Comments on: Waiting for the call

By: lois

lois — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:20:54 +0000

I am in a simillar situation. Well a bit different maybe just because we have been together a few times. We met like 2 months ago and for the past month have seen each other at least once a week -just the 2 of us or together with friends in common.But now she has got a friend over visiting her for like a week and I have not received anymore text no calls. I sent a few texts (a bit stupid honnestly- as it is really dangerous to talk over messaging when people dont know each other well) and got replies but then I quit texting waiting for her to make a move but nothing happens. It totaly drives me nuts. Have no idea why this is happening , if its cos the friend is here or because she lost her interest. The thing is that I hate not being in control and usually screw up because I cant wait and end up texting too much and obviously showing anxiety and maybe insecurity. but I dont know how to control myself…I really dont. I sometimes prefer just to end everything than to be in this situation. I like to have peace of mind and be able to focus on my things and this really disrupts my day. How do you learn to let go? accept that you can not always be in control and just relax and accept what the future may bring you?

By: Top 10 Posts of 2008 | Dating advice, tips and experiences | Dating blogs & forums

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:42:18 +0000

[...] Throughout the year, we romanced all manner of dating topics, from kissing tips to 20s vs 30s to waiting for phone calls. (And who hasn’t been in that exhausting situation [...]

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:56:55 +0000

Well there might be some reasons, but I think you should move on, it was just an affair.

By: After the Sunset | Dating advice, tips and experiences | Dating blogs & forums

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 07:05:49 +0000

[...] you kidding? Normally, if over a week goes by without even a text or a voice mail, I assume a man is just not that interested and move [...]

By: Miss Shell

Miss Shell — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 03:42:27 +0000

P.S.

I STILL hope he calls you, Serendipity.

By: Miss Shell

Miss Shell — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 03:42:05 +0000

I am very sad and disappointed for you as well. I’m in a similiar situation and as each day goes by, I wonder if he will call. Although, my “guy” was a sporadic communicator at best. Part of me wants a second chance and part of me wants to just lick my wound and chalk it up to experience.

However, at 37, I wonder how much more experience at dating I really need

By: Josie

Josie — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 19:53:46 +0000

thanks for this blog and for the topic that you chose. i was going through a similar kind of situation (except it was “off the charts” for about 3-4 months and talking every/every other day to absolutely **nothing** (i was in that “analysis paralysis” state for about half a month, then mourning for the rest of the month….which leads us to today). so i can relate with being sad and very disappointed…but also feeling hopeful about feeling the hurt without emotionally closing off and being open to meeting someone new.

i have to admit it’s been incredibly hard…i even googled the situation and found out that this is a regular phenomenon, which a guy friend verified (‘the disappearing act’). anyway, just trying to let go and move on. it’s tough, but i know there’s someone out there who can appreciate me better (after all, who wants a great guy who’s ecstatic over you for a few months, then never calls back?) i could relate to almost everything that you said. anyway, licking the wounds and moving on…

By: Serendipity

Serendipity — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:38:01 +0000

I am really sad and VERY disappointed, but you know, such is life, it’s all about taking chances. I probably opened up too much too fast and gave my cards away. Oh well, it’s better than the old me (I was a lethal and brutal game-player). It’s a New Year and a new opportunity to keep moving forward with the open, honest and loving Serendipity.

If you are reading this blog, please don’t get discouraged, it’s all about joie de vivre in 2009, and you have to put yourself out there, even if sometimes you get hurt or taken for granted. I’m so happy I’m just staying out there and not closing myself off, feeling hurt is better than not feeling at all…

By: sexAFTERsix

sexAFTERsix — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 09:35:02 +0000

I’ve gotta agree with Josh: if he was truly interested, your guy would’ve called post eye-surgery. Leaving you hanging for a week is bullshit. Your guy calling without your prompting speaks volumes. So… DO NOT GIVE IN.

Are you getting played? I don’t know if I’d label it that. It sounds like he’s definitely keeping his options open. That’s for sure. If a guy’s into you — he makes it his business to mark his territory with you. No week-long intervals between calls/dates/messages.

As for trying to find out why the guy didn’t call, I’m curious as to how you’ll be able to bring it up in a delicate way. Confrontation is NEVER easy. So please DO share if you take that route.

By: Josh

Josh — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 06:31:14 +0000

I sympathize with your situation.

I think it is absolutely vital that you do not take the initiative. Men can be compelled to action, either by a sense of obligation or by explicit request, but only voluntary action reveals our intent. If you call or message, he might reply, but it may mean nothing. If he calls you of his own will, that has meaning.

On the other hand, if he has left you hanging for over a week, that definitely counts against him. We men might feign ignorance (guilty as charged!), but men know women worry. We know that every day we don’t call, that gives time for doubt and neuroses to grow. No man, no matter how busy he may be, should fail to take five minutes to call up a woman he is seriously considering. Not every day, as you say, but enough to douse the flames that slowly build up.

It’s possible that he’s misread you. Perhaps he thinks you need space, and that, with only one date together, he feels he doesn’t have the prerogative to call you more often. Perhaps he feels one call a week is enough. Perhaps it was enough for his last girlfriend. Perhaps.

But it’s more likely that he is uninterested, or inconsiderate. Busyness is an excuse, never a reason. Calling takes no time. If he was truly interested, he would have subtly asked when your eye surgery was, and called you the day after. He would be looking for any respectable pretense to call you.

If and when you see him next, try to find out, in some delicate way, why he didn’t call more often. He might have a good reason. But being busy isn’t one of them. Remember, men know women worry.