Approach Pep Talk

You are small. You are anonymous. I mean really, what difference does it make what you do on a day-to-day basis? Do you feel small? Good. You should feel small, because you are.

Think I’m beating you down.

I’m not.

There’s nothing wrong with being small, and anonymous. It’s a good thing . . . really.

Look, if you’re small and anonymous, you have a BIG opportunity. You have the opportunity to fall flat on your face without consequence. The fact of the matter is, even if there is a consequence, it’s very short lived . . . The only person making a big deal of it in the long run, is you.

When you’re small and anonymous you can let failures roll off your back. There won’t be an instant replay of you getting dissed on Sports Center. No one is tweeting your failure to millions of followers. It’s just you, her, and some of her friends. Focus on the next possibility rather than your last failure. After all, no one really cares that much. If they laugh at you, it’s only temporary, and shortly they’ll move on to something else. Furthermore, if someone is really that mean, do you really want to get to know her anyway? So why not approach the girl? So what if you fail? Who cares? Of course YOU care, but let it go. The likelihood is that your failure has very little to do with you anyway, so pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.

If you fail a couple of times in one venue and you feel like everyone knows, the reality is, they probably don’t, but hey, if it’s really getting to you, switch venues; stay fresh and upbeat. Surely there’s more than one place to talk to people in your town.

Notice I said talk to people, not talk to women, hit on women, try to get numbers, try to get dates, or girlfriends. I said talk to people.

When you see a girl you find attractive, think of her as a person, a person you might like to know better.

You don’t know her, so how do you know you want to date her?

Approach with the attitude of a guy who’s chatting just to chat. Remember you have no other agenda, other than to learn a little about her. You want to see if she’s nice, right? You want to know if she’s smart, right? You can get a sense of these things if you just talk to her a little.

She may be jaded or just plain mean, and she may immediately go into defensive or nasty mode, but don’t let that discourage you. Remember, you’re just chatting, and if she’s being mean or jaded, that’s her problem and it has nothing to do with you.

Break from your shell a little; break free of your fear of failure because remember, you’re anonymous. She doesn’t know you and you don’t know her.

When you walk down the street, do you wonder whether every person who passes by likes you? Of course not, they pass by and you think nothing of it. Look at every person you try to talk to the same way. They’re just strangers who pass by.

Relax, and enjoy the process of meeting people. If you have a nice, relaxed conversation and you want to move forward and, say, get her number or meet her again, it’s a natural progression.

I read somewhere that you should, “approach every attractive girl, there’s no reason not to.” That’s good advice. There really is no reason not to.

Seriously, no one’s looking, go for it!

5 thoughts on “Approach Pep Talk”

  1. That’s probably the easiest, truest advice that gets ignored every time. There’s a lot of import just to even get out of the chair or disconnect oneself from the wall.

  2. My opinion would be somewhere in the middle between he blogger and Aiden’s.

    To Aiden I would say that I half agree if you to have confidence to “go get em” you will probably be the “nice guy” who gets ignored and doesn’t get the girl, as all the girls see him as just a friend.

    HOWEVER, like the original blog said, if you are too desperate and just go around hitting on girls you will get nowhere long term. Most people meet someone through friends, and if you be friendly and make friends with people and just meet people in general this can work as well.

    Overall I would say – don’t be the desperate guy hitting on everything with a pulse, but don’t be backwards about coming forward either!

  3. What are your thoughts on women trying to get the attention of a man? At my gym there is a guy that I am drawn to. I have never approached a guy before, I always let them approach first. I am fortunate in that they usually do. This guy however, does not seem to notice me at all. Short of falling off the treadmill and causing a scene, what do I do? Help!

  4. Jayne,

    There is great debate on whether or not women can take the reigns and approach the man to get things started, and some men will tell you that they like it when women approach them. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer. It really is up to you, but if you don’t feel comfortable approaching then you shouldn’t because it will be obvious. As a guy, do I like it when women approach? Of course, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best way to get something going, in fact, for me, it’s the best way to insure that I WON’T go out with you.

    Jayne, my advice, is get in front of him, smile, and make eye contact a couple of times. If he won’t talk to you after a couple of smiles with eye contact, he’s either not interested or, frankly, stupid. Either way, do you really want to persue a guy like that? The uber-wisdom on approaching is understanding that there are lots of people to approach, so don’t get hung up on that one guy because there’s plenty of fish in the sea.


  5. CityBoy,

    Thanks very much for the advice. As it happens, I met someone else last week, and think I’m going to see where this goes. He approached me, and clearly it worked well!

    Thanks again for the help.


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