All posts by Kristine

I'm a 20-something Singleton in Los Angeles who believes in being pro-active when it comes to finding love. Love doesn't just fall into your lap--you make love happen! As a result, I tend to cruise the Internet Dating Scene in search of my perfect prince. While online profiles are fine and dandy, meeting someone true in real life tends to get tricky. Being socially awkward, my in the flesh meetings don't always turn out as planned.

There Are Worse Things I Could Do

“There are worse things I could do,
Than go with a boy or two.
Even though the neighborhood thinks I’m trashy,
And no good,
I suppose it could be true,
But there are worse things I could do.

I could flirt with all the guys,
Smile at them and bat my eyes.
Press against them when we dance,
Make them think they stand a chance,
Then refuse to see it through.
That’s a thing I’d never do.

I could stay home every night,
Wait around for Mr. Right.
Take cold showers every day,
And throw my life away,
On a dream that won’t come true.

I could hurt someone like me,
Out of spite or jealousy.
I dont steal and I dont lie,
But I can feel and I can cry.
A fact I’ll bet you never knew.
But to cry in front of you,
That’s the worse thing I could do.”

Yes, I apparently like to start off blog entries with songs, and I’m going to refer to other songs throughout this post so be prepared!  “Yes, our teeth & ambitions are bared.  Be prepared!”  See?

I recently took a “Which Female Grease Character Are You?” quiz on Facebook and my result was *drumroll* Rizzo.  I actually wasn’t surprised.  I also took a “Which Sex & the City Character Are You?” quiz and got Samantha Jones.  Also not surprising.  I’ve always identified the most with the female character who has the most sex because they’re also usually the most confident, outspoken, uninhibited, and daring.  But they’re also the most misjudged.

What word comes to mind when you think of these characters?  Floozies?  Players?  Manizers?  Dare I say it – Whores?

I think that Rizzo gets a bad rap in Grease.  She’s known as the “town bicycle” who messes around with all the neighborhood boys.  She’s sexually experienced at a time when the innocence of Sandra Dee is celebrated.  I think that Samantha is the more socially accepted sexually-empowered woman of the two.  She’s “try-sexual” (she’ll try anything sexual), makes just as much money as the men in her field, and also plays that field quite well or even better.  Yet stuck at the back of everyone’s minds is still the notion that women who enjoy sex or tend to have multiple partners (in Samantha’s case, she is not relationship-centric) are emotionally unstable, easy, or cootie-magnets.

Why should you be emotionally unstable if you don’t want to be in a committed relationship but still want to enjoy sex?  Why should you be considered easy when you have a one-night stand (and it takes TWO to tango, so your partner is equally as guilty)?  Why should you be viewed as a cootie-magnet if you are smart about your sexual encounters and use protection and get regular STI screenings?  Why is it that you’re considered less classy than, say, a Charlotte York or a Sandra Dee just because you like to get jiggy?

Compare your initial thoughts of Rizzo & Samantha Jones to these male characters:  Casanova.  James Bond.  Both men are sexually promiscuous, but they’re considered legends & heroes.  What’s the deal?

Sing it, Christina Aguilera:

“If you look back in history 
It’s a common double standard of society 
The guy gets all the glory, the more he can score 
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore.”

Break it down, Lil’ Kim:

“Check it – Here’s something I just can’t understand 
If the guy have three girls, then he’s the man 
He can either give us some head, sex her off 

If the girl do the same, then she’s a whore.”

Ugh.  Sick, sick, sick.  I hate that double standard.

I will admit it: I enjoy sex.  In fact, I like it a lot.  I’m uninhibited and adventurous in bed.  I’ve had a fair amount of sexual partners but not an exorbitant amount.  But I’m not a whore.  While I’ve engaged in the occasional one-night stand, I do prefer to have my sex within the confines of a monogamous relationship.  I feel that it builds trust and passion for a partner, not to mention that it’s safer in more ways than one.  But I even enjoy it while I’m single and casually dating because: 1) I like it & 2) I am smart about it.

