How to stop missing someone

It tears at you, day and night. You hate being single. It’s that horrible feeling in your gut. It just won’t go away. You sometimes touch your stomach to make sure everything is still there. Physically, the pieces are in place, but that feeling makes it seem not to be true. It feels like…a hole. Your body is complete but yet this hole is there and it only seems to grow bigger and bigger. You’re missing someone and can almost feel their soul pulling you through space and time. Part of you wants to give in, it’ll be easier that way, yet giving in isn’t an option. They’re gone, and gone they will stay.

Most of the pain we feel surrounding a breakup is centered around a singular belief: there is only one. No one will be as wonderful, as beautiful, as charming, as interesting. You can’t imagine anyone making you feel as good or as loved. There’s just no way. There’s only one person that could ever do this. I mean, right?

The truth is, we all feel that way after a breakup and sometimes even after a rejection from someone we admire. Somewhere in your psyche you have made up your mind that this person is the end-all, be-all of dating. You could be happy with him or her, but not without. This feeling can go on for months, even years after the triggering event…sometimes with good days and sometimes with bad. Maybe you should reach out and make contact, see if things can be reignited? But no, the fear of that other person having moved on and being happy without you is too great. If you’re lonely, you hope they are too, all the exes and those who’ve turned you down.

When I broke up with my first girlfriend, I was a freshman in college. One of the upperclassmen in the drama club noticed me sulking around and asked what was going on. I relayed the story of how my girlfriend had left me for another guy. He listened for a while and then said something that I wish I would remember more often: “As Yoda said, there is another.”

He was right. I went on to date some more and love again. At the time it seemed like that would never happen, but time heals wounds and I moved on. The real approach to stop missing someone is to realize that the world is full of potential partners for you. There’s close to 7 billion people on earth, and because of transportation and communication advances in the past two decades, they are all up for grabs.

After a breakup, you believe there is only that one out of billions that could make you happy. There were certainly qualities about this person that made them special to you. It’s important to realize that that one person doesn’t have a monopoly on those qualities. There are a lot of kind people. There are a lot of beautiful people. There are a lot of intelligent people. There are a lot of people who are driven in their careers, love their family, and just might be looking for someone special.

I recently wrote an email to some friends asking their opinion of how to get a certain girl out of one’s mind. The best reply was simply, “think of some OTHER girl.” And he was right. The old adage about there being plenty of fish in the sea is completely true. What you need to do is find a way to believe it. Meeting a girl that intrigues you while you’re wrapped up in someone else helps. Now you know there’s two. If there’s two, then there must be three. This is why several dating experts recommend just going out and meeting new people even if you feel like you don’t want a serious relationship due to past heartbreak. Just discovering that there are other interesting people out there is an important first step in getting over someone.

Think of it this way. If you go into a bakery and there is only one pastry for sale, you start to get nervous that you won’t get it. There are other hungry people there too and who knows when one will pounce. If you go to a bakery with a large assortment of pastries, you never worry that you won’t get what you want (or deserve). You know that there’s a lot of options, and even if they run out of your favorite, there are several others that you’d be willing to try. No angst, no nervousness.

So if you’re missing someone right now, stop and imagine being in a group with five other people. Each of these people has a quality you admire and has it in spades compared to the one you’re missing. He’s more handsome. She’s smarter. He speaks lovingly. She makes you laugh. And bonus, they’re all interested in you. Remind yourself of this scene whenever you start feeling yourself dwelling on your past relationship and partner. There are other people out there, you just need to believe that they exist. And when you truly believe it, that’s when they start to appear.

What do you think? Leave a comment!

If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment or subscribe to the feed to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.


Hey.. THanks for this post… i am suffering from a break up that just consist of 6 months, yes i know its not long, but hey my feelings are more thn just real.. i love her very much, but i just realised that i payed the least attention to her during the times when i was together with her. we broke up just like 3 days ago, reason, she got to go overseas, i dont want her to leave so i said i cant wait, thinking she would stay for me.. instead she thinks i dont love her enough, she agreed with the break up i proposed, i know its my fault.. thn i regreted it, thn i asked for another chance. then she mentioned how i didnt appreciate her and etc. the next day. i wasnt feeling that sad because i thought, hey i could carry on my life, but then i went on friendster and saw 1 person that viewed me… my this gf.. kissing his lips, my heart shattered .. i called her and talked about it.. she said it was a fling and happen the day right after we broke up, and said she stills love me.. how can i accept the fact that she is with another guy right after we broke up, and believes that she still loves me …. even if she is trying to get over me.. it hurts. it really hurts, i cant stop thinking about it .. until i read this post.. thank you so much, now i understand that besides her, there is still others that i can put my feelings to. i wont be serious that fast anymore, i will still fall inlove but not that fast, i do not want to be a playboy, and hurt other girls, they didnt do anything wrong. its just i trusted the wrong girl, maybe i will have to put my feelings in a girl who feels so towards me as well.. i hope i will get over this girl i love , who i think is special to me .. as soon as possible, hehe thanks for theperson who posted this.

