It’s normal to feel lonely from time to time. Anyone who’s been single for longer than a couple of months is probably used to this feeling. It sneaks up on you at strange places too. At the movies. While watching TV. Talking with friends. Feeling lonely from time to time is natural and you shouldn’t try to deny that feeling. Allow yourself to accept that loneliness will come into your life every so often, you deal with it, and then you move on. Unless you’ve gone through a recent breakup of a longtime relationship, loneliness shouldn’t be any every-day, 24-7 feeling that prevents you from being social or even getting out of bed. If you feel that way, it’s actually depression.
Depression is a serious problem. Having suffered from it myself, I know the mind games you can play on yourself. You fixate on the loneliness because it’s something concrete. You’d feel silly fixating on the clouds blocking the sun or that your dinner didn’t turn out quite as expected (though certainly in the worst phases of depression, that can happen too); not having somewhere there to comfort you is very real, in-your-face, and accessible to obsessive thoughts. Thus you think you’d feel better if only you had someone, and that special someone will make everything all right.
The truth is that no one has that amount of power over you. Meeting someone to talk to, date, and have sex with doesn’t make depression go away. You won’t feel lonely, but the depression will take other forms. You’ll obsess over losing that person or lash out at them for no real reason as the depression turns into anger. No, meeting someone won’t make your depression go away, it will just turn into another form.
If you don’t feel life is worth living on your own, what could you possibly offer someone else? You need to know that you’re a wonderful person who does good things regardless of other people’s feedback and approval. Feeling that no one will ever love you is a sign of low self-esteem and that just makes you less attractive to the opposite sex (or the same one). No one wants to be with someone who’s depressed because, well, it’s depressing. Yes, it’s true that sometimes pain draws two people together, but those relationships typically explode in horrific ways. Most of the time, it’s someone’s positiveness that draws others to them; it’s the way that you make people feel when they’re around you that creates attraction.
When you’re depressed, that’s the energy you give off and others will feel worse around you. This begins a vicious cycle where you’re depressed because you’re alone, but others won’t be attracted to you because you’re depressed. If you find yourself in this situation, your only option is to address the depression yourself. You cannot wait for someone to come along and make it their responsibility to lift you up out of your current state. That’s too much pressure to put on anyone. You need to make your life special, rediscover the wonderful things in your life and just how great of a person you are. You need to create the person that will be attractive to others: a confident, kind, caring, and fun person.
If you’re tired of being single and feel like loneliness is crushing you, it may very well be depression speaking. Please, seek help from a counsellor and get to the bottom of it. Everyone deserves to be loved by someone, but by not addressing your real problems, you’re keeping that special someone away. When you’re truly content in your life, being alone isn’t nearly as crippling as when you’re depressed. As a bonus, when you’re content in your life, you’ll have something truly wonderful to share with someone else.