Let’s start with a different topic. In general, which gender wears makeup? Earrings? Low-cut clothes? High-heels? You get the idea. Women spend much more time preparing for dates then men. Mascara, eye-liner, lipstick, lip-liner, lip gloss, foundation, blush … and that’s just the stuff I know about. Never mind sex. Dating is already unfair even before the date begins.

When it comes to dating, men and women are not treated the same. But this is the game, and you can either play by the rules, or yell into the wind. This isn’t to say that the rules don’t change, because the rules certainly have changed over the past couple decades, but the rules change slowly.

So, when it comes to sex, you have to realize that attitudes change slowly. A century ago, men were sentenced to death for rape, because they had taken the honor of a woman. In most non-western countries, it’s still possible to ask for a certificate of virginity. Things are different in the Bay Area, but I’ve never met a man who has said “Gee, I sure wish she had slept with more people before she met me.”

However, at the same time, that’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about. We have the same insecurities and the same egos that men do, yet we aren’t always asking to have our “big heads” stroked along with our “little heads.” We do think the same thoughts about men who sleep with us early on as you do with us, but we women tend to look past a lot of those things if we feel that the vibe is right. Oftentimes, I feel that guys are a little more judgmental when it comes to sexual encounters. I don’t know if it’s society that teaches women to be a little more lenient (aka Tom Jones, the Story of a Foundling) or whatever, but it’s just not fair that even our feelings and afterthoughts are also kept to a double standard. And that often they’re not valid.

You have the same thoughts. We have the same thoughts. We want to feel special too. I think that we just tend to hide our feelings more often because we feel that’s what society expects of us. We are too accommodating for our own goods, and I’m just saying that women need to step away from that. Can we have our fragile egos stroked once in a while too or at least be given the benefit of the doubt?

I can hear that you want people to trust and respect you. Unfortunately, that only comes with time; I won’t trust you after a single date, regardless of how well it went. If I sleep with you that night, I want to think that it’s something we brought out in one another spontaneously, not that I’m just the latest.

Every guy certainly appreciates a girl who knows what she’s doing in bed, but we appreciate it more when we feel like it’s unique to us.