Actions speak louder than words

If a guy said, “I will call you” to me, than normal logic would conclude that he’s going to call me. When he doesn’t, it sends a series of red flags and sirens flashing bright red that this guy may not be the guy for me. He may think it boils down to not having time or “forgetting” to make a simple phone call, but to me it means he doesn’t care enough about me to follow through on his word and isn’t as interested in me as he claims.

I’ve been through this exhausting cycle many MANY times in my dating career. One would think I would grow immune to such blasphemy uttered from the new flavor of the week, but unfortunately the profound disappointment of not receiving a phone call when promised STILL has me grasping for the nearest stress ball.

It doesn’t make sense to me. If I’m not in the guy, don’t like him, aren’t feeling the situation or have no desire to continue the relationship past the first encounter, I’m NOT going to promise to call him. The easy way out is to say something like, “I’ll talk to you soon,” or “I’ll see ya around.” If a guy said this to me, I would immediately conclude that he’s not that interested and move on.

It’s when the jerk in question continually promises to call and does not deliver. Don’t guys understand that it’s better not to promise something you KNOW you are not going to do than say you are going to do something and NOT do it?!?!? It sends the wrong message if the guy is sincere about his feelings, so if he is genuine, than pick up the phone and call if that’s what he wants to do! If he isn’t sincere and doesn’t really care to pursue the relationship further, than don’t promise to call. It’s as simple as that.

*Notable mentions…”I really want to get to know you,”  “I really see this going some where,”  “We should hang out some time,”  “I’ve been really busy”

What do you think about this? Do you think I’m overreacting? Guys, would you not call a girl that you are interested in if you promised to call her?  Girls, what would you think if a guy did this to you on a consistent basis? 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12 thoughts on “Actions speak louder than words”

  1. No different than the work world: one is measured by the promises they are willing to make and commit to, and deliver on, in a timely and complete fashion. Doing just the opposite wont’t get you promoted much, and may even get you fired. Situations change, principles stay the same.

    So, you’re not unreasonable with your demands. You don’t have time for anything else.

    If I like a girl enough, and she really impresses me, I will call. I will make time. I will make opportunities and create moments. And if it doesn’t work for me, I’ll play the bad guy and simply say that it won’t work. And if all I want is sex, I’ll spell it out early and limit the date-like behaviour.

    Simple, eh?

  2. It’s the superficial schmoozing bullshit that people say just to be polite. Just like Aiden said about the work world, at my job we’ve had some staff who’ve said that they’re willing to take any shift when they were being interviewed, and then suddenly flake out when it comes time to being scheduled. When it all comes down to it, it is just plain, simple LYING. Just another example of the lack of sincerity, lack of morals and ethics, and lack of honour in our culture. Why do they feel the need to lie like that when it’s actually more hurtful and disrespectful to jerk someone around or string them along in the long run?

  3. Thank u very much 4 the comments. I knew I wasn’t being unreasonable I had a strong feeling he was lying and as he was spewing his bs I knew not to trust anything he said.

    Its sad that I have to think that but what can i do?? When the behavior backs up what I initally thought than my assumptions were right.

  4. Now be careful with the distinction between a liar and a flake. A liar is someone who says something contrary to what he knows is true. A flake isn’t necessarily contradicting what they know to be true and if you call him out as a liar, he could put forth a persuasive retort. A flake’s problem is that he won’t commit to the truth or to anything else; they can show you an old picture of the promised land but not take you there or get you lost because it has moved. A flake is almost like a liar but worse: they actually have a bird in the hand.

  5. Let me be honest here:

    You seem rather angry, but I don’t think you’re really angry. I think you’re disappointed, and it’s manifesting itself into anger. Your disappointment/anger is not unreasonable, but maybe your expectations are. If you give out your number, and the guy says he’ll call, take him at his word. If he fails to live up to it, blow him off. You don’t want to have anything to do with a guy who won’t keep his word.

