What should I do?

Typically my posts are all about giving advice and insights, so I thought it would be interesting to turn things around and ask you, dear readers, for advice. You may recall my mentioning of a certain someone who occupies my thoughts way more than I would like. The short story is that I finally got the guts to ask her out and she responded by saying that even though she did like me (thought I was “amazing”), that she wasn’t ready to deal with dating. Not having been rejected in a while, I didn’t know what to do. Trying to be friends with someone that you want so much more from is not something that interests me, so I did what any self-respecting man does: I hid.

Asking out someone at work is a lot like asking someone out at school. If they say yes, it’s fun to run into them on campus; if they say no, running into them is torture. She was actually on my floor for a while and I’d run into her all the time, smile, and put on my big, “hey, you rejected me but I’m fine” performance. That’s where my acting skills come into play. But I hated doing that, so I tried to be on the lookout for her and hide. I’d see her in the cafeteria frequently and would do what I consider childish things: duck behind a pole, turn my back just as she walked by so she wouldn’t see me. This little game worked for the most part as we rarely made eye contact. I’m convinced that she had no idea how often we would have seen each other had I not been practicing the ninja arts.

Once she moved into another building, I figured I’d be safe. Not so, I still ran into her around campus. Drats. The exposure was more limited, but still there. I was finally getting to a point where seeing her wasn’t that big of a deal. Just another girl, I told myself, that’s all.

This past week, I was late getting out of work and was walking to my car in the parking garage when I see a girl. Now, I’m a gawker…I pretty much check out every girl until I can determine if she’s cute or not, so naturally I’m looking. But then I see her slow down and look in my direction. I can’t quite see who she is but I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. As I get closer…yep, it’s her. Great, no place to hide, full eye contact made. She stops walking and waits for me to walk to her.

“Hey,” she says with a smile that makes me melt, “I haven’t seen you in how long…months?”

“I know,” I pull a smile onto my face, “how’s it going?”

We talk for about ten minutes. Nothing heavy, just a little banter about work and other things that have been going on. She mentioned that she thought she’d see me on campus more but since she moved into a new building, that hasn’t been the case. I’m in the same spot, I told her.

“We should catch up sometime,” she says.

“Sure,” I grimmace, “if you want to get coffee or something…”

“Yeah, we should grab lunch sometime,” she replied.

“Of course,” I say, “you know how to reach me.”

Just then her phone rings and she has to take it. We say goodbye. My mind starts racing. Now what?

Usually, I’m pretty cool with girls. This one, for some reason, has completely gotten under my skin. My stomach turns just thinking of her; the thought of being with her excites me, the thought of being without her makes my heart sink. I was already rejected by her…twice…so the thought of starting over is a tough one. No one likes rejection. But was her suggestion that we catch up an indication that she wants me in her life? Maybe that she’s willing to test the waters? What’s my next move? Do I wait to see if she contacts me for that lunch? Do I take the initiative and ask her to lunch?

Your turn, give me some advice.

6 thoughts on “What should I do?”

  1. “We should catch up sometime”… I think that is a good signal. A green light to ask her to lunch or coffee the next time you talk to her.

  2. The key in Robert’s comment is “the next time you talk to her”. Stop hiding (although that part did crack me up, I totally understand). As a woman famous for giving mixed signals, I can tell you I’d make a suggestion like that if I thought the guy was cool to hang out with – but it wouldn’t necessarily mean I had any romantic interest. My two cents, based on the original blog, is it’s still too vague. However, if you “allow” yourself to run into her naturally, you can throw it out as an option on the spot or wait for her to re-suggest lunch. I want to say life is short, so take chance, but it seems like you already have – twice. So create a situation where you’d bring it up as a natural part of running into each other again.

  3. I don’t think so…I hate to be harsh but it sounds like she is one of those girls who wants to be liked by you…so she wants to hang out and have you like her without actually dating you….I hope it’s not the case but I am worried she’s just leading you on. Good luck!

  4. Thanks everyone. You’ve all expressed the same opinions as my friends in real life. These opinions range from, “forget her” to “go for it but be cautious” to “you only live once.” I think the key is that I have no shot if I don’t hang out with her. Even if she’s just being nice or wants me to like her, it doesn’t mean that nothing will ever happen. Getting her in a one-on-one setting will get me the opportunity to also evaluate her and, if it still seems like a good idea, try to flirt my way into something.

  5. zack –
    i have basically the same thing going on
    however it is slightly differen but i an offer you whatever words of wisdom that i learned this past year – from whatever heartache i went through

    so here is my story

    over a year ago i started talking to a guy that i was working with – started getting those butterflies in my stomach – blushing and acting like a school girl when ever he was around.. he was younger then me.. we wound up talking and starting a relationship even though i was a bit hesitant beacsue he was younger then me, and because we worked together.
    but i went with my heart and not my head and we started seeing eachother, i fell for him hard, we seemed to be made for eachother, but a half a year later he broke it off with me- claiming that we just weren’t right for eachother, it broke my heart – and to this day i know i love him but what’s that saying about letting things go and blah blah blah
    i let him go but we work together and we see eachother a few times a day and have to work closely together..
    he has moved on even was in another relationship that by now has also broken up (beleive me i was very happy to see that relationship didn’t work, evil of me right?)

    anyway when i see him my heart aches because i believe i still love him, and i believe that he’s the one… (obviously I am wrong and i know this but something won’t allow me to move on)

    anyway sorry i do talk ever so much …

    but here’s my advice
    if you don’t ask her your never going to know
    life is short so go for it…

    if she tells you no and rejects you
    its her loss and maybe then you can find the one that is meant to be with you…

    so go for it
    i havn’t read all of your posts – so if I am behind let me know

    anyway all i know that for me
    seeing him everyday is hard especially when i have feelings for him and he shows none for me
    letting go should be easy after over a year
    but for some reason it seems harder when you work with them and things didn’t work out

    don’t let my situation make you not want to say anything

    you should go for it
    all she can do it say no… and then maybe you will be able to let go

    or she could say yes and you both can be happy together

    but you won’t know till you tell her how you feel
    after all honesty is the most important thing

    GOOD LUCK and keep me informed

    you friend

  6. Haha, I am a month late but anyways…

    Advice: Just be there and don’t disappear

    It’s so wrong that guys disappear after being rejected the first time. After rejection, I guess it’s only natural that guys will feel they are not wanted. But wait! Sometimes, it’s just part of the game. You may be interesting or charming but she can also just go along with life without going out with you. There’s a lot of guys out there. Get it?

    You have to be there. Show her you exist in her world. Make her notice you! What good will it do when you disappear just when she’s starting to notice you?

    It’s either she’s leading you on or she likes you. You’ll never know if you disappear or avoid her. Know her first but control your heart. Just give it a try!

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