Online Dating: Google ‘em
In the past 5 yrs I’ve done a lot of online dating. My sister and one of my closest friends both found their husbands online, and they’ve been married for some time now. To those who are skeptical, I often hear: “Oh, but how do you know they are who they say they are?”
Hey, it’s no different than meeting someone at a bar, the gym, or a park. These folks are also strangers. Internet romance simply gives you a larger playground to meet and interact, and this my friends, is where your 411 can be found!
Think of Google as your right-hand man in your quest to meet someone you’re truly compatible with. As with any goal, a little due diligence and research can save you a lot of headaches later. I’m not advising a full-blown internet investigation - I only spend 10 minutes of my time on a basic search. It’s free, it’s fast, and you know what? It’s fair. I don’t want to waste my time with people who use the internet to deceive.
Tip #1: Search the screen name
Most people used the same nickname or screen name (like, SurferGirl507). Google their screen name on the internet - this is how I found a guy was posted on several singles sites. His profiles did not match up, and the inconsistencies were big enough to cause concern (like, where he lived). He ended up being engaged, and I found those pics online by using Tip #2.
Tip #2: Search the email address
Still emailing back and forth on the dating web site? Get on regular email quickly. You’ll be surprised how much is posted on blogs, gaming sites, social networks, etc. with email addresses. This is the easiest way to weed out the Porn Freaks and The Miserable Female (they leave an internet trail of bizarre comments everywhere). With the new popularity of dedicated engagement and family web sites, this is also an easy way to save yourself from The Cheater.
Tip #3: People Search
Before the first live date - and yes, even if it’s just for coffee - you should have a first and last name. If you looked me up, you’d see my age is in fact, in my late thirties. If they lie about their age, I’ll bet $100 that’s just the beginning. If this isn’t a deal-breaker for you, so be it. It is for me. A liar is a liar.
Tip #4: Check out their videos
YouTube your way outside of the marketing hype of a perfect profile or glamour shots. Use the screen name from Tip #1, the first part of the email address (i.e, jpensky@hotmail.com, just use jpensky), or their IM nickname. Hey, it’s not always to uncover bad things. There was a guy I got matched with on eHarmony that I wasn’t overly attracted to, but his personality seemed like a fit. His videos on YouTube were hilarious, witty, and endearing. This really changed my mind about pursuing this particular match. Be careful about rushing to judgment on the “questionable” videos you may find. We’ve all had a stupid drunk night that our friend took a video of, and we can’t always control what other people post. I would be heart-broken if someone made assumptions - instead of just asking - about anything they found online about me that was deemed ‘questionable’. Some things, though, are not an anomaly. And the ones who know it are friends, so see Tip #5.
Tip #5: See what their friends say
This is a little harder as I approach my late thirties, as we’re typically on Facebook instead of MySpace. Again, using an email address, screen name or IM nickname on MySpace, you can usually find a host of interesting comments friends make to, and about, your prospective date. “Hey bro’, fun to smoke out with you last night!” or “Hey girl - that was so funny when you barfed in the car”. My friends would never post something like that about me online, nor would I give them that kind of thing to talk about. This is helpful to identify the Losers.
Use these tips sparingly. I don’t run a basic search on everyone. Most of the time I run it when my subconscious has already raised a red flag - instinct is far more powerful than internet sleuthing. It simply confirms what I already suspected. Again, don’t spend a lot of time searching - the purpose of due diligence is to minimize effort and time with people who aren’t ultimately going to be a match.
Finally, if it hasn’t occurred to you already, you may want to clean up your internet trail as well if you plan to date online. I Google myself every couple of months, and remove photo tags, old profiles, etc. that I don’t want the world to see. Ultimately, though, in the internet age it’s almost impossible to remain anonymous. So use this to your advantage and get the basic 411.
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
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I’m going to use these. I did some searching on a guy once…only after I dumped the psycho. Turns out, he was VERY POPULAR on dontdatehimgirl.com.