    If he’s really interested, but still doesn’t call, you’re likely dealing with the proverbial wuss. He wants to call, but he’s too afraid of rejection that he’s not willing to risk it. Also, not someone you really want to deal with.

    If he’s really interested and he calls, then you have a guy who may be worth investing in, and you take it from there.

    The point is, you can’t worry about any of the guys who don’t call, and you work with the ones who do.

    Yes, it’s easier said than done, but really, do you want someone who doesn’t really want you? Think of the “I’ll call you” line as a test. If he calls, he passed; if not, he fails, and he gets the boot. It’s that simple. If you think he’s lying in the first place, why dole out your number? If you’re not sure, make him work for your number.

    Make peace with the fact that once you give your number out, it’s up to him, and it’s out of your control. To worry about that which you have no control is futile, so stop it, and get busy. Occupy your time with hobbies, activities, and friends. When you’re so busy with stuff to do, you won’t give a crap about whether flavor of the week calls.

  6. Oh lord,

    This has happened to me before. I recently became very sick of the whole dating game. My friend recommended I talk to this Relationship Coach, Atieno Bird, that she had come across on Facebook. I made an appointment to talk with her and have been getting coaching sessions from her for the past few weeks. I usually don’t comment on blogs a lot, although I read a ton, but she is really special. Her insights have actually been really helping me deal with past relationships and dating situations, and are finally giving me some power to move forward. If you have a chance to check out her website, I think it would be worth it: http://findyouridealmate.info/
    Good luck : )

  7. I agree with you, it is the most frustating thing. We are all adults, so if you are not interested in calling a woman, please do not ask for her number. It promotes a false sense of hope, which is unfair. Furthermore, the more times you experience this, the more stressed out you get about it waiting for a guy to call, wondering whether he was sincere or not. The moral of the story – guys should not ask for a woman’s number if they have no intention of using it!

  8. As a guy that coaches men with meeting & dating women, I’d like to give my 2 cents here…

    1 cent) you assume a guy isn’t interested when he didn’t call, but did you ask him why he didn’t call? It could just as well be that he had an emergency…

    Since men have a hard time understanding most women and women have a hard time understanding most men, assuming ANYTHING when dating is dangerous until you talked to him/her.

    AND… since most women are used to guys chasing them, guys being “easy to get”? A guy who’s NOT chasing and who’s HARD to get is attractive, because he’s different… a challenge.

    Hell, I’ve seen dozens and dozens of times how one of my students “got the girl” because they and their hard to get behavior let women know they AREN’T impressed by looks and expect more…

    And just like men, women love the thrill of the kill. So, I’m willing to bet that you’ve thought some “he likes me, he likes me not” because you’re subconsciously attracted to him because he’s playing hard to get…

    2 cents) Just like women use “let’s just be friends” to reject a guy thinking it won’t crush his feelings (it still does), most guys actually use “I’ll call you” to “softly” reject women…

    It depends on the tone of voice, but if a guy doesn’t tell you he had so much fun, that he wants to see you again, etc. and then says “I’ll call you?”

    It means he didn’t have fun and/or doesn’t think you’re his type.

    To More Dating Success,

    Dennis Miedema
    Win With Women

  9. I think a lot of guys are just too afraid to not commit and feel pressured to say that they’re going to call- even if they totally plan on throwing your number out the minute you turn your back. It’s frustrating but at the end of the day, if he isn’t feeling you- it’s his loss…

  10. Nah,you are not over-reacting. I too get pissed of if someone says he will call and there is no call. Then you feel like being ignored. He does not care for you and neither for what he says. Then what would you trust on? You can never take his words for anything said.

  11. CityBoy, I totally agree with you. I wouldn’t want someone to call me unless they really wanted to. And if a guy really wants to call a girl, he will find the time. It would be great if everyone could just be honest… But since that doesn’t always happen we must remember that Actions speak louder than words. For more dating tips, check out..Great Two Becomes One dating tips revealed! The best way to find a match… Two Becomes One

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