@Melvin – Very glad to hear that this helped, since that was the goal! You’ll find someone else that will treat you right, I guarantee it. And just think about how happy you’ll be when that happens.

This article was great! I’ve read a lot of other articles about breaking up and trying not to miss an ex and none of them relayed the message as well as you did. I think for me and for a lot of people it’s really hard to move on because of the paralyzing fear that it’s impossible to find anyone better. This article really reiterated the fact that there are people that are just as good, if not better, than a person’s ex out there.
I dated my ex for 5 months. It was my first relationship and it was long distance. It’s been about three months since we broke up, and I feel like now I am finally getting my life back together. I still miss him a lot. We ended our relationship because of distance. If we had been in the same place we probably would have continued dating, because we really, really liked each other. However, the distance was too hard, so we ended it. Ending on good terms I think has been hard too, because I think it has given me this false hope that we are going to get back together. We are probably never going to be in the same place, so it’s never going to work. I’m starting to come to terms with things. Break-ups just suck. However, your article reminded me that there are lots of other good people out there, and that is refreshing. I go to a very small women’s school, so I don’t have the greatest pool of potential guys to meet, but I’m hoping somehow something will fall into place and I will meet some great guys.
Thanks for the article!

@jen – I’m glad this helped. Breakups are always tough, but you just can’t stop believing you can find someone else. Sounds like you’re on the right track, good luck!

[…] How to stop missing someone – It’s not easy, but it’s possible […]

I really liked this article… possibly practical solutions given.. Thanks

this is amazing. thanks so much

I miss my my ex for 2 year and I broke up with him a month ago… I love him so much but I want him to be happy,that’s why I set him free… I’m moving on but he always have the access in getting on my mind, and always makes me want to go see him or be with him but ofcourse that was all in my mind but its driving crazy. YES there is always a hole though I’m physically complete. Anyways, im still strugling with this feelings. But, As i read this one it gave me some hope, hope that i will someday find someone who will love me the way I wanted it to be. I dont know you but it works to inspire me….

what if you do go out and meet new people but it doesnt help but they can’t compare to him? what if no matter how interesting someone is or how many people are interested in you, you only want the one who doesn’t want you anymore? i am trying hard not to miss my ex-boyfriend but no matter what i’m doing or who i’m with, i only want him and i only think of him. his ghost still haunts me and i just don’t know how much longer i can deal with it. any ideas?

what if you and this girl was really good friends, best friends, before you got 2gether…and then an ex of hers comes into the picture and she tells you to end being together and she just wants to be best friends again…how do you deal with that, when you really care about the friendship 2, not just being partners….how do you cope with the heartbreak while working on the friendship?

I totally can relate to this. it’s hard for me because i have felt these same feeling so it’s good ot realise that they are natural. it’s still hard for me to convoinve myself that there is someone as special to me since i don meet that many people very easily, or maybe it is hard for me to really start lking someone after i meet them, it takes time. but to know that this process is natural i s really reasssuring.

Thanks for this article. I met my ex girlfriend of 2 months while backpacking Australia and New Zealand. I am British, she is German. I liked/still like her, always did since the start and in fact, I am madly in love with her, but distance and career drove us apart, I really felt like I had met the one, she is perfect in absolutely every way for me, but I had to leave Australia to return to UK, and she is going back to Germany soon, we still stay in contact but she is a seafarer and will be on the open sea for 6 months on board a container vessel really soon, and has indicated to me that things cannot work out between us. I am suffering alot at the moment, and all I can think is that I want her, and she does not want me, and that I have lost the most precious thing in my life but I will try to take the advice of this article and believe that there is someone else out there for me even though it does not feel like it now, and I absolutely love her.

