All posts by datingdiva

I am a single 25-year-old woman looking to find love. I've been on a lot of dates and all of them have a unique story to tell. I've met a lot of men, but none of them have been the complete package. To quote Charlotte from Sex & The City, "I've been dating since I was eighteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?"

Dazed and Confused

I knew I looked good Saturday night.

The hair. The makeup. The outfit. Everything was working for me that night. I stepped into the club completely confident that I would at least find someone of interest to dance with.

One cutie immediately started doing the look-and-look-away routine as I stood by the dance floor. I made eye contact a couple times and strategically moved to a spot where he could see me better. My plan failed as the cutie in question did not make one move to advance our sultry connection. It was still early so I knew there was time to find somebody else.

My crew and I migrated to an area of the club where we could sit down and give our cramping feet a break. I spotted another cutie by the bar and continuously made mutual eye contact. Nothing happened again. This horrible lack of interest continued for the remainder of the evening.

HOWEVER the creepy club guys who I expressed zero interest in were the ones I had to fight off. What is going on with that??? I understand these guys are unavoidable and plentiful in population at any club in the world but I don’t understand why these were the ONLY guys who approached me that night.

Even members of the Latin community weren’t biting and usually those are my greatest admirers!! I left the club feeling rejected and confused. I wasn’t dressed overly slutty. I wore an outfit that complemented my best assets. I felt like I was approachable and received an inkling of interest from at least two objects of interest but no follow through. I didn’t get it.

This is where I need insight from the male perspective. I want to know what happens when a guy comes across a girl of interest. Does he just sit back and do nothing?? Make repeated eye contact only to walk away from where she is??? Make a move by initiating conversation??

I also want to know why a man who expresses some interest via eye contact and receives eye contact in return doesn’t go one step further (i.e. smiling, mouthing hello, introducing oneself, etc). What’s the problem? Are they afraid of being rejected? Why stare if they aren’t going to do anything??

Actions speak louder than words

If a guy said, “I will call you” to me, than normal logic would conclude that he’s going to call me. When he doesn’t, it sends a series of red flags and sirens flashing bright red that this guy may not be the guy for me. He may think it boils down to not having time or “forgetting” to make a simple phone call, but to me it means he doesn’t care enough about me to follow through on his word and isn’t as interested in me as he claims.

I’ve been through this exhausting cycle many MANY times in my dating career. One would think I would grow immune to such blasphemy uttered from the new flavor of the week, but unfortunately the profound disappointment of not receiving a phone call when promised STILL has me grasping for the nearest stress ball.

It doesn’t make sense to me. If I’m not in the guy, don’t like him, aren’t feeling the situation or have no desire to continue the relationship past the first encounter, I’m NOT going to promise to call him. The easy way out is to say something like, “I’ll talk to you soon,” or “I’ll see ya around.” If a guy said this to me, I would immediately conclude that he’s not that interested and move on.

It’s when the jerk in question continually promises to call and does not deliver. Don’t guys understand that it’s better not to promise something you KNOW you are not going to do than say you are going to do something and NOT do it?!?!? It sends the wrong message if the guy is sincere about his feelings, so if he is genuine, than pick up the phone and call if that’s what he wants to do! If he isn’t sincere and doesn’t really care to pursue the relationship further, than don’t promise to call. It’s as simple as that.

*Notable mentions…”I really want to get to know you,”  “I really see this going some where,”  “We should hang out some time,”  “I’ve been really busy”

What do you think about this? Do you think I’m overreacting? Guys, would you not call a girl that you are interested in if you promised to call her?  Girls, what would you think if a guy did this to you on a consistent basis? Is this horrible cycle never going to end??

The Friend Zone

I started dating this guy a couple months ago.

We clicked at first, but as time went on we realized a romantic relationship between us was not going to work. I didn’t want to give up on this relationship entirely because I did enjoy hanging out with him, so I proposed friendship and waited for the response. I received hesitation at first, but I expected that reaction given our brief dating past.

