, and quite frankly, she’s a bitch.
So for all the nice guys out there, this one’s for you.
Remember the cheerleader in high school who wouldn’t give you the time of day? The new cutie in the office – super friendly but not interested in you ‘like that’? The woman who cried on your shoulder as she lamented over the break-up with some pathetic loser who looked like Brad Pitt?
Yeah, I remember her too. It’s easy to…I was her. Perhaps you are muttering to yourself, “Really? I hope you’re lonely now, cursing yourself for how you just passed us up without blinking an eye.” Well, good news! I am, and I do.
Karma has a funny way of showing itself. It didn’t dawn on me when all my hair fell out right before the year’s hottest date (alopecia from work stress). Or when, forced to wear a wig because of it, a cat got tangled in the fake hair. Or when I discovered the guy I met online was engaged to someone else all along. No, no, I would forge ahead, rolling with mishap after mishap, rewarding myself with Chinese food or pizza for at least “staying out there”.
And that made me fat. Oh yeah, Dating Karma was making herself known in a much more obvious way.
Soon the mirror was showing me someone I didn’t recognize, and as for men – well, I virtually became invisible. It seems I was now on the other side of the fence, and it was eye-opening, to say the least. Gone was the designation “Hot Chick”. Now, I was the Nice Girl.
As the Nice Girl, I found myself with a lot less dates and plenty of time to ponder.
Dating Karma started tapping me on the shoulder. Names, events, memories of every shape and size flooded in – a 20-yr picture of my interactions with Nice Guys. This is what it felt like for those guys?! To be overlooked again and again? To be taken for granted and then dismissed when something “prettier” walked by? To have so much to offer and yet remain single, tossing around alone in my bed night after night? This SUCKS. I’m freakin’ invisible because I’m not a size 4 anymore?! I’m less attractive because I’m nice but not “hot”? You have got to be kidding.
Before I gained weight, I didn’t care so much if people “loved me for me” – I wanted them to love me for my body. Let’s face it, attraction matters. Yet, this new Nice Girl thing, I wanted to try it out. So I learned how to surf and do the tango while I waited for someone to notice me…now physically less attractive than Hot Chick but so much more extraordinary because of it.
Two years went by…and now, I understand. I truly understand.
So to all the nice guys out there – the really, really great guys we say we dream of, but pass up, make our friends but never our boyfriends, turn down for dates, or flat out don’t even notice: on behalf of current and former Hot Chicks around the world – I’m sorry. We are idiots. You are extraordinary and we never gave you the chance to show it. It is our loss, and we will know it one day, I promise you. Take solace in the fact that, for some of us, Dating Karma is treating us like the bitch we used to be.
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[...] and asked if I remembered you, I almost fell out of my chair. It was the same day I posted an apology written with 3 very specific men in mind – and, as irony would have it, you were one of them. [...]