After my marriage ended, I was not interested in anyone or even the notion of dating again. After being in a new town and having a new job for a couple months, one of my co-workers began showing interest in me. He was fairly open with his life, as was everyone else we worked with. I had heard rumors of his past and his kids with different moms and that he was just a playboy, but I don’t like to take judgements of people from other people’s words. I wasn’t anticipating falling for this guy so fast. We spent every chance we could together for a few weeks, putting everything else on hold. We sacrificed days of sleep just to keep talking and everything felt so right. He had never had a mature relationship, always dating girls so much younger than him (but all over 18 ) He allowed drama in his life, he had a tough childhood and so finally I come along to listen to him. To not judge him and accept all his “faults” and “flaws.” Those were according to him and others. I divulged my past as well and a bond grew. But then life started to happen again and reality set in. He has been in college for a long time, trying to juggle two degrees with 2 kids from 2 moms working two jobs, there is no time for a relationship in there.

We had this conversation. He was getting very overwhelmed by everything. One of the first things I told him was I did not want to be another stressor in his life. I re-itterated that, letting him know I understood he needed this time to concentrate on his schooling and projects. I want to support him in any way I can. I have no right to butt into his life at this point in time to be a factor in all his hard work not becoming a reality. This talk went well…and there have been few in between.

I knew I had to back off and let him do his thing, but I did NOT realize how attached I am to this guy. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to give him space. But if I don’t, I could potentially lose him forever. In my head, I feel like the time we spend apart, I’m not even on his mind. We text a little every couple of days, but it’s like our course is back pedalling. We don’t talk very often. We’ve hung out maybe 3 times in the past month. I know I’m being a typical girl in this, letting my imagination and insecurities run wild, but I put a lot into this relationship so quickly, that I don’t want to lose this connection. And I’m pretty sure in his head, he’s just focused on what he needs to get done in the present.

As hard as it is to say goodbye or to let go, I know I have to. Sometimes when you love something so much, you have to let it go, with hopes they will come back to you. And if they don’t, there’s nothing more to do but move on. Time heals all wounds, but without those wounds, I would not be the person I am today. I would not have grown into the women I am proud to be. I don’t know what my future holds, I don’t know if I will have him back in my life the way it was. But at least I know a side of him no one else does. And I hope I have planted something in his head so he knows he’s a great person and worth every bit of love from someone else. I miss him like crazy and some days it’s difficult to breathe, but with each breath I get a piece of me back and know I am fortunate to have even known him. I will always love him, no matter where our paths lead us.

i had this girl for 8 months and i wake up 1 morning and shes left me for another guy i miss her so much i dont know what to do anymore..i cry and cry everyday. i love her so much i wish i could have her in my arms again i got this pain in my stomach and it wont go away i wake up everymorning and i wonder whats she’s doing i have not talked to her for about 2 weeks now and im going crazy i need help or some good advice i keep getting hurt im tired of it…….

Hello. Thamks for the advice. At first I had a very painful break up with a woman whom I was with for 4 yrs cause she was cheating on me. Then I made the mistake of meeting and falling in love with another woman way to soon before I really got to know her well.turns out she was married. A lair. A cheat and very selfish. She started trying. To use my kindness for weakness for money. The thing was hurtful and very disappointing. To me I blame a lot on myself. I should have been more careful. I know now not to open my heart too fast for another woman until I know her a lot more better these kind of things can make a person angry and bitter against people. I have learnt my lesson BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LET IN TO YOUR LIFE

its really nice.
but, i feel that some times it really might just be THAT person. me and my ex dated for a year and 2 months. and then on and off for 3 months. a lot went on between us. she even lived 1000 miles away at one point, and still to this day.
we broke up in march for good. and didnt speak until like 3 weeks ago. up until then(being when she msg’d me the first time in 2 months)i was doing great not thinking about her at all. I was set on finding a new girl, even had a girl in mind. but now i compare things about my ex to the new girls features and personality. I love my ex’s personality so much. i miss her aagain now more than ever some times. ive dealt with this before, ive thoguht it would never stopped. But this time isnt the same.. please someone help me.


i totally hear you.

let me ask you a question though- the new girl you met… is it possible you could give her a chance?

comparing new interests to old ones is a bit unfair to the new interest, and to yourself.

