Why women get caught up in the past
This is a guest post contributed by Allison Schleck, a featured writer for Online Dating Sites. Allison is a well-accomplished bilingual writer for magazines, websites and newspapers who teaches Karate Do on her down time.
Curiosity can be a blessing and a curse for women. When we start a new relationship everything is going great as we try to get to know this person intimately. However, there comes a day where we have this urge to ask questions that we really do not want to know the answer to, and above all else, have very little to no ramifications in regard to your new relationship. Why does our curiosity of other women in our new man’s life matter?
What is Important in a New Relationship?
It is not a good idea to pretend that the new person in your life has never been with anyone before you. You should ask your partner when the last time he or she was tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Even if you use protection, you should still know. Ask if your new partner has been with someone after he or she got tested. If so, then you should get tested together just to make sure that everyone is healthy. Once you get this extremely important detail out of the way, is there really a need to deep further into the past?
The Wrong Questions You Ask
Women love to ask every detail related to their new partner’s past relationships, questions like; how many people have you kissed, how many people have you slept with, when was the last time you went out with someone, what did you guys do, what did you love and hate about your ex, and more. You may even start trying to compare yourself to his ex-girlfriend. But why are any of these things important? Now that you have started a wonderful, new relationship, especially with someone who you think could potentially be the one, why does the past matter?
Creating Imaginary Problems
Instead of reminding your new boyfriend about his ex–girlfriend, you should be concentrating on moving forward. Do you want to stay in the past with your ex–boyfriend or do you want to move forward? Let go of the past. There is no need to throw it in your new boyfriend’s face that you have been with someone before him and you do not need to know about the escapades that he had with someone else. This only leads to problems, doubt and fights over a past that neither one of you were part of.
Commencing a new relationship is extremely beautiful where two kindred souls meet and learn about each other. Why take away the beauty of this meeting and relationship by tarnishing it with events of the past? The safe rule is if you cannot handle knowing the answer then do not ask. This only applies to questions that you know are unimportant and that will not affect you. You should know about your partner’s health but relishing in his past with ex girlfriends will create circumstances of doubt on your part when he has done nothing to give you any suspicion. Let go of the past and start anew with your new beau.
What do you think? Leave a comment!
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Comments
i agree…
but how do you get someone who doesn’t want to get tested, tested? he is terrified of the possible result. it is like the kind of fear you get before getting an HIV TEST.
we have all had our moments of weakness or recklessness, but its important i know his status before continuing with the relationship and i cant convince him to go take a test. i guess i have to work away.
Ya this is actually EXACTLY how I feel. I know that it is in the nature of women to want to know about their boyfriends ex’s. Like the article said it only creates problems and we need to move on from the past and look towards the future. This is hard to do for a majority of women, myself included.I have a very similar problem to the one previouslty posted.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 almost 5 months now. The problem that I have is that his most recent ex, is onr of my teammates and used to be one of my friends. Its kinda hard to explain the situations but to make a long story short she cheated on him multiple times and he had taken her back, but after a while enough was enough. They had been broken up for months before we even started hanging out. But now I find myself constantly compareing myself to her. She is better looking then me, she is skinnier then me, she is more fun then I am. And I almost find myself getting jealous at what they used to have.
All my friends that I talked to told me just to give it time and focus on the now. I am with him, we are in love, and he doesnt want to be with her any longer. To me it is easier said then done.Is hard, well for me atleast, to forget about his ex when she is one of my teammates. next season is going to be hell and I have no idea how to handle it. Being around her and seeing pictures of them together, really bothers me. I think that it would bother anyone. (oh yeah he still has pictures and videos of the two of them on facebook. I know that it shouldnt matter and I shouldnt be focusing on it, but I do.)
So any more advice on the subject? Any ideas on how to stop looking at the past and start looking towards the future?