When a Matchmaker is a Good Idea

There’s nothing like Valentine’s Day to remind us of how alone we single people are. But after experiencing failed relationships, better to be alone than bear with more heartbreak, right? The eternal optimist such as myself might prefer the risk anyway.

Rather than delve quickly and deeply into a new relationship, I’ve decided to take things slow. Well, not really. What I mean is, I’m not dating for the sake of dating anymore.

At the age of 39 with a growing business, I don’t have much time to date. My book is selling and people are responding positively to my “pick-up” methods. I mean, people like what I’m teaching. They’re not really pickup strategies. They’re really ways to discern personality attributes when meeting strangers, acquaintances, and potential dates. Do I use them in seeking a partner? Of course! But I still want help, because I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. (And I really don’t ask for much…I don’t think.)

After two marriage proposals, a few engagements, and other relationships I don’t regret, I’ve finally decided it’s time to settle down. I’ve heard that finding a spouse within a year can be done with plenty of proactivity. Unfortunately, I’m lacking the time needed to utilize these tested spouse-finding strategies. So, I decided to inquire matchmakers.

A lot of matchmakers have teams of people looking for the characteristics their clients are looking for. It’s like exponentially increasing the odds of finding the one. My requirements are pretty simple: a natural leader with a spiritual side. The question I had to ask is who would understand what I’m looking for. Finding the right matchmaker to work with can be challenging.

In the process of researching the various backgrounds and practices of matchmakers, I found that a lot of them offer a lot of socializing opportunities in addition to counseling, date coaching, and introductions. But one matchmaker in particular stood out – Janis Spindel.

Unlike Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker – who works with a range of characters and sometimes uses her clients for entertainment value – Janis focuses seriously on finding men their soul mates. Her clients are men who are ready to get married and who she’s comfortable working with. On top of that, Janis is married to her husband of about 30 years and has two grown daughters – one of whom, Carly, has her own dating agenda.

Choosing to work with clients Janis likes earns my respect, because that means she wants her work to be quality. How can you not respect that? Besides, why would anyone want to work with someone whose lifestyle and character is different from his or her own? Wouldn’t you trust someone within your own circle of friends more than someone in an unknown network? I certainly wouldn’t want a matchmaker to set me up if she or he didn’t get me.

Since I couldn’t hire Janis myself (since she only works with men as her clients, not to mention being beyond my means), I decided to share our conversation with the world.

Click on the image to watch the video of our talk and see for yourself what a real matchmaker does.

Click to watch the interview with Janis Spindel

Short on time? Click here for 2 minutes of highlights.

Valentine’s Day. I actually don’t feel sad at all. Besides, it’s $10 burger and beer night at the Water Street Bar and Grill in Brooklyn. Maybe I’ll get a chance meeting with my soul mate…probably not. Hey, you never know.

9 thoughts on “When a Matchmaker is a Good Idea”

  1. When you’re not looking the right person will come. That’s how it always works. Let go, surrender and let the universe present the right person for you. I found the love of my life this way.

    Matt Beram
    Founder
    HIV and Single
    Hivandsingle.com, is an HIV dating site for HIV positive singles.

  2. Matt, I disagree that it “always” works that way. The problem is that we become obsessed in the search and choose the wrong people. But plenty of couples found each other while actively searching. It IS important not to focus too much energy on it, and in that sense let go and surrender definitely.

  3. Harriet, you may be right in a very funny way. But maybe that’s why outsourcing the effort to a matchmaker may not be so bad: the initial efforts are made by someone who’s not hungry (emotionally invested). That person will see it all clearer and, if professional, is weeding out the undesirables and limiting headache time. Money may be an issue, but time is, too.

  4. The dating world may look intimidating, harsh and oftentimes impossible. However, the will to succeed must prevail. I think matchmakers can effectively reinforce a strategy suited for your personality to set you on a better path, or might even spark an idea that hadn’t already occurred to you. And those thoughts might just be the link to a fresh start in the world of love!

  5. Found that some times just talking with people in every day life,like in a coffee shop,or walking my dog I met and dated more woman than being on dating sites-guess what they see is me up front and not a photo-just all you need to do is say hello-If ignored do not take it to heart,try again with a big honest smile-Great blog thank you.

  6. I have always felt like matchmakers are so over-rated. For example, I watch the millionaire matchmaker and it seems like she just randomly shoves people together and hopes for the best, then takes credit when it works, and blames people when it doesn’t. I think they best effect matchmakers have is simply opening a window for people to meet.

  7. I just came across your blog and I agree with a lot of what you wrote.

    As for matchmakers, I think they can be great. But don’t forgot about us dating coaches! We help you develop the skills so that you can meet, flirt and date someone special on your own. I’ve helped a lot of people who had been very focused on their careers have satisfying love lives.

  8. Having a matchmaker understand you, your perspective and where you are coming from is seriously important. I am glad that this article makes this point and makes it well. When you opt to work with a matchmaker it is important that he or she is willing to invest the time to get to know you, what “makes you tick” and what you want not just out of a partner but out of life. If a matchmaker isn’t doing this then you should probably find another one.

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