Dating Definition: a GUYS’ girl

Function: noun

Definition: A woman who ONLY hangs out with men, but is NOT a tomboy.  She may be able to chitchat with women who are in the vicinity (though she’ll stay somewhat aloof around them), but she chooses not to keep other females around.  She’ll seem cool because she”gets” the opposite gender, is a gamer, into comic books, wrestling with the guys or loves sports and action flicks.  A guys’ girl does NOT have a core group of great, solid friendships with other women who they can relate to or be kept accountable for their actions with.  Other women usually do NOT trust these kinds of women, especially around their significant others.

Example:

SMARTASS FRIEND: “She’s trouble.  I mean, she’s cool to hang with in a social setting, BUT she’s a guys’ girl — NOT a girls’ girl.”

CLUELESS GUY: “Huh?”

SF: “You know, the kind of girl that will be the only female in a posse of guys.”

CG: “So… what’s wrong with that?”

SF: “There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you’re OK with her one day sleeping with your soon-to-be-former-best-friend OR bastard-of-a-roommate.  Then it hits you that she surrounds herself with men because she always needs attention FROM guys AND doesn’t have what it takes to make good solid female friends. Any girl worth her salt will spell it out to you: females who can’t hold a true friendship with another gal pal are T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

12 thoughts on “Dating Definition: a GUYS’ girl”

  1. i laughed when i read this blog because i recognized myself in it. since i am a guys’ girl, and i’m a pretty nice, well-meaning person (though maybe a little bit of a recovering ‘damaged package’ like in the ‘Land of the Misfit Toys’ blog), i thought it important to add a comment. yes, it can be suspicious when you meet a woman who doesn’t have close girlfriends, and this can speak to trust and/or insecurity issues. it can also hint at emotional quirks you may face with this person in a relationship (just like with any other person who has their own hangups).

    i wonder myself every now and then how i came to be a ‘guys’ girl’, and found it funny that it’s just like the stereotype of a guy who’s been burned so many times in dating that he’s afraid to commit or share too much of himself in future relationships. i can only speak from personal experience, and mine is that i was burned so deeply from close best friend relationships and by the women in my family that i haven’t yet gotten over it. the hardest part of it is when i disproportionately put the onus on a present boyfriend to fill both the role of lover and best friend, and that’s where the going gets difficult.

    anyway, that longwinded explanation was just a little heads-up that not all guys’ girls are jealous, competitive skanks who want to hog all the men. people are people and we have our emotional hang-ups. ok, that’s all.

  2. ***JOSIE: I’m glad this particular post struck a chord with you. I’m in agreement that there’s ALWAYS exceptions to the rule. Problem is, exceptions like you are rare. The rest of the bunch are what I consider “fools’ gold” when it comes to relationship currency. Harsh, I know.

    It really made me very sad RE: how you became a guys’ girl. Relationships with other women are never easy (I can certainly attest to this) especially if your female filial relations have contributed to your distaste/mistrust. This particular area in your life sounds like there’s still a lot of healing that needs to take place. Only when you’re ready, of course.

    On top of that — being burned by a gal pal is probably WORSE than being cheated on by a lover. I know that sounds crazy to some, but believe me. Those who have experienced BETRAYAL from a best friend of the same gender KNOW what I’m talking about. It’s very difficult to bounce back from… but BOUNCE you must. I’m certain of this.

    Life can get SO lonely without great girlfriends to keep you laughing at yourself. There’s nothing that beats female bonding. It’s Kleenex personified. Of course, you won’t miss it, if all you’ve been nursing is male companionship to assauge your wounds. I’m not saying guys don’t make great friends. They do. Though it doesn’t take as much work, or vested time and interest to cultivate a relationship with your “girls.” Trust me on this. It took me decades to have this all sink in, and I’m SO very thankful for the “girls” who took the time to walk me through the process.

    ***TERRY: Glad to be of service. These girls DO exist. I run into them more often than NOT. They’re a dime-a-dozen.

    Now — I make sure ALL my guy friends, relatives and colleagues to keep one eye open when they’re tempted to date a guys’ girl. They have ALL thanked me for it.

  3. I ABSOLUTELY disagree with your definition of a “GuysGirl”. I grew up playing sports and video games with my brother and his friends. When I got to middle school is when I was still the tomboy of my group of GIRL friends. I have a very tight nip group of friends that are girls and we hang out on a regular basis. We also have a bigger group of girl friends that we all go out with. Many of them like sports, we dont all get along all of the time but the tight nip group always has each others back.

    Though I do think that there are shady people out there that you cant trust, male and female alike, I think the comment of that “because she likes sports” she cant be trusted is out of reach.

    You should always treat people the way you want to be treated and never judge someone or a particular group before you know the person.

    Women in particular need to start embracing each other and learning about each other before they are “warned” to watch out for a girl if she likes sports and comic books. There usually is a “competitive view” of women, by women. We need to support each other more.

  4. I agree and disagree. ONLY because I am a guy’s girl AND a girl’s girl. I have a few very very good girl friends, yet I hangout with guys groups. Not because for attention, but, I kinda have a man mentality of things, because as a child I was a tomboy and the girls talked on and on about makeup. I am selective of the men group I hang with too.
    Socially, isn’t the main goal too find people you connect with no matter the gender? In my case it is both sexes. I like conversing with different perspectives.

