Wanting more
We have this problem, collectively, as human beings: we don’t like things to stay the same. I mean, part of us loves it when things stay the same, but sameness brings only contentment and not happiness. Sameness brings order into a chaotic world, allows us to avoid re-making the same decision over and over again, and makes life feel stable. But stability is boring, change is exciting and it’s excitement that changes into happiness when it occurs over a prolonged period of time.
The time at which most relationships dissolve is when someone wants more from the relationship than the other. At the beginning, there’s no expectations aside from having some fun. The first three months of a relationship, typically called the honeymoon period, are marked by periods of intense change. You go from the norm into an ever-escalating series of changes. It starts by introducing this person into your weekly schedule…date night. Each date is new and exciting, and you learn more and more about the other person. It’s all magical because it’s all new and you have no idea what’s coming next. You’re happy. Or at least you think you are. Things are changing very quickly and it rapid succession.
After the honeymoon period passes, there’s an inevitable letdown. What previously was new and exciting has turned to ordinary and routine. That’s why so few relationships make it past this point. For many, this is the time when one or both start to feel there’s something missing. The relationship has been fun, but now that you’re a part of each other’s lives and the chemical reaction of new love has passed, it seems like something’s just not right. There has to be more to this relationship.
By this point, if you’re still together, discussions about “the future” start to pop up. What’s the next step? Seeing each other more frequently? Maybe moving in? Something has to change otherwise the relationship is over. And so you take whatever this next step is and things are good. For a while. And then they’re not.
The longer you’re together, the more frequently this pattern presents itself. Seeing each other more often. Spending more time at each other’s places. Moving in. Getting a pet. Engagement. Marriage. Kids. At each step of the way, you decide that you want more out of the relationship. If your partner also wants more, then things continue on. If, however, you both don’t want more then the relationship is doomed to failure.
People blame failed relationships on a lot of things, but most of the time it usually comes down to one partner wanting more than the other out of the relationship. So be careful when you make pushes for more out of a relationship or you may find yourself needing to start over from square one.
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Comments
Expectations keep increasing with time in relatioship. But then a phase comes when you know the limitations of your partner and you stop expecting and demand only things which can be met. I guess that is when relationship can work when you know what to expect and what not.
I think it is often easy to get what you want, but the real challenge, especially in relationships, is to continue to desire and want what you already have.
oh yea..this is true. im at that point right now where we are way past honeymoon stages. we are in the 7th month. i beleive we are still head over heels for each other..i even told him how i truly feel about him. so what now? what i expect from him is so far not happening. but i feel like at least im not at a stand still with him. do you think he will eventually listen and give up what im expecting from him?
You are right in saying that one person often wants something out of a relationship that their partner may not. Relationships that last take work and trying to stay in tune with one another. When you find that special someone who is “the one” all the effort is worth it.
Hmm… That makes a lot of sense. I’m in a relationship right now and I’m kind of experiencing that. I think that I’m pretty safe though, I’m always satisfied for what I have.