The direct approach
We guys spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to approach girls. We try to think of witty and/or interesting things to say that will get her to talk to us and, hopefully, go out with us. Yes, we’ve all been caught in that moment of terror where we can’t think of anything to say to this cute girl who’s right in front of us. I’m here to tell you a secret: you can tell her the truth and still leave with her number.
Think about what’s going through your mind when considering an approach. It probably goes something like this (edited for cleanliness, of course): “Wow, she’s really cute. I’d love to date a girl like that. What could I possibly say to her to not make a fool of myself?” The key points here are that you find her attractive and you want to talk to her. And yes, I’m sure you want to do more than talk to her, but let’s keep it simple for now.
There’s no reason you can’t approach her and simply say, “Excuse me, I think you’re really cute and I really wanted to meet you.” Did your heart just jump up into your throat? That’s a completely normal reaction. As guys, we’re not used to openly expressing our intent, mostly due to tomes of pickup advice telling us not to indicate any interest. The truth is that most girls will appreciate the compliment and likely will talk to you for a bit.
Note that I didn’t say all girls; there is no silver bullet when it comes to meeting girls. The good news is that it actually gets easier as the age of the girl increases. Girls in high school and college may or may not respond favorably to such a bold approach, I’d give it a 50/50 shot. Girls that are 25 years old or older are more likely to respond favorably to a sincere compliment and a kind gesture as they are more comfortable with themselves and less likely to want to play games. Think of it in reverse, how would you feel if a girl walked up to you and said you were cute? It would feel pretty good, right?
If you like playing games, then by all means, play them. If you don’t, then why not try the direct approach?
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Comments
Good call!! I much prefer the direct approach and am always happy to talk to anyone who approaches me (at least for a while). Making your intentions clear up front also minimises the risk of you inadvertently falling into the “friend zone”…
Most people worry about the beginning of the conversation, where a sincere greeting and confident approach is usually all it takes to get things started. If anything, people should consider worrying about everything else and the finish: being able to improvise whenever something changes or arises, injecting as needed, asking the right questions,being flexible/down for whatever, and being able to read when to redirect something or close the deal. These aren’t things you can worry about before that moment: you have to constantly practice it. Heck, it’s an essential skill for more than just pickups. . . period.
My advise as a woman is to keep it simple and be sincere. Don’t get too worried of what she is going to say back. If you have good intentions towards the woman and made a sincere attempt to approach her, it will reach her and she would pick up on it.
I agree totally. Direct is best.
Some guys confuse “desperate” with “direct”, which is the source of many problems. Being direct means expressing your intentions clearly. This doesn’t mean you get a free pass on everything else – you still have to be tactful, confident, and charming.
Hmm.. its a tricky one really, from my experience its difficult for a guy who is merely paying you a compliment to sound genuine without giving the impression he just wants to get into your knickers!! To be totally honest if a guy came up to me and started throwing loads of compliments at me I would think he was a bit creepy and I’d walk away.. If I was in a bar or club and a guy came over to me I would be more interested in him if he talked about the music that was playing or what the beer was like rather than being bombarded with compliments. Sorry to be brutal but body language says a lot, after “hello” you will know if she’s intersted or not!!!.
That’s why it may be better to approach it from the perspective of meeting people vice meeting potential mates or lovers. Makes for easier, more natural, flow.
I agree with Coche. When you walk up to a woman she knows what you’re about.
Trying to hide it doesn’t do you any good. I don’t necessarily compliment girls explicitly when I first meet them.
I believe the fact that I walked up to them is a big compliment in itself.
I just go on and start a friendly conversation. If she is game,great otherwise… well I don’t even knowher so I can’t say I lost anything.
I don’t like using “indirect tactics” because then I feel like I have hide something about myself.
You have to be proud of who you are and if the girl you meet doesn’t appreciate it, there is another one who will!
The direct approach is great if you already feel socially confident with women in general and don’t really care to much about her she will respond to, “I think your really cute and i wanted to meet you”. Unless your not use to giving compliments or talking to beautiful women for that matter, your best bet would be to use an indirect opener, such as an opinion opener which she is more likely to respond favourably to. Why would you display your interest in a girl because she looks good. Think “James Bond”, he gets all the girls he wants not because he compliments them but because he displays his interest in an indirect way.
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Yes I think the direct approach is a better idea, because although you use a different approach, some girls know in advance what are you trying to say.
Great article!