i’m willing to bet the new girl is special in her own ways, maybe ways you can’t even imagine yet… : )

anyway hope you actually know i replied you! haha

After several years of being comfortable being single, I feel I’ve come to a point in my life where I yearn for the companionship of another person. My past experiences in the dating foray were less than favorable, probably due mostly to the terms I met the other person on. Now that I’ve gotten older, I’ve moved, gotten a better job, living by myself, I’ve recently dove back into the dating game. What I find now is, when I date someone, I am constantly worked about what /when they are doing with other people. I’ve Ben on both sides of the track, and I know what this can/will do to a relationship, yet usually when I have this feeling, my gut almost always turns out to be right. My fear is, what happens if I meet someone right, and this underlying insecurity/feeling kicks in, cause inevitably it would drive them away. How do I control or get the help over this thing, and would that mean I didn’t care?

thank you, that helped a lot

Thanks a lot… GIves me a little hope.

Great article! well said!

I love this post. It made me cry.

Met a girl back in February. We got really close fast. Took me a month to ask her out. We were both attempting to be careful due to experiences a year before. We ended up liking each other a lot. After two months of intense intimacy, during which she opened almost all the doors, that I finally went through, she told me she wanted to date other people to see who she falls in love with…wanted to date me too, because it could be me. The me I had been up to this point changed, backed off to protect myself…it has been pretty painful. Felt like I was entering into an experiment that I felt I couldn’t win, mostly because I knew I would change. I did fall in love with her and wanted to let her do what she felt she needed for herself, so that she wouldn’t be wanting this down the line. My instincts are to walk away. I have been trying hard to accept the rejection…though questioning my own judgement about the whole idea of dating around to make sure the fit is right. She had gotten hurt before and is apprehensive now….me too, but I am able to still open up. I know no one can answer my own decisions or live my own consequences, but it is really difficult to stop missing her and accept that I am not all that special. I suppose that I think I am special at all and deserve to be exclusive gives me hope that at least I think more highly of myself than I feel going through this dilemma. I have tried dating others and I just can’t stop thinking about her and also about how fair I am being to them. I am afraid I would be using them to get over her and if she decided to date me, I would doubt the validity of my potential feelings for someone else. It is a good post and the most obvious solution…but sure is hard to implement.

It helps to know others share that heartache. Grieving and missing someone can feel so lonely. I was only with my ex for 6 months, we were friends for a year prior, and I thought we had something really special. I screwed up in the relationship but what hurt was that he wasnt willing to let it go and get back to the way things were before. I didnt cheat or anything, just said some hurtful things. Anyway, I have good days but today Im missing him alot. He said he has moved on and is with someone (two weeks after rejecting me saying he didnt want to be with anyone). I feel sad, angry, confused, you name it. I just wish he had tried harder. It sucks when actions and words dont match. I do feel as if I will never love again or meet anyone who I clicked with so well because I dont click with alot of people. I dont want to be angry or bitter, I just dont want to ache anymore. Rejection sucks. I wonder why I even bother to care since he has moved on and I mean nothing anymore to him. I guess time heals the loneliness and heartache but its hard in the moment. I know I will love again but sometimes I dont know if I even want to take that risk.

I took the risk with mine. And it brought more pain and humiliation than I was ready for, not that I am ever ready for that. And if there had been true honesty from the beginning, this is pain I could have avoided. You can only go by a persons words and actions and if those are leading you to the belief that they are as into you as you are them, than how can this heartbreak be avoided…
To be left missing someone that does not miss you, is devastating. There is nowhere to put this pain…it has to be felt and experienced head on. It’s debilitating.

ok but what if your still with the person but the pain i feel is from the distance between us because i moved 300 miles away to come to college.. and some days its’ easy.. we talk every night and txt throughout the day but it’s just not the same.. we went from livin with eachother to flat out not seeing eachother everyday and it’s just so hard sometimes. i miss him so much and i don’t know how to help the pain go away.. when i’m with him i feel at peace and my world is just right. and it’s hard for us to see eachother i mean the way we both struggle with money.. how do i ease my pain??

