Be who you want to be with

“And what makes you think you deserve her?”

He searched her eyes for any hint of sarcasm but found none. Suddenly he felt self-conscious.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” she said, “you’ve just gone on and on about what you want in a girl. What makes you think you actually deserve the girl you describe?”

He thought about it for a minute.

“Um, I’m a really nice guy.”

“Oh come on,” she continued, “what is it that you have to offer this dream girl of yours?”

She wasn’t letting up at all. His mind raced with a bunch of different retorts but nothing seemed to be right.

“I’m not sure I understand your question,” he asked innocently, “what am I supposed to say?”

“Realistically,” she began, “why would this wonderful girl want to date you? I mean, you’re my friend and I think you deserve to be happy, but you just described a pretty amazing girl. Amazing girls want amazing guys. Do you think you think you’re amazing?”

“Um…”

“You see, that’s what I mean,” she interjected, “if you need to stop and think about it, even for a second, why would she want you?”

A sadness crept into his eyes. Suddenly, he didn’t feel worthy of dating anyone, let alone the girl he had just described.

“Hey,” she put her hand on his, “I’m not saying you don’t deserve her. I’m saying that you need to make her realize that. You said you want this girl that dresses nicely, is in good shape, and driven in her career. But let me ask you this, when was the last time you bought new clothes?”

Silence.

“Or the last time you went to the gym?”

“And where do you see yourself in your career the next five years?”

Another long pause. He didn’t have answers to any of her questions.

“I see your point,” he said with resignation.

“Good, now what are you going to do about it?”

He shrugged shyly.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself! I’m not saying you can’t have her, I’m just saying you need to do things to make her want to be with you. Why would a positive person want to be with someone who’s always depressed? Why would an in-shape person want to be with someone who never goes to the gym? I mean realistically, think about it. You’re not offering her anything. A relationship is bi-directional, you both have to be getting something out of it. It’s not her job just to make you happy, it’s your job to make her happy too. And the best way to do that is to be what she is.”

“Huh?”

“Be what she is,” she continued, “if you want to meet someone who’s in shape, wouldn’t it make sense to start going to the gym?”

“I guess so.”

“And if you want a girl who dresses nicely, don’t you think it’s time you start caring about your appearance?”

“I suppose…”

“And if this girl has a great career, do you think she’d be interested in someone who’s unhappy in his job?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay then,” a kind smile came on her face, “so what are you going to do now?”

“Look for a girl with low-esteem who doesn’t care about her appearance, has a crappy job, and is generally pessimistic about life.”

“You’re a lost cause,” she said rolling her eyes, “you know that right?”

5 thoughts on “Be who you want to be with”

  1. This friend is brutalizing this guy. She is obviously testing him because she isn’t happy in her own life. The best response to these kinds of questions from women is to either reframe the question back to her or answer confidently. For example:

    Reframing question:
    Her: Do you think your amazing?
    Me: Can your friend handle a guy as amazing as me?

    Answer confidently:
    Her: Do you think your amazing?
    Me: I’m the most amazing guy on the planet (with a big grin and laughter)

    -Adam

  2. Wow!

    That girl needs to do a PSA on every major network. Preferably after shows like “According to Jim”.

  3. This post resonates with me. I’m dating someone who’s amazing, and it makes me want to be the amazing girl that he deserves, and continue to better myself. The title of the post, “Be who you want to be with,” is well said.

    The guy referenced in the post has good sense of humor.

  4. I think Mindy stated an important thing called mirroring. Whatever you think of yourself will be mirrored back from the person your with. To take it further, Mindy is inspired to be amazing because her man is.

  5. So true. Women should be a civilizing influence on men, and if a man isn’t moved to become a better person, move on.

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