Last night I had a dream. The dream of the most vivid imagination, the imagination of one who wishes to never be alone, the imagination of one who lives in a world which bends light and blocks sight.

This dream was that of a struggle, the struggle and conflict which rages inside all who are alone and seeking answers. I was fighting, I was that of the role which takes on a form of an agent, a lawman so it seemed, seeking justice… To put right that which has been wronged. My life was in mortal danger, but I was strong, so so strong. My aim was deadly and my fist that of steel. Looking down the barrel of many guns and taking them on with Vengeance!!!!

I watch as the last one begged for mercy, after watching the last of his consorts fall to the mistake in judgment he had made before confronting me and my will. I spared this man’s life and apprehended him and had him taken away. Then I saw it, a door… One that was in plain view of the carnage and righteous fury which was my scorn. That which was being guarded by the foul and filth that dared curse my name. I reached for the handle, opened the door slowly, Looked in to find a girl, strangely the sent of this room was inviting, sweet and perfumic. The atmosphere was also pulling on every since of my soul, tender and soft as if to be calling to me. I look across the room, to this girl… She motions me to come closer, she seemed scared, I think to myself she must have been kidnapped I should save her and take her into my strong arms…

As I walk towards her I find that it was I that suddenly turned weak and my resolve had broken. I reach the girl and I was a pulp/ a shell of the man I was just moments ago. Suddenly she says my name, I stare deep into her eyes, she says “I knew you would come, and now it is I that shall save you, my love…” We end in a loving embrace, hugging and kissing, the sweet passionate scene one would view at the end of a movie. The hair of black with red highlights, the skin of that kissed by the sun, the red pouty lips, the dress… That of blue silk with a bow tied off in the middle. It was real and I knew it!

It was real, so so real… It was tormenting and blissful I wanted it to never end, I had everything that was missing in my life in that one moment. Suddenly I was ripped unfairly away, to my empty room in my empty bed in my empty house. Had it all just been a dream??? If so, then why was I blessed with such feelings and emotions, to just have been mocked and teased? I still have that thought in my head which will stay with me always…

I don’t know, just thought I would share this with you all… Make your comments as you wish, I am going to go weep in the woe and bask in the memories of this dream. Perhaps for a brief moment I can have that happiness again.

P.S. C’est Chic, loved your blog on B*tchassness, it was one of the funniest I’ve read in a long time. If you’re even half as interesting as your blogs are, you’re right, he’s crazy to not have found you yet!

I too have been without “red” for years now, and frankly I have developed single-itis. I don’t feel it has anything to do with self love. I encompass tons of self love and am appreciative of the time I spend alone. I just believe that I have so much love to offer a man, he is crazy to not have found me yet

It’s killing me.

I’ve tried doing the friends and family things. Bright “YELLOWS” in my life. I guess it’s a Band-Aid that’s not so sticky as of late.

Tried the volunteer thing and it didn’t cure me of the “BLUES” — but it’s gotten me to recognize the “ORANGE” areas of my heart. I must be getting closer.

SO — self-love — my last ditch effort. I’m realizing it should be my most important investment. It’s the hardest relationship I’ve ever had to sustain and maintain.