Mastering the first conversation
Every relationship has to begin somewhere. That starting point, the first conversation, can determine whether you are discarded as “just someone I talked to” or categorized as a friend, or better yet, a romantic interest. There is nothing more important than that first, long conversation. This isn’t just five minutes of banter while standing in line at the coffee bar, I’m talking about the type of conversation where you actually have time to get to know someone. This may take place on the first date or sometime before; the timing doesn’t matter, the result does.
A successful first conversation that results in romantic interest is made up of three phases:
- Flirt – a little gentle teasing with some suggestive comments.
- Relate – show that you’re interested in the person, not just the body.
- Compliment – a few nice words at this point are seductive.
The flirting phase of the conversation is (and should be) the easiest. I once read that flirting is nothing more than teasing with a smile on your face. It really is that simple. A little banter to get started, then you make fun of them in a very light way. If your target responds by flirting back, then you’ve successfully entered this phase. Flirting should go one for about 10-15 minutes.
The relating phase is really important as this is the phase where the other person begins to see you as a real human being, rather than someone they just randomly met. You may still tease in this phase, but keep it to a minimum. The point is to dig a little deeper under the surface. You can do so by introducing topics such as, “sorry, I’m a bit out of it today, my dog was sick all night.” Basically, this is just a way to move the conversation towards more serious topics. You’d be surprised where the conversation might go once a serious topic is introduced. If you begin to talk about personal struggles, then you’ve successfully entered the relating phase. In this phase, I’ve ended up hearing about the death of a family member, parents getting divorced, life lessons recently learned, and many more incredibly deep topics. If the other person begins opening up first, you should keep quiet and listen intently. Once they’ve finished the story, you should comment on it thoughtfully by relating it to something that’s happened in your life. Very important: do not trivialize or mock what the other person just told you. They’ve shared some intimate details because they’ve started to trust you. Don’t betray that trust.
The compliment phase begins once the relating phase starts to wind down. This may end up being the shortest phase of the conversation, but it really helps hammer home the romantic interest. All it takes is a single, simple compliment. For guys, this is usually something like, “you know, you’re really cute.” For girls, it’s usually something along the lines of, “you’re really easy to talk to” or “you’re really sweet.” At that point, a compliment back and little bit of flirting seal the deal. The other person enjoyed talking to you and feels relieved for having been able to unload some personal baggage. You’ve successfully connected with one another, and it feels really good.
Don’t let the compliment phase go by without getting/giving a phone number. This is the perfect time to ask or offer it up to the other person. If you’ve made it to this point of the conversation, you have a very good chance that the other person is romantically interested and will jump at the chance to get together again.
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Related Posts
- When to ask her out: The stranger
- Continuing the conversation
- The G-Spot
- Starting the conversation
- The social aspect
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Not bad zacky boy! oops..am i being too friendly here?
But seriously, you laid out the “conversation plan ” very well here. Now if you could only do another article on how to take it further after the 1st convo…. ;-D