How To Be a Great Kisser

I’ve kissed a lot of people. Lost count 20 years ago. No one has ever told me that I’m bad at it. Hence, following are some tips.

Your mouth is erogenous, a source point for sexual stimulation. To turn kissing into great foreplay, remember 3 things:

1. Slightly-parted soft lips

Your lips should start out completely relaxed. A kissy face (or duck lips) is not relaxed. Your lips have a sphincteral muscle, the orbicularis oris, used when puckering up. A pucker is fine when you’re giving a platonic peck or a gratuitous kiss on the cheek. But we’re talking about making out.

If you want to stimulate your lover’s pituitary gland, don’t pucker until your lips are touching his/hers.

Ever wonder how couples lock lips? This occurs when two people respond to each other’s touch through their lips. When they are comfortable with each other, their body language mirrors one another subconsciously. Watch two people in conversation and you’ll often see their body positions reflecting each other. Locked lips also mirror touch and puckering.

Try this: Brush his/her lips with yours while they’re completely relaxed. Relax your neck muscles so that you’re like a bobble head. Okay, the imagery isn’t romantic, but that’s the gist of the movement. Believe me, as long as your head doesn’t bobble as if hitting a bump in the road, your partner won’t be thinking bobble head unless of course he or she reads this article, too.

2. Relaxed tongue

Once you’re lips have locked, which can be a half-second quick, you can open your mouth more and use your tongue. Like your lips, your tongue should also start out relaxed. Your tongue should be able to reflect and respond to hers. Of course, you want her to also be responding to and reflecting you as well.

Don’t start using your tongue until after your lips have locked.

It’s so unromantic seeing a guy’s mouth when it looks like a bat coming in for a kill. Kissers want to feel your tongue, not see it.

Don’t poke his/her mouth with your tongue unless you’re playing. And don’t continually kiss with your entire tongue inside the other person’s mouth. That might be fun for a little bit, but kissing like that the whole time? Don’t rape his/her mouth.

Instead, use your tongue to feel the other person’s. If you don’t know what to do with it, move your tongue around his/hers as if you’re writing the first five letters of the alphabet. But make sure you’re not writing with the tip of your tongue. That will feel like poking. Go around your partner’s tongue is if his/her tongue is the center of each letter.

3. Reciprocation

The whole activity is about action and reaction. From pressing your lips against your partner’s to tongue play, you want to non-verbally create a connection.

Touch, respond, and reciprocate to connect. If your partner’s tongue is mushy, make yours mushy. If your tongue is so hard it can push buttons, the other person might retract. If he/she pulls back, you’re probably not being sensitive to touch and feel. Guys, think about how your want your balls touched rather than your staff. Girls, think of your breasts.

Don’t chomp like a stork. Enough said.

The whole point of reciprocating while kissing is giving back what you get. Of course, if you’re the initiator, hopefully your partner will do the same. But once it gets going, it should be constant receiving and giving.

In the middle of it all, sense his/her reaction and intensity. Then change it up. Get more intense, play with your tongue tip, or clean his/her teeth. Get creative and have fun.


When we were younger, we watched movies and TV shows to try to figure out how to kiss. Unfortunately, there really aren’t many good examples of great kissing. But there are some.

One example of a great kisser, if not of acting ability, is Keanu Reeves. Because of his kissing skill, you’ll see a lot of close-ups of him locking lips with his leading ladies. Unfortunately, not all of the actresses he kisses reciprocate well. Movies showing Reeve’s libido-inspired moves include The Matrix, Point Break, and A Walk In The Clouds.

Ingrid Bergman kissing Cary Grant in Notorious is also good to watch. The hotel room scene where she tries to seduce him with kisses is a great example of what to do with your lips when getting into a make-out session.

Hopefully, you won’t need to scour through movies to learn to kiss well. Mostly, remember to keep your mouth relaxed. If you feel like you’re tightening up, think of what it’s like to eat ice cream and suck away.

29 thoughts on “How To Be a Great Kisser”

  1. A kiss signifies a deeper meaning. It is the action that marks the beginning of a romantic relationship and I am so amazed by your article. It’s a great one.

