Land of the Misfit Toys
My married friends ask, “Hey, how is the dating thing going?”
My reply is stolen from a remark at a cocktail party, but I love it, and use it: “Oh, it’s like living in the Land of the Misfit Toys!” Everyone laughs, but I look for the few who have that knowing smile, for they are my comrades in a war for love. That smile, it comes from singles in their late 30’s or early 40’s.
People are endearing, happy, accomplished, intriguing, hilarious…but also broken, weird, lost, and lonely. The toys in this land are not the “latest and greatest”, young, hip, and must-have. Yet they are tried and true, favorites of a past not too long ago, some damaged and re-built, yet with the sturdiness, reliability and love from age-old craftmanship you just can’t get with today’s new, cheap models.
I could blog about the wonderful people in this land. But you already know them, they are the friends you can’t believe are still single, the ones you try to set up. Instead, I’m going highlight three misfit toy reflections from the past 30 days:
1. Online classic: The camera phone bathroom shot
Can someone please tell me why men think it’s a great idea to take a picture of themselves shirtless in their bathroom with a camera phone? I don’t know if it’s the grainy photo or misc. abs missing a head, but it’s all wrong, just all wrong. If you have a great body, bravo! Put up a normal social picture like swimming by the pool, or hanging out on the deck with your friends.
2. The Reburn
I know with the Green movement it’s all about recycling. But honestly, there was a reason you walked away in the first place, so why do we go back? No matter how intriguing it may seem, there’s no reason to revisit old news. My reunion with the man from Let’s Dance went from enticement to boredom inside of 15 minutes. It lacked the spontaneity of a 20-something hook-up, and had the baggage of 30-somethings lost and looking for some kind of emotional connection.
3. Damaged Package
At this age it’s unlikely you’ll meet someone who hasn’t gone through significant heartbreak, and for some, the wounds heal slowly. It’s amazing how much of this shows through even on the first date, and many times I think to myself, “Man, I can’t fix this for you, I can’t carry us both through the uncertainty of love, rejection, or failed relationships.” What’s interesting though, is if I take the time to look past the damaged package, many times I see that in fact, the contents are still solid, and with a few loving repairs, what seems like a throwaway can be new again.
I am starting to embrace the Land of the Misfit Toys, yes, even the oddities of online dating, misguided reburns, and damaged packages. It reminds me that we are all looking to be cherished by someone who will not only appreciate, but uniquely love, our misfit attributes.
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Comments
“why men think it’s a great idea to take a picture of themselves shirtless in their bathroom with a camera phone?”
I guess it’s some kinda self declaration, it helps to feel them-self more stonger and more confident.
I just read this blog and I am guilty of reburn, but after the last few years, I’ve decided it wasn’t worth it. If it fizzled in the first place, why go back for more?
Great analogy though. Awesome.
I am Miss Shell, and I am a misfit toy.
A few weeks ago, an EX notified me he would be in town and wanted to “catch up” — aka an attempted REBURN. I wasn’t interested in reconnecting, but he was damn persistent.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I gave him a ring. It took less than seven minutes to be reminded of how LITTLE we had to say to one another. Apparently, he didn’t share the same perspective and was insistent we meet up. Am glad I perused your entry before I made up my mind.
Thanks for reminding me of the “REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE” campaign. I’m thinkin’ I’ll stick to the first of the three.