@JOSH: Beautifully put. Point taken (RE: Eddie). It’s complicated. As with most things that are “too good to be true.”

@SERENDIPITY: Always LOVE your take on things! Now how to keep myself from those who are “cookie monster(s).”

@ANONYMOUS: I wouldn’t put it past Eddie to dabble in the same reading circles as you.

@EMILY: It’ll be interesting to find out how you pick apart the POSSIBILITY of sex with your own musings/adventures. Please DO share!

“What is flirtation? One might say it is the behavior leading another to believe that sexual intimacy is possible, while preventing that possibility from becoming a certainty. In other words, flirting is a promise of sexual intercourse without a guarantee….

“If for some women, flirting is second nature, insignificant routine, for Tereza it had developed into an important field of research with the goal of teaching her who she was and what she was capable of. But by making it important and serious, she deprived it of its lightness, and it became forced, labored, overdone. She disturbed the balance between promise and lack of guarantee (which, when maintained, is a sign of flirtistic virtuosity); she promised too ardently, and without making it clear that the promise involved no guarantee on her part. Which is another way of saying that she gave everyone the impression of being there for the taking.”

It wasn’t just about Cookie (and I needed to be reminded of that TOO). The bigger part of his theory that struck me was his analogy to work “probation” periods – to see if the person would actually work hard for the position they sought.

Women are making it too easy on men these days to get exactly what they want – whether it’s sex, a relationship, or just our time and energy. I’m not bashing men here, as I see even the “nice guys” fall into predictable “bad guy” behavior b/c, well, it’s just come too easy to them and they don’t value it (or us) because of that.

I started my “back to old school” attitude that day. Seriously, every man – be it eventual friend, romantic interest, or even lover – is on a 90-day probation period. I was SO SICK of being taken for granted, and yet, I was the one giving away “me” with little to no effort. How can you value and treasure what you did not have to fight for?

Mostly I’m referring to my time and energy, I was pretty good about not handing over the Cookie too fast, but the promise of cookie was always there – samples, recipes, a freakin’ map to “how to get cookie”, cookie this and cookie that. I had the game of “possibility of Cookie” down for 35 years, yet somehow I had become lazy, impatient and bored with that game, and Cookie was getting easier and easier to obtain because of that, the *promise* of cookie was always there, instead of just the *possibility*. Now I look back at the last disaster relationships and say – DUH. Oh, oh, I wonder what went wrong. Damn, what a rookie maneuever. You can text me for a date? Keep in touch via email? Plan half-assed dates? Flake? Cookie for no effort? When the hell did I decide that was acceptable? Geeeeez.

A few of my guy friends said, hmmm, don’t know if I would make all this effort and also wait for 90 days. My response? Well, then, I guess you wouldn’t make the cut, would you?

Act like a lady, think like a man. Love it. It’s not about being a tease – it’s about showing you are worthwhile to be pursued. No more texts and certainly no more cookie until they have EARNED it by showing effort, and not just for a few dates, for 90 days. I’ll still be a flirt, it’s who I am, I’m just reigning it in, and big time. Possibility, not promise.