I’m On a Break
I haven’t been posting much because I decided to take a break from dating…and I mean a real break. Not just the “I’m not going to go on dates” break, but the “I am going to stop thinking about dating” break. And as we all know, that break is virtually impossible when you are a woman in your early thirties. Your biological clock shrills loudly in your ear and thumps in your ribcage like a ticking bomb.
But I think I figured out how to take a break – because REALLY taking a break from dating is important for your sanity, sometimes. Here are my tips on how to truly take a break:
- Stop telling the stories on your dating life. As a single person, you know how this goes. You’ve got a bunch of friends and they are all either married or in serious relationships. When you hang out with them, you’re the single girl with the hilarious dating stories. When you see them, they ask for an update and you happily oblige. Stop that. Cold turkey. Lately, even if I have something going on, I simply respond, “I haven’t really been dating, but will definitely let you know when I have a hot date.”
- Don’t pursue: Forests of trees have been killed to produce books on the Pursuit theory. Even when you are not actively pursuing, you’re passively pursuing by managing your external perception to the opposite sex. Just enjoy the moment you are in and don’t worry about the prospects around you. They will come to you if they really want to.
- Ditch the bad girlfriends: Women do this to each other all the time. In spite of the fact that women are so successful and diverse with extremely interesting lives and accomplishments, when they get together they always spend 1/2 their time talking about men. And encouraging each other to psycho-analyze men and their behavior. Gracefully exit those conversations and put those friends on the back burner. They will be there when you return to the dating world.
- Pump your efforts into you: There is so much more to women than the men we date – so take some time to define your self worth outside of a man. Serendipity is my hero right now, because she is on this amazing journey of getting herself back… and that has nothing to do with men. You go, girl.
Now i don’t want this to sound like I hate men or that I am bitter with my love life. Because I am not. I just need a break. And I am going to take it…fuck cupid.
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Comments
I have been taking a break too! It has been one of the smarter things I have done with regard to my love life. It really is an irony of love and life. Sometimes taking your mind and efforts off of what you want is the easiest way to get it. For me, as a guy, taking a break from dating, has allowed me to meet people FIRST! Turning the radar off, has helped me relax, and just enjoy the company I keep, male or female. If I meet someone who piques my interest, I focus on getting to know them without going on dates. Maybe we have dinner, maybe meet for a drink, whatever the case, the pressure is off because IT’S NOT A DATE!!! Expectations are at a minimum, and we are free to be ourselves . . . . at least that’s what I’m hoping . . . I’ll let you know how it goes. At any rate, I think taking a break is a good thing, and so far, it has worked out well for me.
Taking a break from dating! Been there… I can relate. I also used to be “the one singleton” who would share my HILARIOUS (at least I tried to make them that way) dating stories with my married girlfriends, many of whom met their significant others in high school. I now take comfort in the power of small, I gradually distanced myself from people I didn’t think were good friends, focused on myself, and stopped working night and day. That last one may have done the trick alone, who knows. I like to think it all had an effect.
You say you are not bitter with your love life, but it sure sounds like you are. I think taking breaks every once in a while is fine, as long as you are taking it for the right reasons. Honestly, it sounds to me like you could be taking a break because you can’t deal with the natural ups and downs of dating. And a sure fire recipe NOT to meet that special someone is being on a long term break. Won’t that just add to your stress, knowing that you are not dating and therefore your chances of meeting a great guy are next to nil?
I don’t mean to sound harsh. I am just trying to help. Best of luck to you.
SF
Women tend to psycho-analyze not only men but everything, it is part of our innate capability to process the world around us.
I agree with your point that you have to avoid talking about men, and analyzing their every action, in order to have a clean break from dating. It is an addictive sport, and just like cigarettes and alcohol, abstinence may not be bliss, but it might be mandatory, for soul-searching, or just to have “you” time like you put it so plainly. To be able to find a deeper meaning in your next relationship.