I am Stan

I’ve known Stan my whole life. He and my dad were friends in college and kept in touch afterwards. I don’t remember ever being formally introduced to Stan, I just remember him being around. My dad would invite him over to watch sports from time to time, and the two would spend the day chatting about the current games before inevitably remembering some obscure sporting event from when they were in college. Almost comically, they would alternate who’s turn it was to invite the other over. And they never broke the cycle.

As a child, I thought all adults were married, and so I always wondered why Stan wasn’t. On the surface he seemed like a nice guy. He had a steady job, wasn’t bad looking, and was in shape (he was a dedicated runner). Yet for as long as I can remember, he’s been living with his mother in a two-bedroom apartment. He was always nice to me even though it was clear he wasn’t really sure how to deal with kids.

Nearly 32 years after I was born, Stan and my dad still get together regularly to watch sports. My dad, of course, has a wife and two sons. Stan still lives with his mom.

This past weekend, a friend I hadn’t seen in a while sent me an email inviting me to a barbecue. I see him periodically, and I looked forward to catching up with him and seeing how big his son has gotten. Then it occurred to me: the last time I saw him was also at a barbecue at his place last year. I wondered if his son, who was three last year, would even remember me. I’m not sure what his wife thinks of me – this single guy who never asks to bring a girl over. She and I always chat politely.

All of a sudden it hit me: I am Stan. I’m the single guy who comes over every once in a while. Granted, I don’t live with my mother, but that distinction seems particularly arbitrary at this point in time. That’s me. My friend’s son is going to know me from his childhood, and maybe into adulthood, as the guy who stopped by periodically…alone.

4 thoughts on “I am Stan”

  1. Hi Zack, reading your story it sounds a little bit like mine, because I wish my current status (single) would be different. From time to time I feel very anxious, because I wish I could change this situation, but I figure it out that it not completely depends of me. For example, recently I’ve tried to date some girls just to find she has a boyfriend, or some other issue that prevents her from take a chance on me. Also some girl out there that has expressed interest in me, and I wish I could manage my heart to reciprocate, but in the end is not easy.

    So far I’ve found a lot of hope and peace in going to church and believe in God, I think he really can achieve the wishes of our hearts if we do our part and let the rest to him.

  2. Hey Zack, I do not think you are Stan because you never know if Stan really liked the way he is living life, maybe he wanted to be single but for you, you are still young and you are open to for a relationship, I do not think you are him, maybe you will be like him if you choose to but as far as I know u through this site you do not seem to be him, I think everyone is like that these days, I have a lot of friends but I have a close group of friends where there are me and my girl friend and five guys, me and my female friend are the only single two in the group and we are the females and it should be the other way around , one of them is married with a daughter, the other is engaged, the other is about to be engaged and other two are in serious relationships too. My friend is the oldest she is 28 and I will be 26 next month and we have been single for the longest and sometimes I just want to scream and tell people who ask me why I am still single to tell them that I never choose to be one but I really never found someone that I click with but I am glad now that when people ask me why I am still single and it is happening a lot to me now because my younger is about to get marry, so I always take education as my reason why I am single , I always tell people that it is very hard to date or have a relationship while you are in grad school. But the reality is, I live in a City that is full of crap that I really can not deal with, New York is very annoying when it comes to dating life to date you have to go to a bar or a nightclub to find someone and I am one of the few who hate bars or nightclubs. I may go for an event or a game but for drink hell no. I do not drink or smoke so I may not be fun for some guys their.

    So we are all Stan but not by choice, and I would rather be Stan then to be someone who be in and out of relationship, I rather be in dateless life then a dateend .

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