What’s Considered Cheating?

This blog is not short on posts about cheating. We all say its wrong and we all know that it can erode a relationship faster than anything else.  But what actually comprises cheating?

Now I know some of you are shocked that I can even ask this question – sleep with someone else and it’s over. I am certainly not trying to challenge that – I agree with that completely – relationships mean you only have access to one penis and one vagina.

But what about the rest?  Is kissing cheating? Are caresses cheating?  What about emotional connections with others?  And flirting? When is flirting okay?

Here are some scenarios:

  1. The Drunk Kiss:  You’re at a party, 9 drinks in and everything is warm, fuzzy and blurry.  You are incoherent, but you grow some serious balls and start flirting with the hot chick in the pink dress.  She is even drunker than you.  She kisses you.  You kiss her back.  Now what?
  2. The 5 hour phone calls: There’s this girl you think is cute.  You like talking with her and flirting with her.  You think she’s smart.  She laughs at your jokes.  You talk to her for hours at a time.  You’re attracted to her.  But you have a girlfriend.
  3. Ms. out of your league: She’s a stripper and you are out with your friends one night.  She seems interested in you and its not because you are putting money in her panties.  You decide to take her phone number and call her – who knows – maybe you guys can be friends.
  4. Sex chat rooms:  You’ve been chatting with this cute girl in the Yahoo Rumpshaker chat room.  It started off innocently, but now has moved on to conversations around favorite sexual positions and secret fantasies.
  5. Dirty Dancing: You’re out at a club and dancing with some girl.  You decide to trade in your mr. roboto moves for some Patrick Swayze style moves with some random girl.  Hand on ass, bumping and lots of grinding.

At first, these seem like no brainers – you’ve got your hand or mind on someone else – cheating.  But how did you get there?  Chances are, none of these started off with the intent to cheat – they were probably just innocent occurrences that somehow escalarted  to cheating.

Some people say that any type of emotional connection means that there is cheating – but 4 out of 5 of the scenarios above have no mental connection.  Yet most women would consider them cheating.  And if a woman had a choice between her husband/boyfriend being in a sex chat room or having long lunches with the cute girl at work, chances are most women would choose the lunch date – or would they?

What’s considered cheating?

2 thoughts on “What’s Considered Cheating?”

  1. I think the definition of cheating really is up to the people involved.

    > relationships mean you only have access to one penis and one vagina.

    Says who? If the people *in* the relationship are ok with it, then who are we to say it’s not?

    It only becomes cheating when it’s something that violates the terms of the agreement between the partners. That’s why cheating is a cop-out. If you don’t like the deal you’ve got, you negotiate a new one or you leave, you don’t just start violating your partner’s trust.

    In all 5 cases above, the question of whether or not it’s cheating is “it depends.”

  2. Sure, a drunken one night stand in Vegas would make me be livid, but a one-off sex encounter with no emotional attachment? I doubt I’d throw away a 10 yr relationship over that. NPR had study about emotional cheating – almost always led to a physical relationship. Sex chat room or long lunches with an attractive woman? What is more likely to interfere with the relationship dynamics? Out of the 5 scenarios you list, which impacts the time, energy and commitment in a relationship?

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