So I broke up with this guy last year.. Regretted it but it was too late. I spent 6 months sulking and being depressed and trying to persuade him to take me back. Summer rolled around and I got a job at a golf course.. I meet this guy and it’s almost instantaneous that I fall for him.. We flirt, text, talk on the phone… And he even admits there is something between us.. But he has a girlfriend Of 4 years.. He always talks abOut how he loves her but he isn’t sure if he Is happy.. Anyway. He is going on vacatio. With her and her family for 2 weeks. Which means 2 weeks of stomach curdling pain… i need to just get over him. But I can’t. I just got over my ex with the help Of finding this new guy but I can’t have him! And to top everything off.. I went to a week long training session and met this wonderful guy who had great potential. But he lives an unreachable distance away… It seems as if every guy I like. I can’t have.

kool vn yaa..thnksssssss after reading this arteicle a=m actually feeling better…

Breakups are, THE hardest thing to cope with if you’re certain they’re the person you really wanted. It’s down to what you do and if you focus on other people too much, it gets you nowhere and you just feel crappy. What you focus on mostly tends to grow with time and then determines exactly the way you feel now. So if you’re occupied elsewhere with something or someone else it’s helpful so you can move on and just do your own thing.

Wouldn’t it be the perfect world if people could just decide what they really want and make equal decisions that meant both people were unaffected?

Hey, I’m from South africa. Woke up this morning and felt again like I missed her so much and that basically I can’t function without her.

After reading this article, it really made me realise that what you’re saying is true. There are so many other people out there! It’s just knowing that they are and getting yourself out there. I really hope I get to meet someone else quickly… Take my mind off this girl

this is easy for any men to forget and start a new relationship ,,, but for me; its too hard to star another dating..another boyfriend, becuase i stii love him,,when i wake up,when i wanna sleep ,, all the time he is in my mind,,and i still wait for him to come back again
he never know that how much i love him,although he said he missed me bye msg,,but i wait he come and tell me he loves me loves myself i carzy ?!!


i jst cant stop thinking abt him.. after v ended our relation.. bcz it was jst a tym pass for him.. bt not for me.. he is my lyf.. n still hezz my frnd.. jst normal frnd… bcz m jst addicted to him.. i want him at any cost in my life… dont knw y dis all happening…. i want to move forward in life… bt cant…. bcz still.. i luv him………. he double dated me….. after dis also….. i luv him…….. wat to do yaar……….:(. plzzzz help me…….

Wow this is very interesting.

Can’t wait to tell my story…its bananas!!!!

i really agreed to this ive been missing a ex and have been trying hard to get over them… this helped a lot loved it great advise:)

I don’t date I am always single for five years. I don’t plan it. Nor do I force it. I let it flow. I hate it and it freaks me out when a guy I just met wants to…”come over”…wtf!!! I eliminate anyone who asks… I am very private..i have a big family…we use company for entertainment!!!! LOL!! A man that wants to come over…is looking for a meal and a screw!!! Run ladies!!!!!

Well I see the point in this article and i myself think just the same. But I will tell the beautiful tale of my life. I am married. We met 3 years back. And my parents didn’t approve of him. I tried breaking up with him. But he kept steady as a rock, no matter how far I went, he kept per suing me.He had to go abroad for his higher studies, it was very difficult to keep up the relationship. I proposed break up. But he never ever gave up, I even went out dated another guy just to stop missing him. He forgave me for that. He has been there keeping the relationship together. And finally we got married a couple of months ago only to find the best moments in our lives. Had he given up on me, had he just moved on, I would have lost him forever. But yes the choice remains. We need to know if the other person is the one.

Zack thanks very much for your article. The way how you make it sound so simple when in fact it is. I still find it difficult on my Ex how i loved her dearly and ended up being treated like crap all the time, her mood swings were a nightmare, first shes happy, next shes sad, and when i try to help her when she was sad, she puts barriers up to prevent anyone getting in. She is with someone atm, which doesn’t bother me, the thing that bothers me is why was i treated like that, was it because i was to easy, and she was capable of walking all over me. Should i of dealt with it in a manly way and let her get on with it. From this Questions came up, is it me? does she love me? have i done something wrong? and then paranoia then kicks in and you start acting paranoid then even more serious “*&^%” happens.

I sort of think about her even to this day (2years), her name pops into my mind but i want to remove her name from my head so i can get on with my life. I saw her the other day and yeah i couldn’t look in the eye, for the simple fact that she doesnt deserve it. Since the break up it has hauted me in many ways and i just wanna get on with my life and live my life as much as i can. AND HOPE SOMEONE NEW COMES ALONG.

I will deffo think of girls and imagine them in my life, Sarah Bolger Irish acter.

