All posts by Mr. Write

I'm just a guy who likes to pretend he's got the dating thing figured out, but really has no fricken clue. All I know is, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, he's just not that into you, and always make an effort to find the little man in the boat.

Men Are The New Women

“Nobody knows what the hell they’re supposed to be doing anymore.”
Jennifer Armstrong

“I never let myself develop a set of balls. Or rather society stifled my balls. … Neutered; that’s how society prefers its men today.”
Paresh Kumar

Are Men the new Women? Are more and more men taking on traditionally feminine gender roles?

The phrase “Men are the New Women” comes from Leah, the founder of the streetwear designer label Married to the MOB (Most Official Bitches). In an interview, she explains what that phrase means. Basically: some men are now wusses.

So is it true? Men taking on traditionally feminine gender roles and becoming wusses?

I asked a few friends and looked online for some opinions. Here”s what I gathered:

  • “OMG they totally are! All the guys I”ve been meeting are SUCH wusses!” – SW
  • “I don”t know about all guys, but [my friend] is a hot stud AND such a girl at the same time. He even called once to talk about his feelings and how we can communicate better.” – NK
  • “Just look at my gay boyfriend for your answer. What do you think?” – LE
  • “Maybe it”s the whole metrosexual craze that”s turning men into women. Personally, I love it. Sensitive men are so much better than the deadbeats I”ve been dating.” – AB
  • “If you mean something like metros, ugh, I can”t stand that. Give me a real man any day.” – EL
  • “Yup, some guys are definitely turning into pussies now. Makes the rest of us real men that much more desirable to women, if you ask me. That”s why I”ve got so many dates nowadays.” – BW
  • “I don”t want to have to ask a guy out. I like it when a guy asks me out. It shows… I don”t know… It shows that he”s a man.” – LL
  • “More and more guys are talking about commitment, biological clocks, and—ugh—their feelings.” – JA
  • “In fact, not so long ago, I actually heard a boy tell me, ”Not tonight, I have a headache.” Seriously? SERIOUSLY? You’re taking this away from us?” – EM
  • “The new fall season [of TV] shrinks the number of belittling stereotypes [that men] may occupy to just two: cads or dads.” – AS
  • “In China, Shanghai men are well known as ”Pa Lao Po”, which means ”afraid of wives”. Shanghai women are the dominant ones in the family.” – 8A

Sounds like a resounding YES from the sources I”ve found. Men certainly are the new women – at least some of them. What do you think?

Awkward Moment #34: The Loud Date

Setting:
You’re on a dinner date in a refined restaurant. Something upscale with candles and linen napkins.
You:
“I’m cool with all kinds of restaurants. I don’t always go to fancy places like this. Just yesterday I was at BJ Brewhouse.”

Date:
Very loudly: “Oh, I love BJs! They taste so good!”

Other patrons:
Drop their forks and look over in shock.

Old-School Etiquette and Chivalry

Here’s a tip, guys. Knowing a little old-school etiquette can take you far on a date. Treat a girl like a lady – which basically means with respect – and you’ll earn major points.

I don’t mean you need to know which spoon is the soup spoon and which fork is the dessert fork. This kind of old-school etiquette is simpler than that.

  • Open building doors for your date

    Every time you enter and exit a building, hold the door open for her. For revolving doors, walk in first and get the door spinning for her.

  • Open car doors for your date

    Whether it’s a taxi or your own car, every time she is entering the car, open the door for her. Then shut it for her as soon as she’s in the car.

  • Help her with her coat

    If she’s wearing a coat, as soon as you both enter a warmer environment, help her remove her coat. When you’re about to go back outside, help her put it on.

  • Hold out a chair for your date

    When you’re in a restaurant, pull the chair out for her. As soon as she tucks her legs under the table, push the chair in. Since this one is so rare nowadays, some ladies will be confused as to why you’re holding their chair. I had one date walk to the other side, because she thought -I- wanted that chair. Go figure.

You can think of these as simple acts of kindness. Or bringing back some old-world chivalry into modern society. Since not many guys actually do these anymore, the few who do will set themselves apart and earn major points.

Even modern women who feel old-school etiquette and chivalry is chauvinistic will appreciate the kindness of these gestures. If she tells you to stop, then of course, respect her wishes and stop.

Otherwise, it never hurts to err on the side of etiquette and chivalry. Enjoy those extra major points, guys!

Playing Hard to Get Won’t Get You Jack

When Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Jill thought she could win Jack over by being a pill. She’d play coy, feign non-interest, and call him names. Then she broke his crown.

She did it all to woo Jack. And she’s not alone in using this strategy. Lots of women play hard to get when they want to entice the object of their affections. But is this strategy really effective?

The answer, according to the BBC, is: Not really.

Research suggest that playing hard to get doesn’t usually work. However, there is a theory that we tend to fancy people who are hard to get for everyone else, but easy for us to get.

Here’s how this was determined. In an online dating experiment, three women were given a number of matches. One woman eager wanted to meet all the guys she received. Another woman coolly refused all of her matches. A third woman was selective and only showed interest in one guy.

When shown this scenario, most men preferred the selective woman.

What’s that mean? The woman who plays easy to get: too loose. The woman who plays hard to get: too picky. The woman who’s hard to get for other guys, but easy to get for the guy she likes: juuust right.

So Jill, the next time you want to play hard to get, make sure you’re hard to get for other guys, but easy to get for Jack. Or else you’re going to end up with jack.

Hello world!

Since every blog has a generic “Hello world!” initial post, we, of course, had to have one too. (That, plus we were too lazy to remove it.)

Welcome to DatingThoughts.com, a resource created by several professionals in their early thirties who live in the San Francisco Bay Area, California. As it says on our About page:

Whenever we would get together with our friends for dinner, we found that the topic of dating was always the most interesting and popular to come up. We would always have funny or strange stories to tell, lessons learned, and, of course, lots theories on dating that we would develop as we negotiated the dating scene in our search for ”the one.” We also found that most us kept personal blogs or private journals where we often write about our thoughts on dating. Thus, the idea behind DatingThoughts.com was born: What if we created a blog-style website where we all would contribute these ‘thoughts’ so we can share them with each other and the world? At the very least, we thought it would be entertaining. But besides entertainment, we also thought DT.com could actually help provide some support and maybe advice for those who often find the dating process to be daunting and stressful.

More posts coming soon. Enjoy!