You’re not helping
Ah the married/attached friend…we all have at least one. Someone whom we’ve known for a while and who are inextricably tied to someone in a great relationship. They’re either married or practically married (any day now, that ring is gonna show up), and as a single person, we respect and admire them. They have what we want, afterall, a happy and successful relationship with a great person.
The problem with these dear friends is that their advice is often lacking an essential ingredient: understanding. Sometimes I just feel sorry for myself because I’ve been single for so long. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. Everyone deserves to get depressed from time to time when life isn’t quite going the way they want. It gets annoying always being the third wheel and sometimes you just want to have someone to go home to. It’s okay to be sad that there’s no one there.
What I’ve found with my attached friends is that, bless their hearts, they just can’t remember what these moments are like. Oh they say, “I remember” and “it took me so long to find so-and-so,” but it’s very hard for them to actually remember the feelings of hurt and loneliness.Their frame of reference is now so different and all of those negative feelings have been swept into the background. As a result, they get frustrated with us and accuse us of acting childish, feeling sorry for ourselves, or worse.
They don’t understand why I don’t want to go to the restaurant with the waitress I had a crush on now that I know she has a boyfriend. They don’t get that “just ask someone out” isn’t that easy when you were turned down the last three times. They don’t grasp that “it will happen when it’s supposed to” isn’t comforting when you’ve spend so long by yourself. And they really don’t get that pointing out how happy they are now that they’ve found someone only makes the fact that we don’t just that much more painful.
If you’re attached and you have single friends going through rough times, let them whine for a day. Try to imagine the frustration of someone who’s reached their age and hasn’t had a serious relationship in years. Let them run away from others that make them feel small or unsuccessful or less confident, as this won’t do anything for them anyways. You’ll want to encourage them to focus on other things and don’t use your own story as a reference. And realize that sometimes, they just don’t want to hear anything about dating at all; they just want to hang out with their friends and relax.
Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment!
Want to discuss love and dating with us? Join our community!
Related Posts
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
So there. I’ve been single for eight years and have watched two waves of friends marry off and start families. Wondering when it’ll be my turn, if ever.
Yeah, I have a few friends I know that are coupled and then when I talk with them and they ask me why I am so sad about being single, they get the standard litany. I am alone, I am frustrated and I have not had sex in months because of this problem.
I am afraid to give myself away because of the horrible people I have met and become romantically attached to.
Great post Zack! thanks