I am sorry if my post was alittle bit much or miles off what zack was saying but i dont know what to do. I want her out of my head.

Thanks Zack

thank you it makes me feel better

Missing someone. Not really an ex but he was a lover and a friend. Never thought he would reject me the way he did/has. It’s only been about a week or a little over. I adored him and I still care but I try not to. I was contemplating contacting him, but he probably wants nothing to do with me, given he recent/last actions, and I would just be hurting myself more by doing so if he doesn’t want to talk to me. I still don’t understand what went wrong. I usually don’t go out much, just once in a blue moon. However, I have been going out more lately just to not have him on my mind. I do believe there are others out there.. Just the feeling for him still lingers.

This was a very good article.

So, my problem goes like this
I know there are guys waaay better than him, pretty much anywhere. Cause this dude was/is a douche. From saying unappropriate comments about my cousing to my face, to telling me he doesn’t want to be with me but he just doesn’t want me to go out with anyone else either. Ha. Worse things also, but they are too many.

I never gave anyonee so much of myself! I never imagined the possibility of someone in my future but him. Sucks right? Somehow I had this perception of him as if he was an amazingly good guy. He is not, I am clear now. But I still miss that possibility. It’s been a month no see.
I’ve went out with friends including a guy that likes me (and he is to me such an awesome person and friend), but I don’t have romantic feelings for him so it makes me miss my ex more. Well that’s just silly.

Someone please invent a “get this loser out of your mind” machine,,, and call me asap. I don’t wanna waste more time on him.

thanks for the advice. it seems i know everything i need to do. but i dont have the “Guts” to do it. i have lived most of my life to put it gently”veryshy” it’s hard for me to meet new people and friends when i do gain the courage to come out i still feel fake or weird any way i met an online girl.i fell for her imediatly and she was impressed by my looks and we began and “bumpy friendship”.she pulled away and and i pushed to be with her harder.i was living in my own hopes; things would get better because after “all how can someone not like me” (attitude).anyways my pushing led to a sexual flirty kind of love hate thing even i became flustered at the hardship of building this relationship as she resisted.well one day we had an altercation over her talking to her “friend” on the phone about our previous date. mentioning details about me.when i asked the name of the person she became offended and a heated argument led to a negative slope.(already existing).i feel i should never have got into this relationship but my heart was already there and still is; i still do miss her alot.i will get over this somehow but right now it seems imposible.

I’m 13 years old and I miss someone very much not a day geos by that I don’t think of her I can’t see her any more because I swiched schools I miss her very much

thanx but i think my feelings will last for quite sometimes.

I am dating my bf for 3 or 4 months now. We are in love, but I am always thinking he might break up with me (for no reasons). I am so scared, although I know he loves me so so much. I think that’s how I end up in this site. It just hurt me so much reading other people’s break up stories. I am scared myself, but I do not want my bf to see that I am scared. Sometimes I think he might be scared of breaking up with me as well. I just want be myself again. I really hate relationships sometimes.

well, I broke up with my boyfriend 3 years ago and I still miss him. He broke my heart Too many times…but I still think of him…every day. It doesn’t get any better!

I remember my 1st love and the time we broke up, its safe to say I was ɑ complete mess, I went through so many emotions from crying to anger to a obsessed character, depressed and then numb, most of all I would miss him just being there his company. I would think of him all day everyday it drove me crazy, I didn’t want to go out and jus focused all my time on the breakup… But its true when they say “time is ɑ healer” at first I couldn’τ even think of another man, but even though there was love we just couldn’t make it work in ɑ relationship, so we went our seperate ways and in time I finally got the courage to start dating, of coarse this was when he realised he wanted to make it work suprisingly I said that it was over and there was no going back I kept myself busy and eventually I got over him. Now we are friends and I wish him all the best and nothing but complete happiness ppl say u can not be friends wiv sum1 u once loved but I believe that is wrong. After 2 years I met my recent ex and it was completly different, it was my 2nd real relationship I was older and not so insecure, we went through ɑ lot and it was ɑ very painfull time he hurt me a lot infact he would go out of his way to hurt me, he was jealous, possesive, controlling and ɑ compulsive lier when we broke up I tried to end it on good terms but all he did was verbally and mentally abuse me the worse thing we did was stay in contact it was just torture,he would constantly question me about men and was obsessed with me meeting another man after breaking up this went on for months and just got worse, I finally realised he was just ɑ bully taking my emotions for ɑ weakness, I decided I needed to cut him off and move on, so I ended all contact and in time it did get easier I guess I thought he would change but I know now that would never happen. It was different with him we ended on bad teRms we had no understanding and we could not even talk civily never mind be friends. But it helped to be strong and get on with life instead of sulking over something that clearly wasn’t ment to be, keeping ur mind occupied really does work!

