What is Love? Part 4 – How To Love Women

How to Love Women

This post is specifically for the guys. (Hey, I write for a men’s magazine.)

No matter where you are in your relationship with a woman, here are 4 things you can to do to make her feel éros.

  1. Listen to her
  2. Use touch
  3. Be gentle
  4. Speak with your body

Listen to her.

“I knew that,” you might think. But do you know how to listen to women? First, you have to turn off all your electronics, yes this includes the TV.

It’s pretty widely known that women – even the most logical thinking ones – need to talk about their feelings. Not always, but usually when their feelings get in the way of rationality.

Some women are really upfront about their feelings.

No matter how worked up she might be, do whatever it takes not to react. Because I guarantee that once a woman realizes that you are listening, she will calm down. A quiet response is always better than a loud reaction in these situations.

Some women are used to people reacting to them. They might say something like, “Why aren’t you reacting?” Your response could be, “Because I’m trying to understand exactly what you are trying to say.” Some women are über logical (like myself) and reason out loud trying to figure out their feelings. A logical type tends not to get hyper emotional, but she still needs you to listen.

This is how to listen:

  • Don’t assume to know what she’s saying. Emotions are not easy to express with words. All those chemicals reacting in her brain need help with translation, and that’s where taking time to really understand will help.
  • Use active listening skills.
    • Try to understand. If you need clarification, a good way to start asking for it is with, “Do you feel like…?” Restating in your own words is also helpful.
    • Pay attention to body language. The body says a lot more than words. Use your body language to show you’re listening by leaning closer or facing her.
    • Give feedback, but not advice. Show you understand with eye contact, nodding, and “mm-hmms”. Good feedback reinforces what she says. Let her get the words out even if she sounds irrational. Then, if you must suggest something, ask if you can share it so she doesn’t get immediately defensive.
  • Don’t make it about you. Even if a woman starts blaming you, she might be using you as a scapegoat for the real problem. And if it really is your fault, remember that nobody is perfect and eat some humble pie.

On a deeper level, what makes a good listener is agápe. (See Part 1.) Listening is an action, and it’s louder than words.

Use touch.

First, remember touch is not always related to sex. Second, you can’t just touch a woman without having her trust (unless you want slapped or a lawsuit.) Building that trust for some women takes time and energy. But be an excellent listener and you can build that trust quicker.

Once you have a woman’s trust, her body will be more receptive and that is good for both of you.

Don’t underestimate foreplay. Good foreplay turns women on. There are great books on the topic: the Kama Sutra, books by Lou Paget (my favorite), and another classic: The Joy of Sex. And by all means, flirt. Touch not only with your hands but with your leg under the dinner table or with your lips. Kissing is way of touching.

Be gentle.

To be a real emotional support, use gentleness. You know women don’t want Mr. Fix It showing up when facing delicate issues. Put away the hard hat and be gentle.

Being gentle also applies to your touch. If you think foreplay doesn’t do anything, you probably aren’t gentle enough. Pay attention to her body language, if or when it tells you your touch is too hard. How do you hold an egg? [Your answer here.] Exactly.

Gentleness isn’t called for in every situation. Sometimes women need you to be dominant. Though you can still be gentle while dominant.

Speak with your body.

Did your mom ever hug you? How did it make you feel? Hug your woman. Hold her.

Your face also says and means a lot. If you look intently at her while thinking about how much you care, the care will show. Remember, if you are not thinking about how much you care for her that will also show.

When women feel love…

You know what happens when you and your girl love each other. You build intimacy. Then éros will take hold, and it will all be over for you.

Take an active listening assessment.

Another good article on active listening is at MindTools.com.

18 thoughts on “What is Love? Part 4 – How To Love Women”

  1. This is a really good article. It is really important when you are listening to a woman you need to really listen and respond as if you were really listening.

  2. This is a pretty good post and the listening portion is very important. Listening really boils down to respect. Respect in the person you are with and not thinking your thoughts and feelings are any more or less important than theirs. If you hold this respect for your significant other, then you will be able to do each of these things without trouble.

    – Devon

  3. This is some good, sound advice. Most of this advice has the overall theme of communication is a must. Good communication is the only way any relationship works without a doubt. I think body language is also a great tip. Many guys often overlook this because they are so wrapped up in what they are doing, or simply WANT to ignore it to pretend nothing is going on!

  4. To me personally i think there is not alot that makes a women more happier then for her seeing you really take her thoughts and feelings in consideration. Most of the time women do not ask for much but just to be loved and cared for, and if you really want to make your lady happy take her emotions in consideration and make her feel special.

  5. Wow. You did a great job breaking it down so that anyone of any age understand these simple principles on how to love a woman. Living in this age of immediate satisfaction and gratification we often hurry the relationship’s along. There is alot to be said for the “old school” relationships. Friends first, lovers next…Once we move past the “first time” and the relationship goes sexual there is no turning back. We need to slow down and savor each other.

  6. Love the advice you have given in your blog. Women have different wants and needs to that of a man and any advice given by the opposite sex is a great bonus to help us men move forward.

  7. Ok, I have the listen to them part down. I still am lacking the part about the Use touch, Be gentle, and Speak with your body. This is a good read especially for us men who don’t get it sometimes!

  8. I love this article. I wish more guys could read this and consider this article. On the other hand, these tips could also be used on how to love men. We should always give and take in our relationships.

  9. I believe this is all very true. You also have to love her surroundings, or at least acknowledge it. When you date someone you not only date that person, but you also date their family. Family doesn’t always necessarily mean your blood family or friends, but your surroundings, how you live, what you love to do also consist of who you are and what can also be know as family.

    Great article!

  10. I totally agree with “Listening is an action, and it’s louder than words.”. And it’s not only listening to women but anyone. I think huge part of befriending someone in general is asking the right questions. If you’ve got the questions right, your partner will happily talk about the subject, and you just have to make some remarks once in a while. The more interest you show about someone’s else life, the more they will like you.

    In the end it’s all about us.

  11. I love your post! It is so true about active listening, I hate it when you get back “ye, ye, ye” and it all sounds that they are not interested, and then when you ask ok so what did i say and in fact they really were listening, but they just didnt show it. Showing that your listening and asking questions and giving more than one worded answers back is a must. Communication is key.
    Great advice all important in bringing intimacy to a relationship.

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