At least she likes you as a person
My friend’s words rang empty in my ears. That’s just great, she likes me as a person. I suppose that makes me fit for cat-sitting while she’s away with her boyfriend, or that if we were both at a party she would definitely not ignore me or run in the opposite direction.
Of course, talking to a girl about a girl tends to lead you down this path. I know my friend was just re-living her own dating antics. I’m sure at some point she genuinely liked a guy in a platonic way and was shocked that he didn’t consider that a good thing. Guys and girls think differently that way. Guys rarely utter the words, “I like you as a friend,” to anyone, let alone a girl (after all, you never know when a night of loneliness or drinks could end up a night to remember, right?).
Me? I’m going to be 32 in a few months and to be honest, I have all of the friends that I need. I’ve never been one to keep large groups of friends – I find trying to manage and maintain those friendships takes just too much time. So I’ve always kept to a relatively small group of close friends and then a larger group of acquaintances with whom I may occasionally get together, but who ultimately may come or go from my life without much regard.
This isn’t to say that I’m looking for marriage right now, far from it. What I am looking for is romance, intrigue, and yes, some sex would be nice. Liking me as a person doesn’t get me any of those things, and since there aren’t currently any openings to be a good friend, I really don’t see the purpose in continuing our interactions.
“I’m glad we had this talk,” she said, “so now we’ll be able to hang out in groups and do things together!”
Still not getting it. Rejection stings, and the consolation prize of being a friend doesn’t take that sting away. Though it’s nice that she doesn’t hate my guts or is completely revolted by my presence, there is no real future here. We’re not friends now, nor will we ever be in the future. You’re an acquaintance – someone I know, someone I’ll say, “hi,” to when I pass in the hall, and maybe even someone I’d stop and have a conversation with if the situation came up. But we’re not friends, nor will we ever be.
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I know just how you feel man. Just when you thought you `nailed it`? Women come out and say something like let´s just be friends or the even worse… I like you as a person.
And I know from my experience: I´m a dating coach and you won´t believe how many of my customers have heard the very same thing you´ve heard.
But here´s the deal: YOU should do the friend zoning. No, I´m not kidding. YOU should be the one saying that a woman will be an awesome friend, that you like her as a person, and more.
When to do that? As soon as you feel the smallest amount of attraction…
Why?
Women don´t want men they can get without much effort. Women love the thrill of the kill as much and maybe even more as us men do.
Think about it: who have been doing the chasing for thousands of years? men have. So, chasing a woman makes you predictable, boring, desperate, something they can easily get.
Being someone they CAN´T get because you say they´re just friends?
Now THAT make syou unpredictable, a challenge, someone that´s not impressed by a woman´s looks… and they´ll go crazy. Seriously, they´ll call you like every single day saying they ´just want to hang out´ or ´to see how you were doing.´
And even if a woman you befriend doesn´t have a sexual interest in you? Don´t forget about HER close group of friends. I´m sure there are some cuties in there. Go and get them!
I always tell women they´re friends almost from the moment I meet them. Now you know why. Start doing it too.
To More Dating Success,
Dennis Miedema
Win With Women