Fortunately, he came around and now we are just friends. I made it very clear to him that I have no intentions of sleeping with him or fooling around with him because I don’t see the relationship in that way any more. I’ve never gone from romantic to friends so I’m operating in cautionary mode as well, but I feel my declaration of zero physical attraction seemed to have made the transitional process smoother.

I do consider him a friend in the sense of someone I can ask to hang out with, but time will tell whether he turns out to be a real friend or not.

Have you experienced something like this? How did the situation work out for you? Great? Never been better? Worse than before?? Who decided to remain as friends? What’s it like being in the Friend Zone?

I want to hear all about it!!

The Wonderlic Dating Exam

For those of you who don’t know what the heck the Wonderlic Exam  is, it’s a test given to football players entering the NFL Draft every year. What does this have to do with dating? The NFL apparently takes the twelve-minute, fifty question pre daft assessment exam very seriously, so imagine the possibilities if women and men used this test after a date to assess the intelligence/compatibility of a prospective suitor?

Since there isn’t a sample of what the Wonderlic Dating Exam would look like, I took it upon myself to create a mock up of the female version (male version will appear in part 2 of post). Instead of wasting time analyzing the date with your friends or creating a list of Pros and Cons, you can have your date take this!

Wonderlic Dating Exam (Female Version)

The name of your date is…

a) Tammy b) Suzy c) Tim d) I have no idea

When the check comes after a delicious dinner for two at a restaurant one of you picked, the girl reaches for her wallet, grabs out the credit card and prepares to ask how much she can contribute to the meal and/or the tip, but you’ve already

a) taken the bill, slipped your credit card in the plastic sealing and pushed it to the end of the table

b) taken the bill, looked at it and told her how much tip is going to be

c) pushed the bill over her way and looked in the other direction to avoid eye contact and/or any explanation of your actions

2 + 2 =

Sex is…

a) a beautiful act of intimate expression between two people in a monogamous, happy relationship

b) something you ask for after dessert

c) something you pay for after you stay overnight at the local motel

The current U.S President is

a) Barack Obama

c) Megan Fox

d) I have no idea

If you could compare your date to any current female celebrity, who would it be?

a) Megan Fox

b) Barbra Streisand

c) Nobody. Her beauty can not be matched to any girl. Celebrity or not.

Your date mentions her passion for animal rights and presence in various anti-animal cruelty charities/organizations. What do you do next?

a) Tell her about how you and your dad go deer hunting every winter

b) Compliment her on what an amazing way to purse her passion and how you are doing something similar with a hobby of your own

c) Say nothing while silently wondering if Jay Cutler will ever reach his potential in Chicago

Mentioning the incredible sexual appetite and detailed accounts of your sex life with an ex is a great way to measure the jealousy of your date. True or False

Adjusting yourself for more than five minutes in front of your date so there is no room for doubt that yes, you just did that, will cause your date to do what?

a) Be suddenly turned on

b) Look on in disgust

c) All of the above

d) B only

After 30 minutes of conversation with your date, you can recall the following.

a) Nothing

b) Only bits and pieces

c) She lives in Chicago, has a dog named Slinky and works as a paralegal in Schaumburg

d) Her name. You think.

 

 

 

 

Wacky Date Ideas

My mother hates it when I suggest Buffalo Wild Wings as a dinner place for a date.

She claims I need to pick something classier and better suited to my lady-like personality. I think it’s the perfect place to eat because of the awesome atmosphere (televisions everywhere!) and great food (Boneless Teriyaki Buffalo Wings any one??). I like the ambiance of a date, especially if it’s a first one, to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible. This restaurant achieves that goal and puts me right in my element.

I’ve had one bad experience there where the guy hardly ate his food. I knew right than it wasn’t going to work out. Plus, he didn’t have any suggestions when it came time to think of dinner places for our date, so complaining about something you agreed with in the first place is a no-no in my dating book.

If the guy draws a blank when asked what he wants to do, a solid back up fitting your personality is the right way to go. This immediately puts the guy at ease because he doesn’t feel pressure to come up with something if you can’t think of any thing either.

I recently suggested basketball as a date because it is something I enjoy. The peanut gallery (supportive friends and family) told me it was random and even threw out the word “weird” because who suggests basketball as a date??!