Which brings me to my most recent sexual encounter.  I hit it off something great with this guy whom I met online.  We exchanged several e-mails, had several phone conversations, and then went out on a date.  He seemed like a serious and genuine guy, and I could tell that he was totally digging me.  I was really liking him so, contrary to the usual Kristine who rips off men-she-like’s shirts with reckless abandon, I was trying to keep my pants on.   I’m a cheap date in that it doesn’t take much alcohol for me to feel a buzz, but I never try to be a CHEAP date.  Then…Oops.  My bad.  I had one too many rum & cokes and ended up sleeping with him on the first night.  Damnit, Kristine.  Didn’t I say to keep it in your pants so as not to give off the wrong impression?  But he seemed like he genuinely still liked me even after we started to get down.  Mid-sex, he said, “Can we go out on a ‘real’ date after this one?  I’d like to get to know you and not just in the biblical sense.”  I love how “real” date means not-involving-drinking & not-involving-sex, but it was nice to know that he wanted to see me again.  And then he also asked me, “What do you want out of this?” which was really awkward as he was mid-thrust.  Let’s say I didn’t quite know how to respond, so I did not respond at all (Sorry, I had to throw in a little double entendre action in there).  However, in my profile and during our phone conversations I had stated that I was looking for a serious relationship, so I thought that my lack of coherent answer was covered at the moment.  Despite a pleasant morning-after, he never called me back nor did he respond to a text I’d later sent him.  We had also been chatting via instant message online, and he was not responding to my various attempts at conversation.  I saved myself a bit of pride by not directly calling him on the phone since I’d done a little bit of cyber-stalking by checking to see when he’d last been on the dating site.  Four days after the deed and his profile read “Activity within 24 Hours.”  It appears he’d moved on to someone who was “more serious about relationships” and probably deleted that message I’d sent him on the dating site.  Fail.  Date fail.

But this is where it gets annoying.  Men seem to think that just because I like to have fun early on that I cannot be serious.  Look: I’m of the mind that you should test drive a vehicle before you buy it.  And everyone’s got different requirements for horsepower and performance.  My Prius could be your SUV.  So for me, it sometimes gets hard to date people, especially when things get sexual.  I could spend 4 great non-sexual dates with you and then on the 5th date find out that we’re completely sexually incompatible.  And it’s not wrong to have sexual compatibility as a requirement for a successful relationship.

Then I’ve gone on a few dates with people where our personalities click and then we hit the sack and all hell breaks loose because they can’t seem to trust me based on the kind of sex we’re having.  I’ve been asked (mid-sex, mind you…yes, I engage in a lot of mid-sex conversations) “You seem like you have done a lot of this.  Are you sure you’ve only slept with (Insert Number Here) amount of people?”  “Uhm, you seem like you are having way too much fun.  Are you sure you’re clean?”  (I had a guy get up and leave during the middle of sex because he was afraid I was “unclean.”  What am I?  A prostitute in Gomorrah?  And dude, you’ve already put it in me.  Did you feel a vagina dentata down there or something?)  “You are a bit too much for me.  I had a different impression of you than this.”  (So apparently I look like a missionary as opposed to a reverse cowgirl.  It must be the glasses.)  Wham, bam, thank-you ma’am.  And I don’t get a phone call the next day, which completely boggles my mind despite the fact that I KNOW they were having fun during the act.  I actually got an answer from a guy who went MIA who told me that he didn’t trust me or what kind of person I was based on our sexual encounter.  REALLY?  You’re judging me because I’m uninhibited/not what you thought I’d be like in bed?

I think that women should be able to have sex as often as they want and in the way that they want and when they want, just as any person should, without the fear of stigma — as long as they’re smart about it.  Yet the fact still remains that woman have to deal with more consequences than men.  We’re the ones who are more likely to get the STI while men are more likely to transmit it without experiencing any symptoms.  We’re the ones who are left to hold our breaths every month and be glad that our period came.  We’re usually the ones who wonder why that great guy ditched us, which causes us to doubt our actions and ourselves.  It seems like we get twice the amount of responsibility but half the amount of the fun that men do when it comes to sex.

I know that people say that you should give off a good impression by keeping it in your pants until Date # (Insert Number Here).  I know that people say that you should keep an element of mystery about you and prolong the time between dates to (Insert Number Here) days.  But I was never one of those people.  I like to be straightforward and direct.  If I like you, I like you.  If I want to do you, I’ll do you.  If I seem interesting to you, then you’ll continue to be excited by me no matter how many times we go out or how many times we have sex.  If you want to see me, you will make it happen.  I would like to think that you know enough of my personality and what type of woman I am to know that I can be trusted and should be respected.  But don’t hold the fact that I don’t play the traditional dating game against me.  Or the fact that I like walking around with no pants.  I can only be myself.

There are worse things I could do.

What Means the World To You?

Diamond rings?  Shiny things?

What means the world to you?  

Religion?  Sex?  Politics?

What means the world to you? 

Height, humor, honesty?  

What means the world to you?  

Ladies (Ho!)  Fellas (Ow!)

