As it should happen, the day after I posted a comment on busting the BUDDY system, one of my closest guy friends gave me a call – or more like, called me to the mat Apparently it had not gone unnoticed that I had started distancing myself from him and other mutual friends, and he said ‘”Enough of this nonsense, I’m coming to pick you up in an hour, no excuses, and I want the whole day with you. We need to talk.” Fine. Shit. I owed him at least an explanation.
So at brunch, I told him that I was tired of being the temporary girlfriend, that as much as I loved him (and my other platonic male friends), it was taking time away from pursuing men that were interested in me more than a friend. I also explained my frustration with the inconsistency, ranting about how he (and the others) want my company all day and night until the next hot chick arrives, and then I’m on the back burner. What kind of friendship was that anyway? I told him, look, you’ll always be special to me, we’ll always be there for each other, but really, I need to focus more of my time and energy on finding romantic love, not playing procrastination with my guy friends.
He listened patiently and said, simply, “No.”
“I know you, (Serendipity), you are running away because you’re afraid of being taken for granted – especially by men. You don’t want to get hurt or disappointed, and I’ve done that. I’ve let you down many times and I admit that. But girl, you don’t know me at all if you think I’m letting you run away, turn away, or diminish what we share. Nope, you and I, we are going to work this out. I want you in my life, you are very special to me. I think what we have is worth fighting for, and I’m mad at you for taking it for granted.”
And there it was – the simple truth. However right I was in logic, I was in fact, taking his friendship for granted. I really was. This guy takes me hiking, surfing, cooks me gourmet meals, calls and emails all the time, has been there for me though thick and thin, asking for nothing in return except my time. And now, I was saying, sorry, my time is not yours, it belongs to some unknown man I am to meet who will love me more than you.
Right at that moment he adds: “I’m so confused, (Serendipity), you want love, and there’s love all around you. We feel like you don’t think our love and attention matters, like somehow it’s just not good enough because it’s not “the love” and that really hurts. It’s more in so many ways than we even give to our girlfriends, our wives. All I know is, you’re not walking away, I’m sick of you putting distance between us, I just won’t have it.” He smiled, knowing that he had delivered the one argument I could not fight.
I said simply: “You’re right. When I look at it, I guess I am being selfish. I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “Wanna get out of here and spend the day with me?”
“Yes”, I said.
We shopped on Haight street, laughed our asses off, caught up on the latest in each other’s lives and went to a fabulous dinner. When I came back from the restroom, there was a little piece of cake with a candle on it.
“Happy Birthday (Serendipity). Because you wouldn’t celebrate it with me before, we celebrate now. I love ya girl, don’t ever push me away like that again, ok?”
And with that, I smiled and made my wish…to never take love for granted, even platonic love.
So I re-engaged my platonic male friends with a newfound sense of appreciation and gratefulness. Shortly after, I met someone that knocked me off my feet…