You are right to a degree…we need to make ourselves move on. But, if you don’t allow yourself to grieve, and truly give yourself some time to be sad, and think and be in those emotions for a little while, then you are just repressing it and it will take longer to go away.

months and years? that does not sound like fun considering its only been a few days. staying positive is so hard

Thank you. I am in a state where I google “how to stop missing someone” and I ended up here. I usually just read advices and go mope and eat back again, but you mentioned bakery and it made sense. I never get anxious if the bakery is full of fresh products or when I go to the store and I don’t find my favorite chocolate I don’t get depressed (for long), I just try something else. I never compared people to food, but THANK YOU. This will help me in future, since I just ended up being single from my first relationship,which was also long distance and alltogether lasted 2 years. I feel/felt there will never be another like him. But I just think I went to the bakery when it was closing time. Thanks for sharing positive vibe,for it made me a little less depressed.

thank you very much.
it help me a lot.

Thanks for your post. I feel exactly the way you described “the feeling that you won’t find anyone better”. 6 months ago i met a girl downtown and she was only in town for the weekend and then headed back home to vegas. It turns out she just left her ex in Arizona and made a stop in San Diego so i thought to myself a one night stand. Afterwards she extended her stay to thursday up from Sunday and on that Thursday we decided to celebrate our last night together but then i got a DUI and was arrested. From that point on she was there for me, giving me rides to school and even getting me a rental car while she was visiting her ffamily in Vegas. A girl who was there for me like she was is something i’ve never seen but i knew she was at a fresh break up so she was still talking to her ex. After sometime she was planning on leaving him and 5 months out she mentioned to me that she’s pregnant. She told me she isn’t sure who the father is because she had slept with her ex on one of her supposed nights out to Vegas. Today i find out the baby is not mine and that they’re going to try and rekindle things. My worry is not about looks or anything like that but finding a girl who is as giving as her and in this society it seems like women want the guy to hand them everything

Thanks,1 month on and i love her more then i can tell or show the world i know i’m not perfect and i could have done better but i love her and loved being with her. Waking up to her smiling in her sleep as she snuggled into me before work. all those memories will be lost like tears in the rain. i never wanted her to walk away, but she says she’s happier then she’s ever been. What do i say to that? except i love her and i’m glad she’s smiling. i see pictures of us together. She loved me too i just dont know where it went and so fast. i feel so lost.

Thanks for the post – much appreciated.

The problem with telling people that there will always be someone else out there is that it sometimes just isn’t true. No one wants to say it but this country is full of lonely old people. Once you get into your 40s and you have family baggage etc it is much harder to meet people. If you have a higher than average IQ or education it is also harder – because frankly a lot of men don’t want a woman who is smarter than them or academic. The more unusual you are they harder it is to find a partner – and all these dating sites seem to suggest rather glibly that gee, there are countless potential partners around each corner. For many people this simply isn’t true. There are also many single people living in small or rural communities who are severely limited in choice and before you say, move, that isn’t always possible for other reasons such as dependants. So, while I appreciate the sentiment of the blog, I wish people would stop being glib and start being a little more realistic. Many people in fact haven’t believed their partner was a soul mate. – it’s often a compromise but when you are lonely even that’s harder to replace than you might think.

Thank you for your article.
I had previously hypothesized the same, regarding “fish in the sea” and “getting back out there”
However, no matter what good qualities I find and what attractive and interesting intelligent females I find, I just can’t get my ex-girlfriend out of my mind.
I have already met a few new girls, found them attractive, or talented or interesting..
Unfortunately, no two snowflakes are alike. When you find somebody and fall in love with that person, it is impossible to replicate that.
And depending on the circumstances of the breakup, it is impossible to get over.
Thank you for your paradigm shifting article, I can tell it has greatly benefitted other readers by their comments.
But dating others with the expectation that I will find the same qualities will only hinder my progress.

Leave a comment