I’m not fan of online dating (I’ve written about this before), but there comes a time when the water runs so dry that you know you need to do something to change your luck. And it’s with this situation that I found myself back online trying to meet some new women. Almost instantly, I remembered all of the reasons I had forbid myself from online dating. Instead of just writing about it, I thought I’d let my inner cynic out to describe my latest experience. Cynicism set at maximum.
Pay attention to the username. If there’s an adjective in the username, it’s what she wants to be not what she is. Example: SexyGrl48. I’d bet you anything that this girl is not at all sexy. Another example: HappyGwen. Dollars to donuts that Gwen is, in fact, miserable. Stay far away from anyone whose username has an attribute that you desire in a mate (i.e., pretty, sexy, hot, etc.).
Only headshots means she’s fat. People who have nothing to hide don’t hide anything. If there’s not at least a three-quarters body shot on the profile, it’s probably because she doesn’t want you to see the rest of her body. If that’s what you like, hey, go for it. I just chalk that up under “not being honest.” Right up there with posting photos from when you were in college and hot.
Multiple photos with the same angle count as one. If she looks exactly the same, same expression, same angle, in every photo despite scenery and wardrobe changes, there’s something fishy going on here. Does she only exist in one dimension? Does she think that’s her good side? Without multiple points of reference, I don’t trust that I know what she looks like.
Beware profiles with rants. I’ve come across a fair number of profiles that are essentially angry letters to the girl’s last boyfriend. If under “wants” she says something like, “A guy who doesn’t LIE or CHEAT. You guys who think you’re PLAYAS can move on to the next profile, cuz this fish ain’t bitin’. Respect your woman!” then you should definitely move on to the next profile because this girl is nursing wounds that won’t soon heal. She’s not ready to meet anyone for romantic purposes, she’s ready to meet someone to take her frustrations out on.
Girls who say they don’t want drama are usually the cause of it. If a girl says that you better not be drama, it’s because she’s already drama and doesn’t want competition.
Recently single = thinking about my ex. Never ever write to a girl who says she’s recently single, or otherwise just got out of a long-term relationship. That is, unless you like being the rebound guy that has to listen to what went wrong with her ex the entire time you know her. And deal with him still calling. And her still responding.
Obscured faces mean high opinions. A lot of guys mistakenly think that girls who post photos with obscured faces have a low opinion of their looks and are probably ugly. Actually, it’s the opposite. Usually, they think they’re really attractive and are “tired of guys hitting on them for their looks.” Except they really do think they’re good looking and love being hit on for their looks. You just don’t get to see what they look like without proving yourself first.
If there’s more than one girl in the photo, she’s not the cute one. Don’t fall for this trap.