The pickup progression
When I was younger, I was painfully shy. The thought of approaching a girl was overwhelming and, consequently, I never did it. I used to tell myself that if only I could approach, I could get a girlfriend. I eventually overcame my shyness only to discover that approaching a girl wasn’t enough. I couldn’t just walk up and say hi and magically have a girlfriend. A lot of times, I mistakenly expected the girl to make a move if she was interested and often left conversations asking myself where it went wrong. Clearly, it went wrong when I decided not to ask for her number.
Now that I’m a bit lot older and more experienced, I know that there’s a series of steps to go through before you can have a date, let alone a girlfriend. I call these steps the pickup progression, and they are:
- The approach. Before you can hope to date a girl, you must talk to her. Learning how to start a conversation is an important skill and starts you on your path.
- The number. You need to get her number if you ever want to see her again. This is separate from the approach because it’s easy to start a conversation and then get cold feet about asking her out.
- The call. The purpose of the first phone call is setup a date. Some guys can get numbers but then don’t have the guts to followup with a call. Call her!
- The first date. Getting to this point is definitely exciting, but just because there’s a first date doesn’t mean there will be a second. One-on-one time is incredibly important.
- The second date. If you’ve gotten to this point, then chances are you’re well on your way.
The cool thing about the pickup progression is that you can focus on moving forward one step at a time. If you’re horribly shy, then approaching a girl may be difficult enough. That’s fine. Take it slow and work on getting #1 down. Once you feel confident with the approach, move on to asking for a number. Each time you reach a step in the progression just focus on getting to the next step and don’t worry about the others.
If you make it all the way to call but don’t manage to get a first date (it happens, trust me), celebrate a little because you completed three steps. There are a lot of guys who can’t even complete one! The goal should be to get further and further into the progression and ultimately that second date. Once you’ve made it there, you’ve done everything right and the likelihood of a third date is quite high.
Try not to get down on yourself if you don’t make it all the way through the progression a few times. Even at 30 years old and a decent idea about how to approach women, it doesn’t always work out for me either. I always remind myself how much more upset I would’ve been if I didn’t approach (#1) and didn’t ask for her number (#2). It’s always better to know than to be left wondering. Now go practice.
Side note: You can now follow me on Twitter via @zack_taylor.
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It seems like such common sense, but it’s amazing how stupid I can tend to be in the “progression.” I think a lot of guys could find this helpful.
I tweeted the post from @RomanceTips. It looks like you have a lot of good content here. Feel free to forward me what you think is your best stuff and I’ll be happy to promote it!