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve done the whole diner-and-a-movie concept as well and it does provide just as much good times as basketball, but who would you rather see? My dominating  HORSE skills on the basketball court or Leonardo DiCaprio screaming his head off (o wait, that’s probably me!!) in Shutter Island?? Yea, that’s what I thought.

Does the movie-and-a date concept work for you? I could just be the weird one whose mother dissaproves of unique restaurant tastes, but I like to think that’s not true.

Have you come up with a crazy idea like basketball for a date and had  blast doing it? Maybe Scuba Diving? Bass Fishing? Ice Skating? Let’s hear it because I need some new date ideas pronto!

Do sports make a difference?

I LOVE sports.

It started in 2003 when I followed the Chicago Cubs during their playoff run. How exciting (and heartbreaking!) it was to watch a Chicago baseball team come so close to finally making it in to the World Series but ultimately fail due to a little known fan by the name of Steve Bartman. I saw what my future as a Chicago Cub fan could be and promptly switched to the Dark Side shortly after (Go Sox!!). I officially declared myself a Sox fan in 2005  and haven’t looked back since!

It was only a matter of time before I couldn’t go a Sunday without watching Da Bears. You think baseball is exciting? O man, you haven’t lived until you watch a football game! The 60-yard touchdown passes. The unbelievable catches. It’s absolutely amazing to watch! Sadly this season wasn’t as successful as I thought it was going to be, but as many Chicago fans consistently say after a disappointing season, there’s always next year!

My infatuation with sports started out as a relationship based purely on lust, but I am happy to say it has blossomed in to a typical loving, heartbreaking, unfulling and at times, extremely rewarding relationship. I will say that my unique buddying up to professional athletic organizations has intrigued the male speices. It just so happens the athletic, down-to-earth, passionate individuals who gravitate toward sports are exactly the kind of men I am interested in.

What I want to know is does the interest in sports appeal to all kinds of men? It makes sense for a man who would give up his first born to see in person a Bears Super Bowl victory to automatically take a liking to a women who likes sports, but what about the rest of the population?

I know I’m not the only female who can’t wait for all levels of baseball to start this season, so let’s hear from the ladies too. Do you think it makes a difference when it comes to men? Are they excited to hear how you’ve been suffering for 103 years as well?

A Special Beginning

I spent many hours trying to figure out what my first post would be. Do I go the predictable holiday route or do I vent about the prominent speed bumps in my dating past?

Who knew a trip to my long forgotten Myspace profile would solve all my first post dilemmas.

I revisted a poem I wrote two years ago in my college dorm room when I attended Columbia College. It was exactly how I wanted to start the blog and am very happy I finally get to share it with a bigger audience.

This poem truly is timeless because I feel the same way I did back then when I sat on that uncomfortable wooden chair and poured my heart out to the computer.

Cheers to a lovely new beginning. Enjoy!

Will I

Relationships to me prove to be a complicated subject. I have so many questions swirling through my mind with no answer in sight.

Will I ever meet the person who can live up to the expectations I set for myself?

I feel like I should compromise for the ones who seem interested, for the ones who seem almost there, for the ones who are doing what I’ve already done or what I see as undermining the potential they might have.

I, by no means, want to settle and don’t think I have it in me to do so. I consider myself to be a driven, compassionate, hungry for a dream type of person.

Why can’t I find a person who is at least chomping at the bit?

I do find frustration in this element of my life that seems so uncertain.

I do what I do, I breathe, I practice my craft, question my career and try to believe in the possibility that my other half is waiting for me at other end.

I guess I’m just thinking, focusing on a subject that I have no business focusing on because it doesn’t seem to get me anywhere.

But what I can focus on is the person that I have become, the overwhelming growth I have done, the appreciation in knowing that I am going about my dream in the “right” way and keeping my eye on the important part of my life…the ultimate prize at the end of the tunnel.

I do wander, every day, if I have to settle for one more scrub, if making a half an inch in my potential suitors progress is all I’ll ever make or if whomever I’m waiting for is sitting on a bench, thinking about the same thing and waiting just as impatiently as I am.