The Friend Zone

I started dating this guy a couple months ago.

We clicked at first, but as time went on we realized a romantic relationship between us was not going to work. I didn’t want to give up on this relationship entirely because I did enjoy hanging out with him, so I proposed friendship and waited for the response. I received hesitation at first, but I expected that reaction given our brief dating past.

Fortunately, he came around and now we are just friends. I made it very clear to him that I have no intentions of sleeping with him or fooling around with him because I don’t see the relationship in that way any more. I’ve never gone from romantic to friends so I’m operating in cautionary mode as well, but I feel my declaration of zero physical attraction seemed to have made the transitional process smoother.

I do consider him a friend in the sense of someone I can ask to hang out with, but time will tell whether he turns out to be a real friend or not.

Have you experienced something like this? How did the situation work out for you? Great? Never been better? Worse than before?? Who decided to remain as friends? What’s it like being in the Friend Zone?

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5 thoughts on “The Friend Zone”

  1. I’ve been in his boat before. I asked this girl out, we fooled around a few times, then she told me she wanted to just be friends. At first, I figured that was a rejection, but then she started to call me up to hang out, just as friends.

    It worked for a little while. I always wondered if she wanted more and wasn’t ready for a relationship, was dating other guys also, or considered me a back-up.

    Whatever the case, our friendship eventually dwindled. I didn’t want to be anyone’s back-up and found myself always wondering about us. Why did she invite me to coffee? Just as a friend? Or something more? It was perhaps just as a friend, but still, I couldn’t help wondering.

    That’s what finally killed the friendship. Personally, I don’t believe a true friendship can happen if one side has any kind of romantic inkling for the other side. The first side will always wonder and hope.

    On the flip side, there was another girl I dated who is now just a friend. Both of us had no romantic inklings, so a friendship was able to blossom. And we’re still friends.

    Good luck!

  2. What I’m about to say may come as a SHOCK to you… which is exactly why I’m saying it…

    In the past 2 years, I’ve coached 600+ men with achieving dating and relationship success and 9 out of 10 times when a man befriends a woman? It’s because:

    – He thinks she’s out of his league but will “grow to love him”… if only he stays around long enough to show his “true self”

    – She forces him into the friend zone: he still loves her, she doesn’t love him anymore, but he has hope… if only he stays around long enough… he doesn’t understand why she did it.

    – The only way he knows how to “get the girl” is by befriending a woman and hoping something happens. But can you blame him? Whenever guys sit down to talk about dating it goes like this:

    Guy 1 “She only wants to be friends”
    Guy 2 “Damn that sucks… want a beer?”


    Guy 1 “did you sleep with her yet?”
    Guy 2 “no not yet, dude”
    Guy 1 “dude! You’re such a d*ck, I would have hit that by now”

    That’s about as much education men get about women and dating. That and porn… and sometimes the semi-dysfunctional relationship of their parents.

    – last but not least… the guy wants to meet and date one of a woman’s hot friends, but in his mind he needs to befriend her “to get her hot friend”

    This all happens on a subconscious level, I’m not generalizing here, but these ARE the subconscious decisions being made in the male brain… we’re just wired that way.

    It’s rare for men to befriend a woman… just to actually befriend her. Off course they’ll always reason with you that it’s always to be friends, but logical reasoning isn’t the same as their sexual nature that drives them

    In short: the friend zone always disappoints someone. Either him because he thinks he can still get the girl (back), or her… because she thinks the guy actually wants to be friends instead of getting her or her hot friend (back)

    To More Dating Success,

    Dennis Miedema
    Win With Women

  3. I think it is possible to stay in the friend zone, assuming that they feelings are mutual and he is not agreeing to this simply in hope that you may change your mind at a later date. Also, this transition is easier if you have not been intimate with another.

  4. It always seems like the more I tell a woman I just want to be friends, the more they try. See the problem is, once you allow someone to come close to you enough to find something good in you that they come to appreciate they come to want more. The reason? Well, it’s simple. It’s because there isn’t that much good out there in the world and you begin to notice that when you are single. So many people to choose from, but at the same time, if you are someone of fine taste, very little to choose from. Just seems like quantity tends to overpower quality. In other words, you just can’t blame someone for not accepting a friendship from what seemed to be romantic. Think about it. It’s like someone asking you to trade a Bently for a Honda Civic. Something tells me that just wouldn’t sit right with anyone.

  5. Mr. White — It is scary how closely your comments reflect my current situation. Right down to your feelings of wonder and hope. However, my friend continues to call and text, even after I’ve confessed my love for her.

    At the moment she’s away on a month-long trip (academics have that kind of time between semesters) and I’ve thought a lot about what I will do when she returns. She’ll inevitably call. Three times now, I’ve tried to make a clean break and every time I’ve been lured back by her claims that she likes me and would miss me. So I’ve agreed to be friends – largely because I don’t want to let her go.

    It’s obvious she’s not going to change her mind and embrace a romance with me. The only reasonable solution is to walk away. But if I try to make yet another “clean break,” I’m going to look even more foolish and indecisive than I already do and I don’t want to be rude and ignore her calls and texts.

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