Better sex tips
Let’s face it, one of the most enjoyable parts of any relationship (or any date that goes really well) is sex. There’s something incredibly liberating, exciting, and fun about tearing off each others clothes and seeing what happens. Or not seeing, if you’re into blindfolds. Whatever flavor you prefer, sex is the ultimate expression of humanity’s carnal needs and is just as important as any other interaction between two people. If sex is so important, how come most people still have trouble talking about it?
Perhaps it’s America’s puritanical roots, but a lot of us grow up believing either that sex is bad or that it’s some sort of forbidden fruit, something that you shouldn’t really enjoy even when the time is right. So many of my friends have trouble talking about sex, and that usually leads to trouble in the bedroom. Not talking about sex, especially with your lover, is a sure way to crappy sex. Some would argue that as long as you’re getting it, sex can’t be crappy…I beg to differ. After you’ve had great sex, crappy sex loses its appeal. You shouldn’t have to settle for less.
The foundation of great sex is communication. If you and your partner can’t communicate, then you’ll never be able to reach your sexual peak together. I had a girlfriend with whom I thought I had great sex. Anytime we were together, it was guaranteed that we’d be wrapped around each other at least three times. It was fun, exciting, and didn’t slow down for a year. The sex was good, but wasn’t great, and I really wanted to improve. We had never really talked about sex for that entire year, it was just something we did, but there was never any discussion about our likes/dislikes or fantasies. I didn’t really know how to go about improving our sex life, so one night I suggested that we get some of the Better Sex videos I had seen advertised. At first she was worried this meant I had lost interest in sleeping with her and was uncomfortable, but I just explained that I thought it would be fun to see them together. She reluctantly agreed.
I popped in the first DVD one night when we had nothing to do. We sat their uneasily as the credits rolled and the introduction was displayed. We both tried to take it seriously, attempting to absorb any new tips or tricks the video had to share. About thirty minutes in, I commented, “man, you’d think they could find more attractive people for this bit.” She started laughing, then so did I. We kept laughing and watching, poking fun at what was happening on the TV. Periodically one of us would exclaim, “oh I never want to do that!” or, “huh, that does kinda look like fun.” Before we knew it, we were having an open and honest discussion about our bedroom habits. We were both completely non-judgmental of the other’s desires and fantasies. That night we had absolutely incredible sex.
The videos themselves were nothing terribly exciting, but for us, the process of watching them was enough to open up the dialog and get us talking. Being able to laugh about sex and talk about it frankly made sex even more enjoyable because we began to understand where the other was coming from (no pun intended). In that way, the videos did their job. We did end up having better sex because of them.
There were several things that made our sex better:
- We weren’t afraid to say we liked or disliked something. That fear of being judged held us both back from fully expressing ourselves in bed. With that fear gone, it was open season.
- We took turns. Too often sex is about getting off as soon as possible, often leaving the other person with a less-than-satisfying experience. Taking turns and making sure the other person is just as happy as you are is very important.
- We slowed way down. We’d get caught in the mad dash of the day and squeeze sex into five or ten minutes, trying to get it over quickly so we could get on with the day. We changed to take the time to enjoy each other, no rushing. Doing things slower just made it more fun, though we did end up late to appointments several times. Totally worth it.
- We researched. Instead of just relying on our own creativity, we both invested in books that explored sexuality. Books that had specific tips, books on sex theory, pretty much anything we could find. We read them both separately and together, and ultimately ended up learning a bunch. There’s nothing as exciting as having your lover say, “hey, I was reading about this technique last night and I’d really like to try it with you.”
The bottom line about having great sex is that you need to communicate. Once the lines of communication are open, there’s a whole new world of sexual experience and intimacy that’s available to you. Sex can get better the more you do it, so open your mouth anytime you feel there’s a lull and inject some life into the bedroom (all puns very much intended).
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If there is a problem talking about sex it is actually bigger than that. I would assume that there is a complete conversation problem. Not only in the sex department but in my experience if someone is not communicating its probably a feeling of being uncomfortable around her partner. It could even be that the person is uncofortable with themself. I think this article is full of great advice! The biggest problem in most relationships is communication. How can you talk about intimate desires if you can’t talk about things your feeling or thinking. When you feel completely comfortable with yourself and that special someone you can open up and enjoy your relationship