Is Your Magic Criteria List Killing Your Online Dating Pool?

If you’ve had a hard time finding true love by scouting in a crowded, smoky bar, maybe you’ve come to the conclusion that the reason you’re still single is because no one you’ve met is good enough.

You’re tired of the bar scene, and you’re ready to try your hand at online dating –  with the theory that you’ll be able to find someone who IS good enough, and fulfills the long list of criteria you’re looking for.

There are some common criteria that men and women use when they start searching the pool of singles in any online dating site, such as:

  • Attraction.  How attractive is attractive enough for you? A “seven”? An “’eight”?
  • Intelligence.  No one wants an unintelligent date who struggles to carry a conversation.
  • Success.  You’re not looking for a married-to-his- or her- career CEO or anything, but you want someone who has something going on, who’s not a dog walker living in Mom’s basement.

You probably even have more specific criteria.  Maybe you’re a woman who only wants a guy who is at least three inches taller than you or practices the same religion as you.  Maybe she absolutely must live within a ten mile radius fit within a very specific age range. Or maybe he or she must be thinking of marriage at some point… Or, not at all.

Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing bad about having standards.  But if you have one rule that says “I’m not interested in matches that aren’t X,” and keep compounding rule after rule after rule, you’re eliminating swarms of potentially interesting dates.  Many of them are people you’d really get along with if you magically ran across them in that crowded bar without knowing whether or not they fit your magical list of ‘good-enough’ criteria.

Even if we just take the three criteria above that singles often use and sample 100 Match.com profiles, chances are the number of people you’ll come back with that will meet your criteria can be counted on one hand.  Of that very limited pool, you then have to find one that you’ll actually click with in real life, and one who’ll like you just as much as you like that person!  And some people wonder why it’s so hard to find love online…

Not only does the other person have to meet your criteria AND like you back, you also have to meet that person’s criteria, which are probably not all that different from yours. You think you’re a dateable person, right?  You’re intelligent, above-average looking, and reasonably successful.  You feel like you’ve got a lot to offer. Unfortunately, just because you’re great doesn’t mean amazing matches will magically find you, especially when you think that none of them are good enough.

Am I telling you to lower your standards?  Absolutely not.  But the bottom line is that you have to cast your net wide if you want to find enough dateable people. You also have to be willing to put yourself out there.  Ladies, are you really going to exclude a handsome, interesting guy because he makes $47k a year instead of $50k?  Would you exclude an interesting and good-looking guy that you met at a bar and really hit it off with just because he’s 5’9” instead of 5’10”?  Of course not!

If you’re using a measuring stick that doesn’t go up or down, be prepared to spend a lot of time sitting in front of your computer searching for your one perfect match while the others are out there dating tons of attractive singles that aren’t perfect, but pretty damn close to it.

The whole point of online dating is to weed through the masses for some people who fulfill your ‘basic’ criteria, so that you can meet them in person and quickly discover whether or not the chemistry is there. That’s it.

Even with a small checklist, online dating can feel like a part-time job if you really want to meet a lot of hot singles in your area. If you’d like an extra hand, you can hire the company Virtual Dating Assistants, and their team can help you lock down some great dates in no time. If you prefer to do it all yourself but would like some killer tips that will give you an unfair advantage over the “competition,” you can check out their Top 10 Online Dating Tips here.

 

7 thoughts on “Is Your Magic Criteria List Killing Your Online Dating Pool?”

  1. It is very important to have certain criteria during online, as every individual has they own choice and thinking about they partner.

  2. Very good point. Too many people have a never-ending list of must-haves and it makes finding someone nearly impossible, though they hardly can see that the problem is them and that list, not the people out there they’re trying to date.

  3. Good article. Although I think only women could really get away with being so picky. Women tend to find they get loads more in their inbox then men so they can select from often loads of messages. Men however rarely get enough messages to be picky! In general I do think regardless of sex, you should have broad ideals, such as job, location etc, then go out and date them in the real worldeven if they dont actually fit your ideal 100%!!

    Afterall it is the real world where you will be with them, on your first, second third date, wedding day etc…so why not see what people are like in person also?

  4. Rob Morgan made the following comment “Although I think only women could really get away with being so picky. ” I am a woman looking for romance and yes I know women who have a long list of criteria. Personally I initially make sure they don’t live too far away and have some interests in common, but I just like to find things out during conversation. That is if indeed you can have a conversation with him that easily…

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