  2. Ok, I’d like to play devil’s advocate for just a bit and ask a question. Do you really think kissing can be learned? Or, is kissing somewhat of an art form? Sure, you can learn positive techniques and hopefully unlearn negative techniques but can someone that’s truly not naturally gifted achieve kissing cornucopia? I’d love to be a painter but I have zero drawing/artistic ability. I could practice for years and I’d get better at it, for certain. But I’d never be a Picasso. Maybe I’ll just trade kissing lessons for painting lessons.

    I enjoyed the article and thought that it was actually spot-on. Just had that thought cross my mind.

  3. Hi Wing Girl Kim,

    You have great information in regards to the kissing technique and I agree that movies do tend to be more vviolent than romantic. One actress I do enjoy watching is Diana Lane beautiful lady and sure shows a lot of passion in the kissing scenes.

  4. An impressive summary of advices. The truth is that it me had never stopped to think that it is what a good kisser separates from the bad one up to reading your article.

  5. Not sure about cleaning the teeth part but well put with regards to being a good kisser. My advice go in slow, it is not a race and build up a momentum.

    @memoirs of a single dad – I believe that kissing can be learned, as long as you have a good teacher and a willing student

  6. Not so sure wing girl. I agree with the comment above…I think kissing is an art, and that you either have it or you don’t. Being single and in the dating world, I’ve had alot of kisses and sadly…I’ve only experienced a handful of truly good kissers. I could count them on one hand. Most guys are’nt relaxed and don’t know what to do with their tongue and have no idea of what kissing foreplay is. The last guy I kissed continuously shook his whole(just like a bobble head) rather than moving his mouth or tongue? UGH! I could’nt take it. too bad cuz he was kinda cute, but the kissing was intolerable. The most amazing kiss I ever had, made me weak in the knees. I could have kissed that man forever. It started slow-teasing… and got deeper and his lips were so soft and he absolutely knew what he was doing. That was the most obvious part. He knew what he was doing. I’m a very good kisser too so I recognized his talent right away…two skilled kissers. Mmmmmm, nothing quite like it.

  7. @AS “I believe that kissing can be learned, as long as you have a good teacher and a willing student”

    I totally agree!!!

    Also, from my observations … people are kissing a lot less these days (in public, at least).

  8. Great article, I think kissing is a art form @As and I agree it can be learn as well. I always personally like to have gum and chap stick on hand, no one likes to kiss someone with bad breath and cracked lips. Just saying lol.

  9. Also don’t just limit yourself to kissing her mouth. She’ll be really sensitive if you move your kissing down to her neck, to her ears (from what I’ve experienced this’ll REALLY get her turned on), breatst, stomach etc… The easiest way to move from kissing to sex is to just vary where you’re kissing her to more and more sensitive spots.

  10. Reply to Memoirs of a Single Dad “Ok, I’d like to play devil’s advocate for just a bit and ask a question. Do you really think kissing can be learned? Or, is kissing somewhat of an art form?”

    I think you just have to go with the flow, but its always nice to get some tips to practice.

    Thank for the post Kim

  11. I think that a genuine soft kiss on the lips can be just as romantic as a full on snog, but lets face it a full on snog can be a real turn on.

  12. A great kisser, if not of acting ability….Because of his kissing skill, you’ll see a lot of close-ups of him locking lips with his leading ladies…..Thanks!

  13. I believe you can teach someone to kiss to a certain extent. But I must admit, there have been times in the past where it was so awful and such a turn off it felt like kissing a relative. With things like that I’m not sure there is any saving!

  14. I know a few guys that should read this! Kissing is so important, do it right and you really feel the connection. I agree it is not all about so much tongue all the time. The size of your lips matter too, if you have big lips doesnt seem to feel right if the guy has real thin lips, feels like your kissing their face.

  15. This is a very detailed, very educational way of educating people what a kiss is, how to kiss, how to respond to kiss and what not. I got a lot from your post.

    And I agree with you into saying that Keannu Reeves is a great kisser. I saw those scenes you have mentioned and he really was. I “pity” those girls for not being able to respond to his kisses in better way.

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