After sifting through about a million different online profiles, I start to wonder if my standards are set too high.  I’ve got an account on Match because my friends tell me that my standards were set too low from having surfed the free personals listings on Craigslist.  After going out with many a mardy bum date and recently escaping a failed long-term relationship, my gal pals told me that I should quit with the Craigslist and actually invest some money into a dating account.  After all, the people on there are paying to find someone, which I guess means that they can at least afford an account? 

Well, the BFF’s personally approved my profile, which of course is quite verbose and somewhat scary to read for the male looking to casually date.  (Monogamy?  A serious relationship?  What?)  But at the same time it’s good because it shows people who I am, who I’m ideally looking for, and weeds out the deadbeats who aren’t up for the challenge that is me.  And, boy, am I a challenge.  Especially as of late.  LoL

*ahem*

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself.  Hello, everyone!  My name is Kristine.  I’m looking for love…hopefully in all the right places.  As I’ve already exhausted the bar scene, school, church, & I don’t believe in office dating (too complicated!), I decided that I should start looking for love online.  I’ve always been a person who’s been open to new types of things ever since a pivotal (and somewhat depressing) religion class in high school told me that I could basically marry hundreds of different people out in the world and the only thing limiting me was location.  As the Internet has no bounds, I decided that I’d find those hundreds of people and pick the best-looking one.  (j/k…I’m not that superficial!)

But last night, I had this amazing phone conversation with this guy who was pretty much exactly like me.  I went to look back at his profile to commit it to my memory bank when I saw that he was looking for someone either “Agnostic, Atheist, Spiritual but Not Religious.”  I consider myself to be in the last category, but I was born into and raised in a Catholic household.  However, when I got to college, I started discovering other religions and stopped going to church.  I rediscovered my spirituality on a more personal level and *badabing badaboom* here I am now.  So while I no longer believe in organized religion per se, and I am totally down with people believing in what they want to believe, I wonder if this could ever really work in the long-run.  Would he constantly nitpick at me for believing in a Higher Power if he didn’t believe in one himself?  What if I rediscovered my faith roots and decided to start practicing my Catholic religion again?  What if I wanted to get married in the Catholic church in order to appease my aging parents (who are really gung-ho about it) and my partner wouldn’t convert?  What if I wanted to raise my kids with different world religions so they could pick and choose their set of beliefs instead of being bound by one sect of faith and he wasn’t cool with religion at all?

That’s when I had to tell myself to slow down.  I’m not marrying this guy yet.  Let’s just take it slow and see how it goes.  But it’s a hot button issue that I’d need to bring up with him later…like, oh say, Date # 5.

But this incident also led me to think about a failed set-up date and how important it is to me that my lifestyle also matches that of my would-be partner.  Now, I’ve been a little bit of a lush as of late.  I won’t lie.  I enjoy my Long Islands (with cherry garnish, please!).  And I have this problem with my cell phone and drunk-dialing and drunk-texting random people.  *sigh*  I should have already learned after years and years of this that having my phone near me while inebriated is never good, but old dogs don’t seem to learn new tricks.  

Well, apparently, non-thinking Kristine went and drunk-dialed this one guy off Match.  We had set up a date for later in the week.  After stupidly handing off the phone to my also drunk friends and have them say some random things to him (Why did you cut your hair?  Kristine likes long hair!  Don’t kidnap her!  Do we need to equip her with LoJack?  Why do you laugh a lot?  You sound a little too happy!), he was sufficiently creeped out to tell me that we sounded drunk.  And he doesn’t drink anymore as he used to be too into the drinking and drugs since he was 14 (which made my then incoherent mind explode and feel really horrible), and he had a gut feeling that we wouldn’t exactly get along as I sounded like I liked to have too much fun and he was recently clean.  Dating set-back!  Haven’t even met and a date has already been cancelled…though I can’t really blame him after those antics.  And I mean, gosh, how could I have known that he had previously been an alcoholic unless you verbally state that in your profile?  But it made me realize that I needed to find someone who enjoys a cocktail or two (well, drinking within your limits) so that we could go to sports bars and get a bit rowdy when the Pacquaio fights were on.  And how similar lifestyles are really important in the long haul, as are similar values and even personalities to an extent (though some would argue that personalities need to be complementary which is a whole other point of discussion in itself).

But all of these incidents got me thinking back on what a theology teacher in college told me:

“You marry the person, not whose traits you love the most, but whose flaws you hate the least.”

And I guess that’s true, in a way.  I just have to think about which flaws in my partner I can live with and which attributes I consider essential in order for our relationship to work.  Compound this with the “ditto goes for vice versa” effect and we’re talking about a 1% chance that I’ll ever find someone out there.  LoL  But I consider myself an optimist, so I’m sure I’ll find him even if it takes me ’til I’m 64!  *cue Beatles music*