After the Sunset
He starts driving to the restaurant. At the first stop sign, he turns to me, smiles, and says, “I forgot how beautiful you are.” I smile. He says, “I have to ask you, why did you think I had lost interest? That comment really surprised me.”
“Are you kidding? Normally, if over a week goes by without even a text or a voice mail, I assume a man is just not that interested and move on.”
He’s shocked. I smile and say, “I don’t need a call every day, but you need to let me know you’re thinking of me. Look, it’s all about effort. My effort toward you will be in direct proportion to the effort you make toward me. No calls, no texts, no nothing = no Serendipity. I won’t pursue you. Next time, I’ll just disappear on you the way you did on me. Fair?”
He laughs. “Ok, fair. But just to set the record straight, I never lost interest, quite the contrary.”
And so we headed to lunch by the ocean. For 3 hours we dined, talked, laughed, and flirted. Again, conversation was effortless. Like last time, the chemistry was electric. Yet, my guard was up. I was happy to share his company again, but something had changed. The synergy, compliments, honesty, mutual sassing and teasing was not met with the giddiness of hope like before, but instead, replaced with wariness. It still seemed too good to be true.
So I asked him, “Tell me 3 things you like about me, and at least one red flag that concerns you about me.” He replied, “Three things? You’re beautiful, intelligent, and I love your self-confidence. Red flags? None, I don’t see any at all.” I pressed, c’mon, there has to be something. He thought for a while and said, “Perhaps you just haven’t met the right guy yet (he’s smiling and winking), but I can tell you are emotionally disconnected.”
I smiled and paused for a long time. Perhaps because I wanted to cry. I have waited for so long for someone to really see me, I mean really, really, see me. To not fall for the allure of mysteriousness, the act of confidence.
He had just summarized, in one sentence, what my friends and family have been saying for years.
He said, “Oh, I hope I didn’t offend you.” I replied, “No, not at all. You are quite perceptive, actually.”
And there I was, on this beautiful, sunny day, at an incredible restaurant with a breathtaking ocean view. Across from me was a man I enjoyed immensely, a man who clearly liked me, and all I had allowed myself to feel was wariness. What a shame. I had to break out of this cycle, my self-imposed prison of 5+ yrs, a prison built from hurt and disappointment, walls that were supposed to protect me were the very walls that kept me emotionally disconnected, and farther away from the happiness I so desired.
How can you fall in love if you never allow yourself to believe? If you never take a chance? I promised myself at the moment that if I could believe, if only for one afternoon, it was a start. A start to the New Year.
The date ended at sunset. We kissed goodbye, with tentative plans for an evening together this week, and a weekend getaway at the end of January.
Who know what happens after the sunset, but for tonight, I choose an emotional connection, I choose to believe.
What do you think? Leave a comment!
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Comments
Hi Serendipity:
I’m very happy to hear that he called back! Did your aforementioned “evening together this week” materialize?
As a well-wishing quasi-anonymous online stranger, I’m very encouraged by your prison-break from self-seclusion. Yet, I would like to gently point out that there is a middle-ground between skeptical cynicism and choosing-to-believe. Please hear me out.
I understand, to love is to risk suffering. At some point, we all most choose to believe, that some will love us, not for the “allure of mysteriousness”, not for the air of confidence, but for who we really are. That someone will love us, not the mask. There is a leap-of-faith. He who dares may fail, but he who never dares will never succeed.
But, in gardening, cooking, love and war, timing is everything. Relationships grow organically, like flowers. Though you can’t see it grow from moment-to-moment, over days, weeks, months, slowly but surely, it grows and blooms. You can’t rush a relationship anymore than you can rush a tulip.
I say this not to rain on your parade, but because I worry what if this guy, charming (and lucky!) as he may be, doesn’t work out? If you open yourself too quickly, you risk hurting yourself anew, and retreating back to your prison.
We all must believe and risk, but we can be smart about it. Maybe now is the right time for you to dare. I don’t know you, I don’t know this guy. You chose to believe for an afternoon, and you were unsure what sunset would bring. I think you should save your heart for more. A real relationship isn’t just about blind faith, it PROVES its existence. Wait for your connection to grow, for the relationship to grow, until the relationship is deeply real, as real as the sun rising in the morning, every single morning.
[...] After the Sunset I read Sara and Josh’s comments at least five times. “You can’t rush a relationship anymore than you can rush (flowers growing).” True that, my online friend. [...]
To my mind, you should give him some time. Sometimes men need a break, so just give it to him, don’t worry, he’ll return, full of desire and love, and just believe in him.