One of the top reasons guys typically give for not approaching a girl is the fear that she has a boyfriend. Whether that really be the main reason or not is debatable, but it at least crosses a guy’s mind when he sees an attractive girl. This, naturally, comes from that part of our brains where fear of rejection resides. The ironic thing is that it really doesn’t matter if she has a boyfriend or not; that shouldn’t prevent you from approaching and starting a conversation.
Why doesn’t it matter? First, because you should always approach a girl that you find attractive. The act of talking to someone you’re attracted to is, in itself, a great achievement. Plus, each successive approach makes you more comfortable with the process. Practice makes perfect, so don’t pass up an opportunity because she might have a boyfriend.
It also doesn’t matter if she has a boyfriend because she may be looking for a reason to leave him. You could be that reason. Most people won’t end a relationship once it’s gone sour. It’s hard to walk away from something that is comfortable and familiar. Usually, it takes some outside force to push the relationship to the point of break up. And usually, that outside force is someone else. I know plenty of people who’ve met their significant others and spouses while they were in another relationship. It happens.
So how do you handle the boyfriend dilemma? Start by assuming the girl has a boyfriend. This completely removes the angst of if she has one or not. Yes she does, now what do you do? You need to convince her to spend time with you despite that. If she’s interested, it likely won’t matter that she has a boyfriend (yes, it’s true).
Don’t ever ask if she has a boyfriend. Ever. Just have a regular conversation and try to get to know her. If she has a boyfriend, and he is important to her, he will come up in conversation without your prompting. People in relationships spend a lot of time together and so there’s not much they can talk about without mentioning the significant other. For example, you can ask her what she usually does on the weekend. Boyfriends/girlfriends typically take a lot of weekend time and so she may naturally say she spends time with her boyfriend. On the other hand, if she’s interested and does have a boyfriend, she’ll go out of her way to not mention him. A lot of conversation with no mention of a boyfriend (and no attempt to end the conversation) is a clear sign of interest.
Even after all of this, it’s possible that she’ll pull out the, “I have a boyfriend,” response when you ask for her number. Most guys handle this completely wrong by acting in a number of ways: 1) they apologize for asking her out, 2) they say, “oh, excuse me,” and leave, or 3) they shrink into a shell of themselves and try to make it seem like they’re not disappointed. As you may have guessed, all three reactions are inappropriate and only lower your value in the eyes of the girl. So what do you do?
Accept that this will happen to you, and likely often. The best thing to do is to prepare some witty retorts ahead of time. Imagine asking out a girl and her responding with, “I have a boyfriend.” Then imagine your response. Make it funny, something she’ll laugh at. It’s tough for her to turn you down even if she’s not interested; making her laugh lets her know that she didn’t destroy your world. There’s nothing worse than tucking your tail and hiding. One of my favorite responses is, “oh, do you think he’d mind?” I’ve gotten many laughs that way. Another good one is, “and does he know you talk to handsome men when he’s not around?” The goal of the response is to show that you’re unaffected by her declaration. You just thought she’d enjoy your company, that’s it.
Making sure she laughs after mentioning that she has a boyfriend works in your favor for many reasons. She might not even have a boyfriend, and making her laugh may make her warm up to you and reveal this small fib later on. She may also think that you’re a really nice, funny guy and want to introduce you to her single friends. There is no better way to meet girls than through their girl friends. Take advantage.
So don’t let the prospect of a boyfriend ever prevent you from approaching a girl. Life is too short. Assume she has a boyfriend and go for it anyways. If she’s committed to her boyfriend, she’ll find a way to tell you; if not, you’re in. Most of all, make her laugh and remember to have fun. Happy hunting!
What do you think? Leave a comment!
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