  5. BLYTHE & CRYSTAL: Thank you both for your comments. I’ve taken them to heart, though I do believe there’s been a slight disconnect — again, “GUYS’ GIRLS” are NOT tomboys, even if they share various common interests with their guy friends. They’re women who either choose NOT to and/or are incapable of building, sustaining and maintaining core female friendships.

    BLYTHE: I think it’s rather simplistic to say that I’m warning the universe about girls who like comics and sports. I’m not a jock, but I thoroughly enjoy manga and am fascinated with anime. I’m also ALL about supporting and empowering my fellow females. Thus, I wrote this post. My thoughts are guys’ girls DO NOT support other women. Like I tried to get across, these are women who ONLY have guy friends.

    When I replied to JOSIE’s comment — I pointed out that exceptions like her are rare.

    Maybe I should have added there are exceptions to every rule, but as this post was written to fit the DATING DEFINITION format — I’ll keep in mind for future posts to further clarify what it is I am attempting communicate.

  6. BTW — I love that all of you are challenging the thoughts linked to this post. It keeps me accountable, but also keeps our site popping with fresh ideas and perspectives. It’s wonderful to be able to hold open discussions such as these. A gal pal of mine clued me in recently about how she felt about guys’ girls and wanted to let the world know about it. So here’s an excerpt of her rant:

    “…Yes, you’re pretty. Yes, you’re this and that as well. It’s not enough, though. Have respect for yourself, be a lady and stop flirting with every single guy in the room just because you can. Have some self-control. Other women being in the room does not give you license to flick on the competition meter. Do you HAVE TO be the center of attention ALL the time? Seriously, that’s unnecessary. You’re 23, 29 or 34. NOT 19!!! No matter HOW little make-up, short the skirt or great the genetics. Grow UP already! You look in the mirror every day and it’s tells you the same thing. So, start working on your personality. You are NO longer allowed to play the CLUELESS card. Being SHALLOW and SELFISH are not considered virtues. Suffer for some substance. Make some REAL GIRL as well as GUY friends that don’t just want to kiss your ass (both figuratively and literally). Maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll grow character.”

  7. It all depends on the woman. I don’t believe it is possible to label a woman in this manner for every person has different values and motivations which may not be what you think.

  8. @MARK: True. I’d rather be proven wrong. Really.

    Though more often than not, if you’d ask most females their take on a guys’ girl — they’ll simply tell you they wouldn’t trust a GUYS’ GIRL *unsupervised* within 500 feet of their significant other.

  9. I’m gonna come right out and say it. . . .Guys are 100% easier to hang out with. Some girls are guys girls cause females can be downright intimidating. Most of my core friends are guys, but it’s always been that way. We became friends in highschool when we started playing poker and risk every night, then most of the core group came to the same University as me the year after I did. I’ve always found guys are just simple, there isn’t as much double talk, you know where you stand. You don’t need to talk about every little detail. Just sit and play some cards, or some videa, no need for fake small talk. Cause girls are usually just that, fake. Sure I do have some female friends but as was previously mentioned, they tend to hurt ya. They also tend to not take the little quirks as well as guys do. Also whenever i seem to hang out with girls all they want to do is bitch about other girls. I hate the drama that comes with it. The girls I am closest with also tend to hang out with guys.

    This is just my honest opinion. My guy friends are just that, friends, none of them could ever be anything more.

    I sometimes wish people could see that.

    Gen

  10. just to add, I have been in a wonderful relationship for 2 years now with my current boyfriend, who is now back home, yet I still live with my three best guy friends, who all have their own girlfriends and luckily there has been no drama yet.

    I also want to say that I don’t think all girls are bitches, I just really don’t like gossip, it’s hurtful and often untrue. If you have the need to say something about someone, say it to them (if need be discreetly) or not at all. Things aren’t always as they seem.

    Sorry about my rant, I just hate when people assume things about me because I tend to like hanging out with guys. It makes it even harder to form female friendships in the first place.

  11. @GEN: You’re RIGHT. Female friendships are an ENORMOUS amount of work. They’re worth it, though. These types of relationships take time. LOTS of it. Even more patience to boot. There’s lots of layers that get peeled back. Not just for them, but for yourself. You have to be willing to stretch: superficiality can only go so far.

    I was recently told by a guy returning from an “all boys trip” to Florida, that one of the guys’ wives drove them to the airport. It was an hour-long drive and she ended up asking them questions about their interactions. Not so much about what they did. More so about their conversations, swapping of stories, lives back home, etc.

    At the end of the commute, one of the guys turned to the others and said — “Thank GOD [she] grilled us. Now I have something to tell my woman once I land. She’s always asking me how [these trips] and you guys are. Now I’ve got something to say.”

    I believe this says a LOT about the difference between the way guys interact with each other. They’ll get together as a group and just shoot the shit. And that’s all you’ll get. Plenty of hanging out, with a lot of shooting the shit.

    Now, guys hanging out one-on-one? That’s different. And for another post.

    Back to girls — when gals hang out? It’s not as simple. I agree with your rant. Not all girls are bitches. So the bitchiness between women? That stems from lack of respect. Are you able to develop the kind of relationship that you can call the other person on their bullshit? Can you take what you dish? These are the intricacies that just barely begin to make up the bonds women have that are worth breaking your back for.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *